Even When he Smiles
by AppleCoreCandyBox
Summary: Secrets can be kept for only so long, especially those that are gift wrapped in an disarming smile. :cutting, self-abuse themes, no yaoi pairings: DISCONTINUED DUE TO PERSONAL TROUBLES
1. Cornered

Well ladies and gents, I'd have to say that my whole year just turned a little sucky on me…for those who used to know me as **NNCS**, I have some bad news. For reasons that I'm not willing to share (but trust me, it was not of my free will) I had to delete most of my fics on my old page…including _Life's Worth_. For those who know just how much time and how long that fic was, you'll understand why I find this year to be worse than the last…But all is ok…for I have decided to rise up out of these ashes with a newly rebooted version of _Life's Worth_ (under this new name of course). It is longer, more descript, and better than the original (at least in my opinion). For those who are new and for old fans, I hope you enjoy this as much as I'm enjoying the re-writing of it!

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Oct 10-13, half of the 14th

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_The woods are lovely, dark and deep,  
But I have promises to keep,  
And miles to go before I sleep,  
And miles to go before I sleep._

Excerpt from **Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening **by Robert Frost

_----------_

Years later, when he would finally think back to it, Naruto would say that that one single day had been the beginning of the end of his old way of life. He might even go so far as to say it was one of the greatest days of his young life. Right next to the day he discovered the wonder known as foreign take out food of course.

At the time though, he would have told anyone who dared to ask him about the whole matter that it had to have been a moderately, if not fairly, horrible day.

It was the day after his thirteenth birthday, and he was dealing with things the only way he knew how to. He had never meant it to happen, truly he hadn't. It had been an accident, a slip-up, a mistake. He hadn't meant to cut himself that deeply, in all honesty he hadn't. He had simply applied a little too much pressure on the kunai knife he had been using to slice his arms with, that was all.

Not a big deal. Not a big deal at all.

It wasn't like he wanted to end his life or anything so drastic, that thought hadn't crossed his mind in a very long time. But, that's how everyone would think of him now, he was sure of it. Poor little Naruto: the suicidal, self-mutilating teenager. It wasn't a very big deal, this cutting thing. But he was sure that everyone else would make it one.

As was stated before, he knew he wasn't suicidal. He'd been sure of that rather sad fact for several long years. He had learned of a new way to cope with things. Instead of just having the idea planted into his mind that if things got too out of hand for him he could always just kill himself, he now had a solution that wasn't so…permanent.

No, he hadn't had a thought like that since he was about eight when he had discovered this new, he would now silently describe to himself, friend.

The heat that raced down his back and neck, that wonderfully cool shiver that came with every slice along his flesh calmed him. It made him forget that there were people who hated his presence, his very existence. Even if it was for only a short time, the scars were most certainly worth it.

Yes, scars.

The boy whom everyone thought was to always be unscathed these very normal human markings (only because of the options that he could not choose from when they were given to him) had scars.

Not that anyone had ever seen them, he made sure of that.

Naruto remembered the day when he made what he had, at the time, called one of his biggest blunders of all. Right next to trying the dye the late Hokage's remaining hair neon pink and green while he was napping.

What he had been doing was plain and simple. He was having a really, really bad day and was dealing with it the only way he had ever really known.

It had started on the upper arms, which were fairly, if not incredibly, easy to hide. Even without using the jutsu he had invented years ago just for hiding the products of his odd ability (or rather his inability) to cope with strong emotions.

All of this was fine and dandy, and would have stayed fine and dandy had the cuts not moved from upper arm to his fore arm.

The cuts had started off small, nothing to be taken seriously at all. One might even go so far as to say they were just simply paper cuts that would heal in a day or two tops. Then the paper cuts turned into nicks, nicks then turned into cuts, then cuts turned into small slashes, and then the small slashes proceeded to become small gashes. And then somewhere along the way there was a moment when the small gashes decided "we're done for right now thank you. Go try the large gashes for a bit please" and promptly developed into a very serious wound.

And that's when things decided it be a good moment in time to turn against him. He could tell immediately that he had cut himself too deeply. Blood had poured from his self-inflicted wound, far too much far to fast. His other wounds seemed insignificant and minuet compared to the one he had just created. The red liquid cascaded down his arm to pool in his palm in a sickening fashion. And for the first time in his life, Naruto had been truly afraid of what he considered to be his only way of coping.

The kunai had fallen to the floor with a dulled thump and the blood that had pooled in his palm fell to the floor and had splashed onto his orange jacket like water as he struggled to get it off of his body.

"Shit." He had hissed through his clenched teeth. His heart beat sped as the bleeding refused to stop. He had tried to phase the rivets of blood flowing from his arm with his stand-out orange jacket, changing the coat's color from bright orange to bloody crimson red literally in a matter of seconds.

He remembered having backed up against the wall, slumping to the ground. His blood had flowed silently from his abused arm onto the concrete floor. The liquid seeped through his once orange now crimson jacket, creating a small, deep red puddle around himself.

Naruto could still distinctly remember how weak he had felt, as if something had sucked all the energy out of his body. It vaguely reminded him of the feeling of being absolutely spent, like the after effects of an orgasm. He knowing exactly what the after effects of an orgasm felt like is an entirely different story that will be saved for another day.

Even years after, he could still remember how the wet, coppery smell of his cooling blood had filled his nose as it had poured quicker and quicker out of him with every heart beat. He could still remember how his heart had hammered in his ears, making it difficult to concentrate on anything else except for his newly made head ache.

He could remember thinking that this would be it, the end of him. And oddly enough, he found no real fear in the thought. Sure, he had wanted to make something of himself, to prove he could. But then again, if Death came for him, he had thought, it wouldn't be so bad either.

Through all the pounding in his head, Naruto had heard a knock on his door. A voice had called his name. He had turned his head to face the door from where he was sitting on the floor in his kitchen. All he had been able to do to respond was grunt as loudly as he could.

He still could never remember when his throat had started to feel so dry though.

Naruto had heard his front door creak open nosily, damn hinges, and the person had stepped in. He could still faintly remember them stopping as soon as they had seen him sitting on the kitchen floor, a puddle of his own life giving red liquid surrounding him.

Even with the darkness of unconsciousness clouding his eyes, he could still make out whom the person's face had belonged to. To this day he could still remember as those dark eyes had tried so very hard to stay indifferent to the situation at hand.

"...Sasuke?" He had managed to cough out before he had let himself fall into the welcoming arms of sleep.

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In his mind, he had slept for only a moment. A blissful moment that held no nightmares, no pain, no fear, not a thing, all that was there was the smell of cinnamon sugar cookies. For some reason he could not recall at that exact second in time, the scent made him want to cry in regret.

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_It's a simple thing really_

_Just to get me through the day_

_And yet everyone will worry_

_Don't tell me otherwise, it's what they do best_

_But it's not what I want, these razor-free walls_

_I'm not crazy, so why do you have me stay here_

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As his mind drifted its way back to reality, Naruto noticed two things. One, he had the distinct feelings of being in a place not to his liking, and two, he couldn't move his arms.

Slowly opening his eyes, he was met with a stark white ceiling and an array of rather annoyingly bright lights. Waiting a moment for his eyes to adjust, Naruto had one thing on his mind.

'Where the in the name of all things holy am I?'

From what he could tell in the rather immobile situation he found himself in, he'd been taken out of his blood-soaked clothes and had been put in a pair of washed-out blue short sleeve pajamas. Shortly after making his brilliant deduction, his stomach growled in an attempt to say 'feed me now!'.

Looking on either side of himself, he could see the restraints that were holding him to the bed. Wondering for a moment, Naruto tried to move his legs.

No luck.

Slowly but surly, something drastic came to Naruto's mind.

Someone knew. Despite all his cautions and close calls, all it had taken for all that to mean nothing was for him to screw up just this once. Just once, and someone had found him out. Someone now knew just how fucked up he was. And of all people to see him that weak and in that mental state, why did it have to be Sasuke?

Why did it have to be U-fucking-chiha Sasuke!?

Trying very hard to not start having a small mental break down, Naruto focused very deeply on his breathing, hoping to find some sort of calming point in doing it.

Inhale...

Exhale…

Inhale…

Exhale…

A doctor had come in some time after, watching Naruto for a moment as the boy seemed to be doing some sort of meditation practice, his deep breaths a tad bit shaky.

The doctor broke the heavy breathing laden silence with a simple greeting.

"Hello Uzumaki-san, how are you today?"

The heavy breathing quieted at those words.

The doctor was young, no older then twenty-nine, with short-messy black hair. Scraggly hairs on his face seemed to be attempting a beard at the end of his chin. Warm chocolate eyes were placed behind a pair of glasses, two earrings piercing the upper lobe of his left ear. He was known around the hospital for his sarcastic humor, this same trait making him strangely very compatible with teenagers and young adults.

As the doctor busied himself with writing something on his clipboard he had brought in with him, a question was asked.

"Why am I strapped down?"

The doctor turned to him and looked him in the eyes for a moment. All he saw was a quiet want to help, to heal, to mend his sores in some way shape or form. Those chocolate depths, Naruto noticed, held no resentment, fear, or hatred as they turned on him.

"You're on a suicide watch." The doctor answered.

"…really?" was the only slightly intelligent thing to come out of his mouth.

"Yep, you most certainly are. Why don't we get you un-strapped for a little bit and see how that arm of your's is doing?"

As buckles were loosened and straps undone, Naruto asked another question.

"What's your name?"

"Ataki Satoshi." Satoshi answered as he slowly unwrapped the gauze from Naruto's damaged forearm.

Naruto couldn't meet the doctor's eyes as the cut that had been surgically sewn shut was examined. Having exposed his tarnished flesh to no other eyes but his own, Naruto felt a new and sudden wave of shame and self-loathing surge through him. The feeling tinted his cheeks a bright red color in embarrassment. It was bad enough to have one wound exposed, but to have all cuts and scars old and new exposed as well just added to more weight to his embarrassment.

"It's healing nicely. You're pretty lucky it didn't get infected." was the only thing Satoshi said before the arm was re-wrapped in new gauze and given back to its owner.

A while later a nurse whom looked to be in her fifties wheeled in a tray of food, if you could even try and call it real food. The brownish-golden broth of the soup sloshed in its small plastic bowel. Little bits of what appeared to be meat and vegetables swimming their way to the surface because of the quick movement of the cart before sinking back to the bottom of the broth-like water.

The little sandwich that came with the soup had just about as much sex appeal as the soup had…meaning which, they were both about as sexy as a hairy man in a sailor costume two sizes too small. The only things on the tray that looked at all appealing at all were the tall glass of water and little paper cup that no doubt held a set of pills in it for him to take.

As the doctor was busy writing yet more notes onto his clipboard, the nurse busied herself with placing the tray of food onto a small, half table on wheels thing that sat in front of Naruto. All the while sneering harshly at the blond. Naruto ignored her, looking down at his hands and picked at his fingernails.

And as she left, Naruto finally looked up at the food she had haphazardly placed in front of him.

As he stared at it, he silently hoped that it would somehow turn into a nice bowel of rice or dumplings or at least something else, something more pleasant to look at in the least. When all hoping of any kind failed, he sighed to himself and couldn't help but feel sympathy for those who had to eat this kind of food more than for a few days in a row. He took a deep breath and quietly ate the food as quickly as possible.

"I'm surprised you didn't choke on that, the way you inhaled it." Dr. Satoshi said with a hint of awe in his voice as he watched Naruto manage to swallow his last bit of what he found to be a slightly stale tuna sandwich.

"I'd prefer to risk choking than to actually see what it tastes like." Was Naruto's only comment; which was received by a knowing laugh from the doctor.

"What are these?" Naruto asked once he had finished his meal, indicating to the two small pills in the paper cup.

"Sleeping pills, you happened to have lost a lot of blood. Even with your…"naval friend", the doctor quoted with his hands, "your body still needs to rest to be able to make up for all of the blood you managed to loose. I'd like you to take them before I strap you back in." the doctor answered.

Naruto grumbled, but complied as he popped the pills into his mouth. He let them sit on his tongue for a moment before washing them down with a big gulp of water from the tall glass. The doctor walked back to the bed as Naruto settled back in, listening carefully to the clinking of metal and the faint scratching of leather against it.

There was a moment of silence before,

"What's going to happen to me?" Naruto asked, sounding fairly drowsy already.

"I don't know yet. Right now, we just need to make sure your body is healed before we start trying to mend your mind." Dr. Satoshi answered honestly, continuing with the straps.

Naruto had nothing to say to that.

The room seemed to spin several ways before Naruto passed out once again.

The next two days passed in this manner. This manner meaning that Naruto was unbuckled to eat, drink and go to the bathroom, but strapped onto the bed any other time. By the end of the suicide watch, he vowed that he would forever and ever appreciate the ability to be able to move his body freely.

His dreams on those days were he lay strapped to a bed were very peculiar, to say in the least anyways.

One dream he could remember had been about one of his first true discussions with Kyuubi that had happened only a few months ago in reality. And it happened to actually be one of the only conversations they'd veer had that did not involve the Fox giving him chakra as rent. It had been about why his self-inflicted injuries never seemed to heal as quickly as those that he hadn't given to himself.

"_It's because you're the one who made them, you put them there. I'm not about ready to ruin your fun little one."_ The huge fox in his dream had said, just as the original conversation had gone.

The fox's voice, whenever Naruto had heard it, always seemed very gruff and a bit sultry, but ancient and thick with an accent that Naruto had never heard before. That was, until he met Kyuubi of course. To many, the words would have seemed mean and extremely spiteful, full of hatred even. But to Naruto's trained ear, he could tell it was Kyuubi's way of saying "I'm sorry I can't help you anymore than letting you have this shitty habit. I can do nothing else for you."

It made him feel slightly warm and fuzzy when he thought about it, knowing that Kyuubi cared. Given, it was in an odd, sadistic, all around interesting and slightly twisted way.

The next dream he could remember had been of that day. The single most day he would gladly forget as long as he lived. When he had woken up, he found he had unconsciously been biting his lip, keeping a scream tucked away into his throat. Eyes full of sharp pain as he kept tears from pricking the corners of his eyes, silently trying to prove to an invisible someone how strong he was. That night and all of the next morning, all he could taste in his mouth was the coppery bitterness of blood and salt from the tears that had eventually fallen. The doctor would walk in the next morning to see him staring intently at the ceiling, eyes half lidded in what looked like exhaustion.

And the last dream he had had that was remembered had been of when he was eight, on the day he had first intentionally hurt himself. To his surprise, he could still see his small arms in his dream, covered in little bloody cuts.

------

He left the hospital in a terrible mood, occupied by a young brown-haired woman in her mid-twenties who was dressed in a simple shirt and blue jeans.

He scratched, with much aggression I might add, at his bandaged arm, covered by the thin material of the long-sleeved shirt he was wearing. He and the woman said nothing as they walked to his apartment, a fact he was quiet happy with.

He reached into the pocket of the sweat pants the hospital had provided him with, pulled out his key, unlocked the door, and slammed it open. One would have to be blind, deaf, and have the inability to feel vibrations to not know that the boy was pissed. Pissed beyond all belief and reason possible. Just making him go to a shrink everyday would be better then what they had done.

The hospital had done something that he really couldn't forgive; they were sending him to a nut house. And to add salt to the festering wound, the name of the establishment happened to be Happy Hills Rehabilitation Center. Who in their right mind would give a building a name like that unless they wanted every single person who passed it to say "Yep, that's where all the town freaks live. It's kind of like they have their own commune in there or something."

The apartment was how he had left it, including a dark stain that was chipping away on the cement floor. Naruto bustled about. Grabbing a duffle bag he had from underneath his bed, he set it open upon the bed, and began rummaging through his closet for the things he needed to bring. Out of the corners of his eyes he watched the woman look around his apartment, even going up to the few pictures he had hung on the wall with a nail and hammer to get a better look at them.

One was a picture of his team that Kakashi had taken with a timer camera, so he could be in it as well. The other was of Iruka sitting at Naruto's favorite ramen stand, waving and smiling at the camera. Naruto had taken that picture himself. The last picture was of all of his friends, him included, smiling at the camera. He couldn't remember why the picture had been taken or why they had all been at the same place at the same time. But it was still nice to see such a happy moment captured.

As his chaperon's mind was obviously somewhere else, he took the opportunity to shove his extremely old CD case and CD player into the duffle bag.

The chaperon studied the tiny kitchen with its small table and lone chair, the other pulled to the side, a thick layer of dust settled on it. She looked at all the plants Naruto owned, from the ones he had bought, to the ones he had found, to the ones he had grown himself. For some odd reason, she felt a sudden wave of loneliness sweep through the apartment, as if the emotion had simply permeated the walls and decided to randomly attack her. She shook slightly, realizing that this poor boy had to live here. She had gotten chills from just visiting.

What would happen, she wondered, to someone who had to live here?

She glanced at Naruto's back, recalled where they were headed to and let her thoughts fall silent.

Deciding he had enough underwear and other necessities, Naruto zipped up the bag and made his way to the door.

"Who's going to take care of these plants?" the woman finally spoke.

A pause.

"I don't know. I wasn't planning on telling anyone I know about where I have to go. I guess they'll end up dying all alone." Naruto answered sadly.

Yet another pause, this one filled with thought.

"I could take care of them for you." She said.

Naruto thought about it for a moment before answering.

"Alright."

As he finished locking the door, he handed the key to the woman and they continued on their way.

------

Even if it was still fairly early in October, the wind outside the apartment was extremely crisp and cool. Naruto breathed in deeply.

He both loved and hated the fall.

Everyone usually saw it as a season of mourning, for those lost when the Kyuubi had attacked. This always brought the several large handfuls of villagers that held dislike towards him out into their full glory. The season brought that "most of the year" dislike up to almost completely open hatred.

Yes, it was a fact that there were only a few handfuls of people in the village who actually held him responsible for what had happened when he had been nothing but a newborn. Most would think this a good thing, and in all truth, it is. Except for the fact that these few handfuls had enough zeal in their cause of 'Make the demon child suffer' to fill up a fairly large swimming hole.

Let's put it this way, as simply as it can be possibly put. What would have taken a huge number of people with minimum to no zeal would only take a handful of these people if their said zeal and minds were set to it. It'd be fine if their zeal and minds weren't set making a young boys life hell. But that wasn't the case at all, much to Naruto's disadvantage.

Fall was also the season his birthday was in.

Most, if not all, people look forward to their birthdays. Not he, his birthday usually meant a good hard day of staying clear of those handfuls of people with more zeal than needed. It also meant that he might or might not have a broken into apartment to come home to.

But he did love the way it smelled during fall. Like a cave, moist and dry at the same time. It was like the earth, the way it smelled right after a rain shower. Clean with a hint of must mingled together with the feeling of heavy clouds in the sky.

The wind was never to warm nor too cold and it always seemed to smell like a clean river mixed with the smell of fresh apples. And yet, his most favorite thing of all was when the wind happened to be strong enough to whip up the leaves and all around you suddenly was made up of harmless flames. And even better yet, if you were in a dense enough part of the forest, and if the sun was in the right place, and you decided to look up, the sky could look like it were on fire.

But no one knew he knew these things about the fall and that was alright with him.

Both he and the woman walked through the streets of Konoha. As the mid-October air blew about, people glanced questioningly at Naruto and the woman. Or more like a few glared at Naruto, while most glanced at both. Most simply glanced and went back to what they were doing before. Few were curious as to why someone was willingly walking with that good-for-nothing-monster. Though, it might have had something to do with the fact that Naruto was wearing something different for once.

The hospital had given him a simple pair of baggy sweat pants, along with a long-sleeved shirt (for obvious reasons) both of which happened to be a dark gray.

He thought it funny though, that people seemed to notice him more with such dark clothes on, as opposed to the other brightly colored clothes he actually owned. As they turned the corner, Naruto realized he had no idea where he was. After all his life of running up and down these streets, trying to get in and out of trouble, he couldn't believe that there was a part of the village that he hadn't yet seen.

They continued to walk on in silence for ten minutes or so, until the woman halted in front of a huge four-story building. It seemed ancient in its own way, giving off an aura of having been through far too much far too quickly. He saw that it wasn't exactly tall, but extremely wide and long.

Physically, the only thing that could be considered wrong with it was the paint chipping and peeling off its outer walls. There was a sign hanging above the entrance that read Happy Hills Rehabilitation Center, the sky blue paint on it was falling away as well.

Naruto stopped right before the entrance to the building, a huge amount of fear suddenly enveloping him. It took the woman a second to realize he had stopped at all.

He stared up at the building, eyes wider than normal. Now it was bearing down on him. He was going to be locked up. The key was going to be ripped from his grasp. He knew as soon as he walked in, there was no possible way to stop whatever was to happen in there.

And the single thought of begin with no control at all, having no control yet again, it scared Naruto to death.

"You okay?" the woman said, holding out her hand as a sign of comfort, completely unaware of just how scared the poor boy was.

Naruto sighed and closed his eyes, trying to force the lump that seemed to have formed in his throat back down to his gut, his fear following suit.

"No." he said truthfully as he pushed past the woman's hand and into the building.

The blast of warm air that hit him as he entered was rather nice, it put feeling back into his cold cheeks.

The room had a high ceiling, and honey mustard painted walls. Fans that were in their off season hung from the ceiling, dust collecting onto them silently. The walls had copies of what looked like considerably famous art hanging on them in different spots.

Rows of chairs filled the floor, some of them occupied with people. A long stretch of desks could be seen just past the chairs and to the right of these chairs (Naruto's right) was a door that held what looked like a large staircase.

The woman led the way past the rows of chairs, and almost past the desks, before they were stopped.

"Do you need some help?" a squat little woman said from the desk closest to them.

"No, I'm just bringing this one up to the third floor, first section."

The woman stared at Naruto for a moment before nodding her head in consent. As they started up the stairs once again, the silence that came was by all means greeted.

They finally stopped climbing the huge spiral staircase when they reached the third level, entering its main office through the door. The room itself was small, beige colored walls and a large, fake plant-tree sitting in a far corner. In another corner of the room sat a rather small, wooden desk, a young woman its sole occupant.

She too looked fairly young, nineteen at the oldest with her hair pulled back into a loose bun, a dark blue shirt covering her torso and dark blue jeans covering her lower half.

She was giggling madly over a small book with a purple cover, a bright red disclaimer on the back reading By NO Means is This Meant for Children! 18 years or Older!

"Kiriva-san? Kiriva-san, I have another one of Dr. Satoshi's patients. I was told he's to go to section one." The woman said to the girl behind the desk.

The giggling stopped and a head popped out from behind the book.

"Good luck." The woman whispered into his ear as she snuck back down the stairs.

And with in two seconds of her words, he realized he really was going to need some good luck.

"Yes, ma'am!" she yelled at the now vacant spot where the woman had stood not but a few moments ago. "Follow me Uzumaki-san!" she said in a sing-songy voice.

On second thought, a lot of good luck might have been called for at that point.

Not surprisingly, whenever she spoke, Naruto was certain that she had the inner monologue of a small child. Picking up a folder from the desk in the corner, she led him down a long hallway, until they reached the first door of said hallway and entered it.

"We're going right here right now, we're going right here right now, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, and we're going right here right now!" (As sung to, roughly, the tune of The Farmer in Dell) Kiriva sang as she led him down the halls of the room they had entered.

As she led him down several other hallways he spotted what looked like several empty classrooms, two bathrooms, a very large dorm room, a recreational room, and a sort of lounge room. He also noticed all the windows they passed seemed fairly thin, and had no bars covering them as he had feared.

One thing that struck him as odd though was that all of those rooms, excluding a few of the rooms that looked like classrooms, had no doors of any kind. This included the two bathrooms and 'bedroom' (of sorts) he'd seen, which gave him a nice set of chills running down his back. No door to keep people out, to keep them from seeing him at his worst, it wasn't something Naruto was accustomed to.

"Here we are sir!" she said enthusiastically as she led him to another very large dorm room.

The right side of the room was comfortably filled with beds and small side table dresser. The wall was painted a rather disgusting green color that was peeling off the walls in the corners, cobwebs collecting an insurmountable amount of dust.

The beds were lined up in four rows, each row with six beds. A tiny bit of math later left Naruto with the number twenty-four as the rooms max occupant number.

The few shirts, shoes, and dust bunnies on the floor gave made it feel like any other old school dorm. Had it not belonged to this particular building, no one could guess it was meant for mentally screwed up people in a rehabilitation center.

"Here ya go, sir", she said pulling out two pieces of paper from her small folder and handed each one to him, "this is an over view of the rules here and this one's your schedule, I hope everything goes ok for you and I hope you do good!" She said, bounding out of the room like a hyperactive rabbit.

Naruto could do nothing but stare at her as she departed; her source of intense energy a great puzzle for Naruto. As the shock of such an extremely hyper person being up in his face trickled out of him, he felt extremely drained, and depressed to boot.

He let himself sink into the bed he was assigned, holding his head in his hands. He felt his bag and paper slid out of his hand, far too exhausted to care.

When was the last time he'd felt this cornered? Of course, he didn't mean physically cornered. Trying not to think on it too deeply just yet, Naruto came to a simple conclusion. He was on the verge of everyone he knew finding out one of his greater secrets. He would be more than likely forced to talk about things he'd prefer to keep locked up. And what was worse, through all of this _extra_ stress he would inevitably have to deal with, he wouldn't be able to even look at something that was sharp enough to hurt himself with. No one was going to let him do so now. They'd made him go cold turkey, as they called it. Surprisingly enough, it was that single thought that scared him the greatest.

All in all, his simple, undeniable conclusion was this: he was, in all the ways you could possibly look at the situation from a 'mental wellness' standpoint, fucked. He was up to his neck in his own stinking shit.

Sighing heavily, Naruto rubbed the light bags that had begun to form under his eyes, hoping against all of reality that the last few days could somehow just be an awful dream.

And while he was already vying for reality to break its self, all he really wanted was for the floor to come alive and swallow him up. But as always, reality was a bitch who played by no one else rules but her own and took no favors or bribes

His head shot up as the sound of feet came pounding into the room. A woman appeared in the doorway, looking around quiet frantically.

"Excuse me, have you seen…?" the woman, she looked like a visitor of some type, her visitor badge hanging from her shirt, in the doorway said.

"I know you." She started again, her eyes taking on a harsh glare.

Naruto opened his mouth to retort in some way, but she stopped him as she continued.

"You're that monster, Kyuubi. You're the murderer from thirteen years ago, the one the Fourth sealed into that poor child. How despicably, why come to a house of the sick at mind? Do you have no mercy, you monster?" She spat, turning her nose up into the air as she finished her speech.

"May whatever god exist damn you to hell." She finished, waltz out of the room, and odd gleam in her eyes.

Naruto continued to smile at her as she left, the muscles of his mouth laxing as soon as she was out of sight.

If he had allowed himself to call after her, if he had the guts to call her on her own damn stupidity…

If. If. If. If. If. If.

Naruto couldn't help but feel that his inner monologues had increasingly built up a lot of 'What if's' in them. He didn't like it that he was questioning so much of what he did or what he'd already done. It didn't help any when he was trying to sleep.

Naruto sighed shakily, wondering how to force the lump back down his throat.

The idea of bar less windows crept into his head.

-----

For whatever reason, Naruto would probably blame it on some higher power later; he had a mad craving for a tiny lick of revenge. Oh he knew he'd get in deep shit for what he planed to pull when all was said an done, but the idea had not left him be since it had been conceived in his mind all but twenty minutes prior.

He finally caught up to the woman, several hallways down from the dorm room. She was exactly where he needed her to be for this tid bit of 'fun' to happen properly.

Thank god for bar less windows.

"Hey, fat cow!" he called to her.

She swung around, opening her mouth to probably spill another string of insults.

"I hope you go to hell bitch!" he yelled over her impending wave of anger, bolting right towards the window, and crashing through it.

With his arms over his face, he dropped three stories and rolled gracefully onto the ground, getting to his feet.

Smiling to himself as he heard the woman's yells from three stories up, and as the jagged glass cut into his flesh, he ran.

He was glad to be out of that dame corner, even if it would only be for a little while.

A little while was better then no while at all.

------

Tsunade sighed; she was so exhausted at this point she wasn't sure if her elbows were resting on the top of her desk or on the ground below it.

"_Hokage-sama, there's been an urgent report from the rehab Center."_

Who'd have thought the urgent report would have been that Naruto had escaped somehow _Busted through a window and dropped three stories to the ground they said_ and none of the staff had been able to locate him, despite their large numbers.

Holding her head in her hands, Tsunade tried to get a grip on herself.

"_Send Hatake Kakashi to find him."_

"_Yes ma'am." The man had said, leaving the room._

It was dark now, and it had been dusk when the report had been given to her.

She suddenly became aware of just how heavy her own damn head could be. She couldn't find the energy to care anyways. Tears welled up in her already puffy, blood shot eyes as she looked to the darkening night. Staring at the inky blackness for only a moment longer, she let her head slump back into her waiting hands.

She didn't want anyone who happened to walk in to see she was crying.


	2. Clean

The Second half of Oct 14th

_Where can I run that is truly safe?_

_Where can I hide where he can't catch me?_

_Is it in death?_

_Is it in life?_

_Where?_

_Please, tell me, where? _

Naruto had been running for more than several hours now. Darting around the whole village, always on his toes and of course, somehow turning around corners at just the right moment.

And it was all in the hopes to simply get away from the staff that was looking frantically for him.

Later that evening he would wonder why he hadn't just used chakra to disguise himself. Blaming it on a brain fart of sorts, he dismissed his moment of stupidity and went on with the rest of his life, as we all do. Actually, he was quite amazed by the shear number of rehab workers that had been looking for him. All of them had been running around with their little name-tags on, making them that much easier to spot.

He was pretty sure had he not been trained in the ways of the ninja, they would have been able to spot him within a few minutes. That was how many there were. And what was even worse, they seemed to multiply by the minute, springing up like daisies in spring time.

His legs burned something horrible and his lungs seemed to be trying to make their way up his throat, but he was pretty sure no one from that rehab center would be able to find him where he was now. Particularly because he was in a rather dense part of the forests that surrounded one of the less used training grounds. The fact that it was two hours into nighttime also helped in the conclusion he finally came to.

Thinking on just _exactly_ what he had done, he sat down with a sigh, realizing all over again just how dumb his move had been. He was pretty sure they'd keep him in there now for much longer than a month, as his original plan had not included at all.

"The Plan", as he called it, had been to act like a civil and completely sane person and manage to get the hell out of the rehab center in a few weeks. But everyone knows civil and completely sane people don't just mouth off to a woman who hadn't done anything to them, (in front of other people anyways) and then smash through a window and land three stories below after jumping through said window.

He didn't have many options anymore, let alone options that would make sure he ended up ahead of the game. He could (a. go back and say he was sorry (b. leave the village or (c. stay in the forest. He knew they'd, they being the rehab center, would eventually get tired of looking for him and might even ask a ninja to find him, so staying in the forest wouldn't do much good for him. Neither would leaving, that could only make things one hundred times worse. You _really_ can't pull off the 'civil and sane' card when you decide to do all of the insane things mentioned above and then go AWOL to boot. So, all he was left with was running back with his tail between his legs and hope the stupid people would forgive his sorry excuse for an ass.

Lying on the grass, Naruto enjoyed to cool air for several minutes, deeply breathing in the heavy night breeze. He knew he would not be able to do this for a while after he went back. Isolated and locked up places tended to have stale air, or so he'd heard. The cool air soothed his poor lunges, and the grass on the ground tickled his sore legs through his pants. Stretching his arms out to either side of himself, Naruto let himself truly relax for the first time in several days. He slowly let the scent of the earth wash over him, let it calm his still racing thoughts, let it bring them back down from their high speed race.

Staring up at what little of the sky he could see through the heavy foliage, he raised up both of his arms and made to grasp at the tiny stars. None too surprisingly, all he caught was air. Breathing deeply once more, he gingerly rested his still injured arms on his chest. He solemnly wished, for the second time in the same day, that the ground would some how come to life and swallow him whole. Oh how nice that would be.

"Hello, my little monster."

His feigned paradise evaporated at the very sound of that voice. Practically flying off the ground, Naruto tried to shoot off into the forest, away from that voice, away from that man. But something grabbed a hold of his injured arm, digging the glass that had been there all day deeper into the wounds, blood flow starting anew. The something, which turned out to be a very strong hand, held his arm tight and twisted until he was nothing but a screaming pile of body on the ground. The hand left his arm, pulling him up by his shirt and pushing him harshly up against the body of a tree, holding him there tightly. Closing his eyes, Naruto tried to settle and hopefully keep his heart from jumping right out of his chest it was pounding so frantically. Adrenaline pumping through his veins and body shaking with fear, he could feel the man's sickening warm breath on his face.

It sent shivers up and down his spin so violently that it honestly hurt.

"Are you scared, little monster?" the man whispered in his ear.

Naruto squirmed as he felt the heat and slickness of a tongue trail over his cheek to the corner of his mouth where it then silently retreated. A whimper accompanied the squirming as a soft kiss was placed on the top of his brow, nearly bringing tears to Naruto's eyes.

He could deal with people hitting him, calling him words, names of all kinds. But kindness being used as a weapon was something he would never understand how to deal with.

Never.

"N-no! I-I'm…not a-afraid." Naruto stammered, his eyes still shut tight. Of course, he was lying.

_He_ knew it, he knew the _man_ knew it, hell, he couldn't even form a proper sentence he was so damn scared! He was shaking like a leaf, he was whimpering and trying to squirm away from this man's grasp, and he was pretty sure the shinobi (the man) could hear his stupid heartbeat. As it was, the shinobi was probably close enough to feel the damn organ nearly go into arrest.

Naruto could hear the man chuckle that haunting chuckle of his and he whimpered again. His squirming and struggling became even fiercer as lips crushed against lips, a tongue pushing its way into the other mouth for an unwanted entry. Moaning it to the kiss, Naruto was filled with disgust at his own natural reaction to what should have been, but was not, consensual contact. As his mind was bombarded with smells, tastes, and sounds he'd rather forget forever, he took action. Whether it had been instinct or some other sick, sadistic, revenge seeking part of his mind surfacing for a second, Naruto would never know.

He felt the man go rigid for a moment in surprise as Naruto pulled the man's face in further to his, the man's tongue and his own mingling together in his mouth for a moment before Naruto pulled his own tongue farther back into his mouth and bit down with all his might on the other's tongue.

The man pulled back with a small surprised yelp, blood dripping out of his mouth, the very tip of his tongue now gone. He smiled insanely at the quickly retreating back of the blond.

"You can run all you want my little monster, but I'm the one who knows what you fear most." The shinobi whispered to the night sky.

Leaping into the trees, the shinobi was quick to find his way back to his home in the village

It wasn't until a quarter mile or so later when he ran head on into a tree that Naruto realized he still hadn't opened his eyes yet. Naruto couldn't help but spit every few minutes as he walked closer and closer to the edge of the forest. He knew all of the man's blood and tiny bit of tongue in his mouth was long gone now.

Still, the mere thought of a part of that man being inside him made his stomach churn.

Naruto had accidently forgotten that letting thoughts like that linger for too long in his head did more bad than good to his poor mind. And for his stomach as well.

Crouching down to the ground, Naruto had just enough time to brace himself as his stomach began dry heaving. It took his poor body several times before it managed to bring up anything more identifiable than foamy bile. He welcomed the bitter flavor of it, the raw burn the acid left in his mouth, to him, felt a hundred times better than the iron flavor that had coated his mouth moments ago. Coughing harshly as his body's natural gag reflex toward such memories subsided, Naruto placed his fingers in his mouth. This time he forced his throat to gag, painfully aware of his nose beginning to run as fluids from his stomach and intestines lodged themselves in his sinuses. Again and again he forced his body to give up everything it possibly could.

Really, it didn't matter to him that his chest and throat burned. It didn't matter that his mouth felt like it was coated in sewage.

Or that his nose dripped.

Or that tears pooled from his eyes.

It didn't matter that he felt so dizzy and lightheaded that he honestly considered lying down in the mess he had just made and fall asleep. What did matter, though, was how clean his insides suddenly felt. It was like someone had taken a scrub brush and scrubbed at his intestines and other organs alike. He was empty, he was clean.

That was what mattered.

Standing up and drying his tearing eyes, Naruto wiped off his mouth and fingers and walked away from the poor tree roots he had so unceremoniously up-chucked onto. He sniffled a bit as the taste of the acid made its way into his nose a second time. That was the only real thing he hated about this particular method of self-harm he indulged in when the times called for it.

Now on the declining part of the hill that will be used as the analogy for his energy, Naruto's mind began to wander to the most ridiculous of things. Some of these things included many a thoughts on tadpoles, why women even bothered to wear thongs, and of course, the obligatory "I'm very sleepy" sentence that came into being between every other random thought he had.

As Naruto's mind wandered, so did his body, almost of its own accord. Instead of making a beeline back to the Center like he had planned when his mind had been far more coherent, he was now making something very similar to a random zig zaging trail in the out skirts of the training grounds. Eventually, his body came to the understanding that it had lost some important contact signal with the brain for the time being. So, instead of continuing, it promptly plopped its self down on the ground outside of a house that it recognized… _would _recognize that is, if bodies had a psyche all their own.

So, whilst his mind wandered still and his body gave up on wandering, Naruto just so happened to have plopped down in the backyard of the Nara clan's abode. Slowly, but surely, Naruto's mind stopped its wandering and focused where his legs had taken him. He stared at the first story window with its light still on, even at such a late hour. Naruto could easily see Shikamaru quietly reading some book at his small desk, his baggy night clothes and hair loose from a ponytail showing just how relaxed he was.

A moment or so later, Shikamaru looked up from his book, through the window, and let his eyes meet with Naruto's. At this point, Naruto's mind had fully recuperated from its little stay in la-la-land and was harshly thrown back into reality as he realized Shikamaru had moved from his desk, opened the window and was calling to him.

"Naruto, what are you doing here?"

"Taking a walk." Naruto called back, his voice traveling over the several yards that separated them.

Shikamaru motioned for Naruto the come to the window, a perplexed look could be seen clearly on his face as Naruto drew nearer to the window.

"What do you mean you're taking a walk?" Shikamaru said.

"Like I said, I'm just walking." Naruto said rather bluntly, not in any mood to try and deal with an over analytic friend.

Shikamaru stared at him for one moment longer before uttering a simple and effective, "Troublesome" before turning away from the still open window.

"Hey, I'm not troublesome!" Naruto retorted enthusiastically as he stuck his head into Shikamaru's room.

"And you call sitting in my backyard at twelve in the morning being not troublesome?"

Naruto had to admit, it _was_ pretty late to be sitting in anybody's backyard.

"Come on, it wasn't that much of a bother!" Naruto said, never letting on just how exhausted he was.

"It would have been a big deal if either of my mom or dad were home; they hate it when people get near our land at suspicious hours."

"Well, where the heck are they?" Naruto said as he leaned his elbows against the window sill, propping his hands into them.

"My dad's on some sort of recon mission and my mom's taking care of her sick sister on the other side of the village."

"Can't be too bad having the house to yourself for a while, right?" Naruto grinned.

Shikamaru stared at him for another moment, before asking,

"You want to come in for a while?"

"Huh?" was the only answer he got.

"The house has been too quiet without mom around yelling about something every five minutes. I need someone who makes twice as much ruckus as her to make up for it."

"I'm not noisy!" Naruto said loudly as he let himself in through the window, making sure to close it behind him.

Having locked the window tightly, Naruto turned to face Shikamaru. The boy had made his way to the open doorway of his room, where he seemed to have paused; now looking at some point just below Naruto's shoulders.

"What Shikamaru, do I have something on me?" Naruto meant it only as small talk, a little jab at humor and light heartedness if you will.

But of course, humor was never really Shikamaru's strong point.

"Yeah, there's dried blood on your sleeves What happened?"

It was true. There was a good amount of dried blood caked onto the long sleeves that covered Naruto's arms. It seemed to be that he had mostly forgotten about the pain from the broken glass in his arms hours ago and hadn't noticed how much blood had actually been spilled. Dark, odd colored areas mismatched the shirt, like oil spilled in water that spread out to make a varying array of shades of red-brown.

"Uh…well, about that…nothing really…" Naruto trailed off with a chuckle, trying desperately trying to come up with a plausible answer other than 'Oh, I jumped through a window and got glass shoved into my skin.'

Caught off guard, put on the spot, and suddenly asked to think extremely quickly on his feet, Naruto wasn't able process the fact fast enough that maybe, just maybe, he shouldn't let Shikamaru see what was_ under_ his sleeves. All things that had led up to where he was at that point left him in a very desperate situation. He hadn't activated the jutsu to cover his own self inflicted scars, now had he?

And so, when Shikamaru had walked quickly up to him, muttering "Don't be stubborn, it'll get infected if you don't treat it you idiot", he had been able to easily pull up Naruto's left sleeve with only a half thought out struggle against said action.

Needless to say, what he saw was more then borderline disturbing.

It wasn't the cuts with bits of glass still stuck in them that caused the shock. The shock came from the scars that couldn't be accounted for, the ones Shikamaru had never seen before. It was the ones that Shikamaru knew weren't there the last time he'd seen Naruto, the ones that had _never_ been there before.

Underneath the tiny layer of dried blood, underneath that thin veneer, he could see them. In some places it looked as if there was no rhyme or reason to any of it, the scars were so sporadically placed across the skin. But then in other places, in other spaces of flesh they were lined up like marching soldiers from far away countries Shikamaru had only ever heard of. All made to look like neat little rows that walked hand in hand. There were old faded ones that had lost their impact on the eye with time, but the newer ones were a different story. Those were the ones that were still red, still looked raw. They were the ones you could still almost taste the raw agony from, could still hear the scream they might have caused. And the newest of them, all sewn up and stitched back together, was still red and irritated, especially now that some parts of it had been torn open again from the glass.

A second or two was all Shikamaru had needed to discover what Naruto had kept hidden from everybody he'd ever known. It wasn't until Naruto tugged his arm back to himself that second or two later did Shikamaru actually let it all sink in.

Naruto's face flushed in shame and embarrassment, the pit of his stomach dropped out. How could something that he had deemed safe, peaceful waters to tread in, how had it turned into yet _another_ person discovering his coping mechanism? There was nothing he could do about this, no way to hide it now. Shikamaru knew and there was no way he could take that knowledge back from him.

"You weren't supposed… supposed to… to see…" Naruto trailed off, holding his once again concealed arm close to his chest, head downcast.

The silence stretched out before them, stretched to the point where it was painfully uncomfortable. Swallowing his barley concealed fear Naruto opened his mouth to break that painful silence.

"Shika-" Naruto began, but was immediately interrupted.

"I use to have an older cousin that did that sort of thing." Shikamaru mumbled, gesturing to Naruto's arms.

"W-what happened to him?" Naruto asked, not quite sure how to handle such a reaction.

The silence was almost stretching its self out again before Shikamaru answered.

"Well, I heard he killed himself not too long ago." The conversation had gone from simply confusing to down right awkward, hitting a ten out of ten on the awkward-o'-meter.

"Oh." Was all Naruto managed to say.

"Would you like some tea?" Shikamaru said suddenly as he lifted his head to meet Naruto's own stunned orbs.

Again, this wasn't quite what Naruto had been expecting from Shikamaru. A quiet "get out" or banter of questions would have been under the 'understandable reaction' category. But to hear a confession of family issues and an invitation to midnight tea? Now that threw Naruto for several intricate loops all at the same time.

"S-sure." Was all the now highly confused boy could manage.

"I'll clean those cuts for you too." Shikamaru said as he stepped out his bedroom. The heavy, receding foot falls that could eventually be heard told Naruto he was heading down the hall.

Naruto stood there for a few moments collecting his wits, took one shaky breath, and headed out of the room. His legs were like jelly and it felt as if his stomach had lost its bottom. His head hurt, his eyes stung, and, if possible, he felt even more tired than before.

He made his way down the hall and into the dinning room where he sat down at the table where a white box was innocently sitting. Naruto stuck his tongue out at said box in simple amusement. He knew all to well what a first aid kit looked like.

From the kitchen came Shikamaru, who now had an odd emotion swimming with the normal calm in his eyes. Naruto could see it was a mixture of fear, sadness with a hint of pity and a pinch of anger, all mixed into a nice muddy consistency.

Naruto sighed to himself. He wished people would stop making such a big deal out of something that really wasn't all so bad.

"Let me see your arms for a second." Shikamaru said as he pulled a chair up next to Naruto, sitting in it.

Instinctively, Naruto hesitated for a moment before he slowly let his scarred flesh be exposed to pondering eyes. A moment passed, and so did the impulse; if Shikamaru already knew they existed, it was pointless to try and hide them anyways. Slowly rolling up his sleeves, he watched as Shikamaru opened the white box and pull out a pair of tweezers, gauze and antiseptics. Naruto sat there numbly as Shikamaru gently pulled the remaining pieces of glass out of the wounds on his arms, placing the bloodied glass to the side. Dabbing antiseptics onto a several cotton balls, Shikamaru muttered,

"This is going to sting a little bit."

As Shikamaru dabbed the damp fluff onto his cuts, Naruto did in fact feel a sharp twinge of pain, a low hiss its product. Shikamaru went through half of the bag of cotton balls and a quarter of the giant container of rubbing alcohol before all the cuts were finally rid of caked on blood and dirt. As white gauze covered the now far less bloody cuts, Naruto could see something else completely new emotion swimming in his friend's eyes.

He'd seen the same emotion over dramatized in one of the soap operas Sakura had forced him and Sasuke to watch when they'd had a "team dinner" (or as Kakashi put it, "learning to tolerate each other is best done over a hot plate of food") at her house. He recognized it as the 'let's have a nice chat about your issues' look.

Great...just fucking great.

As the white box was closed again, gauze and other things put back into it, Naruto tried to brace himself for what was bound to come. And come it did.

"Naruto…" Shikamaru began, before he was rather rudely interrupted by the sound of the kettle whistling.

Growling underneath his breath, Shikamaru stood up from where he was sitting and walked back into the kitchen. Laying his head down, Naruto closed his eyes with a relieved sigh, unable to keep them open any longer.

He was so damn tired.

When Shikamaru walked back into the dining room with the two cups of happily steaming tea, he couldn't help a small smile find its way to his lips when he found Naruto fast asleep at the table.

A knock at the door had Shikamaru wondering just how possibly weird this night could get.

---------

"I would have never thought he'd come here." Kakashi Hatake said to himself.

He couldn't believe this was happening, well, he had to simply because it was the reality of the situation. But still, this was a stretch, even for reality. Who'd have thought he, Kakashi Hatake, would be trying to find Naruto so he could bring him back to a nut house. Who'd have thought it'd be possible for one of the brightest and, seemingly, happiest people he'd ever met to wind up in a place like that. But then again, no one would have suspected the same from Obito when he had been sent there.

He couldn't help thinking it, but at times Naruto reminded him of Obito. He had a tendency to stumble in life and often complained about the lack of action his current position in the ninja world allotted him, just like Obito had constantly nagged. Now…now he could clearly see just how similar they were. Especially when Naruto's position reminded him so much of Obito's when he had been alive.

It was dangerously close to being painful for him to watch what seemed to be history repeating itself.

When Sasuke had told him what he had found when he'd gone to Naruto's apartment, Kakashi had told him not to tell a soul. No, not even Sakura. Soon after the rather short conversation with the slightly frazzled Uchiha, he had rushed over to the hospital Sasuke had taken Naruto to. It had been easy enough to find the doctor that had treated his student. That was, after he'd adamantly demanded the poor woman behind the desk that he see him.

He didn't like to think too fiercely on what the educated man had told him. He didn't like to think on it one bit. He knew self-harm wasn't just a half ass attempt at suicide. He knew that.

Self-harm and suicide are two completely different beasts, they can't just be simultaneously replace one or the other.

He knew the doctor had said that this habit of Naruto's had started years earlier. Much sooner then he'd ever come face to face with the boy. But still, the awful, encroaching thoughts lingered in the back of his mind.

Were some of those scars there because of him? Had he at any point stepped over a line he shouldn't have? Had he ever accidently sent Naruto closer to an invisible edge? Were the reasons for it all anything he could have stopped or fixed or even simply just made better?

All these questions had been eating away at him since he'd had his word with the doctor. As sad as it was, the only thing that soothed his mind at all was the feeble thought that there was nothing he could have done for something he didn't know about. And yet, there was always another part of him would speak in the back of his mind, telling him "You should have known though, you should have". And then he'd be back where he started. It was such a vicious cycle.

Walking with an intended lazy stride, Kakashi walked to the door of the Nara residence, knocked loudly and waited for a on of the two people he knew who were inside to answer. A moment after he had knocked, Kakashi found the door being opened by none other then a very surprised Shikamaru.

"Are you taking a midnight walk as well, Hatake-san?" Shikamaru asked him, smiling at his own words. Kakashi assumed it must have been some sort of inside joke…because really, who took midnight strolls and stopped to wake someone up?

"Sorry to disappoint, but I'm not up and about for my own pleasure. I'm here to pick up your little visitor."

At this, the door opened wider and Kakashi stepped into the youth's home.

"He's asleep at the table." Shikamaru stated quietly.

Nodding, Kakashi made his way to the dinning room table to find a very much asleep Naruto. Shaking him slightly, Kakashi tried to jar his student awake, but was only able to get a murmur out of the blond that sounded distinctively like gibberish.

Smiling at the ramblings of Naruto's obviously very sleepy mind, Kakashi picked the boy up and made his way back to the still open front door.

"Before you leave, would you mind telling me what exactly is going on?" Shikamaru said, nodding his head towards the sleeping body in the older man's arms.

"There's not much to tell Shikamaru. Unless he's told you what's going on himself, I'm not sure I'm at liberty to discuss his personal happenings."

"I'm aware of what's happening, Hatake-san. Please, don't treat me like I'm not able to handle something like a friend who cuts their own flesh."

Always a sharp one, Shikamaru was. At the moment, Kakashi didn't want to try and weasel out of him exactly how he already knew about the situation. Kakashi had more important things to deal with.

"Since you already know so much, you should know he'll be staying at the Happy Hills Rehabilitation Center until further notice."

"I see. When he wakes up, will you please reassure him that I won't tell anyone?"

To this, Kakashi simply nodded.

Turning to the door yet again, Kakashi made his leave.

The center wasn't ridiculously far away, making Kakashi's travel short and sweet. Looking up at the fairly old building, Kakashi felt a huge bubble of bitter nostalgia rise up in him, wanting desperately to burst. The few times he had visited here during Obito's stay had not gone well.

Almost unwillingly he remembered in sudden clarity how, despite all of his skills at keeping a straight face, he had nearly exploded at Obito for attempting something as selfish and as stupid as suicide. He'd already tasted the stagnant flavor that never goes away from life once someone you knew had prematurely stopped their own heart.

But, thankfully, Rin's steady gaze had kept his building anger at bay until he was able to leave the building. Leave before he flung unnecessarily cruel words onto an already downtrodden teammate.

Walking into the dark building, Kakashi was amazed, even years after his first visits, that the building never seemed to ever get robbed. With them leaving the door unlocked and all, he would have expected it to happen more often then not. But from what he understood, they had never had to lock the doors. No one seemed to think the building had much worth to steal anyways.

Walking slowly up the stairs, Kakashi wondered if the third floor waiting room looked the same as it had years ago. Reaching the third floor landing, Kakashi managed to open the door without much difficulty and let himself in. Since the lights were dimmed to a mere soft glow, Kakashi had to let his eye adjust for a moment as he looked around the room. It had the same old chairs, same wall color, same plastic plant in the corner of the room, and same old desk. The only difference in the room at all was the person napping behind the desk.

"Hello?" he said uncertainly to the young woman slumped over the desk.

At his single word, her head shot up and for a moment she blinked sleepily at him. Slowly, she smiled.

"Hatake-san, thanks for bringing him back, I got so worried." The woman said in a voice laced with childishness. She quietly clambered to her feet, stretching as she did.

Not wanting to know exactly how or why she knew his family name, he turned his attention to rousing Naruto from his exhausted sleep. Shaking him gently, Kakashi managed to get him to wake.

"What is it?" Naruto asked, sleep dripping in his voice. His movements were sluggish as Kakashi let him down out of his arms. Walking over to one of the old, plastic chairs, Naruto plopped down and proceeded to try to fall back asleep.

"Naruto." Kakashi said, slightly loud.

Blue eyes blinking open, Naruto stared at his teacher for a moment in the dim light, saying,

"Kakashi-sensei, what are you doing in Shikamaru's house?"

"Naruto, we're back at the center. You fell asleep, remember? I was told that I needed to find you and bring you back here." Kakashi answered.

Staring at him for a moment or two, Naruto couldn't help the "Ah crap" that escaped his lips.

"Kiriva has to go to the potty." The woman, Kiriva, said.

"You're still here?" Naruto asked in a slightly desperate attempt to change the subject, head snapping to where Kiriva was already half way out of the door.

"Yup. You can call me the epitome of the hard worker!" Kiriva said with a small smile on her face as she trudged out of the room to find a potty.

A silence filled the room for a few agonizingly long moments before either of them broke it.

"Kakashi-sensei, can we talk about this some other time? I can barley keep my eyes open and I can't think all too straight." Naruto said.

It was very true that his eyes were quite tired.

"Sasuke told me what happened. I bumped into him after he had dropped you off at the hospital. He told me it looked like you had tried to kill yourself." Kakashi said, watching Naruto intently.

"Sasuke doesn't know worth shit." Naruto answered glumly, quite agitated with how the whole day had gone.

"I also talked to that doctor who took care of you."

"Satoshi? What'd he have to say?"

"Well, he said it wasn't a suicide attempt."

"Hah, I told you Sasuke doesn't know a thing."

"But he did tell me that you'd been doing this for over four years. He said the number of scars you have and how old some of them were gave that much away." Kakashi said, almost disregarding what Naruto had said about Sasuke.

A heartbeat, a moment, and Naruto ended the conversation.

"Please leave Kakashi-sensei, I don't want to talk about this at one in the morning. I don't want to talk about it at all right now."

Another moment, another heartbeat, and Kakashi caved in.

"I'll come back in two days…can you talk then?"

"Maybe, but maybe not. We'll have to see when we get there." Naruto said in a barley there whisper with his head resting downcast in his hand.

"Goodnight Naruto."

"'Night Kakashi-sensei."

A minute or so later, Kiriva came tip toeing back into the room, Naruto's eyes following her every step.

"How'd your wee little talk go?" she asked in a whisper.

"He gave me two days before we're to talk." Naruto answered as he stood up to follow her.

Walking back down the hallway he had walked down not but a few hours ago, Naruto was about to protest when they passed the door they'd initially gone through.

"Wasn't I-?"

"Oh, you got moved up four sections because of that window thingy you did today. It's not a problem, they'll fix the window Naruto, so don't you worry! The Board of Medicine just didn't look at your case hard enough. After a few hours ago, they had a super emergency meeting to decide what level you should be put on." Kiriva explained as they continued walking.

As they continued walking, Naruto thought of something that struck him as extremely odd about Kiriva.

"How'd you know my name? I haven't met you before, right?"

Looking at him as she plugged in the code to the lock on the last door of the hall, she smiled and said,

"Kiriva is odd and she knows it. It is one of my oddities that I have. Almost everyone I meet I've felt like I've met before, even if I haven't. You're still young and may not understand it yet, but that is how I am and how I will always be."

The door opened with the sounds of several low clicks and whirls and Kiriva opened the door wide, letting Naruto step in first and then herself before leaving the door just a bit open.

"Why not close it?" Naruto asked in a whisper, pointing to the door and its menacing looking lock.

"Kiriva knows how to get in, but not how to get out. I'm good with names, but numbers seem to flee from my brain like it's a disease." She whispered, scratching the back of her head sheepishly.

Continuing their way down the floor, Naruto found it to look almost exactly like the one he'd seen earlier in the day, with the exception of thick bars on each window and a different pattern to the tiled floor.

"Kiriva!" a middle-aged woman hissed in a low whisper as she came trotting down the hall.

"What is it, what is the matter?" Kiriva asked the other woman.

"It's Emiko, I can't find her anywhere!" the woman said frantically, nearly in hysterics.

"Calm down! We'll look for her, no worries. Have you looked in her normal hiding places?" Kiriva said calmly, her naturally childish voice clashing with the tone.

Out of the corners of his eyes, Naruto saw a figure dart towards where he knew an open door lay. And as Kiriva continued to calm the woman down, Naruto too snuck back the way he'd came from. Door now wide open, Naruto followed the dark figure as it left the third floor and walked quickly up the stairs.

"You're calm now, yes?" Kiriva asked the woman, who nodded her head.

"Kiriva, did the bathrooms get moved, I can't seem to find them at this very second in time." another voice asked as its owner came down the hallway. She was clad in slippers, sweat shirt and night pants, long white hair done up in a loose bun, red eyes glazed with sleep, fairly pale skin gleaming in the dim hall lights.

"Oh Miyuki, Emiko got lost and I still have to get this other one settled." Kiriva said, exasperated.

"…What other one?" Miyuki asked, looking behind the older woman's shoulder.

"This one right behind-" Kiriva turned, only to realize Naruto was now gone.

"Did you lose them?" Miyuki asked.

Kiriva nodded her head dumbly.

"Want some help? I don't think she'll be much use." Miyuki said, nodding to the puffy-eyed woman who tried but failed to stare meanly at her.

"Do you promise on a most sacred of pinky swears that if I let you go check up on the roof you'll come back?" Kiriva asked, sticking out her right pinky finger.

Rolling her eyes in mock annoyance, the girl wrapped her own pale pinky around the already outstretched one.

"You're one of the few people I actually like in here Kiriva. Of course I'll come right back." The white haired girl said.

Uncurling her finger from the other, the girl named Miyuki found her way to the stairs, jogging up them as she went. For some reason, for some dumb reason, she had the distinct feeling of already being to late to stop something from starting.

Shrugging the feeling off, she continued to climb the last flight of stairs.

Naruto crept up the stairs after the figure; very much aware they were headed towards the roof. As he made it to the top, Naruto quickly searched the rooftop for the lone figure. He could clearly see the tall link chain fences and most other accessories one would expect to on top of a roof. That is, except for the lone figure he finally spotted.

Naruto watched silently as the young woman in her torn jeans and black tank top climbed over the fencing that surrounded the roof, eventually lowering herself to the edge of the other side. She turned to face the edge of the building, held tightly onto the chain link wire of the fence and leaned forward. He could see her stare off at the quiet, darkness of the city, letting her long black hair blow with the wind.

"Hey." Naruto said loudly as he made his way toward where she stood.

The young woman simply glanced at him and then back at the ground.

"What do you want kid?" the young woman said after another moment.

"Nothing really." Naruto answered nonchalantly.

"Yeah right, everyone wants something. You want to be a hero and say you saved me from my biggest mistake? Forget it kid. I can't go back now, not when I'm this close. Just one little step and this whole, ugly nightmare can finally stop for me." The young woman said, bitterness dripping in her voice.

Stepping close enough that he could make out goose bumps on her arms from the chilly weather and the few scars that accompanied them, Naruto spoke.

"Can I ask you something?"

"What?" she said, bitterness in her voice increased.

"Can you tell me your name?"

The young woman turned her head to stare at him and then turned to face him completely, hands still clutching the fencing.

"Why do you want that?" she asked, suspicion now nearly drowning out the bitterness in her voice.

"So someone can remember you when you're gone. I'm not going to try and stop you. I've been were you are right now a handful of times myself. I haven't been able to actually be greeted by death yet, but you seem pretty damn determined to do just that. Call it dumb, but I don't want you leaving the world without at least someone remembering your name for some time. It'd be just too damn sad if I had to watch you die and never even knew your name." Naruto said, shrugging.

The lady stared at him for a moment. Naruto couldn't tell exactly what the expression on her face was. One second it looked like she might cry, the next like she might scream. And then suddenly, she was fumbling with something on her neck. Yanking whatever it was over her head, she shoved her hand through one of the holes the wire fencing made, wiggling it for Naruto to take.

"You talk too much, but I'll give you my name and something to keep your mind from forgetting me." She said, dropping a beautiful glass ring with a string looped through it into Naruto's hand.

"Hey" she said, dragging Naruto's attention away from the delicate ring in his palm, "that's mine and my mom's ring, take care of it for me, ok? My name, by the way, is Emiko Nanase." She said, staring at him for only a moment before letting herself fall back, away from the building and closer to death. A second later, a rather loud crunch told him when Emiko had become only a person in his memories.

Naruto knew you could or couldn't die from falling from four stories high. To live land on your feet; to die land on your head. Anywhere in between and you might not get what you want. But Naruto had a feeling she'd been someone who'd make sure to dive in head first, just to see what would happen.

Naruto stood there for sometime, just staring at where she had been and holding the ring in his hand.

"Hey" a soft voice said as a hand landed on his shoulder, "what happened?"

The hand belonged to a girl who was only a inch taller than him, long white hair and pale skin that glowing softly in the autumn moonlight, and blazing red eyes. For a moment, in his dazed and tired mind, he thought he was looking at an earthen spirit.

"She died." Naruto said, walking back into the building, the white haired girl trailing after him.

As Naruto slipped into bed, clothes and all, he removed the necklace Tsunade had given him not but three months before. Untying its ends, he strung the thin glass ring Emiko had given him onto the black string and tied back onto his neck once more.

There was no way Naruto would be able to forget Emiko Nanase for a very long time.


	3. Talk

October 15-16

_--------------------------_

_And restlessness still shadows the lost ways.  
The fingers shut on voices that pass through,  
Where blind farewells are taken easily...  
Ah! this miasma of a rotting God!_

Excerpt from **God **by Issac Rosenberg

_------------------------_

Naruto wouldn't call himself a light sleeper, but even he had to admit that this whole waking-up-every-thirty-or-forty-minutes-by-every-little-bump-in-the-night was starting to get just plain stupid. After the forth time this had happened, Naruto huffed irritably, got out of bed, and decided then and there to go to the bathroom. With his feet padding down the dim halls, Naruto was only stopped once by the woman he had seen earlier that late evening -or very early morning, which ever you think would be correct-.

"What are you doing up this early?"

"I'm going to the bathroom, you know, to pee?" Naruto said bluntly, wishing he would've just managed to stay asleep.

She studied his face for a moment longer before giving him an answer.

"I'll be checking on the boy's dorm room in seven minutes. If I find a bed empty, I'm going to assume it's you."

With that, she strolled away, leaving Naruto a little more then annoyed. He didn't like having a time limit on his bathroom time. Not one bit.

Walking into the bright room, Naruto had to squint for a few seconds before his eyes adjusted to the light. Meandering over to the small rows of sinks on the far side of the room, the entrance to the showers were at the opposite end, Naruto stared at himself in the cloudy mirrors. Seeing for the first time in hours what everyone else had seen when they looked at him, he couldn't help but smile to himself. His hair looked like a tornado had attacked it, what with its tangled and messed up locks poking every which way from his skull more so then normal, mud and sticks tagging along. His face looked like someone had come and beaten it with some sort of ugly stick, it wore a disgusting coat of dried sweat that shined sickly in the light, dried dirt and a small amount of blood accompanying it. To top it all off, his eyes were slightly bloodshot, now with fairly light but defined bags underneath them, and cracking lips finished his unintended imitation of the living dead.

Turning the cold faucet of the sink on and catching the water in cupped hands, he splashed and vigorously rubbed it onto his face, shaking the excess off like a dog. Running his fingers through his hair a few times, pulling out the tangles and mud and sticks and other debris, he took a moment to look at his ruined clothes.

Spots on the sleeves where blood had dried, earth staining his appearance, particularly on his back -when he took the moment to take a look at it- from when he had been lying on the ground. From when he'd been taking a break and grasping for the stars. Before that man had come and had...had...

He didn't want to think about it, but his hand instinctively flew to his lips at the thought of what had happened earlier, unaware of the fact that he had already begun to scratch at them as if there was grim caked into the very skin. Turning the sink's hot water on as far as it would go, Naruto cupped the steaming water into his hands and shoved it into his mouth, gargling and sloshing it around despite the pain that shot through his mouth from such heat. He did this, again and again, until he was positive that anything left of that man in his mouth had been burned away. It might hurt for a while, but Naruto knew he was much more capable of handling a burnt mouth than anything else.

Hands gripping the side of the sink, he focused on his reflection, hoping this moment would pass quickly, that he wouldn't have to _remember _anything_._ And, just as he had hoped, the moment did pass. The only thing that was left of the would have been impending flashback was the left over sound of that awful man's voice whispering quietly,

_"Keep it a secret, little monster."_

And even then, the horrible echo was gone in a moment, and Naruto had won a small personal battle against himself, against his very mind.

Sighing deeply and pushing himself away from the sinks, Naruto turned the faucet off and tiredly headed out of the bathroom, the thought of peeing now completely gone from his thoughts.

"You're cutting it close. Another twenty seconds and I would have had to come look for you." The woman said pleasantly as he passed her by on the way to his room.

He ignored her openly, deciding that trying to start any sort of argument this early in the morning was _so_ not worth it. With these thoughts, he happily crawled into bed and promptly fell asleep.

Sleep came easily then and stayed with him. That was, until he had to wake up to his first day of Happy Hills Rehabilitation Center.

------------------------------

_It's a world I don't know_

_One where the feeling to impress is not needed_

_Where hiding is both accepted and rejected_

_Where I'm free but happily caged_

_For once, I might actually feel safe_

_Safe enough to show who really is 'me'_

_----------------------------------------------------_

Now, it might not be very fair to say that Naruto was not a morning person. Why, you find yourselves asking? That would be because, simply put, Naruto really didn't discriminate when it came to what time he liked being awake or asleep. When he fell asleep and when he woke up didn't matter to him. What did matter, however, was if he was woken up by someone else. Do that and he would already be in a fairly bad mood, no matter if he had rolled out on the right or wrong side of the bed.

So, when a gentle hand calmly shook him awake, it would be fair to say that he was grumpy. If only _slightly_.

"What do you want?" Naruto asked the person standing above him in his more-then-slightly-grumpy voice, keeping his eyes shut.

"It's time to get up, that's all." A kind voice said.

When Naruto felt said person move away from his bed, he sat up in a very lethargic manner, rubbing the crust from his eyes and what not. Turning his head, he saw a boy (young man really, he didn't look younger then sixteen or seventeen) waking up the occupant in the bed next to his. The boy in the bed started, seeming to relax when he saw who was waking him up.

Th boy whom was doing the waking had shaggy, brown hair that was pulled to the nape of his neck in a short ponytail. When Naruto caught a glimpse of them, he took note that said young man had a distinct pair of warm green eyes. He was clad in a casual long sleeve dark green shirt and similarly casual dark brown pants.

Turning his attention away from the brow haired boy to his blanket covered feet, he collected his thoughts for a moment on what had happened with in the last twenty four hours.

Ran away from the nut house by use of window jumping -check.

Accidentally revealing his 'issues' to Shikamaru -check.

Found out that not only did Sasuke know where and why he was in a nut house, but Kakashi as well -check.

Got about three and a half hours of sleep -check.

Well, all in all, things were looking fairly shitty at the moment, Naruto sarcastically surmised to himself.

"Showers up!" an attending from the hallway called into the room. Naruto watched as some dashed out of the room at those words, while most moved sluggishly, obvious that they were still half asleep.

Naruto too got out of his warm, comfortable sheets and found his bag that had been tossed into a corner near his bed. After rummaging through it for a moment or two, he emerged with fresh clothes and a towel. With these things in tow, he made his way to the showers he had seen the night before.

Now, Naruto wasn't the richest person in the Konoha village, so when he saw that these showers had shampoo and body wash (both in bulk containers), he actually considered for a moment that this place couldn't be so bad if they made sure you washed with actual shampoo and actual body wash, not just one of the old, not very comfortable bars of soap like he had to at home.

Having taken a shower and changed in the stall, Naruto walked out of the bathroom, throwing the ruined bandages from the night before away and slinging on one of his orange coats that obviously did not have blood and the like on it.

Entering the dorm like room, he set off to make his bed, like any good person does. After doing just that, he looked for and eventually found the sheet of paper that would tell him the schedule he was to follow until he was released from the rehab center. Whenever that was going to happen, Naruto hadn't the slightest clue. His little sheet read something like this, it's exactness making him frown slightly:

**8:00 wake up call**

**8:00- 8:15 Morning wash up**

**8:15- 8:35 Breakfast**

**8:35- 9:00 Morning exercise session**

**9:00 -10:00 1st recreational time**

**10:00- 12:30 Group Therapy **

**12:30- 1:00 Lunch **

**1:00- 3:00 Art Therapy**

**3:00- 4:00 One on One (patient and psychologist session)**

**4:00- 6:00 Music Therapy**

**6:00- 7:00 2nd recreational time**

**7:00 - 7:30 Dinner time**

**7:30- 7:50 Roll Call**

**7: 50- 8:20 Evening shower**

**8:20- 9:00 Room Time (time spent in your room before bed)**

**9:00- 9:05 Lights out**

Folding the little paper and slipping it into his pocket, Naruto turned his attention to his slightly exposed arms. Sometimes, when he wasn't particularly crazed or upset, he would catch a glimpse of his scars and cringe. Sometimes, he couldn't help but see them as they really were; ugly things, reminders to the fact that he was a little off kilter. Then the moment would pass and he would remember that those ugly things, those little reminders, were helping him keep his sanity intact. As cliché as it all sounded, his self-inflicted scars were both a bane and a salvation.

He sighed to himself and began to make the hand seals for his own, personal, special jutsu. It was strong enough to hide hundreds of scars and any fresh cuts he may have done upon himself, yet simple enough that it took near to no chakra to activate its effects and keep it that way. Even unconscious, it would not stop working unless he himself released it. The only way for it to undo itself without his will was if he died. And at that point, anyone who saw them couldn't bring up any awkward questions or inquiries, now could they? Needless to say, this had saved his ass several times during the course of his ninja career.

A grumbling in the back of his mind alerted him to the fact that the fox wished to say something, and Kyuubi would never talk to him if it wasn't absolutely important. Dropping his hands to his sides, Naruto twiddled his thumbs for a second before speaking inwardly.

"_What is it?"_

-_**You haven't noticed it yet, have you?-**_

"_And what, might I ask, am I supposed to be noticing?" _

_**The barrier that's around this building, of course.- **_

Naruto could almost feel the demon move around in his rusty cage for a moment and then settle back down on to the floor.

"_Mind telling me what it does?" _Naruto said.

-_**It's a chakra suppressing barrier, I can tell that much. I'm not too sure what it will do to you if you try and use chakra though. I wouldn't try it if I were you. You could end up hurting your body more than you usually like to.- **_

Naruto made an annoyed sound in the back of his throat, muttering obscene things about skulls and penises for a moment or two before he let himself emerge from the conversation back to reality. A reality that happened to be filled with people moseying out of the room. Following them down the halls barefooted, Naruto eventual found himself in what turned out to be a cafeteria, a line of people picking what they'd like for breakfast from the few choices they were given. His growling stomach reminded him that it hadn't been fed since yesterday morning. Getting in line, he was happy to find that the food looked far more edible than the hospital's had.

Taking his food ladened tray, he stared at the rows of tables and benches, his stomach dropping just a tiny bit. He had no one to sit with, of course, and he wasn't about to go up to a complete and utter stranger and ask, '_I don't know anyone, could I sit with you?'_ He didn't want to make it blatantly obvious that he was new to this whole thing.

His head turned sharply as he felt a hand tap lightly on his coat covered shoulder. That hand, when he followed it, turned out to belong to the girl he had seen last night. The pale girl who'd come after Emiko Nanase had...done what she'd done, the one he had almost mistaken for some sort of angel. Same red eyes, white hair and pale skin dressed in a simple black sweat shirt with the words 'Never Knows Best' scrawled on the front in silver marker and gray sweatpants. She gave him a tiny smile and asked,

"You're new, right?"

Naruto nodded his head numbly.

"Well, come sit with me and my cousin. We don't bite, I promise." She said, tugging on the sleeve of his coat as she began walking. Naruto unknowingly followed her like some sort of lost puppy, weaving in and out of the rows of people at her lead

Sitting down next to her, Naruto recognized the boy sitting across from both of them as the one who had woken him up all but thirty minutes ago. Now, it may not seem possible, what with his exuberant personality and boisterous disposition, but Naruto was actually rather shy when it came to meeting new people. So, over the years he had developed many a ways to try and secretly test people to see if they could even had the _slightest_ chance of having friendly terms with one another. Then and there, he used one on the boy sitting across from him.

"You know, you kind of remind me of my imaginary friend I had as a kid." he waited for a response, watching the brunette smile lightly.

"Maybe I am, whose to say I'm not?"

Naruto smiled broadly, listening happily to the white haired girl next to him laugh like she hadn't laughed in her life, knowing well it was the reaction he was looking for.

"My name is Airashii Akuma, nice to meet you…?" Airashii introduced himself, letting the sentence hang for Naruto to give his own name.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, number one ninja and your next Hokage!" Naruto recited the introduction that he knew by heart.

"And I" the white haired girl said, finally able to control her laughter, "am Miyuki Akuma. What are you in for, Naruto?"

Naruto's body language spoke volumes of confusion at this question.

"You know. What'd you do to end up in here? Did you overdose, stick your fingers down your throat too much, starve yourself, take drugs, try to kill yourself. Or maybe you cut yourself too deeply and a friend found you…" Miyuki was talking to herself by the end of her questions, not intentionally ignoring Naruto's rather uncomfortable look.

Airashii sighed and flicked his plastic spoon at his cousin's face, hitting the target dead on.

"Ouch, why'd you do that Airashii?"

"Don't be rude. Think for a moment, what if a stranger asked _you_ that sort of thing?"

Miyuki seemed to think about it for a moment before a look akin to that which had been on Naruto's face not but a few seconds ago blossomed onto her own. She turned to him at this point, regret easily discernible in her eyes.

"I. am. _**so**_. sorry." She said, articulating each and every guilt dripping word.

"It's OK." Naruto said simply, he was just happy they didn't actually expect him to answer the question.

He turned back to his food for a moment, before Airashii asked him,

"So, where do you have to go to next Naruto?"

Taking the piece of paper out of his pocket again, he read,

"8:35-9:00 is exercising for me."

Not catching the small look the cousins gave each other, Miyuki asked,

"What's the rest of your schedule say?"

Reading it off, he again failed to notice the small glances the two others threw at each other. Silence followed the few moments after Naruto had finished reading the schedule, in which he put the paper back into the pocket of his orange pants and sat somewhat awkwardly.

"Coincidence?" Miyuki asked Airashii.

"Maybe…but maybe not." he answered.

"Um...what you guys are talking about?" Naruto asked, a bemused look passing over his face for the second time that morning.

"You, my friend, happen to have the same schedule as both of us do." Miyuki said, sticking out her tongue in amusement.

"One hell of a coincidence." Naruto replied, snorting sarcastically.

"You can say that again." Airashii said, finishing up his food.

"I'd say that's on hell of a-" Naruto began again jokingly, but was interrupted by a soft punch to the shoulder (to which he of _course_ acted like it was quite painful).

"I'm sure he didn't mean it literally screwball. Hey, here, take my sweatshirt." Miyuki said, pulling the article of clothing off as she spoke.

"Um…" Naruto said, waiting for an explanation as to why she was basically stripping in front of him.

"You don't really seem too happy with that coat showing off those cuts and scars of yours. Give me that coat, a little neon orange never hurt anybody!" she said, all but ripping the orange and blue jacket off the boy's back as she shoved her own into his hands.

Standing up and pulling the coat on, with her black undershirt beneath said opened coat, Miyuki picked up her tray. At that moment, it was the first time Naruto ever caught a look at them. It was the first time he saw scars that were too linear, to perfectly placed, for them to be an accident. At least, on someone else's skin. There were pale and red and ragged scars that littered the small wrists in front of him. No obvious pattern could be seen in the to anyone but their owner.

Naruto knew he stared for a moment too long, before slipping on the sweatshirt he had been given on. He followed both the cousins as they headed out the door, striking up a conversation with Miyuki about one of the ideas that liked to pop up in his head every now and then.

"Who do you think would win? Godzilla or King Kong?" he asked.

"…And who the hell is King Kong?" Miyuki asked.

Smiling happily, he spent a good portion of their exercise time trying to explain to her who King Kong was, and why he thought Godzilla would surly kick his ass until it was raw.

"Well, I guess you could be right. But this Kong guy sounds a lot cooler than some giant, mutated lizard dude." Miyuki said, watching some of the other patients play a game involving a ball and some strange sort of maneuver that required one to tilt sideways, stumble a bit, make a weird gargling noise, spit on an opponents foot and then fart or burp on the ball. As you could already tell, most if not all the players of this game were male.

"Hey" Miyuki said suddenly, "want to play DDR?"

"We have that here?" Naruto asked, attention quite caught.

"Yeah, it's hooked up to this old game console that lets you play with it with this mat like thing-a-ma-bob." Miyuki said, jumping to her feet and running to a corner of the room where one could see what looked like an old TV was set up.

Naruto took his sweet time to mosey on over and was glad that by the time he did reach the other side of the room, Miyuki had it already set up.

"Want to compete with each other? I warn you, I _am _the undisputed champion of this little DDR game here." Miyuki said with a small hint of smugness in her voice, patting the old TV gingerly. It was almost like she was afraid it was so old that it might break if she even touched it to harshly.

"That", Airashii said as he plopped himself down on the ground behind where the two mats had been set up, "would be because you are the _only _one in this section who has played that game more than three times before."

Sticking her tongue at him, she turned her attention back to the screen, trying to choose which song she wanted to dance to.

"I think I'll be able to go as fast as you can go." Naruto said, choosing the correct level and then the same song as Miyuki.

The game, in short, at one point or another turned itself into a small spectator sport as Naruto and Miyuki continued their tournament with the next song. It was truly a remarkable thing to watch.

Both of their bodies moving at nearly the same time, never missing a beat. The speed they were going at made it look like it was a practiced routine dancing, making all on lookers think that such a thing could easily be achieved if practiced enough. And when it was time to leave, both Miyuki and Naruto had given all the people in the room something to talk about for the next couple of months, all wondering if they could ever do the same.

Naruto's first recreational time was spent sleeping the hour away on a couch, body curled up into something similar to the fetal position. Airashii sat next to him, reading a book who's title slips the mind easily, and Miyuki next to him, a bright orange book in her hands with the title "Icha Icha Paradise: Yaoi Edition". Keep in mind, she simply ignored the warning on the back about how the book was in no way meant for people's less than eighteen years of age and continued reading happily about all the lovely butt-shmex that loaded the book.

Now one thing was for sure about Group Therapy. Almost no one liked it. What was worse, it happened to be the longest activity of their day. It was awkward, scary, and tended to do more harm than good. More harm than good in the sense that fights often, if not always, occurred during Group Therapy because of the slightly different views on things they would discuss.

"Alright everyone, since we have a newcomer today, we're going to go around the room, give our names, ages, and birthdays. Naruto, would you begin first?"

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki, I am thirteen years old, and my birthday is October tenth."

"My name is Miyuki Akuma, I am twelve years old and will be thirteen this coming October thirty-first."

"My name is Airashii Akuma, I am fourteen years old, and my birthday is April thirteenth."

Naruto almost started at this. Airashii was only a year older then he was and he'd mistaken the boy as being nearly three or four years his senior!

Putting his thoughts aside, Naruto tried to pay attention as everyone within the semi-circle introduced themselves. Keyword being here _tried_.

About halfway through these introductions however, his mind began to wander something fierce. As the conversation and discussion started up, Naruto couldn't help but notice how wonderful the tiled floor had instantaneously become, for the floor was by far more convincingly interesting then this group therapy stuff.

"What do you think Naruto?" the lady asked him suddenly.

Naruto snapped out of his staring contest with the floor and asked,

"What do I think about what?"

"What do you compare society to?" a much older boy, though he could be wrong about that boy's age too, with a shaved head said.

Naruto was silent for a moment, wondering if he should answer truthfully. After a moment, he decided he might as well. He was in a nut house, and no one had asked his opinion about something before. So Why not give it a shot?

"A garden and a gardener."

"How come?" someone else asked.

"Well", Naruto began, "I think society as we know it is like a garden for one simple reason. Even if the flowers and the weeds grow up together, the gardener only kills the weeds, the things not wanted. It's just like people. The pretty ones, the flowers, make fun of the ones who don't fit what they think is normal or correct, they make fun of the weeds. And most governments would probably like to lock up or get rid of every single weed they see, just so things would look nice. I'd really like to believe everyone in this world has a purpose other than to eventually die, but you never know with whatever higher beings that be might think. I think everyone has at least one thing to do before they go, but it's only the conceded flowers that think that they're are the only ones who are going to do something with their lives, therefore everyone else should step down and give up. That's what I think, anyways."

The room was quiet for a moment before someone asked solemnly,

"We're the weeds, aren't we?"

"Well, we _are _the ones stuck in a nut house." Naruto answered, going back to staring at the floor.

Try as she might, the woman leader of the group could not start the conversation again after this point, for everyone was too deep in their own thoughts to care.

By lunch time, Naruto was pretty sure that he wasn't all too sure about this place. Yes, it was a nice oxymoron, thank you very much! The food was alright, the people (though not all) he wasn't too sure about yet, and he had yet to finish a whole day here.

"What you said at group was pretty intense, you know." Miyuki told him half way through their lunch period.

Naruto moved his food around his plate for a moment, thinking.

"Yeah, well it's pretty accurate, you know. At least, I think so." He said, thinking quickly for a less awkward topic.

"Is your birthday really on October tenth?" Airashii asked, sipping at his small carton of milk.

Wonderful. From awkward to severely uncomfortable in just a single leap and bound.

"Well yeah. Why do you ask?"

"No, I just thought it was interesting that you were born on the day this village's fourth Hokage killed the Kyuubi, that's all. You're like a historical child or something!" Airashii said jokingly.

Naruto laughed along with the other two, not knowing what else to do. They had no way of knowing the truth, how were they to know how much he disliked the date of his birth?

"Where do we go to next?" Naruto asked, pushing aside any dark feelings that had been trying to stir in his chest.

"Art Therapy I think." Miyuki said, belching in the most unladylike of ways.

Naruto snorted a laugh as he ate the rest of his lunch, Miyuki showing him how she could fake burp and fake burp well, the loud belches attracting a few glances as the sound of laughter accompanied it.

---------------------------

One thing that many people had gotten all wrong about Naruto was that he was in fact a very boastful person. Given, he was pretty good at hiding this little tid bit about himself, along with hiding the fact that he was in any way shape or form sad or severely depressed. The thing was, when he would boast about things, he would so about things he didn't care people knowing or believing. Like that he would be the next Hokage. Or that he really enjoyed a good prank -which he did, just not as much as people would assume-.

What he didn't boast about, though, were things that he thought would break the wool he had been able to pull over people's eyes for so long. So instead of seeing a sometimes shy, depressed, artistic and fairly bright boy, they saw a loud, happy, if not a little bit on the dim side kid. He being artistic or smarter then he normally acted was just a few of the things he didn't boast about, even if the 'loud, happy, if not a little bit on the dim side kid' was a complete and utter bullshit lie.

"Alright everyone" the male teacher of sorts in the room began, "you know what to do. If you'd like your CDs and CD players, I moved them to that corner over there. Why, you ask? Well, the inhabitants on top of my desk seem to have started a civil war amongst each other and have left a very dreadful mess." he finished, many heads turning to the corner in which the man's desk was located, most honestly surprised to see that it _did_ look like a war had somehow broken out on his desktop.

Portfolios with their art spilling out of them, random soda pop bottles standing in odd stacked forms, used tissues, coffee cups by the dozens, the chair to said desk missing three legs, several large boxes of opened band aides and what looked like a very large stuffed dog. Everyone in the room couldn't help but wonder, who'd won?

"Now, who would like to choose the CD I'll put into the boom box today?" the teacher asked.

"I will!" Miyuki and one other girl said in unison, both running over the teacher to try and convince him that the other was completely the wrong one to choose, while , on the other hand, they were obviously the right choice to make. Needless to say, it seemed that a small yelling contest would erupt soon.

And as said yelling contest was on the verge of starting, Naruto made his way to the few large crate boxes in which held patients' CD players and cases if they owned them.

"Why do they keep them in here?" Naruto asked Airashii as they both stood in line waiting for their turn to find what was their's.

"They think all of us are going to try and do something stupid with them."

"Like what?" Naruto inquired, stepping a foot or two forward as the line moved.

"Swallow the pieces, hang ourselves with the cords, or cuts ourselves with the CDs if you break them in half. Given, all of those things _have _happened before. But you know, I don't really think anyone's that dim anymore to try something like it." Airashii said as he looked through the crates, eventually pulling out a bright red Cd player, small earphones, and a fairly empty looking CD case.

Naruto only had to rummage for a few seconds until he found both his player and case.

"Is that duct tape?" Airashii asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Well, you know it _is _the best way to fix something if you have a tight budget." Naruto answered, looking at where the slightly worn duct tape held the Cd player's top to its bottom, words scratched into the metal of the machine that Naruto wouldn't translate for anybody. No matter how nice they asked. The same was for the case, duct tape put hastily over the holes and fixing the rips of the material that needed it.

"You did it yesterday, I want my turn!"

"Grow up Miyuki and act mature, I let you have your music three times last week and you had your Cd player on your head all three times! How unfair is that?"

"Look, I'm sorry about that, but I'd like my music to listen to!"

"Yeah right, it's my turn and you know it!"

As the yelling contest was reaching its crescendo -the teacher had plugged his ears with wax by now, since he knew both girls did this out of habit, not animosity-, Naruto made a very brave move. Walking over to the irate girls, he suggested,

"How about some classic rock?"

Holding out a CD that had been burned and which he had bought very cheap, he gave it up for the time being as a peace offering.

"OK." Both girls said, in unison once more.

With that done, Naruto made his way to a table, grabbing a piece of paper and a mechanical pencil. Sitting down with both Airashii and Miyuki, he popped a CD into his player and switched to the song of his liking.

But what should he draw? A puppy? Puppies weren't suspicious, right? Naruto sat for what felt like an eternity, just staring at the blank sheet of paper. Slowly, ever so slowly, an image formed in his head.

Listening to the song, he set off to work.

At one point, he was so engrossed with what he was drawing he almost didn't notice that someone was trying very hard to sneak an earphone out off his head. Unconsciously swiping at the guilty person's hand, he didn't notice who it was until he actually looked up.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Miyuki I didn't mean to hit your hand. It was a reflex of habit."

"From doing what?" Miyuki asked, blowing on where he'd hit her.

"Well, I am a ninja." Naruto answered, now one earphone off and the other on as he pressed the back button to listen to the song again.

"You're really a ninja, aren't you?"

"Yep, and I got to tell you, it really isn't all that it's cracked up to be."

"Hey, what are you listening to?" Miyuki asked, taking note in her mind that Naruto _really_ was a ninja.

Grabbing his unused earphone, she held it up to her ear for a few seconds before turning to Naruto with a slightly confused look on her face.

"What language is this?"

"English. I can't remember the name of the band though. But, I do have a whole CD of them if you'd like to borrow it.

"That's cool, but I got to ask, can you actually understand this?"

"Most of it, but sometimes things get lost in the translations and I get confused every now and then." Naruto said, still continuing with his drawing.

"Who taught you that language? Your parents or something?"

"No, my parents died when I was a baby, so I've taught myself." Naruto said with a calm and uncaring tone.

Really, why should he feel sad for people he had never met? Sure, sometimes when things got hard or if he was feeling really lonely he would wish that he had at least one memory or picture of them, but he had done without for thirteen years. He had gotten use to holding down such silly "Maybe"s and "What If"s. Hoping and wishing did nothing, and he knew that all too well.

"That's so cool you were able to teach yourself. I'm a little too hyper for that sort of thing, I would never be able to concentrate." Miyuki said, grinning and taking the seat next to Naruto.

"That's awesome." Miyuki said, touching the piece of paper Naruto was working on with he fingertips.

Naruto glanced once again at those beautiful wrists and shivered. It always gave him the chills when he would think like that. Like self-mutilation was some sort of accepted, acclaimed art form.

Naruto looked toward Miyuki and smiled.

"You really think so?" he asked, pulling the paper a bit farther away from his face to examine it fully.

A girl in a small room, suspended by nothing but air its self, her long hair flowing every which way, appearing to be in a deep, if not slightly awkward looking sleep, her limbs hanging oddly and limply.

"Of course I do!" Miyuki answered, punching Naruto softly on the shoulder.

-------------

Now this was the one thing Naruto had been dreading all day. One on one. Mano y mano. You, me and a gun. A freaking psychologist poking his mind, trying to get him to spill his nasty guts! Ughh, this was not going to be very pleasant and Naruto already knew that.

"So, your name is Naruto Uzumaki, right?" the lady next to him asked.

She was middle aged, graying hair in a low ponytail, suave glasses at the bridge of her nose, patterned turtle neck and jeans clothing her. She sat Indian style in her chair, a clipboard, a pen, and papers in her hands.

"That's what it says on that paper, right?"

The woman sighed quietly, jotting something on her paper.

"So Naruto" she began, "what's your favorite type of music?"

Naruto opened his mouth as soon as she began speaking, thinking he'd have to defend himself from her prodding words as soon as she was done. But as he mind grasped the simplicity of what she had said, all that came out was a,

"Huh?"

"You know, music? Those wonderful tunes you listen to to get your groove on?"

Naruto was, to say the least, somewhat stunned at the woman's line of questioning.

"Aren't you, you know, supposed to ask me deep questions like "How has your family life been?" and "How does it all make you feel?". Well, aren't you?"

The woman laughed cheerily for a moment.

"Oh heavens no, I don't make you talk about anything that you don't want to Naruto! I always start off with music because, from what I've seen, everyone has at least _one_ favorite song they like to talk about."

Again for the second time that day, Naruto let the simple thought 'Maybe this place isn't so bad' cross his mind.

The rest of the day passed fairly quietly, Naruto not doing much of anything during Music Therapy except for watching Miyuki play the room's old set of drums and Airashii strumming the strings of his bass.

"Where'd you get that bass from, Airashii?" Naruto had asked, looking longingly at the beautiful black colored instrument.

A dulled sadness passed over those green eyes as he explained.

"About a year ago, someone I knew fairly well in here killed himself. He was in his twenties and he'd already written up a Will and what not. In it, he left his collection of instruments to this rehab center. He left the bass to me specifically." Shrugging his shoulders as if to shake off the feelings that came with the story, Airashii continued to play the strings Miyuki keeping in time with the drum set.

Recreational time was spent with Naruto and Miyuki continuing their DDR tournament, attracting a whole new crowd of bystanders, most if not all just amazed as the first group had been by the speed at which both bodies' feet were moving across the mats, techno music pumping in their ears with their repetitive yet catchy tunes.

And by bedtime, after a wonderful dinner with his new found companions, Naruto couldn't help letting the thought 'This place can't be so bad' pass through his mind for a third time that day.

---------------------

Now, his second day hadn't started off so bad as it had eventually ended up. Airashii had woken him up, he had breakfast and went to all the places he was supposed to go to, that was, until he had an unexpected visitor.

"Naruto Uzumaki?" A woman called for him as he was busy trying to finish his picture he had started yesterday.

Looking to Miyuki and Airashii for an explanation, Miyuki shrugged her shoulders while Airashii whispered,

"They usually only let you skip things like this when you have a visitor."

Naruto's stomach dropped to his feet.

Naruto followed the woman silently out of the room, a few steps behind her as they reached what he knew was a waiting room of sorts for this floor. And who should be sitting there but none other than Uchiha Sasuke in the pale flesh, white shorts and a dark sweatshirt replacing the ordinary shirt one would normally see on the boy.

As the woman left them, Naruto had only one thing to say,

"So, what's up?"

------------------------

By no means was Sasuke an idiot. By no means did Sasuke get easily duped or surprised. By no means was Sasuke scared easily by things that did not involve other ninjas -of the enemy type-. And by no means did Sasuke dwell on things for very long that did not include making him stronger in some way shape or form. Just because Naruto had managed to bring him back to this village did not mean he still didn't want to avenge his family, far from it.

Or, at least that's what he had thought. But now he wasn't all too sure about it, with the whole situation with him not being able to see what the hell Naruto was doing until it was accidentally shoved into his face. It took him a few hours after he had gotten Naruto safely to the hospital, had bumped into Kakashi and told him what had happened and had finally gotten the blood out of his white pants with out bleach that what he had seen finally hit him.

He was angry, by whatever holy things that exist had he been irate! How dare the idiot do something as stupid as try to kill himself. Now, _we _all know that Sasuke was jumping to conclusions, and he too eventually figured this out as well. This, however, he did not accomplish until he had seriously given a good number of trees a few new huge holes -in some cases, there was nomore tree- and had eventually calmed himself enough to look at the facts he had seen. One, Naruto had looked scared, not confident of the possibility of death, so he could probably rule out a suicide attempt as he had first thought. Two, it had been near to impossible to not notice the large number of scars that littered those arms.

He then concluded that Naruto had made this act a habit, how long ago it had started he had yet to find out.

It was at that point that Sasuke realized he was actually surprised. What the _hell _would drive Naruto to do something like that? What could possible make him do that? Rip his own body to shreds because of something that was bugging him that badly? Now, Sasuke didn't like to be hypocritical and admitted to himself that at one point in his life he had done the same thing a few times. But try as he might, he could not remember the exact emotions that had led him to take sharpness to his own flesh.

And then over the next few hours, Sasuke was bombarded with so many emotions in great waves that he had to wonder if this was what it was like to be a menstruating woman. Guilt, annoyance, betrayal, another dose of fear, self-doubt; almost any and all negative emotions passed through the Uchiha that sleepless night.

So, all and all, this visit was just as nerve wracking for Sasuke as it was for Naruto.

----------------------------

Sasuke stood up, shoving his hands into his pockets and began to stroll, saying,

"Let's walk."

Naruto complied, knowing that there would be far more than just walking during this visit.

Naruto knew he was being uncharacteristically quiet and could see Sasuke glance at him every now and then, as if to say 'please say something, you're being too quiet and it's scary.'

Naruto smiled at the thought of Sasuke actually saying something like that.

"What's so funny?" Sasuke asked eyebrow arched.

"Just a thought." Naruto said, his nervousness nearly getting the best of him.

A few minutes more passed as they walked, before Sasuke asked that damn dreaded question.

"Why?"

One simple word and yet right now it felt as if it would eat him up. Naruto gulped down the lump in his throat silently, thinking for a moment.

" 'Cause shit happens." He answered flatly.

Without a hitch, Sasuke quickly latched onto Naruto's arm, pulled up the sleeve of the still borrowed sweatshirt, and shoved the scared flesh back in its owners face.

"Why did this happen?" he asked. Even if he would never say it to his face, that day Naruto saw more fear and confusion in Sasuke's eyes then he had ever seen before.

Jerking his arm sharply away, not bothering to pull the sleeve down just to make Sasuke as uncomfortable as he was, Naruto spoke slowly, articulating each word that came out of his mouth.

"Because shit happens. Because bad shit happens every day and I deal with it the only way I know how to. Because I'm depressed half the time, but don't say anything because I knew something like this", Naruto waved his arms around to show he was talking about his current home, "would happen if I ever spoke up. I never said anything because I didn't want anyone's fucking pity. It's a stupid, embarrassing emotion that's usually wasted on people who don't want it."

Sasuke was quiet for a moment, neither noticing they had stopped walking.

"If you had just said something, to someone..."

"Oh shut up! That coming from the epitome of a human rock. Bullshit Sasuke, complete bullshit!"

"Don't be a hypocrite, at least I'm not the one with a ton of scars on their arms."

Now that pissed Naruto off.

How dare he? How could he say anything about something he knew nothing about! And then there it was, a small pulse of absolute power pushed its way through him. He felt as if he were nothing and everything at once. He felt as if that power was extending his body, to the point he could feel the fabric of Sasuke's sweatshirt. Willing the obviously invisible power to push Sasuke, in complied willingly as he nearly screamed at his peer. And all of this happened in less then the blink of an eye.

"Like you know worth shit!" he watched as Sasuke tumbled off his feet and land on the ground on his butt, sitting there for a moment in confusion to see if there was anyone else there to push him. To see if he had tripped on something maybe.

Naruto knew better though, as he slouched to the ground exhausted. He knew that that power that was now making its way back inside of him had been what had done it, had pushed Sasuke. He had no way to explain it. It would show up at odd moments in his life, usually when he was under some sort of stress. Once, not too long ago actually, he had watched has he and this odd power had picked up a small rock without his hands, managing to keep it suspended in mid air for a full two seconds. It would always leave him feeling very tired though, and would usually be followed by a headache; but he was always amazed by that power that coursed through him when those moments would happen. It felt like he could break the entire universe if he wanted, or save it in its entirety.

Watching as Sasuke stood back up and brushed himself off with half lidded eyes, Naruto too was able to make it back to his didn't say anything about the words they'd exchanged. They didn't need to.

"Hey", Naruto asked as they began walking back the way they had come, "does anyone but Kakashi know?"

Not wanting to know exactly _how _he knew that Kakashi was aware of the situation, Sasuke simply nodded.

"Good, I'd like it to stay that way, if you could." he said as they reached the waiting room again, Sasuke waiting for the attendant to unlock the door for him.

Reaching the outside with its brisk cold air, Sasuke slammed his fist into a defenseless store wall. Instead of clearing up questions, the visit had simply created more.

Unknown to him, his only female teammate stared curiously at him when she spotted that flash of absolute midnight hair, wondering to herself why she had just seen him walk out of a rehabilitation center.

--------------------------

Sinking deeply into his bed, Naruto groaned as his teacher's words floated back into memory,

"_I'll give you two days." _

Kakashi would be coming tomorrow.

--------------------------------

I hope I got Sasuke's interaction with Naruto right. I didn't want him to seem OOC, did I do OK? **And if you noticed the little 6 line poem at the begging, there's one for each chapter now, go check them out please!**


	4. October 17th

_Please don't ask for an explanation_

_I already know there is not a single one I can give_

_That will satisfy your hunger of wanting to know_

_Why?_

_What could make me do such a thing?_

_In truth…sometimes I don't even know _

Sakura was not dumb, she wasn't dim or stupid either, she didn't not notice details in everyday life, despite what some of you (or maybe all of you, I'm not quite sure) may think. Sure, she would be the first to admit that when she was just a bit younger she had been…immature (a slight understatement). But then again, she wasn't ever the one to first point out that she had grown up tremendously since she first became a genin.

Her teacher had noticed it before her, her mother noticed it before she did, her teammates noticed it before her too, hell, even her rival realized how much she had matured in little less than a year.

But even so, even with all her rather new found maturity, Sakura still had her moments of immaturity, as we all do. This was one of the reasons Sasuke didn't expect her to try and find out why their other teammate could be not be found anywhere he would normally be. But, to his slight surprise, she did.

And that was why he had been avoiding her for at least a week straight, walking quickly in the opposite direction she was going if he happened to spot her somewhere, blurting out (rather panicky when it's recalled ) that he had something to do if she happened to find him and ask him if she could talk to him.

All of this had worked so far, and he hadn't expected her to try anything else than meet him in public and try to get him to tell her what the hell was going on.

And that was why it greatly surprised him when he answered the door the day after speaking with Naruto to find a very annoyed looking Sakura, usual ninja clothes replaced with ones akin to those of a civilian. Red sweater, blue jeans and tennis shoes, she pushed through his doorway, turned to meet his eyes, a glare formed on those green eyes that had never been directed at him before.

Closing the door, he asked simply and cool,

"…What?"

Her glare deepened as she crossed her arms over her chest, saying,

"You know what Sasuke-kun…you've been avoiding me for a whole week, Kakashi hasn't assigned any missions or training sessions, and neither of you will speak to me. I want to know where Naruto is…"

And then she started crying…he hated it when people cried, it made him feel awkward and displaced. Emotions, my dear reader, were one of the few things Sasuke was no genius at. It wasn't like she was bawling…but still, she stood up straight, as if to say she wasn't going to stop until he told her what was going on.

And then she spoke again.

"I know you and Kakashi know where he is…if you didn't you wouldn't be avoiding me like I was some sort of plague. It ticks me off that neither of you will tell me, because I'm his teammate too you know!" she said, her voice cracking every now and then.

There was silence for a minute or two that was calmly filled with the sound of Sakura sniffling and the sound of water hitting the floor.

"I'll show you…but his won't like it." Sasuke said, finally not being able to handle the idea of Sakura crying over something like this. But then again, had Sasuke been any normal person, he probably would have been just as distraught as she was.

Her crying stopped as a look of shock came over her face. Apparently, she had prepared herself for the worst, which would have been Sasuke shrugging her off and telling her to get out of his home. Sasuke said nothing as he opened and walked out the front door, listening as Sakura followed behind, closing the door.

The early evening of mid October was pleasant enough, cool winds and a warming sun, but still Sasuke was glad for the long sleeve shirt under his normal high collard shirt. Before long he'd have to replace the white shorts he normally wore with a pair of pants, as he always did when it came time for winter.

Walking close to him, Sasuke could see that Sakura was indeed quite confused; she knew the only place this road would lead to was that rehabilitation center she had seen Sasuke come from yesterday…

She stopped walking, staring at the back of Sasuke's head. Turning around as he stopped, Sasuke arched an eye brow at her; silently asking what was she doing. He couldn't help but wonder if she had figured it out for herself.

"He's at the rehabilitation center…isn't he?"

Sasuke didn't need to answer as she started walking again, he going the opposite direction as she walked past him, directly towards the center.

He knew she was mature enough to handle this…he hoped.

It was during breakfast that both Miyuki and Airashii noticed the small, subtle changes in their new friend. Far more quiet than usual, pushing the food around the tray, taking a nibble or two before declaring he was full, taking the tray to the conveyer belt to where it would be cleaned…and they still had fifteen minutes left to eat.

Something was wrong.

"What's up?" Miyuki asked as he sat back down from carrying his 'finished' tray over the the belt.

"Nothing much…just tired."

"I hope you know today is the official "Do not Bullshit Your Friends" holiday…it's when you can't try and bullshit your friends." Miyuki said with a mock serious tone.

Naruto snorted and dug his head into his orange coat covered arms, the old thing having been returned to him when Miyuki finally realized how tiring the color could be on ones eyes.

"You sound like a shrink." He answered, not really wanting to explain why he was so nervous and edgy and quiet and all the things he hadn't been around them.

"It's also "Don't Try and Change the Subject" day, didn't you know?" it was Airashii who spoke this time, munching away at his food and drinking his black coffee.

Naruto stayed silent for a moment, looking up only to see two sets of eyes waiting patiently for his answer.

"Well…you guys might not know this, but when I first came here, I jumped out of a window on the first section here…obviously they eventually caught me and brought me back here." Naruto started, leaving out details for the moment and listened to Miyuki whisper, "I knew that had to be you who did that…"

"But", Naruto said, "the person who they ended up sending to find me is my sensei, for being a ninja you know? And so, he brought me back here and we sort of talked." Naruto said, swaying as his tone changed from fairly serious to almost uncaring.

"Well, what'd he say? Is it the reason why you're so…like this?" Airashii asked, idly trying to spin his chopsticks like a top.

Naruto cleared his throat and watched Miyuki chug her carton of milk before speaking.

"He said he'd give me two days before we're going to have a talk…and it's been two days."

Both winced as what was said made its way to their brains…they had heard many, many people complain how nerve wracking a talk could be. They had both seen extreme cases of this, where some people actually threw up before such a talk…some even passed out and more than one had tried to run away. Luckily (or unlikely, depends on how you look at it), neither Miyuki nor Airashii had ever had to endure such a thing, simply because all of their living relatives had died a long time ago and their parents had died on their own time…neither sets of deaths at all enjoyable. Naruto was the first one they had ever seen hide his nervousness this well…it was sort of scary.

"Well, no wonder you acting so out of sorts. You must be nervous out of your mind." Miyuki said.

"Well, I was hoping it wouldn't be _that_ intimidating."

All three looked to the owner of the voice, each having a different reaction.

Airashii looked at him for a moment, smile and went back to eating what little food he had left.

Naruto paled considerable and continued to stare.

Miyuki, on the other hand…

"Ah! Creepy sneaky pervert, don't sneak up on me!" she said, pointing an offending finger at him.

Kakashi's visible eye turned downwards in mock sadness.

"The creepy and sneaky I can understand…but I haven't done anything perverted."

"Who are you creepy pervert and why have you come amongst us rejects?" Miyuki yelled dramatically, causing several tables full of people to turn their attention towards the "creepy pervert".

"I…have come to talk with Naruto." Kakashi said, eye curling into a smile.

Miyuki stared for a moment, turned to Naruto and asked,

"So he's…"

"Yep."

"And that's why…"

"yep."

"And is he really a…"

"Yep…he's a pervert."

"Hey…What I read has nothing to do with my likes and dislikes." Kakashi said, whipping out said reading material.

"Oh." Miyuki said, sitting back down and thoroughly not enjoying the awkward silence that had settled.

Snapping the book shut, Kakashi said quietly.

"Naruto…I need to speak with you."

Standing up and following the retreating back of his teacher, Naruto glanced back as both of the cousins held up their thumbs, mouthing the words 'Good luck!'

Making their way down the halls, Kakashi lead them into the boys' sleeping quarters and sat down on the first bed of the room, leaving Naruto to stand there. Patting the spot next to him, Naruto made his way to the bed and sat down next to his sensei, listening to the bed creak under their weight.

And then, there was a deep silence.

One thing Naruto hated most in the world was waiting when you knew something big was going to happen. He couldn't help but think back to a saying he had heard once "The wait its self can kill you." Right now it couldn't be truer.

"Naruto…" Kakashi began, listening to the sound of his students heart speed up.

Kakashi sighed, he didn't want his student to be scared or nervous…but he guessed a little bit of nervousness or fright would have to come if he wanted to figure things out, even if he didn't want the fright or nervousness to happen to begin with.

"Why?" he asked, hoping that answering that simple question wouldn't be too much for the boy.

But, it might have been, because that's when the flood gates decided to open for Naruto. Silently and seemingly without much emotion, Naruto cried openly in front of his teacher.

Now, it wasn't like Kakashi hadn't seen Naruto cry before, far from it. But this time, it seemed different. Before, Kakashi had only seen the boy cry out of emotion he felt for other people or out of pure anger and frustration brought on by people or that was held for people. But this…this just seemed to come from nothing but emotions Naruto had about himself.

"Because," Naruto finally spoke, voice cracking slightly, "bad stuff happens to me all the time Kakashi-sensei. Stuff that I don't know how to deal with at all and I hate myself for it." Naruto was quiet for a moment, before continuing, "I mean, what normal person does this to themselves!" Naruto seemed to be asking himself more than Kakashi as he held out his slightly exposed arm, the sharp contrast of his scars showing clearly against his skin.

"Well, you know, it wasn't your fault that this abnormal life was given to you. Why take it out on yourself?" Kakashi asked, staring intently at the exposed flesh of his student's wrist.

"…who else would I take it out on? It's not like I have a personal punching bag or anything, and it's not like anyone else taught me how to deal with shit like this." Naruto answered, bringing his knees to his chest and hugging them there, eyes stopped crying and he wiped away the tears on his face.

"Shit like what?" Kakashi asked, having an idea what he could be referring to.

A bitter smile formed on Naruto's as he spoke,

"Did you know Kakashi-sensei; I was five the first time I got seriously beaten up on my birthday. I hurt so bad afterwards I didn't move from my home for three days, and no one came to make sure if I was even alive…except for the Hokage-sama."

"And don't ask why I didn't tell anyone." Naruto finished as Kakashi had, in fact, been opening his mouth to ask just that.

Naruto laughed bitterly as he continued,

"I guess I had already learned by then that if I made a big deal out of what people here sometimes do to me, they make an even bigger deal out of it once they served what ever punishment they were given. And all I ever wanted them to do was be done with what ever they happened to be doing at the time and leave me be."

"Well, what would they do to you?" Kakashi asked, hoping it wasn't what he was thinking they might do.

Naruto shrugged his shoulder in an uninterested fashion,

"Mostly just stole stuff or wrecked the apartment…nothing that couldn't be fixed."

He heard the small sigh of relief that came from Kakashi's mouth. Now Naruto was glad he had gone against the idea of maybe telling him that those people would often if not always molest him if they broke into his apartment when he was there…given, they had never actually gone the whole way and had done it with him., just touch and being touched. But, by no means did this not affect Naruto…in fact, it had been one of the main reasons he had ever even picked up a blade to begin with.

"Naruto…let me see your arms." Kakashi said, rather abruptly.

A look of shock crossed over Naruto's face before he dug his face into his arms, still wrapped around his curled up legs.

Mumbling something Kakashi couldn't quite catch, he set his legs down so his feet almost touched the ground and shrugged off one sleeve of his coat, leaving the expose flesh of his forearm and most of his upper arm to the prying eyes of his teacher.

Naruto couldn't help but feel like climbing into a small hole in the ground and staying there until his life time was over.

"Both arms please Naruto." Kakashi said.

Naruto sighed, shrugged off the other sleeve of the jacket, stood up, held his arms out for his sensei to see, and turned his head as to not see what emotions might flash his that single eye.

Kakashi couldn't believe it. There were so many scars.

He gently took the small wrists into his hands, running a thumb over the nearest marking. He studied them carefully, turning the arms over and back again and again. Some of the scars were in neat rows, like little soldiers, others were scattered at random. Some were vast, others skinny. Some were very old, some still an angry red. Some that had healed had become bumps because of how deep they had been. Some were even on the tops of his hands.

In all his years, Kakashi had seen many, _many _things that he wished to this very day he could forget. But nothing else except for Obito's attempted suicide compared to this. To see someone, his student and someone he considered precious no less, doing this to themselves it was…he couldn't even think of a proper words for it. It felt horrible knowing someone you cared about was suffering and not really knowing what to do to help them.

"Naruto…how long have you been doing this?" Kakashi asked, trying to make eye contact with the boy.

Once again, Naruto mumbled something that Kakashi couldn't catch.

"Naruto…even if I'm a ninja, I still can't hear what you're saying if all you do is mumble."

"It's been five years…a few days over five years Kakashi-sensei." Naruto said eyes still averted.

Kakashi dropped Naruto's arms so they hung at his sides.

There was a small lapse of time before Kakashi spoke again.

"How did you hide them?" Kakashi continued.

"I made a jutsu for it. It makes an illusion that my skin isn't like this," he gestured to the skin of his forearms, "I use that a lot, but I sometimes cover them up with clothes, you know." Naruto said, twiddling his thumbs.

"You've cut yourself in places other than your arms…right?" Kakashi asked.

Naruto visible flinched at the words 'you've cut yourself'.

"..." was the answer Kakashi's received for his question.

He took a moment to look at his student and was saddened by the image his mind saw and the thought behind it. The boy who to a rather good portion of the village was a scapegoat, had no biological parents to speak of, lived alone in a run down apartment…and hurt himself because no one had ever bothered to teach him as a child what could help him cope when he felt sad, angry or depressed. Then and there, Kakashi had a very small epiphany.

If…if his train of thought was the truth, every basic aspect of normal human behavior for the boy had been self taught.

Now that he thought on it, it amazed Kakashi how much Naruto had taught himself in his short life time. Would have had to teach himself to read and write, would have had to try to learn proper manners, of both the etiquette and social kind…why, the boy would have had to grown up and teach himself when he was probably just learning to walk.

Standing up, Kakashi wrapped his arms around the short boy, squeezing slightly as he heard Naruto start crying again, a little louder than before.

How lonely that life style must have been…no wonder he was in enough pain to seriously do what he was doing…

"You don't have to show me them…just tell me where they are." Kakashi whispered; rubbing circles on Naruto's back as he felt the boy clutch at his shirt.

"Everywhere", Kakashi heard the muffled reply as his shirt started to feel damp, "they're everywhere; on my sides, my legs, my thighs, my chest, my shoulders, the nape of my neck…I put them where ever I can reach.

Kakashi again, for the second time that day stunned at the pain the boy would inflict upon himself.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry Kakashi-sensei." Kakashi could hear the boy sob into his shirt.

"It's ok Naruto…shh, it's ok", the older man tried to calm the boy down enough so he would stop crying at least, "just…can you promise me you won't do it again, can you promise me that?"

"No." Naruto said, sobs reducing until he was only hiccupping, tears still soaking into his teachers shirt.

"Why can't you promise me that?" Kakashi asked, continuing with the back rubbing.

"Cause I know already I'm not ready to stop…and I don't want to make a promise with you and turn right around and break it. It's against my ninja path anyways." Naruto said.

Both were silent as Naruto sniffled a little.

"And…can you tell me why can't you stop?" Kakashi asked.

"Because this village will always hate me for something I supposedly did when I was a new born. This village will never see me as I am…I'm just a dumb kid trying to get through life, not the demon that killed their loved ones." Naruto replied, looking up and staring Kakashi straight in the eye with his red rimed and slightly blood shot eyes.

"Why can't they see there was no possible way for me to do what some of them blame me for? I was a baby when the fox was sealed in me…I didn't even have a choice in the matter! How can they be so stupid?" Naruto asked, on the verge of crying again.

Kakashi was silent for a moment, thinking over what should be said.

"They…they don't know any other way and I know it's not fair to you and I know it's not your fault, and you are very correct about them being stupid. None of what's happened to them and their families' years ago gives them the right to treat you like they do, no matter what they think you did or didn't do…if you just told me…"Kakashi said, trailing off as Naruto crushed his face into his sensei's stomach as he began to cry again, much louder than before and was now bordering the sobbing territory.

Sighing deeply, turning his head to the ceiling, and squeezing his arms around the small figure once again, he asked in a soft voice,

"What happened to you Naruto? What happened to you that would make you hurt yourself so badly?" Kakashi asked the boy softly.

His answer was silence, all except for the boy's clutch on his shirt becoming, if possibly, stronger and his crying becoming loud and heart wrenching sobbing.

When he randomly entered his group therapy session, no one (not even Airashii or Miyuki) had asked what had happened and no one asked why he was late…the look on his face was enough to tell them anyways.

"Had a bad day so far, I take it." Tamada (his shrink) said to him as he flopped tiredly into a large plush chair she had in her room.

"What gave that away?" Naruto answered sarcastically; well aware he probably didn't look so hot right at that moment.

"Want to talk about it?" she asked, rather timidly, for a experience shrink such as herself knew that some patients could get very violent if asked the wrong question.

"No…I hate talking about things that don't need to be brought up." He answered, curling up into the overly large chair.

She didn't need to know that since and when he was little, since people would often break into his home and steal what little money and valuables he owned when he was away, the easiest way to make money was to deliver drugs for the dealers that lived not too far away from his apartment.

She didn't need to know that by the time he was ten he had tried practically every illegal drug under the sun, even to this day would still steal a pinch here and there when the cutting wasn't enough to let him drown his pain out. She also didn't need to know that if the dealers decided to be stingy with the money he needed to feed himself with, it usually meant he'd have to disguise himself in his Sexy-no-jutsu form (usually a little altered), head over to even shadier parts of town, and give hand jobs for the price of five bucks. Blow jobs were an extra five.

No…in fact no one needed to know all these things, even if he desperately wanted someone to know what they hell he had been through and what he was _still_ going through. He wanted at least someone to know how hard it was for him to push his depression and pain down past his knees and into his feet each day and have a huge smile on his face.

He knew that his smile could brighten up people's day, simply because he was Naruto…the one who was never sad, the little brother, the one who always made you smile, the epitome of a bubbling youthful and happy kid.

What would they think if they knew what he had to do when they weren't around, just so he could live and keep that smile up for them…even if it wasn't really real at all.

"Well", the woman said, "if I am to be so bold to say… those scars are telling everyone who see them a completely different story then you try to portray."

Naruto had no comeback for that, other than a barley spoken sentence.

"I'm screwed up…aren't I?"

"Only just a little, so far as I can tell…if you'd speak to me more openly about things, I'd be able to make a better statement for that question."

"…"

Naruto was positive that eventually, this woman would know more about him than any other. Not today, and probably not tomorrow, but, yeah someday she'd know the things that he thought she didn't need to know.

"So…Miyuki, how have you been?" a very young doctor asked, clipboard and pen in hand, sitting comfortably as she waited for Miyuki to get comfortable.

"Well, now that I think about it…pretty good." Miyuki said, thinking about how the last two days had gone…minus last night's dream.

"I see…I've heard you've made a friend out of the new boy who came, what's his name?" the woman asked, leaning back in her chair and kicking off her high heels.

"Naruto…Uzumaki Naruto. And yeah, his nice enough…but I still haven't fully given him my trust." Miyuki said, twirling a strand of her long white hair between he fingers.

"So…have you had any thoughts of cutting since yesterday, I heard one of the attendants found you awake really late last night."

Miyuki sighed…she hated it when shrinks wanted you to say things out loud so you'd hear them yourself.

"What do you think happened Saraii? I had the same nightmare I always do…my dad beat me up, made me touch him and touched me back…like when it happened for real, durrr!" Miyuki said, keeping a calm exterior in firm place.

Saraii sighed heavily.

"What am I going to do with you?" she asked good naturedly.

"You could always say 'She's not crazy anymore, let her out!'" Miyuki suggested, slightly hopeful.

Saraii looked at her for a moment and snorted in laughter.

"That's what I love about you Miyuki…you've got such a great sense of humor."

"You may bask in my glory!" Miyuki said sarcastically, sticking out her tongue happily as she listened to her shrink laugh her butt off.

By the time the second recreational time rolled around, Naruto was beyond mentally tired, hadn't felt like eating during lunch so was now hungry and the only thing good that had come out of today had been he'd been able to sneak his Cd and Cd player out of the art therapy room. Plopping down on to his bed in the boys' dorm, he curled up on to the comfortable mattress and tried to let himself fall asleep to the music pumping into his ears.

_I never conquered, rarely came  
16 just held such better days  
Days when I still felt alive  
We couldn't wait to get outside  
The world was wide, too late to try  
The tour was over we'd survived  
I couldn't wait till I got home  
To pass the time in my room alone_

Not the most proper song for someone to catch him listening to…but then again, he didn't expect many people (if any at all) here to understand the English language, so he suspected he was fairly safe.

Naruto could feel his mind shutting off for rest and fell asleep to the song ringing in his ears.

_I never thought I'd die alone  
Another six months I'll be unknown  
Give all my things to all my friends  
You'll never step foot in my room again  
You'll close it off, board it up  
Remember the time that I spilled the cup  
Of apple juice in the hall  
Please tell mom this is not her fault_

"Naruto." A voice snapped him out of sleep, causing a chain reaction consisting of Naruto yelping, the person standing by him yelping and then the person standing in the doorway yelped as well, despite herself. Upon recognizing exactly whose yelp from the doorway belonged to, Naruto promptly fell out of bed, Cd wiring tangling his feet.

"Man, what kind of ninja are you?" Miyuki asked as she walked around to the side of the bed Naruto had fallen onto, helping the untangling process and helping him to his feet.

Looking to the doorway, two words escaped his mouth,

"Hey Sakura…"

"Oh, so you do know her!" Miyuki said, "I'll let you guys talk…I'll bring you something if you miss dinner, ok?"

And then she was gone.

About ten minutes earlier, in the waiting room.

Sakura had managed to find what section Naruto was staying in and what level as well, and had finally made it to her destination with only a slight headache from it all. What she met on the other side didn't help it too much.

Where the waiting room and desk was sat a fairly short row of chairs, only one being occupied at the moment, the desk its self void of personnel. As the door behind her clicked shut (Sakura sighed in relief that there was now something between her and that crazy Kiriva woman) Sakura looked from the girl sitting in a far chair to the desk and back.

"I might be able to help you if you asked." The white haired girl said, snapping the purple book in her hands shut, standing up and straightened her sweat shirt and jeans.

Sakura couldn't help but be slightly intimidated by the red stare she received from the girl and all she managed to stammer out was a simple,

"I'm looking for someone…"

"Well, who are you looking for?" she asked tilting her head to the side.

"Uzumaki Naruto." Sakura answered.

The girl seemed to deflate slightly, putting her hands to her face and sighing angrily.

"You guys need to give him a break you know…"

"What…?" was all Sakura managed before the girl held her hand up, a sigh to stop talking.

"Yesterday, peacock haired pretty boy showed up and they ended up having a pretty loud argument…today his sneaky perverted sensei came in and talked with him for more than two hours, and now you show up…how exactly doe you know him?" The white haired girl inquired.

Matching the descriptions of the two people she had described, Sakura quickly concluded that, indeed, both Sasuke and Kakashi had already visited the boy.

"I'm his teammate." She answered.

"Ah…I see…you know how lucky you are?"

Now this caught Sakura totally off guard.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, do you know just how lucky you are to have your life? You're pretty, you're obviously smart, you probably have a ton of friends, loving parents…do you know how many people here would _kill_ themselves to have a shot to have a life like yours?" the girl said, an odd look coming across her eyes for a moment , it passing as soon as it had come.

Sakura stared, having nothing to say for herself, chewing over the girl's words.

The girl sighed again,

"Don't mind my rambling…I'll show you where he is."

But Sakura did mind her rambling, and thought on it too. Was…was she really that lucky to be who she was, to have her life?

A very odd silence filled the room as Naruto watched Sakura and Sakura watched Naruto. Sakura was the first to move.

Flinging herself onto him, she latched onto him in the form of a hug.

"What are you doing here?" Naruto asked, gingerly embracing her back.

As she let go of him, he saw her eyes were glazed over with water and his breath hitched.

"I was scared! I didn't know where you were and neither Sasuke nor Kakashi would say a word to me! Please don't get mad at Sasuke, I made him at least point me in the direction you were in." Sakura said, rubbing her eyes free of water.

Pushing what he was really feeling past his knees and into his feet, he managed a smile to form on his lips, when all he really wanted to do was freak out appropriately and be left alone…probably even get all angsty and such.

"Ahhh…I'm sorry I worried you Sakura…I just…" he left his sentence hanging.

"Why are you staying here anyways? What happened?" a sacred look filled Sakura's eyes again, looking Naruto up and down as if there would be a sign for her to read on what had happened.

Naruto was silent for a moment, truly now wishing he could just properly freak out and not have to deal with this for the moment.

Taking a deep breath and looking away from Sakura's eyes, he slid one sleeve of his coat far up enough that he knew she'd be able to see clearly what had been done. When several moments had passed, Naruto lowered the sleeve, turned, and sat back down on his bed, his back facing Sakura. He waited for her to leave, he waited for her to yell, be disgusted, hit him…but he didn't expect what happened next.

Two slender arms wrapped around his shoulders and the bed sank slightly with her added weight.

"I'm sorry…so sorry Naruto." Sakura whispered her voice full of emotion.

They sat like that for some time and probably would have had Sakura not gotten up, gently kissed the back of Naruto's golden hair covered head and left, promising to be back soon.

A while later, a voice accompanied a new weight that made the bed sink slightly.

"Want to talk about it?" Airashii asked, resting his own back against Naruto's, he pushed a small napkin full of food to Naruto.

Naruto snorted, sighed and then began with a simple,

"Today sucked really bad, and I mean _really_ bad…"

Ino was a person who loved surprises but this…this was almost too much.

Here was her sworn rival of love, standing at the doorway to her family's flower shop, bawling her eyes out.

Ino raised an eyebrow, her rival mode soon being drowned out by 'concerned for sometimes friend' mode.

"What happened Sakura?" Ino asked, inviting her inside.

Sakura was silent for a moment, taking he time to try and compose herself.

"Ino…I need to talk to you about Naruto..."

Now…_that_ took to cake when it came to surprises in Ino's book.

Thinking back on it as she crawled into the futon Ino had set up for her (the blond had convinced the other girl to stay the night after her retelling of what had happened and what she had seen) the words of that white haired girl played in her mind,

_/ Do you know how lucky you are/_

Yes…Sakura had a small idea now of just how lucky she was to have been given the life she had.

This was such a sappy chapter! dies of own chapter's over abundance of sweetness I think I may have given myself a freaking cavity! Oh jebus!


	5. October 18th to the 30th

_Your anger will disappear_

_But don't try and rush it_

_You believing the truth will come with time_

_But don't try and rush it_

_I might open up if you ask_

_But don't try and rush it_

_-----------------------------------------------_

_**There are different kinds of wars.**_

_**Everyone bleeds when they fight with themselves.**_

_**Even while they smile...**_

--- **X-Day** by Mizushiro Setona Volume 2 Chapter 9 pgs. 110-111

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There were certain techniques people learn in life and there are usually certain sayings that go along with them. Be the first one working and the last to finish, look before you jump, live every moment as if it were your last…

Naruto had never really concerned himself with techniques that couldn't help him feed himself…

Always give the tip a good sucking; nibble it every now and then too, just to entice him even more. Deep throat it as much as possible; guys loved it when you did stuff like that. Whatever part of it wasn't in your mouth, always make sure your hands were playing with skin. Never, ever forget the balls…messing around with those always got the job done quicker. Think of something else other than what you were doing, that should always help drown out the moans those perverts would let loose when you'd hit just the right spot, or when they finished.

In and out…up and down. You always have to keep the rhythm.

Always do your best, no matter what. If you do, it'll be over quicker and you won't have _it_ in your mouth or hands anymore. Remember, if he tells you to swallow his load, do it, no matter the slimy feeling you get in the back of your throat that doesn't go away for a week. And don't **ever** throw it back up…not until he's gone anyways.

That was the only advice Naruto had ever found useful…and as always, he was putting the advice to good use.

"R-right there…that's a good girl." He could hear the man above him all but moan.

Blocking out the sounds as he sped up the antics of his mouth and hands, most certainly wanting to finish this, he thought on what he'd have to do when he got home.

Water the plants, hide the money he earned so it wouldn't get stolen, maybe cut a little bit, go to the river and clean his clothes-

And then there was that nasty, slimy feeling in the back of his throat again.

"S-swallow it…" he heard the man groan deeply.

Closing his eyes and with one swift swallow of his throat muscles, the immediate sliminess was gone, its texture to stay there though for over a week.

The man pulled out of his mouth, and listening to the sound of a zipper and a wallet being taken out, Naruto sat on the floor.

"Here." The man said simply, letting the bills Naruto had charged him for his 'services' flutter onto the floor, leaving the men's bathroom without another word.

Diving for the stall next to him, Naruto barley made it to the opening of the toilet as he felt his stomach heave up what he had just swallowed. White, creamy looking and a bit thick, it slowly sunk to the bottom of the bowel, little chunks of what he had earlier eaten floating along the surface like buoys on a lake. Quickly shoving his fingers back down his throat, Naruto heaved again, this time bringing up nothing but liquid and bile.

Even if it stung his throat something terrible and even if it made his eyes water and nose run, Naruto always made sure that _that_ shit never stayed in his body for too long.

Flushing the toilet, Naruto crawled back out of the stall, sitting still for what seemed like hours when it was only but a minute or two. Then, gathering the bills and using the wall the stand up, Naruto looked at his disguised self that stared back at him in the mirror.

Long silky black hair, creamy skin and plump red lips, golden brown eyes; same height as he was already, a long and extremely form fitting dress pulled over curves men like his last 'client' would pay big just to have a true and naked glimpse at.

Walking to the sink and turning the faucet on high, Naruto splashed cold water onto his face and in his mouth, letting the disguise morph into the next one he needed. He lifted his head back up and was met with yet another face in the mirror.

Olive skin flecked with scars, dark and deep cold eyes, standing at a height that you could easily stack two real Naruto's on top of another and he would still be taller; black hair greased back into a small rat tail at the base of his skull. Sighing and watching his new face sigh with him, he left the men's bathroom, tucking the bills he had just gotten into a pocket of the jeans he was wearing, along with a black, long sleeved shirt.

From making a hundred dollars as a blow and hand job prostitute, to making about another two hundred as a drug deliverer; the ten year old Naruto had his plate full and enough money to feed himself for a month and pay the small rent for his apartment.

---------------------

Naruto woke with a start for a moment from his dream, realized that he had forgotten why he had woken up to begin with, and promptly fell back asleep.

---------------------

To his rather great surprise (and relief), the next week and five days passed without much confrontation or issue with anyone he knew outside of the center…of course this didn't mean any less drama either way.

But as he soon found out, drama here was varied from as serious as attempted murder or suicide (succeeded cases in both were also considered drama…though _you_ might call it mayhem) to as meager as someone having a slight allergic reaction to a new brand of toilet paper or tissue. So, needless to say, the people of happy Hills Rehabilitation Center had a very, very broad view of drama.

Someone was always doing something to either get themselves in some sort of trouble or something that would get themselves seriously hurt. Given though, all such things like this were quite new to Naruto, while Miyuki and Airashii found all such activities normal…and sometimes even unconsciously joined in the drama.

Miyuki was usually the one to antagonize others in the center, always knowing some how just to push their buttons correctly for them to individually blow up at her…and for some reason she found it beyond funny. While Airashii (on the other hand) seemed to be the exact opposite, getting her out of trouble and making none for himself, quiet and caring, like an older brother figure.

But, Naruto found out one day exactly what personal drama Airashii could cause himself…and made it rather clear to Naruto why the boy had been brought here to begin with.

It had been fairly late in the evening, having already taken head count of course it was late in their day, when Naruto had found him in the bathroom.

He had sat in the far corner of the room, small cuts running up and down his arms bleeding lightly, with a piece of sharpened metal in his hands. An image that would not have scared Naruto sincerely to the bone had it not been for his eyes. Slightly downcast, staring at the floor as if it were going to eat him up, their green color just as soft but brilliant as ever, but now with nothing but a vast feeling of emptiness behind them slightly that shook Naruto to the core

"Airashii…" he had said, kneeling down next to the older boy and grabbing hold of the hand that held the piece of metal.

The emptiness was cast aside and covered up from those eyes as they had focused on their surroundings…hiding, as Naruto was fully aware of, could be one of the best self defense mechanisms if used properly.

"How bad is it?" Airashii asked quietly, eyes half lidded as they turned to stare at the opposite wall.

Merely glancing at those arms, Naruto could see that they were indeed nothing more than scratches, but it was the scars that swam along that skin with them that fascinated him. He was always sickened by this fact about himself…self-mutilation was one thing, thinking the scars it left behind were beautiful and fascinating in some sort of twisted and sick way was a whole other thing.

"Naruto?" Airashii had asked again, finally turning his head to face him.

"S-sorry, I was just…" Naruto left the sentence hang and let go of Airashii's hand, wrapping his bare and scared arms around his orange adorned knees.

Airashii had sighed, dropped the piece of metal and ruffled Naruto's hair, saying,

"It's ok. People like us…admire weird things like this, but it's not all our fault we're like this, now is it?"

Both were quiet for a long enough time for Airashii's small cuts and scratches clotted and were on their way to becoming nothing but scars.

"So…you too? Even when you smile, you still want to…" Naruto asked.

"Yeah…even when I smile I still feel like doing this." Airashii said with a nod to his arms, a small smile gracing his lips.

Smiling back, Naruto chuckled slightly, saying,

"Yeah, I guess people here are like that, two of a kind right?"

"Birds of a feather…" Airashii said.

When Airashii left the bathroom with Naruto and showed what he had done to one of the attendants, the man whom had been shown what had happened shook his head sadly, gently grabbed hold of Airashii's shoulders and led him away.

Airashii's stayed in solitary confinement for two days.

----------------------

"Well, he did tell me he had a nightmare last night…" Miyuki said knowingly when he told her the next day, helping her carry a basket of her, Airashii's, and his laundry.

"Is that so? Hey Miyuki…what happened to him, what happened for him to come here?" Naruto asked as he had place the basket down next to several machines.

She was quiet for a moment…

"Well, it's not really my place to say…but his parents, to put it bluntly, treated him like shit…"

"That's…"

"Awful? Yeah…it is." Miyuki had finished his sentence for him.

There had been a silence for some time, one that was only filled with the sounds of gears of machines turning and clicking.

He would note that the room they had walked in reminded he strongly of the public Laundromats he'd seen in the village…and in all aspects, he was correct in thinking it was exactly like one, for that _was_ exactly what it was.

"Is that all you seriously brought?" Miyuki had asked as she began folding her clean clothes from the dryer; pointing to the pair of pants, jacket and few shirts he threw into the washing machine, minus the clothes he already had on his back.

"Yeah…ummm, how do you start this thing?" He had answered and asked all at once, pointing to the washing machine and giving it a slight kick with his bare foot.

Miyuki gave him a look that said nothing but 'You're serious, aren't you?'.

"What…you've never used a washing machine before?"

"No…I can't afford the Laundromat and my apartment didn't come with one." Naruto answered, not missing the small miffed look that passed across her face.

"How'd you ever wash your clothes then?" she asked.

"I've always washed them in the river near my apartment." He answered, giving the machine in front of him another good kick.

Shrugging her shoulders, Miyuki stood for a moment, looking through and picking out a few outfits before scooting her way to Naruto, shoving the clothes into his hands, pouring soap flaks into the machines mouth, closing the lid and turning it on in one quick movement.

"What are these?" Naruto had held the clothes that had been shoved into his hands up in question.

"Clothes, duh! You didn't bring many so I'm lending you some…and don't worry, they're boyish enough that you won't look gay or anything." Miyuki had said.

"What if they're too small?" Naruto had asked, placing the pile on top of the washer and holding one of the shirts up to his torso.

"Try them on right now then silly! If they don't fit, I'm sure Airashii won't mind lending you some shirts and pants."

He had huffed in an irritated sort of way, plopped down on the ground, and had taken off both jacket and undershirt when a hand had stopped him.

"What is it?" Naruto had asked Miyuki as she kneeled down to eye level with him.

"Your scars…" she had said, fingers ghosting over the abused flesh with a sort of fascination Naruto had never seen directed at him before, "they're really something you know…and there's so many…"

Yanking his arm away and slipping the black shirt over his head quickly he had said,

"Please don't. I…don't like being touched; I'm not really use to it."

"I'm sorry, but you can't _really _blame me for getting excited or fascinated like that…" she had said, rolling her eyes in happy sarcasm and pulling her own sleeves down so similarly abused flesh could be seen.

"Yeah" Naruto had said while helping her up, eyes glued for a moment to those arms "I know…"

"I told you they'd fit!" Miyuki had said pointing to the black long sleeved shirt that now hugged Naruto's developing frame nicely.

For some reason…Naruto found the fact that he could fit into girls' clothes rather disturbing. And Naruto finding anything disturbing should be an explanation in its self.

---------------------------

But all in all, the almost two weeks had been nice, minus his talks with his shrink, which seemed to be getting more and more personal now by the day.

"So Naruto…how would you describe your childhood?" she had asked one day, rather late in the week.

"Whoa whoa whoa…don't change the subject on me lady…I wasn't even half way through telling you what's wrong with our government! And especially don't try and make the subject personal." Naruto had said, putting his hands up as he spoke.

His shrink sighed, pulling her glasses off for a moment to rub the bridge of her nose and putting them back on, she answered him,

"Naruto…I'll tell you the truth about this whole thing. The administrators of this organization have noticed that you seem to be doing remarkably well…and may plan to release you much earlier than first intended…"

This, no doubt, had gotten Naruto's undivided attention in a second.

"So…it is my job though to make sure their assumptions are true. Which means I have to go against my own judgment about taking things slow and push you into talking about things you might not like talking about…like your childhood. Do you see what I'm getting at?" She finished, raising an eyebrow as if to ask 'Got it buddy?'

Naruto's spirits lifted slightly at this…if he kept his smile up and acted like nothing was bugging him, he could get out of here. Then the chances of anyone finding out what he'd been through would be close to nil.

"Yeah, I understand what you're getting at." He had answered.

Oh yes…he knew what she was getting at.

--------------------------

Chouji and Asuma knew something was up. Something had to be up for Ino and Shikamaru to be acting like they were.

Ino was quiet; Shikamaru was talking much more than usual. Ino was focused intently when it was time to spar; Shikamaru seemed to become very aloof, like his mind was on much more important things. Ino was acting calm, while Shikamaru was antsy.

"Did something happen between them?" Asuma whispered quietly as the both stared at the pair, Ino staring at the clouds while Shikamaru wiggled his leg nervously, eyes staring at the ground.

"Not that I know of…" Chouji answered, pulling out a pack of chips and opening them.

And as their training sessions continued over the days, what was happening seemed to get worse and worse…to the point it got so bad that even Ino and Shikamaru noticed it themselves. It got to such a point that Asuma and Chouji silently agreed things couldn't get anymore odd…that was until,

"Shikamaru," Ino said loudly, acting like herself for the first time in a while, "we need to talk."

And funny thing was Shikamaru did as he was told, and followed her.

And then that was when both Asuma and Chouji decided that yes…something was most certainly wrong. Asuma, puffing on his cigarette, and Chouji, who opened and was now eating another bag of chips, watched and were slightly amazed as the two walked off, Asuma saying to his student,

"I bet you it has something to do with going out with each other…"

Chouji munched for a while thinking about what he should say.

"I bet it's about neither of them…" Chouji said without knowing how right he had been.

-------------------------------

"Shikamaru…why have you been acting so weird lately?" Ino asked bluntly as they walked through the forest.

A sigh that sounded suspiciously like the word 'troublesome' escaped his mouth as they continued walking.

"I could ask you the same thing…" he said, composing himself enough to sound calm.

They were quiet for some time, until Ino came to an abrupt halt…Shikamaru waiting for her to speak.

"You know…a little while ago, a week and a half or so, Sakura came into my family's flower shop crying and told me she needed to talk to me about Naruto…" she said, her back still facing him.

Shikamaru felt his heart drop down into his stomach…which was a feeling he rarely (and I mean rarely) ever had.

"Well…what'd she say?" he asked, keeping a calm tone and a cool face, even if she couldn't see his face.

"She told me he's staying in that Happy Hills place…and she told me why he's there too." Ino said in a calm tone that was not like her normal voice at all.

Shikamaru heard her unspoken question though… 'Go with me there? I need to see it with my own eyes…'

Sighing irritably, Shikamaru grabbed her wrist, leading her towards the rehab. Center.

-----------------------------

This was getting…ridiculous would be a good word for it…

It seemed no matter what he did, he still could not get that infuriating blond off of his mind…but it wasn't in a sexual way mind you! It seemed no matter what he did, his sudden and rather surprising surges of worry for the blond would not leave him be…

No matter how much he exhausted his body with training he didn't have a dream now that didn't have his mind making up horrible things he now knew Naruto was capable of doing to himself. No matter how much meditating he tried to delve himself into, his mind would always eventually bring up that image of scared arms, a bloody floor and deep blue eyes that blankly told him to keep his nose out of other people's business.

And no matter how many times he told himself Naruto would be ok if he didn't visit him for a while, another voice in his mind would scream (in a completely un-Uchiha way I might add) that "no he wouldn't be ok! If he was alright, he wouldn't be in a place like that now would he? Listen to me shit for brains…he is not going to be ok even if you and the rest of the world talks to him…you have to listen and understand! _And_ for all you know he could be hacking away at himself right now for what you said to him! Go there and listen to what he has to say. Even if it's not much yet, he'll have loads to say eventually!"

It was unbelievably frustrating…

Oh, by all means he knew he was worried sick (and for good reason), but that didn't mean he had to accept the fact and go all 'mother hen' on his teammate and friend. But still…Sasuke would have liked it if he could understand a little better what the hell was going on to make Naruto do…that to himself…

That's why Sasuke had continually tried time and again in the last week and a half to try and remember what he himself had felt when he had done the same thing Naruto was doing.

The scars were still there, but for some reason he could not piece together the feelings that went along with them.

Oddly discolored lines trailing up his forearms to where wrappings now normally covered his skin. They were disgusting alright, but Sasuke could still faintly remember a time when he would look at those scars as if they were a solace to his problems, a safe haven that reminded him he was still alive and still felt. He hated it, the damage he had done to his body, and he was sure Naruto would eventually feel the same…given, he had no where near as many scars as Naruto had…but still.

It was when Sasuke brought that thought up that his mind began to understand his teammate a little bit better. He fell asleep that night on that thought, restless sleep tossing his mind to and fro. -----

Sitting in a dimly lit room that he was fairly certain was familiar; Sasuke saw something glitter dimly in his hand from the soft light. A blade…with copper red dripping off its sharp end and the smell of new coins rising from the liquid red copper that fell to the floor to collect with the small puddle that already lay there.

-----Catching sight of his small arms, Sasuke woke with a start, eyes immediately flying to his arms, relief washing over him as he saw nothing but a small number of scars…not a single drop of blood. He felt a warm liquid slide down his face and drop onto his hand. Tears…how stupid.

But anyone would have cried…the dream had sent Sasuke's old emotions he had had when the massacre had first happened back in his face. It was an odd sense of nostalgia, wrapping its way around his lungs and heart, squeezing just to make it slightly hard for him to breathe.

He could remember all those feelings again…the feeling as if there were no future to be ever seen, loneliness so deep and wide it rivaled the very seas, the feelings of a depression so sever it literally froze you. All of that had led him to do what he had once considered the only thing that could help him.

Self-mutilation, cutting, whatever you liked to call it…yeah at one point, the last _real _Uchiha had been one of the many people in the world to partake in such activities.

Scrubbing angrily at his tearing eyes, Sasuke half-heartedly wished he wouldn't worry so much. And then, a familiar thought struck him, now with new meaning behind it…

If he, Sasuke, had only done this much damage to himself, but had felt all of that…what must Naruto be feeling to do all of the damage he'd seen?

Lying back down on the matter of his bed, he elbowed the poor pillow in frustration before pulling it to his chest. Sasuke would now silently reassure himself that his worry for his friend was not in fact stupid, but very, very, _very_ well placed.

-------------------------------------

Sakura was thinking…deeply thinking. Yes, what she had found out about her teammate was disturbing and down right one of the weirdest things she'd ever seen, especially the scars. It was solid proof to what he had done to himself.

_Depression in teenagers is characterized by a persistent sad mood, anger, feelings of hopelessness or the inability to feel pleasure or happiness for an extended period of time – weeks, months or years. _

It scared her to death, her friend and teammate…doing this to himself? She didn't understand it; there had never been any signs before this! He smiled so much and was always so happy and loud, why would he be doing such a thing?

Why?

_Early symptoms of adolescent depression can be difficult to diagnose because they appear to be a normal part of the difficulties adolescents face. Depression may be indicated if an adolescent experiences an unusual degree of the following symptoms for no apparent reason: _

_1. Changes in eating and sleeping habits (eating and sleeping too much or too little) _

_2. Missed school or poor school performance _

_3. Withdrawal from friends and activities _

_4. Indecision, lack of concentration, or forgetfulness _

_5. Feelings of worthlessness or guilt _

_6. Overreaction to criticism _

_7. Feeling that nothing is worth the effort _

_8. Frequent health complaints when no physical ailment exists _

_9. Anger, rage, anxiety _

_10. Lack of enthusiasm and motivation _

_11. Drug/alcohol abuse, thoughts of death or suicide _

Even if she hadn't pushed the subject when she had gone to see him, she still desperately wanted to know the answer to that question.

Was it because she had been so mean to him when they were first teammates? She would be the first to admit she had mistreated him severely as a friend and comrade, always demeaning his own skills when hers were still lacking. What was the reasoning behind all of it? When had this whole thing started?

From all of those scars…it couldn't have been something new. An old habit…an old habit…god, and she had never noticed!

_Many teen behaviors or attitudes that are annoying to adults are actually indications of depression:_

_Drug and alcohol use: depressed teens often use substances in an attempt to self-medicate their symptoms _

_Low self-esteem: depression can intensify feelings of ugliness and unworthiness_

_Eating disorders: anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, or yo-yo dieting are often signs of unrecognized depression_

_Self injury: cutting, burning, head banging, or other kinds of self-mutilation are almost always associated with depression_

_Acting out: depression in teenagers may appear as agitation, aggression, or high risk behaviors rather than—or in addition to—gloominess _

_Suicidal thoughts or attempts: teens who are seriously depressed or despondent often think, speak, or make "attention-getting" attempts at suicide, which should be taken seriously _

Those scars, god…what, what had happened to him! Even when he smiled at her he was still doing this…this thing, this habit! Whenever he had smiled at her, he was still hiding the fact he cut his flesh when he was stressed, or sad, or maybe even angry.

Oh, she knew it took different amounts of mental pain to make someone do this to themselves, it always varied from person to person.

Yes, like the good little scholar she'd always been she had researched the topic of her interest…in this case; it was simply to understand better what must have happened to him.

_The reasons for depression can vary from adolescent to adolescent. Often, depression results from a confluence of factors: _

_**Personal experiences**: events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, a move to a new area, and even a breakup with a girlfriend or boyfriend can prompt symptoms. Adolescent depression can occur from neglect, prolonged absence from someone who is a source of care and nurturance, abuse and bullying, damage to self-esteem, or too many changes occurring in the life too quickly. In some teenagers, any major change may provoke depression. _

_**Earlier traumatic experiences**: a young child who is a victim of abuse or incest does not have the life experience or language to understand what is happening, nor to protest. As the child becomes a teen, these painful experiences often emerge and cause great distress, which can be compounded if adults deny or discount the information. _

_**Stress:** especially if the adolescent lacks emotional support. _

_**Hormonal changes**: the physical changes that occur during puberty are the result of hormones, which also cause new and unexpected emotions. Moodiness and melancholy are often experienced and labeled as depression. _

_**Medical conditions:** such as hypothyroidism, can affect hormone balance and mood. Chronic physical illness also can cause depression. When a medical condition is diagnosed and treated by a doctor, the depression usually disappears. Substance abuse can cause changes in brain chemistry. _

_**Allergies:** to such foods as wheat, sugar, and milk cause or exacerbate symptoms of depression. _

_**Nutritional deficiencies:** may be caused by an amino acid imbalance or vitamin deficiency. _

_**Biology**: depression tends to run in families due to family predisposition._

She knew all of this information…but what she didn't know was what exactly had happened to make Naruto do such an unhealthy thing, both mentally and physically.

And like she had already said, that fact alone scared her senseless.

---------------------------

"Uzumaki-san?" a familiar face said as the attendant beckoned him over to the doorway of his music therapy session.

"You have two visitors here to see you." the woman whispered to him.

Naruto physically depressed for a moment before perking, pulling on his trademark fox like grin and followed the woman, not aware of the red pair of eyes that followed him.

When he reached the waiting room, one person he would have expected, but the other not so much.

"Shikamaru…Ino…" he said the last name numbly, cursing his bad luck of having worn a borrowed short sleeved shirt of Miyuki's.

"Uzumaki Naruto…" Ino said, an unfamiliar chill to her voice.

"Ino…" Shikamaru started before being cut off by the wave of Ino's hand.

"How the hell could you do something like that? You scared Sakura so bad the other day she came to me crying…because she was worried about you!" Ino said, the chill in her voice becoming stronger.

Naruto stayed quiet, letting her words roll over him, a smile still held in place.

"Ino!" Shikamaru said sternly.

"I'm not done…how could you keep this from us? How could you do something like, like this to begin with? What are you…a freak?"

"Shut up!" A voice neither Ino nor Shikamaru recognized, its owner stepping quickly out of the corner she hid behind, rage built up in her naturally red eyes.

"Shut up you inconsiderate, narrow minded bitch! How can you say something like that to him! How? You," Miyuki said, jabbing her finger sharply into the air, pointing it at Ino, "have no idea what he feels! You're supposed to be his friend or maybe even just an acquaintance, but still, you don't say shit like that! Don't you think he feels crummy enough with out you calling him a freak?" Miyuki stopped for a moment as Ino interrupted,

"A-and how would you know how he feels? It's not like you know what he's doing…"

Pulling up her left sleeve sharply, Miyuki marched deliberately over to the blond, shoving the forearm into her face, not taking it away until Ino stepped back, a rather horror struck look plastered onto her face. The only reaction she received from Shikamaru was an arch of his eyebrow.

"Think I'm a freak too? I don't care what you think about me, but I think you should study more on what you're going to criticize before doing so. I…_we_ do this because we don't know anything else. You had parents to love you your whole life, they taught you how to work things out without doing something stupid to try and fix it. We didn't have anyone like that. While your parents were making sure for you that there wasn't a monster in your closet after you had a bad dream my dad became the monster in my closet and _was_ my own fucking nightmare…" Miyuki continued, tears now falling quietly down her face.

"But…" Ino started weakly before Miyuki held up for her hand.

"I don't care if you or Naruto's other friends are scared that reality's ugly head has finally shot its self up your ass, blaming him isn't going to help, it's not his fault…" she finally finished, taking off like a jet back around the corner she'd come from, tears still streaming down her face.

Slumping to the floor, Ino tears of shock fall down her face.

"Hey…I'm sorry." It was Naruto who spoke, walking over and crouching down to Ino, wiping a tear away from her face.

For some reason, this just seemed to make Ino cry even harder.

"She's right…" was all Ino said as Naruto tried to calm her down.

Even after all that she had said to him, he was the one apologizing for something _she_ had wrongly blamed him for…

'God', Ino couldn't help thinking, 'why is he such a good person?'

"She wanted to come." Shikamaru said simply.

Of course Naruto didn't miss the glances the young chuunin threw at his exposed arms.

"Shikamaru…" Naruto said, coming to a decision right then and there, "you can tell the others where I am, I give you permission to."

Shikamaru was silent as he helped Ino to her feet, waiting for the other blond to rise as well before giving an answer.

"Alright…but I hope you know it won't be very pretty."

Giving Shikamaru one of his famous grins, he nodded, saying,

"Of course I knew that!"

Turning abruptly, Naruto started walking back down the hall.

"Naruto!" Shikamaru called, all but to receive nothing but a short pause in the boy's stride…had Naruto turned around, he would have seen Shikamaru give him one of the saddest looks ever to be seen on the lazy ninja's face.

Naruto kept that grin in place as he made his way back to music therapy, letting it drop once he knew they could no longer see him. Letting out a sharp breath he had been holding, Naruto slammed his fist sharply into the wall, savoring the pain that wracked his knuckles as he felt some skin rip slightly open.

Breathes coming in small short gasps, he leaned his shoulder onto the wall, fully aware he could start hyperventilating if he did not calm his breathing down. Why had he given them permission to tell the others! Oh god, they'd find out, and would come marching over here, wanting to know what was going on…

He knew he wouldn't be able to handle that…especially if they all started pitying him, oh how he would hate that!

And all of them asking at once "why?" there was no way he would be able to handle that! The real answer behind that question had so many little and big answers to it that there was hardly anyway to recount each and every one of those reasons.

If it were possible (which it apparently was), Naruto's breathing picked up a notch or two at the mere thought.

Rapping his fist harshly on his forehead, he asked himself out loud through his erratic breathing,

"Why stupid? Huh? Why why why?"

Two slender arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders and for a moment, Naruto forgot to breath.

"I know you don't like being touched…but I don't know any other way to say sorry." Miyuki spoke into his shoulders.

Realizing who it was, Naruto's breathing started again.

"You didn't do anything." He said after a few deep and calming breathes.

"Yeah I did, I butted my nose into your business and I shouldn't have…and I upset you."

"That's not why I'm angry."

"Then", Miyuki began, arms wrapped around Naruto the entire time, "why are you angry?"

Naruto sighed, picking his arms up to touch the hands wrapped around his shoulders, saying

"I think I just royally fucked things up...that's all."

"How so?"

"I gave them permission to tell my other friends where and why I'm here."

Miyuki sighed, saying,

"This news might make you feel better. You know, this entire section gets to go to the Fall Festival tomorrow, it's the thirty first you know…" Miyuki said.

"Your thirteenth birthday, right?"

Naruto could feel the smile that formed on the girl's face as she buried her face into his back.

"…What you said about your dad…did he really become a monster?" Naruto asked quietly.

She was silent for a moment or two, arms never leaving Naruto, even as she spoke.

"I'll tell you one of my secrets if you tell me one of yours…"

"Alright…" Naruto said, knowing one thing that was safe to tell her about himself.

Miyuki sighed deeply, her breath blowing through the thin material of the shirt.

"When my mom killed herself and my baby brother, my dad became a monster that'd hurt me and let his friends hurt me too…" She said, quivering slightly as she spoke.

"The first time I tried to kill myself was when I was four and a half…I drank half a gallon of bleach and I still didn't die…" Naruto said in a scary calm voice.

Naruto felt those pale arms squeeze tightly around him before they let him go.

"Life royally sucks…" Miyuki said simply.

-------------------------------------

All of the people whom sat in Yamanaka Ino's bedroom were quite surprised. Each of the rather young genins had to wonder exactly what the hell was going on. To have received an urgent note saying to meet at the Yamanaka house hold for a needed meeting, everyone found this very…odd. To begin with, everyone had thought she'd ask them something along the lines of "Do I look good in this dress" or "Who's prettier, me or forehead girl?"

But upon arriving, they found a rather different Ino than what they were use to. Eyes slightly red rimmed and an aura of all seriousness surrounding her, one which none had felt before from her, they all defiantly knew something had happened.

The fact that she did not start going into 'fangirl' mode when Sasuke graced her room with his presence sealed the deal.

"Why did you call all of us here?" Kiba asked irritably form his spot on her bedroom floor.

Ino merely glared at him, begging after a look to Shikamaru, whom simply nodded.

"I had all you come over here today because I need to tell you something Naruto gave me permission to tell you…"

And with those words, everyone sat at attention…all except for Sasuke and Sakura, who both already knew what was going to be said.

--------------------------- -----------------------------

_**Super long A.N:**_

Excuse my random "Miyuki-appearing-out-of-no-where" thing I sort of did this chapter and my slight OoC Sasuke…

Errmmm…yeah, I don't think this chapter is all too good, but I tried! Alrgiht, so as you all know, the re-entry to school is just around the bend…knowing me, I'll be busy most of the school year, so expect maybe another chapter or two before I go quiet for a while. Please don't give up on me! I've had this idea of a fic brewing in me since the summer before I started 8th grade! I'm a Sophomore in high school now! So yeah, just a warning to you all.

I'm sorry to you Ino fans who happen to read this if I made her seem bitchy…but that's how I thought she'd react…as for the next chapter rejoice, for they are going outside for a whole day to go to the Fall Festival! Yay! I'm going to have fun with that chapter and I know you'll like reading it!

So now, I have only a few (two) things to ask of you guys…

number one, please review…I'm not threatening to not update if you don't (That would be stupid, immature, and all around pathetic…) but my self-esteem as a writer would greatly appreciate it. It's not that I don't appreciate all the reviews I get already, it's just, a few of you have my story on your Favs. and alerts and all that and I've never heard a peep from you. Tell me what you think, I don't mind if it's as simple as a "please update, I really like your fic!" sort of thing (I don't even care if it goes the other way and turns into a flame…I will eat the fire!) just tell me if you like it or not!

Number two…I'd really like it if you'd all tell me what you think this fic needs (or doesn't need) for it to become better…tell me if you think I have a problem in my writing style or characterization. All of your opinions will be taken into consideration and I will try to improve to all of you likings!

Well, that should be it…Oh! And by the way, if you have time, mind stopping by my profile and checking out my fic ideas? Oh and please do click on the link (near or at the bottom) I have where I basically wrote "Go here, watch this and then thank me"…it's defiantly worth your time to watch it…(giggles)

See ya!

**_((Edit))_**

Alright, so I really really hate it how a few things on this site aren't working…I really shouldn't bitch, 'cause this site rocks ass either way, but still. You know that button they have now when you edit a chapter that lets you make one big long line? (I use it to show where scenes change) well that wouldn't work so I had to make all those stupid little dot things… I'm going to stop bitching now and just get to the point why you're all getting two freaking "updates"…

Found a really great quote to put in and fixed a few of the words (I hate it when I do that…want to update so bad I don't triple check it and then later find a messed up word…) and when I tried to just "Exchange" the chapters, wham! That doesn't work either! (grumbles) but so…sorry about this guys! Please don't get pissed with me! By the way, X-day is a really good manga…I suggest you go check it out!

And I'm sorry I talk too much….


	6. October 31st Part 1

_Stupid._

_Loser._

_Idiot._

_Dead-last._

_Over me these names all pass._

_I grin and laugh, outside my shell_

_But further down, those words mean hell._

_It's not their fault._

_How could they know?_

_That awful past_

_Lurks down below._

_They mean no harm._

_It's in my head._

_So why does it hurt _

_When it is said?_

_It's not just them--_

_There's more as well._

_My pain with every word does swell._

_I make these goals_

_Impossible they seem_

_I tell them Hokage _

_Is my dream._

_It was a false statement at first._

_I needed an excuse, or I would burst._

_But now I must become that goal_

_To glue together my shattered soul._

_These lies--how high can I hope to scale_

_Before they see under my veil?_

--**Veil **by Angelfeatherwriter (writer on Fanfiction . net, go check out her work please!)

-------------------------------------------------------------

_**A stunned silence filled the room as Ino finished explaining what had happened **_

"**_You're…you're joking, right?" was the only thing that broke that silence. _**

_**No one would remember who said it, even if it had been the question on everyone's mind.**_

"_**Why would I joke about something like this?" Ino said quietly, very aware of the pairs of eyes staring her down as she sat on her bed, rubbing her tired eyes with her fingers.**_

_**The stunned silence filled the room again for only a moment before it was broken again.**_

"_**So, he's really in a rehabilitation center…" It was Neji this time, saying it as more of a confirming statement, rather than a question.**_

"**_Why's he in there?" Shino asked quietly, any emotions he would have had well hidden in his voice._**

_**The lump in Ino's throat grew and she was certain she would cry again, forget trying to tell them why he was there. **_

_**Her other hand flew to her face as she felt emotion wrap around her tightly and refuse to let go, hot tears pooling into the hands held to her eyes, a sniffle making its self known.**_

"_**He's been hurting himself."**_

_**Ino's head popped up out of her hands at the sound of that voice.**_

"**_How would you know Sasuke?" Shikamaru asked from where he was leaning on Ino's room wall, both eyebrows rising in question._**

"…**_found him in the act…" Sasuke said simply, eyes looking to each face in the room._**

**_Shock, anger, surprise, pity, sadness…all emotions were laced together on each face like a bitter poem._**

**_Everyone left the Yamanaka residence a while later with that same bitter poem still written across their faces._**

-------------------------------------

_Who am I to say_

_That I'm ok_

_When it's become so obvious that I'm not?_

_I didn't want to worry them_

_So I never said a word_

_But now all I've done is made things even worse_

--------------------------------------------------

Everyone had a way with dealing with the news.

Tenten and Neji spared together, exhausting their frustrations and bodies. It seemed though, that Neji was more upset about the predicament than Tenten. Not that she disliked Naruto or cared any less about his well being…it was just that Naruto hadn't taught her a life lesson as he had for Neji. It seemed hard for Neji to accept the fact that the person whom had helped him out of his would be life long 'bitch-fest' had been screwed up even more than he himself had been.

It was a simple distraction until they both figured out how they felt about the whole thing.

Lee ran around the entirety of Konoha more than a thousand times, exhausting his body and letting his mind wander over what had been learned.

It was a simple distraction until he figured out how they felt about the whole thing.

Kiba, oddly enough, did nothing his normally loud and rather abrasive behavior would hint to. He did not exhaust his body; he did not yell out his frustrations, he did nothing of the sort. Instead Kiba did something that he would usually hate doing. He sat still (his usually hated thing to do) in his room all for the rest of the evening and chewed things over. By the time dinner had been served and had been cleaned up and he had not come down no matter how many times they called him that was when family grew rather concerned.

It was a simple distraction until he figured out how they felt about the whole thing.

Chouji ate. He ate so much actually that he made himself quite sick. He spent the whole night after the discussion at the Yamanaka household eating and then threw it all back up.

It was a simple distraction until he figured out how they felt about the whole thing.

Shino sat up in the tree in his back yard the rest of the evening, actually taking his glasses off to enjoy the sky, the cool color of the evening sky, and the turning color of the leaves. He enjoyed the company of his many bugs, simply thinking things over in a manner that some one would think he was reviewing his whole life.

It was a simple distraction until he figured out how they felt about the whole thing.

Hinata…Hinata spent the evening crying in her room. Sadness filled her at the very thought that Naruto, the one she always looked up to, was sad enough that he would do something like (she had a hard time using the words and his name in the same thought) hurting himself. And what was worse (at least so she thought) was that she had never noticed. It was a simple distraction until she figured out how they felt about the whole thing.

Sasuke and Ino, as hard as it may be to believe, did similar things that day. Both walked around the village like it was their job, both only stopping when they finally decided they were hungry.

For Sasuke, it was just a way to waste unwanted time. For Ino, it was a simple distraction until she figured out how they felt about the whole thing.

Shikamaru…Shikamaru finally paid the library a well needed visit.

_Self-mutilation is a repetitive behavior that results in minor to moderate physical injury. Individuals that self-mutilate may cut or burn their skin, bang parts of their bodies, pick at wounds or engage in others behaviors that cause damage to their bodies. _

_Reason for self-mutilation may be to stop racing thoughts, to feel relaxed, to feel less depressed, to feel less lonely, and to feel real. The acts may function as self-punishment or as a way to allow a person to feel in control_.

_Recent research finds that the two main emotions felt by those who self-mutilate are anger and anxiety. Physically, self-mutilation is thought to release endorphins, which results in teenagers feeling a "high," immediately after cutting themselves._

_Psychologically, many potential triggers can lead to self-mutilation: _

_low self-esteem _

_inability to control impulses _

_high levels of anxiety _

_apparent inability to cope with difficult situations _

_tendency to hide away in their own space for hours on end _

_underlying psychological conditions such as bipolar disorder or depression _

_a tendency towards hyper-sensitivity _

_feeling invisible or unaccepted by parents or peers_.

Pulling book after book off the shelves, Shikamaru started reading up on the subject he had actually been avoiding learning about. Not because he didn't want to be able to understand better what Naruto was going through…he was just slightly afraid of the answers he'd get.

_Contrary to common belief, self-mutilation is rarely an attempt at suicide. In fact, those who do attempt suicide generally don't use their preferred method of self-mutilation_. _Self-injury is a maladaptive coping mechanism, a way to stay alive. People who inflict physical harm on themselves are often doing it in an attempt to maintain psychological integrity -- it's a way to keep from killing themselves.  
_

_One factor common to most people who self-injure, whether they were abused or not, is invalidation. They were taught at any early age that their interpretations of and feelings about the things around them were bad and wrong. They learned that certain feelings weren't allowed. In abusive homes, they may have been severely punished for expressing certain thoughts and feelings. At the same time, they had no good role models for coping. You can't learn to cope effectively with distress unless you grow up around people who are coping effectively with distress. Although a __history of abuse__ is common about self-injurers, not everyone who self-injures was abused. Sometimes invalidation and lack of role models for coping are enough, especially if the person's brain chemistry has already primed them for choosing this sort of coping._

He spent the entire evening there, letting the books pour into his skull, many of the things they were saying making him more and more concerned for his friend. He was surprise about how very little he actually knew about this and how a few of the things he had assumed had been completely wrong. What scared him most though was all the other things this…cutting, could be associated with. Depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, psychosis, borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, posttraumatic stress disorder …

_The background of a self-mutilating individual may include one or more of the following:_

_violence at home _

_stormy parental relations or broken homes _

_hypercritical mother and/or father _

_lack of emotional warmth from parents _

_Childhood sexual abuse _

_Childhood physical abuse _

_Emotional neglect _

_Insecure attachment _

_Prolonged separation from caregivers _

"We're closing now, Shikamaru-san." Jakun, the old janitor of the library said, faithful mop in hand.

Shikamaru sighed, flipped the books shut and piled them onto a nearby book cart.

It was just a simple distraction until he figured out how they felt about the whole thing.

It was Sakura who did the oddest of all things. She already knew how she felt about the whole issue at hand. Confused, sad, full of anxiety for Naruto, a little disturbed by all the information she had found out. That was why she actually tried what Naruto was doing when she came home to an empty house, both of her parents away on business of sorts.

"_Just once…just to see why he does it, just to see what's so great about it." _Sakura told herself as she stared and the kitchen knife she had brought into her room, shaking slightly.

Gulping loudly enough that she heard it loud and clear, her quivering hand slowly picked up the small knife, placing it gently to the inside of her arm. She closed her eyes and bit on her lip as she pushed on the handle and felt the metal bite her skin.

She immediately dropped the knife, staring horrified at the small cut on her arm, disgusted with herself. She harshly grabbed the cut, horrified by the smell of blood that was now part of the air she was breathing.

She sat there for what felt like a small eternity, clutching at the small wound until the blood on her very fingers dried. She knew that at one point in her research, she had stumbled upon a book that had said that _'those who self-harm often find that them harming themselves is the only way to control emotions that over power them-it gives them some stability in situations they find stressful'._

How though? How could this make you feel better?

Sakura wondered that exact thing as she carefully cleaned and wrapped the cut in her bathroom, a numb feeling creeping along her body as she cried silently for her friend.

--------------------------------------------

"Wake up sleepy head!" two very familiar voices practically screamed in his ear, his reaction being to literally jump out of his bed and land on his feet, poised to attack at moments notice.

"Holy poo you got out of bed quick after that!" Miyuki said with a friendly laugh, watching Naruto physically relax, sniffing his nose sleepily a few times before actually speaking.

"Why'd you get me up so damn early?"

"It's the Fall Festival today; everyone always gets up this early so we can spend the whole day outside." Airashii said, a very gentle and pure smile on his face; a smile Naruto had never seen on his face before.

"Anyways, you're the one that's been asleep the longest, everyone's already left!" Miyuki said, waving her hands around dramatically.

"Fine fine fine…I'll meet you guys in the waiting room, just give me a second!" Naruto said, shooing them out of the empty room.

Grabbing a simple outfit (borrowed from Miyuki no doubt) Naruto was quick to change from he's night clothes to the ones that had been in his hand, leaving the sleeping clothes in a small pile on the bed.

Naruto sighed as he looked at himself as best he could. Sure, he knew he was actually pretty tiny…but tiny enough to fit into girls clothes! That was something he was still trying to get over.

A rather long, tight fitting black short sleeved shirt with the words _Never Knows Best_ scrawled across it in silver metallic marker and what one would call 'emo' pants hugging his hips. He sighed again…since when had being emo gone from being Sasuke's job to his?

Plopping onto the bed a quickly pulling on his shoes, he made a quick dash out the open doorway, grabbing a borrowed sweat shirt as well.

"Sorry it took a while, I was contemplating my emoish clothing." Naruto said, coming to stand next to his friends, listening to both of them chuckle at his words.

"No problem. Our guide isn't even here yet, she went down stairs to go to the bathroom." Airashii said.

Naruto smiled, pulling the hooded sweatshirt over his head, leaving him swimming in all the excess material of it. Taking the time he now had, Naruto saw that what his friends were wearing was a bit different than usual.

Airashii was actually wearing his per usual long sleeved, dark colored shirt (dark green in this case) and dark blue jeans, beat up sneakers adorning his feet. Shaggy brown hair pulled into a low, loose ponytail, leaving his bangs to mostly hang happily in his face.

Miyuki, on the other hand, seemed to have lost her love for rather larger and baggy clothes, going for a half sleeved black and orange, fitting shirt. Tight black pants held up by a belt that looked suspiciously like the things Naruto had seen in books called 'seat belts'. Wire and Technicolor rubber bracelets wrapping loosely around her writs, marker colored shoes around her feet and dark black eye shadow put lightly around her eyes, enhancing their natural red color. Long white hair held messily up in a bun, bobby pins holding fly away hair away from her face and a neon green sweat shirt with bright purple lettering reading _Up yours buddy_ wrapped around her waist.

She caught him staring.

"You like?" she asked, twirling around so her sweat shirt spun out away from her body.

"You look good." Naruto said simply, now rolling up the sleeves of his own sweat shirt until they were at a point where he could actually use his hands.

The door that led to the outer world banged open, in stepping Kiriva and someone Naruto was sure he'd seen before.

"Uzumaki-san!" she said happily, bounding over to him, latching on into a quick hug and then letting go as quickly as she had latched on.

"Y-yes?" Naruto asked, awkwardly staring at the older woman.

Pulling an envelop out of, seemingly, her ass, she shoved it quickly into his hands.

"Now, you go buy yourself some clothes with that, you hear!" she said, puffing out her chest and marching back out of the open door.

All four stared at the doorway for a moment, still listening to her heavy footsteps, before they all focused back to the white little envelope.

Opening it easily, Naruto's eyes bulged slightly as he saw exactly how much money was in it.

"I told her you didn't have very many clothes…and she seemed pretty enthusiastic to help you." Miyuki said, smiling at the surprised look on his face.

"But…she gave me so much." He said stunned.

"Don't' worry…she's actually pretty rich you know. Heiress to a company that makes plastic or something like that." The woman Naruto noted looked very familiar.

"Yay! We get Hana again!" Miyuki yelled happily, hugging the older woman, who happily returned it.

"Glad to see you too Miyuki." She said.

Hana…he had heard the name before.

Snapping his fingers as he remembered exactly where he'd met her, Naruto asked,

"You're the one who brought me here, right?"

She smiled pleasantly pulling a key from her pocket and handing it to him, saying,

"Of course I am!"

"You know…we only have today to be outside…" Airashii said, very close to the open door.

"Race you!" Miyuki yelled, sprinting out the door, Naruto right behind her.

----------------------------------

"Ahh! It feels so good to be back outside!" Airashii said happily, stretching his arms above his head.

"Yay outside!" Naruto and Miyuki yelled in unison.

It was 8:03 in the morning and things were going well.

"So, what are we going to do today guys?" Hana asked, shoving her hands deep into her pockets.

"Well…I wanted to go to the library." Airashii said glancing over to Miyuki who sighed deeply.

"But I really want to go shopping for Naruto's new clothes with him!" Miyuki said, pouting sadly and turning her puppy eyes onto Hana.

Hana stared Miyuki down sternly for a moment or two, before mercilessly giving in.

"Fine…you two can go on your own, but I want you back at the library by one o'clock!" she had to yell after them as Miyuki had latched onto Naruto's wrist and sped away with him.

"You're cousin's a hand full!" Hana said to Airashii with a deep sigh.

"Yeah, but she really is a good person…and she seems to be getting better. Ever since Naruto came along, she's been getting into less and less trouble." Airashii said.

"Well, I could use a good cup of coffee before going into a library…my treat?" Hana asked Airashii.

"Only because you insisted." He answered, giving her a calm smile as they walked to the near by café.

---------------------------------------

"And, what, may I ask, is this place?" Naruto asked; looking up to the shop she had finally stopped at.

"I need a hair cut." Miyuki said simply, walking on in, Naruto following right behind her.

It was a rather impressive shop, Naruto would admit that much. Half of the shop looked like it was dedicated to wigs and hair pieces, while the other looked like a hair salon.

At the front desk sat a young woman, short bubble gum pink hair spiked in the back, bangs brushed into her eyes as she pooled over what looked like a bondage magazine.

"You miss me Yukari?" Miyuki said to the woman at the desk.

The girl smiled, never looking up from her magazine, even when she asked,

"Hey Miyuki, you need some scissors?"

"Yeah." Miyuki said

Catching the pair Yukari had tossed to her without flaw, Miyuki set to work.

In several quick motions, Miyuki let her hair down and retied it into a lose ponytail and cut it off. Naruto stood there, slightly dumbstruck, as Miyuki passed the white ponytail to the girl who in turn put it under the counter. Motioning for them to follow her, they walked over to the chair on the salon side of the shop Miyuki had settled herself in, ready for Yukari to wash her newly cut hair.

"You do realize you just cut off a lot of your hair." Naruto said bluntly.

Miyuki didn't answer as she leaned her head back in to the sink Yukari had turned on, throwing a large, cloak like apron over Miyuki as to not splash her front or drop hair onto her when she was to get it cut.

"Yeah, she does that for me", Yukari said as she quickly finished washing the white locks, "she gives me her hair so I can commission wigs for clients. I have this dye that doesn't fade; even on someone's actual head…it even gets to the very roots. Take a seat if you want." Yukari said, nodding her head to the few beat up chairs by the station Miyuki had settled herself into, looking at her wet hair in the mirror.

Naruto sat in a near by seat and watched as Miyuki's hair became shorter and more layered. Finishing her handy work with a touch of gel, Yukari stood back, comb in her hand and smiled happily.

"Did I do good, or did I do good?" she said, smiling again, showing that a tooth or two was missing from her mouth.

"Thanks Yukari, that looks so much better." Miyuki said, turning her head to get a better look at it in the mirror.

Even Naruto had to admit…it did look really good. Layered and so short it was only half an inch past her ears, pieces spiked slightly out at random, her hair did look quite good.

Unknown to Naruto, an idea was forming in Miyuki's head.

"Hey Naruto, why don't get your hair trimmed. It's a bit shaggy." Miyuki said as she pulled the apron like thing off her being, gently grabbing a tuff of blond hair.

Miyuki could see the blond thinking it over carefully in his head. Miyuki prayed silently he would say yes.

"Yeah, you're right, it does need a little trim." Naruto agreed, grabbing the tuff of hair from her hand and holding it so he himself could look at it.

'Yes! Oh I know he'll be pissed at me but he'll love me when he figures out how sexy he'll look!' was Miyuki's only thought as she got out of chair herself.

"Hey Yukari, give him a long wash so he falls asleep." Miyuki whispered quietly to the pink haired one… all she did was shrug and sigh, not really wanting to know what the hell was going on in Miyuki's mind.

As Naruto settled into the same chair Miyuki had been in a few moments before, he failed to notice Miyuki pull Yukari to the side, whispered something into her ear, and passed her some extra money.

Yukari sighed, accepted the money and got to work.

And before either of them knew it, Naruto was fast asleep, head still in the sink.

"So you want me to dye his hair _this_ color?" Yukari asked, looking at the bottle's name.

"Yeah! You have to agree with me, he'll look even better when you dye it!"

The pink haired one shrugged again.

"I guess you're right…but as long as you take all the responsibility for this."

"Cross my heart and hope to die!" Miyuki said as Yukari began working the special 'dyes-your-very-roots-and-doesn't- come-out-even-if-you-wash-five-times-a-day-for-a-year' dye into Naruto's hair.

"Naruto!" was what Naruto woke up to.

Sitting up groggily, barley noticing the apron slip off him as he bolted up, Naruto asked groggily,

"Did I fall asleep?"

"Yeah." Yukari said, throwing a clean towel onto his head and giving it one last quick towel dry before the poor kid saw what his new hair color was.

"Now", Naruto heard Yukari start as she continued the towel down of his hair, "when you see your hair, keep in mind it was in no way my intention to make it as such…it was entirely Miyuki's idea."

Naruto pulled the towel off his head, spun his chair until he was facing the mirror. He stared, and then stared some more.

He took another quick look into the mirror, just to make sure his eyes weren't fooling him. He was expecting to see his hair shorter, but never…

"Black!" Naruto yelled, spinning his chair back to Yukari.

"You dyed my hair black?" Naruto questioned.

"Hey, like I said, it wasn't my idea kid. It was hers." Yukari said pointing to Miyuki.

Naruto fumed slightly.

"Come one! You know you look sexy with black hair, admit it!" Miyuki said, spinning his chair back to the mirror.

Naruto brushed his now black bangs out of his eyes, a pout set on his face. True, he did look quite sexy, but…

"I look fucking emotastic…" he said blandly.

He heard Yukari giggle snort at that, while Miyuki growled a little.

"pfh! Stop being a wuss!" Miyuki scolded, pulling him out of the seat and leading him to the door.

"See you Yukari!" she said on their way out.

"Later." Was the simple reply from Yukari as she started sweeping up the white hair on the floor.

-------------------------

Sitting in his favorite plush library seat, Airashii happily read one of the many books he had picked out, enjoying it immensely before…

"Hey…"

Looking up, Airashii was met a fairly familiar face.

"What can I do for you Sasuke?" Airashii said, remembering Naruto had mentioned the dark boy's name in passing.

"Where's Naruto?" Sasuke said simply, not really wanting to know why or how this guy knew his name.

Airashii had to think for a moment before answering,

"I'm not quite sure where he and Miyuki got to, I'm sorry…" Airashii lied, a apologetic smile in place.

"Hn." Was the answer he got as the dark boy walked away.

Going back to his book, Airashii reasoned with himself that Naruto didn't need any head on confrontations with his other friends when he only had today to enjoy being outside.

----------------------------------

"We're we going to now?" Naruto asked, still slightly grumpy about his hair.

"To get clothes, duh!" Miyuki said, pulling him into what looked like a fairly good thrift store.

"Welcome to **Waggle Rummy**!" Miyuki said dramatically, pulling fans out of no where with the words 'Ta-da!' written on them and waved them around happily.

Naruto stared blankly at her for a moment before cracking up into loud laughing, soon joined by Miyuki herself.

"Hey, you guys better not cause trouble!" he man at the register said loudly.

They managed to stifle their laughing down to a mere giggle before they began looking for clothes.

They spent at least a good two hours in there, simply looking for clothes that would fit Naruto and even trying on some of the most ridiculous clothes ever. At one point, Naruto had ended up in a leather corset for a bit while Miyuki had happily adorned a set of high heels that made her easily a foot taller. They had both tried on silly looking outfits, one in which Naruto had to use his 'sexy-no-jutsu' to get to fit correctly, sending Miyuki into another random fit of laughter. Another one ended up making Miyuki look beyond dyke like, while even another made her look like a cute school girl everyone sees in comic books.

There was one thing though that Naruto continually noticed that Miyuki tried on again and again, never actually putting it into their 'to buy' pile they had been accumulating.

It was a grey wool winter cap. Cat ears standing up at the top of the cap, ear flaps to cover (of course) your ears; thick wool strings dangling from them with little pink fluff balls hanging from the end. A hat similar sat next to it, fox ears replacing the cat ones and dark orange replacing the grey. He would have really liked to buy both, but with how things were going, he'd only have enough money to buy one.

So, with his super secret ninja stealth, he managed to get Miyuki distracted with something long enough for him to sneak over to the register with it and buy it.

As they made their way out of the store, Naruto gripped the hat he had hid in the pocket of the sweat shirt pocket, getting ready to surprise Miyuki with it, but then she beat him to it.

"Hey Naruto!" she said, spinning around and gently shoving (could one really gently shove?) a hat on to his head.

Pulling both hands out of his pockets, revealing the cat hat, Naruto tugged the thing off his head and tuned it in his hands for a moment or two, realizing what it was.

"Happy Belated Birthday Naruto!" she said happily, snatching the fox hat back out of his hands and again gently shoving it onto his head.

Naruto was stunned for a moment as she turned back to the bag she was helping him carry back to drop off at the center, gently touching the hat on his head.

It…it was the first birthday present he'd ever been given.

Picking up the bag he himself had accidentally dropped when said hat had been gently shoved onto his head, he ran after Miyuki, catching her off guard with a tight hug from behind.

"Thank you!" she said happily, turning out of the hug to face him.

"No, thank you! And happy thirteenth birthday Miyuki." He said, now getting his chance to gently shove the cat hat onto her head.

Both of them smiled happily all the way to the center, as they dropped off the bags and made their way back out to the real world …neither knowing that they were being watched.

---------------------------------------------

Airashii knew another one of Naruto's friends was sitting not too far away. A young boy, high ponytail at the top of his head, earring in each ear, a dark green sweatshirt covering him, long khaki shorts, and traditional sandal shoes. Piles of books on psychology, mental conditions and such were piled around him, him pooling over as many as three at a time.

He hoped Naruto and Miyuki would run late.

"Hey Shikamaru, I found something I think will help you!" it was the voice of the friendly old janitor of the library, walking as quickly as his old joints would allow over to the table Shikamaru was at.

"Thanks Jakun." Shikamaru said, grabbing hold of the papers the old man held out to him, looking over them for a moment before standing up, folding the papers and gently stuffing them into the pocket of his sweat shirt.

"Do those help you?" the old janitor asked , happy with the thought that he may have helped someone with other than just cleaning something up.

"It was exactly what I needed, thanks Jakun." Shikamaru said, taking off out of the library.

Airashii breathed a sigh of relief…at least he wouldn't have to worry about that one.

--------------------

Shikamaru pulled the papers out of his pocket as he sat down on a bench in the park he had happened to walk into.

What Jakun had found…he had found a written report of self-harm, made for both self-harmers and non-self harmers, by a self-harmer.

_So, you think you know something abut self-injury. Well, we'll see._

Have you ever felt so aggressive, afraid, angry, belittled, betrayed,  
bitter, cheated, confused, depressed, deceived, disappointed, foolish, empty,  
insecure, hopeless, frustrated, lonely, lost, miserable, numb, pained,  
picked-on, rejected, small, sorry, stupid, suffocated, tense, terrified, useless,  
un-wanted, un-loved, un-important, worried, wrung-out, worn-out,  
withdrawn, ticked, tortured, trapped, and blank that you've turned to  
hurting yourself just to feel something different?

I'm not talking about telling yourself how horrible, stupid, or ugly you  
are. I'm talking about cutting, burning, hitting, bruising, picking, digging,  
biting, and scratching at your skin. I'm talking about hair pulling, head-  
banging, bone-breaking; interfering with your healing would behavior.

Just because people self-injure, doesn't mean you'll know about it.  
Many people who self-abuse hide it, or do it somewhere normally un-seen.  
They also blame animals, plants, and accidents for their marks.  
It is important to remember that self-harm isn't masochism. There is,  
however, a fine line between the two.

Masochists hurt themselves to get off, for the pleasure, the rush, and  
the high.

Self-mutilators hurt themselves to release whatever it is that is  
bothering them at the time. They may also cause harm to themselves as a  
punishment for something they did or said.

This paper is for the un-educated and the skeptical people when it  
comes to self-injury. Hopefully, you learn something you don't already  
know. Whether it be that you are not alone, or that people who do this are  
not monstrosities. They just are in need or help, and have found self-injury  
to be their coping mechanism and their release from the horrible emotions  
from everyday life.

Self-Injury can enter someone's life in many ways. Normally, a person has one or both of depression and/or eating disorder. Three out of four people who suffer from eating disorders or depression fall into the addiction of self-injury.

Self-Injury has many names. Self-Mutilation, self-harm, S.I.B's, Self Injurious Behavior, self-abuse, S.I., and Para-suicidal behavior are among the most common names. Many people say they cut, or burn, or use another S.I. behavior for the name of this disorder.

For years I have interfered with the healing of cat scratches. I've done this purposely because I liked to see the blood, and I liked the relieving feelings I got from it. Recently, I've been biting the skin around my fingernails to the point of bleeding. These are two examples of self-abuse. I've pulled my hair; sometimes so hard it would come out. I do this as a punishment or out of stress. I also have bitten my hand so hard it marked and bled. I've scratched cuts into my skin, banged my head on things and gotten knots, and done so for relief or punishment. Never once did I know what I did and do was and is self-injury… A psychological disorder.

I started to cut myself for relief, and read about self-harm. That is when I found out that I'd actually self-mutilated for years. That's also when I realized a lot of people don't know much about it. Most importantly, I realized a lot of people have it and don't get help because they don't recognize it as a problem.

Sometimes people find it hard to categorize self-harm. Some simple ways to tell are as follows:

· Self-injury is a harmful act done to oneself by only oneself.

1. Tattoos, piercing, ritual mutilation, and drug use are not self-injury acts

· Self-harm must involve physical violence.

1. Emotional abuse isn't self-harm

· Self-harm in done with the intention of hurting oneself.

1. Accidentally harming yourself isn't self-harm

· Self-harm is done with absolutely NO intention of committing suicide.

1. Although suicide is intentional, it does not classify as self-harm

2. Suicide is sometimes accidental when self-harming, but it isn't intentional.

Self-injurers usually have some sort of ritual they have when self-harming. This can range from what type of environment they have, what their procedure is, and what type of self-harming instrument they use.

**Environment**

The environments that are most common are that of the person's own home. The bedroom and bathroom are the most popular places to commit the self-harm acts. Sometimes people add candles, close curtains, have certain times of the day they harm themselves, or a number of other things.  
If a past abuse has occurred that had been very traumatic, the setting and time of the self-abusive act could be very similar to the time of when the abusive act from another occurred.

**Instrument  
**  
Some people refuse to use more then one type of instrument to commit the act of self-harm. Sometimes people will only use razors or knives. Other items people may use range from lighters, hammers, pencils, pens, erasers, safety pins, nails, to clippers. It is all about personal preferences and feeling.  
  
**Rituals****  
**  
Some rituals that people have are preparing their environment. Pre-Injury activities usually consist of this. This can be very calming and satisfying to the individual. Post-Injury activities include using certain disinfectants and ointments. Taking a bath, writing, and drawing are also used to help ease a person after their abuse is committed.

Thoughts before self-harm are those of wanting to hurt oneself; of needing to, of thinking it is the only way they will feel better. They also think that if they only do it a few more times that they will be okay.

During the self-abusive acts, thoughts that people have are those of hating their appearance, personality, and everything about them. They also degrade their intelligence level. People also think that life sucks, and they just wish someone would care about them.

Afterwards, many cannot believe what they have done, and they feel weak and pathetic for doing the abusive act. They also worry about people finding out and not understanding, so they hide it and decide not to tell anyone. They also feel much better, despite the guilt and shame they feel afterwards.

Many things that self-injurers feel, think, and put up with are feelings of embarrassment, shame, guilt, isolation, alienation, comments, vulnerability, loss of control, and many other things.

**Shame** can be produced by the scars they have and by other external forces, such as parents.

**Embarrassmen**t is caused by "unexplained" bald spots, scars, bruises, and other visible, yet temporary marks.

Comments people make, such as, WOW! HOW DID YOU GET THAT! THAT MUST HAVE HURT, are extremely painful to the self-injurer. These comments can produce many negative feelings for the person they are directed at.

**Isolation and alienation** make people feel crazy and very alone. Not many people give the support and positive attention self-injurers need to over-come the acts they commit.  
**  
Vulnerability or loss of control** can occur due to Dissociative self-abusive acts. When people come out of a Dissociative episode, losing touch with reality, and find the self-harm mark, it is hard to cope with. This isn't common, but it does happen. People feel vulnerable also because the blood and harm to their flesh give them so many positive feelings. They also feel that they need it. Self-harm is very addicting. Whether a person sees it as an art, or as a release, the addiction is clear and very, very strong.

Now that you know a little about self-injury, let's try and classify the who's and what's of self-harm.

**Who self-mutilates?  
**  
Usually women do the harmful act at home, in a therapist's office, or other places like that, while men do it while in prison. Both sexes do self-mutilate though.

The act usually is started in the teenage years and increases in the twenties. Most people's need to harm ends in their thirties, but this is not always the case.

Substance abusers, who commit the act of self-harm, usually do so while under the influence. They usually don't commit this act any other time. People with depression and eating disorders self-mutilate because of the similar psychological effects.

Individuals with a past of psychiatric treatment and/or psychological, sexual, or physical abuse are at risk for self-mutilating.

**What are the types of Self-Mutilation?  
**  
Psychotic/ Major S.I. includes the removal of body parts such as eyes, arms, ears, and genitals. This usually occurs in response to a visual or audible hallucination. This, however, is very rare.

Organic/Stereotypical S.I. stems from Autism, developmental disorders, and other psychologically induced disorders. This is influenced by physical or chemical problems in the body. Examples of this are head-banging and lip-biting. This is the second most common form of self-mutilation. This is common in the Mentally Retarded population.

Typical/Superficial/Moderate S.I. is due to emotional or psychological reasons. This helps people cope with feelings. Examples of this are cutting and burning. These people inflict moderate pain or injury to themselves. This is the most common type of self-injury.

Some people may wonder about the fashion of self-harm. It is important to remember that tattoos, body piercing, and scarification is body modification.

People who self-harm for the art of it do things like pick their scabs, set the area on fire with rubbing alcohol, put ink in the wound, and put cigar ashes in it. Sometimes they just brand the art on themselves using heated metal.

Body art and self-injury are very distinctive. Here are the body art vs. S.I.'s

1. Making a statement vs. Making self feel better  
2. Uniqueness vs. Coping  
3. Set apart from mainstream vs. Shame  
4. Proudly show Vs. Secret  
5. Conscious choice vs. Unable to control urge

Self-Injury is a very complex disorder. It releases beta-endorphins that stop pain, make you feel good, and release all those bad nasty feelings. It is also very addictive and symbolic.

Some people do it because it is the only thing that they can control. Some do it because they need to feel and it makes them feel alive. For them, the physical pain is better then the emotional pain.

Picking out someone who self-injures doesn't have to be hard. They are commonly middle to upper-class Caucasian female who is intelligent, well educated, and in the thirteen to thirty-five age groups.

Other factors are physical, emotional, and sexual abuse as a child, parental drug use or alcoholism, parental neglect or abandonment, parental loss from death or divorce, or tense or abusive parental relations.

People also have constant aims for perfection, strong or moderate dislike of body, frequent mood swings, feelings of anger, rejection, failure, loss, helplessness, or abandonment. They also show an inability to cope with strong emotions and inability to release or express emotions to others.

Self-injurers have difficulty expressing and healing emotions. They can't explain their injuries and wear long pants and shirts constantly. They also isolate themselves.

Since self-harm can accidentally cause death or destroy relationships, try and help self-injurers out, Here are some ways you can do that.

1. Attitude, be accepting and open. Don't be judgmental. Make them feel safe and secure in talking  
2. Please recognize the severity of their problem. They really are unable to control their urges.  
3. Don't get angry! Acknowledge that they are under stress and offer help.  
4. If you or they believe they will really hurt or kill themselves, stay with them until the urge is gone. Encourage them not to be alone during these episodes.  
5. Encourage them to talk with an adult.  
6. This will be very difficult, stressful, and frustrating for you. Be willing to take on the responsibility.  
7. Don't threaten them. It is hard enough to quit without worrying of doing the act and reaping the repercussions.

Remember that we are people too. We just some have deeper seeded issues. It doesn't make us freaks. It just makes us feel better.  


Shikamaru gulped loudly at the last line. He…he should let the others read this.

-----------------------------------

All right…I know this is a horrible place to stop…but I had to. It's 4 in the morning here, if I were to continue, I think I might pass out on the keyboard… So, yeah. And I knw what you're thinking, 'WTF, what's with the new title', right? Well, I noticed that the theme (or fact, which ever) that even when Naruto gave anyone a smile he was still hurting himself. See the connection now? So yeah, the Tile is now changing from "If These Lips Would Speak" to "Even When he Smiles"…and if I don't update for a while, please give me patience, for it will be loved (almost as much as nice reviews) and appreciated in the next months. School is starting and I am going to be on a tough and rather strict schedule…school, rowing Fall and Spring season (six days a week I might add), taking winter rowing season off to do a community service project that is _required_in my school to be able to pass all four years is a Sophomore now and I just got my Temps., so I have to start learning how to drive too…

As you can see, my life is going to be bat shit busy, so please be nice to me…give me lovely reviews and patience and I will try even harder to update adequately. Lots of love to you all if you don't see me for a bit…

I have a small competition for all of you…if you can find the phrase in this chapter that's from FLCL (know by most of you as Fooly Cooly) as seen on Adult Swim, I will personally either A). Write you a one shot for you, people, setting, everything that you'd like in it just tell me, or B). I will commission a picture from this fic (or another if you'd like) and will send it to you, for I have no scanner.

Yeah, if you're not comfortable giving out your address that's cool, I'll do the one shot then, but if you do win and want the picture, you'll have to give me your address or an address I can send it to…that will be all for now.

P.S: I'm not a creepy old pervy guy…I'm a moderately weight girl who likes many yaoi and non yaoi things…


	7. October 31st Part 2

_Coppery smell of drying blood_

_Skin ripped open_

_Blade in my hand_

_Such power is total_

_Agonizingly slow pain_

_It kills the dirt inside_

_Brings it out_

_Cleanses_

_This is true bliss_

**--Bliss **by NNCS (A poem I wrote when I was younger)

----------------------------------

Konohamaru sighed deeply, staring at the bright morning sky from the window of his room.

He was bored, and he'd been so all week. He had yet to change from his pajamas to day clothes, simply staring through the window, wasting time. Rubbing his nose as he sniffled, he wondered for the millionth time,

'_Where the hell is Naruto?'_

Sighing once again, Konohamaru finally made to change his clothes, unbuttoning his shirt with a deliberate slowness as he continued to wonder where his leader could have gone to. A super cool mission or something…maybe he went away to go training. It would make sense as to why he hadn't seen him around the village at all.

'_After that Sasuke jerk tried to leave and Naruto brought him back, I'm sure he probably left with that pervy old guy that was hanging around to make himself even stronger!' _Konohamaru reasoned as he wrapped the scarf around his neck, making sure it was safely tied.

It was true that Naruto had brought Sasuke back (even if he did have to eventually dislocate both his arms and left knee) and it was also true that Jiraiya had asked Naruto specifically if he'd like to leave the village to train with him.

It was also true that Naruto had politely declined the offer, saying he couldn't leave the village just yet.

And even if Konohamaru didn't know it, three weeks after Naruto had brought Sasuke back was when said leader made (if only by accident) one of his biggest secrets a known fact with a single blunder of the blade.

Turning to stare out his window once more, he caught glance of a very familiar face.

Dashing down the stairs and out the door, Konohamaru knew of no one else in the village that had whisker scars on his face or blue eyes like the deep sky, other than his leader.

--------------------

_I know I'll sound stupid_

_If I say not speaking is how I protect you_

_Keeping you all ignorant means keeping you all safe_

_I don't want you hurt_

_You whom I value more than myself_

_You who show me what it means to have happiness_

-----------------------------------------

"So, where are we going now? We've got about an hour left before we're supposed to head to the library." Miyuki said to the now sweatshirt-less Naruto, idly twirling the wool string ties of her hat around her finger.

"Umm…well, there's actually a music store I wanted to stop by." Naruto said, tying the sweatshirt around his waist (it surprised him how much warmer it could get if you just added the sun to the day).

"Well, that's sounds fun…how you going to hide those though without the sweatshirt? I know you're not a big fan of going 'commando' with them." Miyuki said as she scratched the back of her neck, nodding her head to his arms.

"I'll show you." he said, beginning to channel his chakra and form the correct hand seals…before something bodily and fairly small slammed him with a tight hug.

"Hey Boss! Where the hell have you been for the last month? What's with your hair? Where's your orange jumpsuit? Who's the white lady? Where'd you get all those scars?" Konohamaru said happily, tugging on Naruto's shirt, Naruto simply trying to keep up with all the questions the boy was asking.

In the small confusion of things (and since it was a fact Naruto didn't quite know how to lie about the last question) all Naruto managed to say was a simple,

"Umm…well, ah…"

"Porcupine wrestling!" Miyuki called out (seemingly at random).

"Huh?" Both Konohamaru and Naruto said at once.

"Naruto's been gone for the past moth because he's been enhancing his skills in the extreme sport of professional porcupine wrestling! And it is against the rules of porcupine wrestling to have blonde hair and wear bright clothing all the time! And I am his personal trainer who makes sure he doesn't break those rules! " Miyuki said, smiling and holding her thumbs up (all in a very, very Gai fashion I might add).

Naruto stared at her with a look of utter 'what-the-hell-are-you-thinking-like-hell-he's-going-to-go-with-that-fucking-escuse' written on his face, a look of amazement written across Konohamaru's own face.

"Really…that's so cool! Getting all those scratches must have hurt though, right?" the little boy said enthusiastically, completely missing the short lived look of shame and discomfort that passed across Naruto's face.

"Y-yeah, but you get use to it after a while!" Naruto said, pulling a tense smile onto his face as Konohamaru grabbed and inspected his arms.

"Does this mean you're going to give up being a ninja?" he asked suddenly, completely losing interest in the scars, eyes now gleaming with tears.

"Of course not!" Naruto said, putting his hands on his hips and puffing out his chest in a manner that simply said 'why-the-heck-would-you-think-such-a-thing?'.

Konohamaru let a sigh of relief escape his mouth and a great grin appeared on his face.

"So, how long are you staying?"

"Only for today…we have to leave tomorrow morning to head back to the wrestling camp!" Miyuki lied, smiling face in place.

"Ghaa! That's too soon! You need to tell me next time you're going to visit so I have more time to spend time with you Boss!" Konohamaru all but yelled, arms flailing in what looked like a semi-tantrum.

"Well, why not now?" Naruto said, boinking the boy on the head.

"I'm part of a performance for the festival tonight and my mom said I can't be wandering around…she thinks I might go and get lost or something!" Konohamaru answered, rubbing the spot where he'd been hit.

"Well that sucks!" Miyuki groaned.

"I know…but my mom's making me do it. Don't want her to get angry though, it's sort of scary when that happens." Konohamaru said, an aura of gloom enveloping him.

"Don't worry; I'm sure we'll see more of each other next time I visit!" Naruto said, he too going full swing with the little white lie.

"Yeah!" Konohamaru said as he pumped his fist into the air, the gloomy aura vanished.

"We've got to go now Konohamaru…tell your friends I said hi, ok?" Naruto said, grinning like a fox.

"Bye guys!" Konohamaru said as the two walked away.

It was quiet for a while, before two simple words were asked.

"Porcupine wrestling?" Naruto said, trying to restrain his laughter as he once again gathered chakra to his hands and completed the hand seals required, his scars vanishing into smooth tanned skin.

"Damn straight…" Miyuki said, smiling to herself.

-----------------

The next evening, Konohamaru's mother would have to wonder in amazement and worry when her son came home with several small scratches on his face and arms, porcupine quills sticking out of him every which way. Sighing, she would ask him as she began taking out the quills exactly what he had done to look as he did.

His simple answer would be that he now wanted to be a great ninja _and _professional porcupine wrestler. His mother wouldn't even want to know where the crazy idea had come from.

--------------------------

"This is it?" Miyuki asked, looking at the rather run down looking store, an old wooden sign above the opening reading:

**! Our Music Rocks !**

"Yep!" Naruto said, pushing open the scratched glass door, a little bell dinging as he did so.

Even if the store on the outside didn't look like it was worth much, the inside could tell a different story. Almost split down evenly, one side of the store was jock full of Cds, Cd players, old record players and their records, while the other seemed to be reserved for musical instruments of all types.

Cds in alphabetical order all in their neat little stands, genres ranging from the most popular to even Cds from different countries in different languages; guitars sitting on their stands, amps all shapes and sizes, violins and harps on display. This would be what someone would call a store of extreme mixed variety.

"Hello!" Naruto called comfortably, strolling straight to the front desk, waking up the person sitting there.

"Holy- oh hey Naruto…what the hell happened to your hair?" the young man said, running a hand through his short bleach blonde hair. He was fair skinned with dark eyes and a whole bunch of piercing coming forth from his ears, nose, lips, and even eyebrows.

"She happened to it…" Naruto said simply, pointing to Miyuki.

"Uh-huh…so you finally got yourself a girlfriend? I was beginning to feel bad that I might have turned you gay!"

"No no no…just a friend of mine."

"So there's hope for you yet!" the man said sarcastically, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it as the door in the back of the store slammed open.

"Naruto-kun! It's been like, forever since I last saw you! How've you been sweetie, and what happened to your cute blonde hair?" the young man said, a look of shock on his face as he practically invaded Naruto's personal space with a quick hug.

Shaggy bubble gum pink and cotton candy blue hair swept into a low ponytail, this young man was what someone (mostly fangirls and/or others who understand such terminology) might call the epitome/stereotype of a **uke**. Soft features, a rather girlish looking body squeezed into a tight black shirt, long baggy shorts just hanging onto his slim hips.

Yep, most certainly what any fangirl would call very uke like material.

"She", Naruto said, pointing to Miyuki, "tricked me into getting it dyed."

With a sigh, the ukelicious young man said,

"Well, at least you look sexy with it. So what can we do for you guys today?"

"Just killing some time." Naruto answered simply, the sound of the store bell ringing.

"Welcome!" the store owners said, one more enthusiastically than the other.

The costumer waved to them with a smile as he made his way over to the instrument side of the store. With a sideways glance to each other, the very uke young man asked Naruto quietly.

"Do the honors for me?"

"With pleasure Daku." Naruto said, practically gliding over to the costumer, getting an odd look due to his odd hat.

"What's he doing?" Miyuki asked Daku (Mr. Uke boy)

Daku gave her a knowing smile as he turned his attention towards Naruto and the costumer.

"Ever since he was a little kid he's been coming here to help us out. You know, he didn't have any friends when he was little, so he spent almost all his free time here."

"Yeah, poor kid was sort of a loner." The man behind the counter said, still puffing on his cigarette.

"Shush Za, I'm telling the story!" Daku said as he reached over the counter and crushed the burning tip of the death stick with his bare fingers before continuing.

"He helped us out when he was little with just carrying boxes or others thing to the back or to storage. And in return we taught him the basic of playing the guitar and a few other instruments…he always asked for the occasional Cd and Cd player too." Daku said.

"Kid went crazy with what we taught him though…took off with it and started teaching himself like there was no tomorrow." Za said, sadly trying to bring his cigarette back to life.

"Hmmm…" Miyuki said with interest, watching as Naruto appeared to attempt to get the man to buy a rather expensive looking amp.

"He's gotten really great at playing and now he demonstrates what the instruments sound like when played whenever he stops by. The costumers love it, and they'll usually buy what he's trying to sell because he makes it sound so great." Za continued, throwing the half finished cigarette onto the floor.

"That's right, he _always_ makes the instruments sound better than what these people will ever be able to make them sound like though, gives them a sort of false hope really…" Daku said.

Miyuki watched and listened as Naruto made his way over to a guitar, picked it up, and made his way quickly back over to the customer whom was sitting near said expensive amp. Plugging the guitar in, he slung it over himself.

"What's he doing?" Miyuki asked again.

Naruto flipped the amp on, a slight buzzing sound filling the air.

"Demonstrating the quality of the amp." Both Za and Daku said at once, the air filling with the sound of strings being played as Naruto plucked at the face of the guitar.

A rather harsh and raw beat came forth from the amp, fingers dancing across string as if it were part of them. Not a whole bunch of rhyme or reason behind the sound, simply just music because it was music, a part of the essence of the human soul.

It was the sound of the human spirit and delightfully sweet sounding in its own very unique way.

Not a word was said, or sung for that matter, as those hands played the metal strings with a knowing hard caress, finally stopping when they saw fit.

The customer clapped…Miyuki clapped…hell, Daku and Za clapped, even though they had heard the boy demonstrate his talents time and time again.

"I'll take it." Was all that the customer said as Naruto swung the guitar off his body.

"Yay! We'll be able to go to a nice restaurant tonight!" Daku said happily, giving Za a big kiss on the lips before bounding over to the customer to help him move the amp.

"You two are..?" Miyuki asked Za curiously, pointing from Daku to him.

"Yep, we've been together for about two years." Za said, a warm smile on his face.

When the customer finally left with his purchase in tow and Naruto and Miyuki were making to leave, Daku announced something.

"Naruto wait, I've got a present for you!" he said quickly, bolting to the back room of the store.

Naruto raised an eyebrow to Za, who simply drug his thumb and forefinger together across his lips, as if to say that his lips were sealed.

"Happy Belated Birthday Uzumaki Naruto!" Daku said, heaving a small amp and leather guitar case into his hands, weight of the case a tell tale sign that it contained more than just thin air.

Naruto stood there for a moment or two, just staring at the things in his hands.

"Well, do you like them?" Daku asked, shuffling his feet in a nervous manner.

He soon got his answer as a body flung himself around him, squeezing tightly.

"Hey, don't you try anything funny!" Za said, still standing at the counter as he watched his boyfriend be engulfed in the hug.

Daku patted Naruto's head, saying how it wasn't a big deal; it was just a late birthday present.

Too bad neither knew how much a late birthday present could mean to the boy who'd only ever gotten a single birthday present before.

-------------

"That was really nice of them to get you this!" Miyuki said as they finally made their way into the library, she helping Naruto by carrying the amp.

"Oh I know…I just can't believe that they actually did!" Naruto said, opening the door for her.

They were soon to find Airashii and Hana (their guide), a small pile of books piled around them.

"Well, hello!" Airashii said happily, snapping the leather bound book he had been reading shut.

"Ah! Naruto, what happened to your hair and where the heck did you get the guitar and amp?" Hana cried out in a whisper, having already been hushed earlier for her normal loud voice.

And so, Naruto explained once again that it was in fact Miyuki's fault as to why his hair color seemed to have done a 180 degree change.

"You…fell asleep?"

"It's not like I did it on purpose!" Naruto fumed slightly.

"Well, oh well, you win a few you lose a lot. Me and Airashii were planning on staying here for about another thirty minutes, is that ok with you guys?" Hana said.

"Yeah…" Miyuki and Naruto said at once. Placing the guitar case and amp close to the piles of books, Miyuki and Naruto went to look amongst the shelves for something interesting to read.

And Naruto found a book to his interest quite quickly.

It was old, pages yellowing and without a bar code on the side to indicate that it belonged to the library.

The author's name could not be found and the title on the cover was almost unreadable:

**The History of the Akuma Clan**

Naruto knew that family name well.

"_My name is Akuma Miyuki…"_

"_My name is Akuma Airashii…"_

Naruto stood there, reading through the pages, before two particular lines caught his attention.

_Now, you all must be wondering "how can I tell if that wall is breaking or not?" Well, if you're a ninja, there is one technique that you can use to see how far along your wall is to being completely broken._

Reading further into it, Naruto decided to give it a shot, just for shits and giggles.

Locking the bathroom door, Naruto held the book underneath his armpit and he gathered a small amount of chakra, forming the two hand seals he needed. And as the book said, a little puff of smoke floated from his hands.

He didn't laugh, he didn't smile, he didn't even shit himself. As the puff dissipated and Naruto walked back out of the stall and headed back to the piles of books that surrounded his two friends, who were waiting for him so they could leave.

Tucking the book that did not belong to the library into his guitar case, he worried about the color of that puff.

It had been and awfully dark color of gray.

-----------

_The Akuma clan is well known for the fact that it is the only known ninja clan whose special abilities require no chakra to activate them and are (in all truth) fairly diluted forms of powers brought on by the demons that were sealed into the three founding family members a very long time ago. Because of how those ancient seals were designed at the time of sealing so very long ago, the demons are able to live on past its original carrier by giving up a small part of its soul when the human dies and was (and still is) able to transfer its self to another member of the same blood. Completely unlike modern seals today though. _

_The Akuma Clan is also well known for its branches and the unique powers each posse because of the demons sealed into their ancestors, and now into them. The third branch for its ability to control natural elements around them by will (recognized physically by their brown hair and green eyes), the second branch for its members' inability to die without suicide being the cause of death and for their uncanny ability of becoming fantastic medicnins and doctors (recognized physically for their natural albino features) and lastly, the first branch with its naturally brought on psychic abilities (see chapter one, pg. 5). -----_

----- **_(chapter one, pg. 5)_**

_As was said a few pages earlier, the first branch's psychic abilities are brought on naturally (in a sense). _

_To begin with, one must understand the true meaning of what it means to be a psychic and how people become one. Yes, psychics exist; weather you believe it or not. _

_Now, you must understand that the thing called a human being is made up of three distinct things: body, mind, and soul. All work together in their own specific ways; the body a container for the mind and soul, the mind the consciousness of the human, and the soul which is what people often call the spark of life. _

_The soul also plays another very important role of the human (even if we do not often know it). It acts as our connection to the Earth and everything on and in it. Now, keep this in mind as I explain this whole thing to you, for that connection is most important._

_The reason we're not at all aware of or accustomed to this connection is the simple fact that our minds already know (from the moment we are conceived) that there is a high chance that you (as a human) and it (as your mind) will not be able to understand the connection and might even cause yourself harm from the misunderstanding of the connection._

_There's also the high possibility that you could become quite insane from knowing that you have a connection with every single thing in and on the Earth. It makes sense really…I mean, who wouldn't go insane if they could feel something every time a person died and knew what that feeling meant._

_Therefore, your mind will immediately shut out the connection with what I like to refer to as "The Wall"._

_Now, also know that this wall is not impenetrable. Mental stress and anxiety is the sludge hammer to this wall, and if your chakra is naturally made so that you have more mental than physical energy, that weakens the wall too. Too much stress and anxiety and the wall will eventually crumble on its own and that connection will be made known to you again. But know that it depends from person to person how much mental stress must be given for that wall to break; also know that that wall crumbling is really a form of a last line of defense for your mind. _

_A broken and insane mind is no good to a body or soul. _

_Truthfully, that wall breaking is a sign of a last ditch attempt from your mind to save its self from completely breaking. If things go well (which rarely does happen) that reinstated connection will help you regain your footing in the world, and eventually you will be able to move on with your life, more wisdom and power under your belt than you would have thought possible. If things don't go well (which is what normally happens), most likely you will go insane and will likely kill yourself or in turn, someone might just kill you._

_Now that you know how one becomes a psychic, let's quickly discuss what exactly a psychic is and the levels of a psychic._

_There are three distinct "levels" of psychic: Ultimate, Natural, and Forced._

_Each level has their own subcategories (see chapter four, pgs. 221-223) that we will not be getting into with this first chapter._

_Ultimate: A psychic whom is fully awakened, wall is completely broken. Has unlimited ability with cooperation/partnership (control if you will) with their connection to everything in and on earth. Ex: Has the ability to lift or move things without ever touching them with their hands, has ability to hear others thoughts at will, has the ability to kill another person with a single thought, etc._

_Natural: A psychic whom is not full awakened but has become quite aware of the connection they have. Wall is partial or sometimes not at all broken. Ex: True mediums, a good number of high priest, soothsayers, a seer, or even someone who's simply just more in tuned with nature and its happenings. _

_Forced: The Akumas are the only known people that belong in this category. Most if not all have the same capabilities as an Ultimate psychic, it's simply a fact that because of that unknown force, their connection sort of becomes dulled and dented, in a sense. They have the same abilities; it's just a simple fact that they're not always going to understand those abilities as good as someone who's wall wasn't torn down by this unknown force. _

_In all truth, a psychic is just a person who has become aware of the connection everyone has. If given the right circumstances, anyone could become one, though I'm not quite sure why someone would like to come to the brink of insanity to just to get that sort of power, but that's just me._

_Really, if you think about it, a psychic is just someone who knows more than others because they've been through more than others._

_So now that we've gotten that all straightened out, back to the Akuma clan's first branch. When I say that the psychic abilities are brought on naturally, I'm talking about the unknown force that resides in their bloodline that knocks down that wall on its own, without the Akuma ever experiencing any mental distress. _

_This seems wonderful and everything doesn't it? Well let me tell you something buster, when that wall gets knocked down, that unknown force doesn't go away; infact it attacks something much more important: their sanity. This is the reason why most of the first branch Akumas don't live past the age of thirty. As soon as one of their own starts showing signs of insanity, the others will kill them, on the spot._

_Now, you all must be wondering "how can I tell if that wall is breaking in me or not?" Well, if you're a ninja, there is one technique that you can use to see how far along your wall is to being completely broken._

_This small jutsu requires almost no chakra, so don't be piling all of it into this, it'd be a waste. This jutsu also requires only two hand seals: Uma and Ryu._ _This jutsu will make a small puff of smoke appear in your hands._

_White means that your wall is nowhere near being broken. If you get a shade of gray, you're on your way buddy; the darker the gray, the closer your wall is to breaking. And if your smoke happens to be black, may the gods be with you, your wall is completely broken._

_As for the rest of you who aren't ninjas…either go learn how to do simple ninjutsus or just take a guess as to how far along you are. _

_---------_

The day continued on after that, dropping off the guitar and amp at the center before they stopped for lunch at Miyuki's favorite Udon shop, much to her delight.

And as the festival grew even nearer, it became easier and easier to spot children running around in the intricate masks that were traditional for the festival, the smell of sweets began to seep into the air and become stronger and stronger.

Miyuki, Airashii, Naruto, and Hana spent most of their time that afternoon watching people finish setting up for the event, and window shopping too of course.

And finally, when the time came, the festival began.

Noise makers going off in every which way, people yelling from carts the prices of their ice cream or candied apples (which Miyuki and Naruto both bought one each), hissing from water hitting the bottom of steaming woks.

Street games were being played, small gold fish were being won, and stuffed animals were being given away as prizes.

And as the night wore on, Naruto successfully lost at almost every street game they'd stop by, Airashii and Miyuki doing no better.

Having bought a camera earlier that day, Miyuki took pictures right and left. And Naruto was convinced a couple of the pictures would be accident pictures of Miyuki's shoes or of the dirt ground.

The day turned to night, and everything seemed to be going absolutely perfect.

That was until _he_ showed up.

He was sneaky in his actions. With a crowd of people surrounding them, it was easy enough for him to slip something into Naruto hand, before 'accidentally' knocking Naruto to the ground, the fox hat falling off in the process.

"Dickweed! You're supposed to say sorry when you do shit like that!" Miyuki yelled after him and as Naruto slipped what he found to be a rectangle shaped razor and a folded piece of paper into his hat before jamming it back on his head, he had to restrain himself from covering her mouth, least she upset him.

"Hey Naruto, you ok?" Airashii asked, helping his friend off the ground, noticing he seemed to be shaken by something.

"Y-yeah, I just don't feel so good all the sudden." Naruto said, lying through his teeth.

"Well, we're right by the center, we can stop by there really quick and drop you off so you can rest." Hana suggested.

Naruto nodded his head as he followed the other three, the words the man had whispered to him still ringing in his ears.

'_I love your new hair, Naru-chan.'_

It was strange though. Naruto couldn't focus on a single thing as they walked the short path to the center. Colors blurred, voices melted into one giant noise, and he couldn't help but feel absolutely numb.

A shiver went down his back as he passed through the jutsu barrier around the center, his arms reverting to their original scarred flesh.

It wasn't until he realized that he was already in the center that he knew that three weeks without harming ones self was not the way to go.

-----------

Naruto practically stumbled into the bathroom, leaning heavily against the wall near the toilet stalls, his knees threatening to give way. That man's whispered voice rang in his ears

'_I love your new hair Naru-chan.'_

Memories swarmed him, and he was lucky he made it to the toilet nearest him as his stomach gave out and heaved its contents up. Looking down at the chunks of horrid looking predigested food that swam along the surface of the once clear water, Naruto felt dirty as his memories reminded him of what that man and those others had done to him.

_/Suck it slut/_

And as the disgustingly familiar feeling of something slimy welling up in the back of his throat did just that, Naruto shoved two fingers as deep into his throat as it would allow. Again and again was the bathroom that early evening filled with the sounds of heaving and choked sobs, splashing as liquid hit liquid, sickly wet coughing and the occasional sniffle.

_/You like that, don't you/_

Naruto made himself sick until he was sure that nothing else could possibly be in there, made sure he was clean, cleansed. Sitting there in the stall, Naruto once again flushed the porcelain toilet, enjoying the fact that the immediate area no longer smelled so strongly of bile.

_/You killed my baby girl you know…you killed my little girl/_

Pulling his fox hat off, he let the folded piece of paper and rectangle shaped razor fall to the floor. With shaking hands, he opened the note of paper, the scrawl telling him immediately who it was.

_/I'll never forget what you did you monster, never/_

**Keep your mouth shut and use this as you see necessary. You know we don't know how loud your friends can scream, but there's always the possibility of us finding out. Remember, keep that mouth of yours shut.**

_/Keep your mouth shut if you know what's best for you/_

A drop of water landed on the paper, and then another. It took Naruto a moment to figure out that the water was simply his own tears.

_/Say a word and that pink haired girl you like so much is going to get a little visit from me/_

Wiping the tears angrily off his face, he crumpled the piece of paper up, throwing it into the toilet with a flush.

It was pathetic…that the only way he knew how to protect his friends was by shutting them out, keeping them at a distance (even if they didn't know that was what he was doing). Acting like an idiot just so his friends wouldn't come snooping into his business wasn't going to ever help him. He knew this all too well…but even so, if being an idiot was the only efficient way to make sure he'd never lose one of his precious people, so be it.

There was no way he'd tell a single one of them…because the last person he had told what those men had done to him (the full extent of what they had done…not just the touching or being touched) was later found dead in her house that same day.

He didn't really think he'd be able to handle one of his friends' deaths if it was simply because he felt like being weaker than weak by telling them what happened, what he'd been through.

With some help form the stall wall, Naruto stood up with the rectangle razor in hand.

Stopping as the sink mirrors came into view, Naruto took a moment to stare at his reflection.

'_I love your new hair Naru-chan.'_

Pulling a chunk of hair away from his head, Naruto quickly sliced it off with the razor, letting the dark locks fall to the floor. And rolling up his sleeve, he tried to block out the pity filled and confused faces of his friends, his logical thinking now very much gone for the moment.

The razor bit his skin harshly, but he knew it wasn't enough. And as he continued his odd game, a single thought crossed his mind.

Would it ever, truly ever, be enough?

-----

"Bye Hana!" Miyuki said with a content tone as she and Airashii walked down the hallway that led to their section's door.

The rest of the evening had continued as it usually had, a grand show of fireworks being the signal of the end of the festival.

"Tell Naruto I hope he feels better soon!" Hana said as she watched the two walk through the already open door, Airashii greeting the attendant who held it open for them.

As Hana walked back down the flights of stairs, she remembered about the plants Naruto had asked her to take care of for him, knowing that they would probably need a watering.

-------

"I wonder if Naruto's feeling better." Miyuki said, as they walked down the hallway, passing the boy's bathroom.

It took Miyuki a moment or two to realize her cousin had stopped walking.

"Airashii…?" Miyuki asked, watching as Airashii stared into the open bathroom doorway.

"Miyuki…come here."

Obeying her cousin (only because he looked very, very serious), she came to stand next to her cousin, seeing what he was staring at.

Droplets of drying blood on the white tile floor were incentive enough for Miyuki to charge into the bathroom, cringing as the smell of stale puke met her nose. Airashii followed her, his face too cringing as the smell hit his nose.

A soft coughing noise had the cousins spinning on their heels to face the large shower stalls in the bathroom.

The image that stood before the two cousins was disturbing, to say the least. In the shower stall, its opaque shower curtain pulled opened and thrown over the bar that held it up (so the bottom wouldn't touch the ground), sat Naruto. His clothes sat not too far away, folded into a neat pile. Clad in nothing but gray wet cotton boxers, it was easy to see where the blood on the floor had come from.

Small and already clotted cuts running along his shoulders and on the side of his body, at least on the side they could see from where they stood. It was easy to see that at one point he had turned on the faucet, the pinkish looking water that lay still on the floor of the shower and the mist that still hung in the air evidence enough.

Sitting so that his legs splayed out on either side of him, Naruto idly fiddled with a small rectangle shaped and blood soaked razor, turning it in a small slow circle between both of his hands. The look on his face was that of one who had found peace after a long time of pain, half lidded happily hazed eyes staring at the still dripping showerhead in what you would call a content look.

"Naruto…" Neither would remember who had said it, but it wouldn't have mattered for said boy didn't respond to the voice.

Not a single twitch.

Walking closer, both could see that along with the pink looking water lay what looked like small chunks of wet black hair. It was also the first time either cousin noticed just how skinny and small Naruto really looked, small indentations showing them a faint (but disturbingly distinct) outline of Naruto's ribcage and spine.

And with this observation came two others.

Large spots on his head where he had cut the hair much shorter than the rest became evident (and solved the mystery of the hair on the shower floor), bits of the black hair still clinging to his face.

And that what had to be the worst of his injuries was the deep cut that ran along his calf, it still weeping deep red liquid several places along it.

Taking the camera she had had snapping pictures with all night, Miyuki raised it to her face with shaking hands, focused in on her friend through the lens, and snapped a picture of her friend; the flash brightening up the room for a split second before she put it back into her pocket.

That was when Naruto turned his head to them, promptly throwing up as soon as he had.

"Naruto!" Both cousins said at once, rushing over to his side.

Miyuki tried but failed with flying colors to not make a face from the horrible smell that was emitting from her friend. Throw up, stomach acid, blood, bile…all mixed into the same stench.

Covering her face, she backed up away from the stall, eyes tearing from the smell.

"I'm…" Naruto began; his voice very hoarse from what the two others recognized as crying and throwing up, "I'm feeling much better now."

And then hell seemed to break loose. People seemed to swarm in, all with the little nametags that indicated that they were workers of the rehab center. They pushed back Miyuki and Airashii, and held the poor bleeding boy as he screamed at them to let go.

Miyuki and Airashii watched as the blade was whipped from his hands, his body held to the ground as someone poked through his skin with a needle, no doubt flooding his veins with a sleeping aid of some kind.

"Quick!" was the only word heard as they rushed the boy out of the bathroom, leaving the other two sitting together on the floor.

There was a silence.

And then Miyuki, walking on hands and knees over to her cousin, sat right next to him, wrapping her arms around him.

Despite how calm and collected he had (and still) looked, Miyuki could feel that he was shaking like a leaf.

"Why him? Why him?" Miyuki asked into the silence, receiving only silence as an answer.

--------

Unlocking the door to the apartment, Hana stepped into Naruto's living space, flipping on the light's as she did so.

Having just dropped the other two off (seeing as Naruto had left earlier) Hana was dead set on watering these plants and then heading home for some well deserved rest and relaxation.

Quickly filling up a cup or two with water, Hana made her way to the potted plants placed amongst the rooms…falling over carelessly as soon as she reached the first pot.

"Ah man!" she said glumly, looking over the puddle of spilled water.

Sighing, she righted herself and quickly went and brought a dish towel in hopes of soaking it up. On her hands and knees, she wiped it up as best she could.

And as she was ready to re-right herself again, a small raised part of the floor caught her attention as it bumped her finger tips.

Looking at it curiously for a moment, Hana hesitantly put her fingers to the small, raised edge, pushing upwards on it.

And it opened, revealing a small hole in the floor.

Hana would later say she felt extremely guilty for invading the boy's privacy…but the drawings that lay in the bottom were some things she knew she could not ignore.

Shades of white and yellowing were the colors of the papers, broken pencils and stubs of crayons lay at the bottom with tem.

Lifting the papers out one by one, Hana was slightly shocked and disturbed by the images and poems that had obviously been made by Naruto's hands.

Images of skeletal figures and dark distorted faces, long limbs and sown on body parts, people with their flesh sliced right open. Poems and short stories speaking of impurities and self-loathing, all speaking about how a blade could be one best friend, about how bleeding yourself could cleanse you of darkness.

Scooping the pages into her arms, Hana made her way out of the apartment and to the one person she knew who needed to see these.

She decided that the plants could wait.

Yeah, the plants could wait.

-------------------

Tamada sighed deeply into her cup of coffee, situating herself more comfortably into the chair of her home desk; she looked over the staff's evaluation of her patient.

They said he was mild mannered, a nice enough kid to participate with…basically as good as it could get with the people in the fifth section. But there was one thing that did disturb her slightly. The staff of the kitchen seemed to point out a very…odd, thing in Naruto's 'normal' diet.

They said, some days he would eat until he looked about to throw up (all three meals, they added) and then some days he'd only drink a glass of juice or something of the like; never a middle ground.

Extreme highs and lows such as this were good signs to anorexic and/or bulimic tendencies/diseases.

She sighed again. She knew that letting this kid out in only a week or two would be the biggest mistake anyone could make in his process of healing. Let him out and there would be no way for them to get him back in, for no doubt he would find a way to hide his self-harming behaviors even more efficiently than he had before.

But, she had no way of convincing the board to let him stay…and the condition of him being the carrier of the fox demon wasn't helping any.

"_You **know** that there is no way this kid is ready to be let back out!" _She remembered her anger clearly presented in those words.

"_Well, I've heard that he's been doing very well there…impeccably well, actually." _The head of the board had said.

She could remember having felt her face contort into a look of pure venom as he gave her a single sly grin before she calmly as possible stomped out of his office, scaring on lookers as she did.

Oh, she knew why he was doing this, she knew damn well. She knew that the head of the board held a grudge against the fox, she knew that. She knew he was doing this simply to 'get back' at the fox…or so he thought. She knew though, that all he would be doing was to further damage someone who's mental health was obviously in some form of incompleteness.

She also knew that unless she held a recorded, physical document (not that the fact that he was a documented self-harmer wasn't taken into account) that proved that the boy was unfit to leave, she had no way to make him stay. Now, given, it usually wasn't very hard to prove that said patient was unfit (from the simple fact that the patients would often do something to consider them unfit and also the fact that said head of board was usually easy to convince of such things). But, seeing as Naruto had not yet had what most at the center referred to as a "melt down" and that the head of board was being a complete ass, things were most certainly looking grim.

Tamada blew air out of her mouth in frustration, skimming over a few of her notes she had taken while speaking with the boy.

_Seemingly a very bright and talkative person; has a rather sarcastic view about things (mentally preparing himself in case he happens fail at something?). Doesn't seem to trust people very easily (sign of neglect/abuse maybe?) Very reluctant to talk about anything that actually has to do with his life (excluding friends, he loves to talk about them, especially this Sasuke…it seems that recently Sasuke happened to do/say something very stupid to upset him. Always seems very angry when he talks about him)._

Not much at all to try and convince the now very 'bitchy' head of the board that Naruto indeed needed to stay.

Her mood only grew increasingly grouchy as a knocked sounded on the door. Walking from her study, Tamada all but stormed to it, pulling it open with a stern,

"What?"

"Uh…you're Uzumaki Naruto's Therapist, correct?" the rather young woman at the door said.

"Yes…" Tamada said, knowing she'd seen this woman before.

"Uh, well, I-I work at the center too and I was watering Naruto's plants like he had asked me to and I happened to find these!" the woman said quickly and nervously, showing Tamada a rather large pile of papers in her hands.

Now knowing whom was at her door step, her tense stance relaxed and she let a small breath of relief escape her nose.

"Well, what are they?" she asked, taking the load from the young woman.

"…" the young woman was silent as Tamada quickly flipped through a few of the pages, soon to see that the pages were an answer in themselves.

Tamada stared at the young woman for a moment, asking,

"What's your name?"

"Uh, it's Hana."

Another moment of silence passed before Tamada said, barely above a whisper,

"Thank you…I think you may have just helped me out a lot."

"Well, you're welcome." Hana said, just as quietly as Tamada closed the door.

Back to the closed door, Tamada stared with a deep intent on the pile of papers in her hands, quivering slightly.

She had her evidence now…and she'd be damned if the head of the board tried to stop her.

----------

Unknown to the present people of this story, two others were soon to come into play.

A young girl staggered around the gates of Konoha, simply trying her hardest to keep moving. The only thing she was aware of was the pulse that she felt that told her that someone in the place she had arrived at had someone whose wall would soon enough break and then that person would become just like her and all the family members that had become before her. Akuma Sai of the first branch of the Akuma Clan fell to her knees, leaning on the surface of the wall, the words escaping her mouth,

"But who?"

She fell asleep soon after that, far too tired to try and care.

The second person who would soon become a part of this dancing tale was a little girl found early in the morning, huddled in the corner of the basement she had lived her whole life in. The body of her parents had been easily found, the blood that was practically sprayed all over the house a dead give away.

They asked her name and then asked her what had happened. All she was able to answer was a simple,

"Me Ren…Ma kill Da."

And when asked why her mother was dead and why her mother had killed her father to begin with, the little girl, Ren, could not seem to figure out how to tell them that her mother had killed herself with a knife. Nor could she find the words to tell them that the reason her mother had killed her father was because her mother had gone insane because her father would always touch Ren…but never her mother.

"I not know words." Was the only answer Ren was able to give them.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

_How will you know I am hurting,_

_If you cannot see my pain?_

_To wear it on my body_

_Tells what words cannot explain._

-- C. BLOUNT

------------------------------------------------------------------

All right…I am so sorry it took me forever to get this out, but you all should start expecting me to only update maybe once every moth or so…so please make this an incentive to be patient with me and to leave me with as many encouraging words as you possible can.

That out of the way, I have a few things to say:

All of you go read and review BlackAdder42's fic "When Masks are Broken"…you'll see why I'd like you all to read it

lokli2 figured out which saying from FLCL I was talking about (Never Knows Best) and I managed to get the fic he wanted out and posted.

I have another small contest (I like doing this just to see who gets it). I have a phrase from the movie 'The Sixth Sense' in this chapter. As a hint, it's not a line from the little boy in the movie; it's from one of the ghosts he meets who says it. Same rewards as last time apply.

There are two fics that I think you all should go check out. They're both in my favorites, go look them up please: 'Painting the White to Gray' by B.J. Sanders and 'Enemy Mine' by Delauney (she's also got a great insane!Naruto fic…I love this Harry Potter one she does though because of Charlie… I heart Charlie) They don't have as many reviews as they deserve, and you know, those are some really kick ass fics…

Uh…yeah, that's all I have to say for now, hope you all had fun reading this chapter!

P.S: those are real hand seals (the two I named) Uma means horse and Ryu means dragon. For more information about all this technical stuff, head over to narutofan (dot) com.


	8. November 1st

_**I smile to pretend…**_

…**_that everything is fine…_**

…**_and to hide my pain from others_.**

**--X-Day** by Mizushio Setona Volume 2 Chapter 8 pg. 98

--------------------------------------------

The early morning of November first was a fairly quiet one. The cool air whipped pieces of trash from the night before around on the ground, confetti, apple cores, and little bright wrappings from sweets and candies littered the cold earth, a thin fog covering the city. A seemingly random ANBU found it funny that not but a few hours earlier, people had still been quite awake, singing loud songs and pissing what little nighttime they had left away with friends who were dumb enough to still be awake with them.

Sighing in deep exhaustion, the seemingly random ANBU whom was patrolling the surrounding wall of the city thought on what he had witnessed the night before (or very earlier morning if you were to get all technical).

Apparently, it had started off as several simple odor complaints to a manager of an apartment building located in the slums of the city. When the manager went to investigate the exact reason as to why apartment 005 on the ground floor smelled so badly, he found something that made it necessary to call in a small ANBU team to investigate.

Three bodies, a woman and two males, all rotting within the apartment were the reason behind the foul stench. The young boy's neck had been snapped into two clean halves, both ends poking slightly out of the skin of the back of his neck. The rather fat father of the family (as they found out from the manager that the three were indeed a family) had been cut right open. The cut starting from his lower navel all the way up to his throat, his decaying mush that was at one point his guts were spilled all over the dingy, piss colored carpet.

It was the woman's body, though, that was the saddest sight he had seen in a long while.

Her wrists were slit so far and deeply open that you could see that white of her wrist bones. Clutched in her arms was a framed picture of a younger her and what looked like a younger version of her husband, both smiling in a way that told you they thought they had everything the world could ever offer.

They looked…happy.

It had been hard to tell, but they were eventually able to figure out that the father had probably snapped the boy's neck and the wife had in turned killed the husband and then herself, leaving their bodies to rot in the cold apartment for at least five days or so. And even though all of that its self had been sickening (but expected in the job as an ANBU), what they found in the small cellar was much worse.

It was dark and dank, with a strong smell of feces and urine assaulting their noses when they opened the door, causing the only female of their group to lose the contents of her stomach. As he had made his way down the steps (the other two members remaining with the female until she could stop her hurling) and flipping the switch he found at them bottom of the stairs, he had silently wished he couldn't see what was in front of him.

A small, ratty mattress sat in the corner of the small cellar, a plastic dog bowel completely dry of water sat near it, and a large metal bucket overflowing with what he eventually saw as pee and shit sat in the corner across from the mattress. In the middle of all of this hell like place sat a small dirty girl, a tattered and disgusting looking dress covering her small, pale frame. Limp, long brown hair bordered her sickly and underfed looking face; a thick rope was tied from the wall to her neck. A line was around her neck from where the rope had rubbed up against the skin and had worn it away, leaving it red and infected, with white pus bubbling around the edges of it.

"Hello there." He had said quietly, crouching down to her level and gently taking the rope off her neck, careful to not disturb the infection as much as possible.

Her eyes stared up at him, asking him quietly what he was going to do to her. Would he hurt her, kill her, or save her?

He sighed quietly as he stared quietly back into those eyes…eyes that asked things like that didn't belong to a child. Eyes like that didn't belong to a child at all, they belonged on someone who was broken, someone who'd been humiliated, disappointed and betrayed so many times they no longer could remember what the warmth of a smile felt like. Eyes like that belonged to people who could no longer smile themselves.

"What's your name?" he asked quietly, taking noticed of her sharp flinch when he reached to move hair away from her eyes, his fingers tips just barley touching the clammy skin of her face.

"Me Ren…Ma killed Da." She said in barley above a whisper.

And as the rest of his team finally made their appearance, he was slightly forced into the shadows as they quietly and sternly asked the girl, Ren, what had happened. They didn't seem to take notice to the tears that where moistening her brown, dulled eyes.

"I not know words."

The ANBU sighed again, thinking about how absurd it had been that after all of that (and making sure Ren was admitted to the hospital and put under the evaluation of one of the top psychologists in the village too) he was still put onto watch duty.

And as the sun began its silent and long climb into the sky and as the wind still played idly with the trash, the ANBU made yet another discovery.

A girl whom looked roughly fourteen years old sat slumped against the surface of the city's protective wall, dried and flaking blood (from what he eventually recognized as an empty eye socket) incasing the whole right side of her face, her long black hair included. Her pale face was also covered in dirt and grim, the pale arms that hung out of her short sleeved black shirt no better, the blue jeans on her body torn and muddy too, her bare feet torn and bloody.

"Hey." He said, shaking her gently. The girl did not move.

"Hey!" he said, a sense of urgency now lacing his voice.

The girl stirred and the ANBU found himself being flung and held up against the thick trunk of a nearby tree by seemingly nothing but thin air.

He stared through the eye openings of his mask at the single eye of the girl, who now sat up properly against the wall, the front of his uniform looking as if someone were holding tightly onto it…even if he could plainly see that no one was.

"Who are you?" he asked stoically, the nervousness that coursed through his veins not finding their way into his voice.

"Akuma…Akuma Sai, of the First Branch." She said.

The nervousness turned into fear as he heard that name, Akuma. Oh yes, he knew of them and what these people could do…especially those of the First Branch. It was a requirement in taking the ANBU qualification test that one must have an understanding of the Akuma Clan, its members, and what each from any of the three branches could bring to the table during a battle.

The power of the Third and Second Branches was something to respect and be especially wary and attentive of, but the power the First Branch of the Clan was something to be downright afraid of.

In a single moment, the ANBU remembered the only question the written part of his test had had on the members of the Akuma's first branch:

_If you are ever to encounter a member of the First Branch in a fight and on opposite side of opposing forces, what of the following is the best and only smart option?_

_a). hold your ground until back up is granted_

_b). take them out as quickly as possible_

_c). run as fast and as far away as possible from them _

The correct answer had been c).

"What business do you have here in Konoha?" he said, still never letting on how exactly scared he was.

"Please don't be afraid…I have no intention of hurting you as long as you don't attempt to hurt me." Sai said, the grip on the ANBU's shirt disappearing.

The ANBU stood there for a moment in complete shock, smoothing out the wrinkles in his vest-like shirt, voicing a rather stupid question.

"Did…did you hold me up just now?"

"Who else would have?" Sai said dryly, standing up on shaky legs and hissing as her weight fell onto her torn feet and pressed them to the rough gravel ground.

"Well…what business do you have here?" he asked, rather awkwardly as he watched her try to find some way to keep pressure off her feet.

"…I'd like to become a citizen here. Now, come over here and help me." She said in a slight demanding voice.

So, as he ran slowly into the village, a fourteen year old girl named Akuma Sai latched onto his back, the poor ANBU sighed deeply.

He really didn't get paid enough to be doing what he did.

--------------------------

_I'll be strong for you all_

_I'll be a wall for you to lean on_

_I'll act sturdy and secure_

_Unmovable and unbroken_

_I'll pretend to be ok with all this shit_

_If that means I can be strong for you_

_------------------------------------------------------_

Sasuke bounced his foot up and down (a rather unknown nervous habit that belonged to the Uchiha), and chewed on his lip as he sat in the waiting room of his psychologist's office, Kakashi sitting next to him, idly flipping through what looked like an extremely feminine magazine.

Yes…Uchiha Sasuke did indeed have a shrink. Even if there were only mandatory (absences from such meetings could mean additions to these visits) there was still the fact intact that Sasuke, indeed, did have a shrink. Ever since Naruto had returned him (more like dragged) back from almost going to Orochimaru, he had to go to these meetings three times a week and Kakashi was to ensure that he did actually go.

Now, know that very few people know the fact that Sasuke went to such a doctor…in fact, the only people who knew happened to be Tsunade, Kakashi and himself. Minus his shrink of course, she didn't count.

Playing with the fraying sleeves of his sweatshirt and pulling at the threads of the holes of his dark jeans, Sasuke heard his name called. Standing up and shuffling his feet to where an attendant stood with the door waiting for him, he heard Kakashi say,

"I'll be waiting."

-------

"So Sasuke…how have you been?" his shrink asked as he settled himself into what had become a normal situation; a plush room with a comfortable couch to lie or sit on, stuffed animals in piles everywhere, a small tray of sweets set upon a coffee table and book shelves lining the walls, full of books on the human mind.

"No different since the last time you saw me." Sasuke said indifferently.

"Now, don't try to lie to me Sasuke."

Sasuke hated insightful people like her, the kind who could read you without ever trying.

"I'm not lying." Sasuke said, grimacing on the inside at how juvenile and childish that had sounded.

His shrink sighed, rubbing her chin for a moment, something Sasuke knew she only did when she was trying to think of the correct words to say to him.

"Alright Sasuke, I know you'd never have any intention of ever being in a position like this unless it was a requirement, like it is now. But even if these are only mandatory meetings, it doesn't mean you can't get something from coming here. From your known history, it's easy to see that you would indeed come away from all of that with some serious problems. You have issues…even if you don't really think you do, you do."

Sasuke snorted at that. Of course he had issues, who didn't?

"Now, in about the four months that I have known you, you have yet to even so much as hint towards budging from your 'square one'. But it's been in these last few weeks I've noticed something. You're much more fidgety than normal, you talk even less and you zone out so much you remind me of a few of my drug abusing clients. Now Sasuke, tell me what's on your mind." She said, a stern edgy tone to her voice told Sasuke that she wasn't asking him to tell her what was on his mind…she was demanding.

Staring at her for a moment, contemplating wither or not he should tell her what had actually been on his mind. Caving in when the small realization came over him that if he didn't just answer her and get it over with, she'd ask him again and again until he'd give in.

Sighing, he leaned farther into the plush chair he was seated in.

"You know Uzumaki Naruto?" he said quietly.

"Yes, he's your teammate right?"

"Yeah…he was the one who forced me to come back to the village." Sasuke said, turning his head to look out the lone window of the room.

"Did you two have an argument?"

"No. About three or four weeks ago I found him bleeding out of his arm in his apartment and he sort of almost died."

"I've seen him before, he doesn't seem all too sad on the outside. How'd that make you feel, did it make you angry?"

"At first it did…but I know now it wasn't a suicide attempt or anything, it was an accident."

The shrink nodded her head knowingly, having at least two patients with the same masochistic addiction.

"So you're worried about him right?"

Sasuke remained quiet; knowing they both knew the answer to that question.

"So, are you angry at yourself for not knowing sooner?" she asked.

"A little… I'm more disappointed that I couldn't figure something like that out sooner than I am angry."

The shrink smiled to herself on the inside. She had finally gotten him to open up, even if it was just the smallest bit.

"Do you think maybe you caused it?" the shrink asked with a slight hesitation, not really knowing if she was stepping over a line she really shouldn't.

Sasuke turned his head sharply towards her for a moment, his eyes holding a mixture of hurt, surprise, and puzzlement, before turning his head back to look out the window.

"Not all of it…there were too many scars for it to be all because of me. But, I think some of them are there because of what I did to him."

"Well, what is it that you did to him?"

Sasuke didn't answer that question. He didn't want her to know that in a blind attempt at what he had been sure would be an easy way to great power he had told the only person he had ever considered a friend that he hated him, wanted him dead, and had actually almost shoved his hand through his heart (missing by only a few millimeters). No, that shit could be saved for some other day.

"Sasuke?"

"I'm not going to answer that one…" Sasuke said.

His shrink sighed once again, signaling to her stoic patient that his hour was up and that he could leave.

As the door clicked shut, she whispered her thoughts out loud,

"And I thought we were on a roll too."

-------

Kakashi walked with Sasuke until they reached the fork in the road that would separate each other for the day.

"You know…" Kakashi said, "it would help if you talked to him. Things wouldn't be so tense if you did."

Sasuke shrugged his teacher's words off as he took the left road, Kakashi taking the right.

Even if Kakashi was right, what would he say anyways?

-----------------------------

Naruto had the particular feeling that he was somewhere that he would rather not be. He felt comfortable, yes. He felt warm, yes, he felt safe…fairly. But still, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was in a place that he would rather not be, a place that he would later wish he wasn't.

Basking in the complete comfort (he knew this to be something rare) he kept his eyes closed for another few minutes or so, listening to the sound of his own breathing.

_**-You can't pretend that you don't exist forever…let your eyes open, see what you've deemed to be a rare comfort.-**_

The throaty accent of the Kyuubi's voice sent a small shiver down Naruto's back, his eyes opening with the shiver.

He was lying on old looking cushions, his arms folded underneath his head, acting as a pillow. Sitting up slowly, Naruto took his surrounding in, with more detail. A low light hanging from the concert ceiling was the only source of lighting, casting a rather dim and eerie glow around the room. Both the floor and the walls were covered in the white, old looking cushions, not a single window existed; a door the only thing he was sure that would get him out of there.

Looking down at himself, Naruto noticed the white, short sleeved shirt and dark blue sleep pants on his body that looked far too new or clean to be anything of his. Blindingly white gauze was wrapped around his forearms and upon inspection, so were the areas on his leg that he had cut.

Naruto bit at his thumbnail for a while, trying to collect his thoughts on what must have happened that he was now stuck in what was what he assumed to be a solitary confinement room.

He remembered the clean water of a toilet bowel before it was used, the smell of throw up and blood and tears, and the crumpling of an evil piece of paper. A razor covered in blood, chunks of his hair cut off and fallen to the floor, and two pairs of slightly shaken and scared eyes, both trying to help him even when he had been swarmed and made to sleep.

He sighed, burped quietly and ran his fingers through his hair, which he found to be shorter. He snorted irritably; they must have evened his hair to make it look like he hadn't hacked off a few huge chunks of it.

The door opened with a loud squeaking noise, and he was met with the figure of his shrink, her hands filled with a notepad, pencil, two bottles of water, and two trays of food.

Handing one of the trays to him, she said simply,

"Eat."

And he did, silently and without ever turning his eyes to meet her own, and for the next ten minutes that was how things were; silent.

"I've decided to put you on a watched diet." His shrink said idly as she finished her water.

"Is it because of this incident?" Naruto asked, gesturing to his arms and the room they were in.

"No, actually not at all. It's because you've lost notable weight since you've been here. When I first met you about a month ago, you look much healthier…now you look underfed and sort of sickly. Have you ever had trouble sleeping?" she asked him, folding her jean covered legs into an Indian style of sitting.

Naruto thought hard for a moment, wondering why she'd want to know such a thing, before answering truthfully,

"Yeah…"

"Tell me if your insomnia gets any worse, I'll prescribe you something that might help." She said, standing up with her pad of paper, and the two trays and bottles.

"How much longer am I going to be in here?" Naruto asked quietly.

"Only for another hour or so…it's only your first offense, they won't keep you in here for a few days yet." Tamada said, walking out of the room and closing the door behind her.

Sighing at the prospect of now having his food in take (or lack therefore of) being monitored, Naruto lifted the white shirt that covered his torso up, indeed noticing that he _had_ lost a fair amount of weight. True, he had looked to be the correct weight for someone his height and age before he had come to the center…but now he could see the fairest outlines of his ribcage and hip bones.

"What the hell happened? I've only done what I've always done."

**_-Who do you think makes sure you don't look even the littlest bit emaciated, even when you don't eat for a week? Who do you think makes sure you're able to function properly even after not being able to sleep for thirty-six hours straight?- _**

_-You I take it…- _Naruto spoke quietly to the fox, lying himself on the soft floor of the room.

**-_With this ridiculous barrier surrounding you all the time, me making sure you don't look like a skeleton becomes extremely hard. You'll need to actually start eating and keeping more of what you eat down, no more of that gagging yourself shit.-_**

_-Yes mother…- _Naruto answered with an auditable snort, bolting up when the light bulb above his head flickered out.

_**-Kid…don't you start having a flashback on me-**_

_-You know how I get in the dark! - _Naruto said in his head, feeling along the floor until he found what he hoped was the bottom of the door.

**_-Kid…- _**Naruto could hear Kyuubi say, in hope to keep Naruto's memories from rearing their ugly heads, to keep the 'kid' with him.

"If they come, they'll come and I'm not going to know what to do with myself. You know that!!" Naruto spoke out loud, his voice shaky and laced with fear as unwanted familiar noises from unwanted memories began to fill his ears.

"Someone, please! Someone please help me! Please!" Naruto cried as he pounded harshly on the wood of the door as the noises in his ears started to make sense to his mind, images now starting to swim up with them.

The ugly face of a man, a camera poised in front of his eye, smiling as he snapped a picture.

A dark garbage room, piles of black bags piled up against the walls, manic-like laughter and hoots of approval reverberating off now unseen walls.

The memory of an act so severe in evil it forced every fiber of his being into such a state of pain that all he could hope for was death.

The strong smell of cheap cigarettes, piss, and trash.

Frantically, Naruto clawed at the edge of where cushioned floor met door and pulled at the floor until he was sure his fingers were bleeding and the cushioning was pulled away from the floor, leaving a gape between the now bare floor and the bottom of the door.

Forcing his arm through the gap as far as it would go, Naruto clawed frantically at the cool tiled floor, his nails chipping as he dragged them across it.

"Please! Someone please! Please…Please!" he sobbed, fear consuming him as what would be a terrible flashback began to take hold of him.

Unexpectedly, a fairly small, warm hand grasped his own, holding onto it…holding onto him.

"Please…" he begged with the hand, only receiving a gentle tightening of the grip the hand had on his own.

Naruto lay there for what felt like an eternity, the flashback slowly ebbing away as he focused on nothing but the warmth of the smaller hand that clasped his own. His tears that he had not been noticed before were still trailing down his face, snot and spittle accompanying them.

"What happened here?" A muffled voice asked outside of the room. A reply that was so soft Naruto could not hear it through the door was given.

"Let me open up the door." The muffled voice said.

The smaller hand gave his own one last gentle squeeze before pushing his arm back under the door and leaving.

Sunlight from the hall wall spilled into the dark room as the door was opened wide. Naruto staggered to his feet, leaning heavily onto the frame of the door.

"You ok boy?" a rather hefty looking woman asked.

Naruto didn't answer her; he was too preoccupied with staring at the person whose hand he had been clasping not but moments before.

"H-hello Naruto-kun." Hinata said kindly, a small, sad smile on her face.

--------------------------------------------

'This isn't a big deal Hinata…you can do it. Just talk with him, just talk, you can do that!' Hinata silently prepped herself as she stood in the hallway of the fifth section of the third floor of **Happy Hills Rehabilitation Center.**

She breathed in deeply and shakily, her nerves crawling around in her stomach like bugs.

When she had first heard the news she had been angry. As stupid as it sounds, yes, Hinata had been almost beyond rage after hearing such news; the dummy and trees she ended up taking this rage out on would bear witness to one of the few times Hinata was angry enough to actually take it out on something.

But after the anger subsided, she was left with nothing but guilt.

She shouldn't be angry with him, no, if anything, she should be angry at herself for not noticing sooner (this being her eventual logical thinking). And with the guilt, more tears were brought on and her family members wondered for a day or two if she could possibly be having the worst case of pre-menstruational mood swings to ever bee seen.

Eventually she ran out of tears, but never out of thoughts. So, she began to think about what she would say if she were to go visit him. What helped this process move along much quicker than thought was the essay paper of sort Shikamaru had photocopied and had delivered to everyone's house only just the day before.

And now here she was, having contemplated and thought over exactly what she wanted and needed to say to her less than a secret crush, ready to support him as much as she could.

Taking the first step into the rest of the section, Hinata was still too nervous to realize she had no idea where Naruto might exactly be in the section and it didn't really cross her mind to ask for directions.

And so, after at least a good half hour of wandering the halls, Hinata was now so very lost that she was just about ready to sit down and wait for someone to cross her path, when she heard a surprisingly familiar voice in an unfamiliar tone.

It was muffled and sounded rather far away, but she knew his voice anywhere.

She followed it, at points barley breathing as to make it easier to hear. As she grew closer, she could hear the desperate and scared tone the voice had to it, the words nearly breaking her heart.

"Please! Someone please! Please…Please!"

And that was when she saw it, a lone hand poking out from underneath a door, scrapping at the ground beneath it, grasping for something, for anything to hold onto.

Walking to it quickly, she flopped herself down next to it and grasped it tightly, well aware she herself was shaking.

"Please…" the familiar voice begged again, her only comfort to it a simple squeeze to the hand.

She sat there for a long time, quietly listening to the sound of quiet sobbing reduce to nothing but barley auditable sniffles, her legs slowly falling asleep because of the position she sat in.

"What happened here?" the voice of a rather large looking woman asked as she strode down the hall towards her.

"I don't know why, but he's scared. Please let him out?" Hinata said quietly.

"Let me open the door up." The woman said, pulling a single key from her pocket.

Pushing the bandaged arm and bare hand back under the door and squeezing it one last time, Hinata stood up and waited as the lock for the door was undone and the door opened.

Hinata did not hear what the woman said as she stared at her crush. What had happened to the shaggy long hair she had come to love? Not that black or short hair didn't suit him but…

It was the now truly noticed white bandages on his arms that caught her attention most. What must lie under that white gauze was something Hinata was not sure she wanted to see.

"H-hello Naruto-kun." Hinata said, attempting to hide her sadness with a small smile.

-------------------

The large woman look back between the two, a knowing smile spreading across her face as she misread the awkward silence between the two.

"I'll leave you two alone for some quality private time, k?" she said as she walked away, not aware that neither had heard her.

The silence was stretched until it could be stretched no more.

"Y-your hair, it looks good." Hinata said, pointing to the cut mess of black hair atop the use to be blonde's hair.

"You think so?" Naruto asked, running a nervous hand through it.

"It does, really it does." Hinata said.

The silence was there again, and was stretched again until it could no longer be stretched.

"Naruto…" it was Hinata who again broke the silence, closing distance between them so she could grasp a bandaged forearm.

"Is it true? Is what Shikamaru and Ino said the truth?"

Using his free arm, Naruto lifted the short sleeve of the grasped arm, revealing scars that were now bring no other emotion to him except guilt.

"Why?" she asked quietly, gently holding onto the bandaged forearm as the short sleeve was dropped.

"Naruto-kun…why are you suffering so much that the only way you feel you can heal it is to cause yourself even more pain?" she asked, tears bubbling up in her eyes.

Naruto was quiet for a while, his eyes staring at the wrappings of his arm and at the sadness and longing for knowledge of his pain swimming in his friend's eyes.

She, above anyone else, deserved to know why he felt like he had to do what he did. She, among a few others, was one of the only ones in the entire village to never ever hurt him, intentionally or unintentionally. She deserved to know exactly what was going on.

"I…I'm cursed, Hinata-chan. Bad luck follows me around like white on rice, and even if I don't show it, I always have a black cloud that hangs over my head. That black cloud gets so heavy sometimes that I wish I would just drop dead. And the only way I know how to make such stupid feelings go away is to make sure I'm alive…t-the pain reassures me that I'm alive. It reassures me that I'm human, Hinata-chan. It tethers me down and keeps me from killing myself."

She stood in a stunned silence, eyes staring at the bowed head of her idol, her hands on the forearm moving downward until she was cupping his (surprisingly thin) hand.

"I-I…" Hinata stuttered, her eyes becoming down cast as she became lost in thought.

When he had squeezed his hand under the door, unintentionally reaching for her, something had stirred in her and something was brought into light for her. This young boy, no, this young man, whom she had placed so high in her mind as to say that she could only ever admire him and never actually be able to help him. This young man who was her means of leaning onto someone when she couldn't stand…he was barley standing on his own, never mind being someone she could lean heavily against.

The way he had called for someone, pleading with anyone to assure him that he wasn't lost in that darkness all by himself. The way he had held onto her hand, as if he were hanging onto a life line. He had been scared; his voice had spoken that feeling clearly, of something as simple as the dark.

But…it proved that he wasn't the god like person she had always made him out to be in her mind. He was what he was, a confused and severely hurt young man who was trying to figure out what his purpose or path in life was meant to be; just like everyone else.

He must have bottled up all the bitter feelings he'd ever had, never knowing what to do with them, and they would always come flying right back into his face, in the form of those cuts and scars.

But why? Why did he see the need to hide from his friends…to hide how much pain he was really in?

Unless of course he was trying to protect them…or maybe even himself, from uncertainties she couldn't even think of.

"I'm sorry if I scared you…it seems I've done that to a few people in the past weeks." Naruto said quietly, snapping Hinata from her ravine.

Looking up, she saw he had his trade mark fox grin in place, it looking as bright as ever…and as lonely as she had ever seen it. Why had she never noticed it before? There had never any energy behind that smile, had there, had it always looked to sad…a façade of a smile?

The smile stopped abruptly.

"What's wrong, is it something I said?" Naruto asked.

"Huh?" Hinata asked.

"You're crying." Naruto stated, gently taking hold of Hinata's own forearm.

She was quiet for sometime, staring into eyes so deep and blue she was surprised she hadn't fallen into them. His eyes held a patience she had really never seen lurking in those blue orbs, and he waited for her to answer.

"I should have known. As your friend, I should have known you were in so much pain. I should have known, any good friend should have been attentive enough to realize something like this sooner!" Hinata said, now yelling at herself.

"Hinata none of this is your fault…this whole thing started five years ago, that was at least two years before I ever met you, so none of this could ever be your fault. And it's my fault for not being a braver person and asking for help. I know I need it, and now that I have it, I'm trying to make the best of it…really I am." Naruto soothed her, her crying continuing.

Hinata looked at him, wondering if this was the same boy who had just said such a mature thing was the same who found it knee-slapping funny when someone farted.

Hinata sniffled a few times, rubbing her eyes clean of tears.

"I can't stay for much longer…but I wanted to see you. I wanted to see how you were doing." Hinata said, blushing slightly as she realized Naruto had not let go of her hand.

"I'll walk you back." Naruto said, hand still clutching hers, he led the way to the waiting room where someone was waiting to let her out.

Waving her goodbyes and promising to visit again soon, Hinata left.

------------------------------

Ren sat on the bed that was hers for the time being, smelling her damp hair in wonder, the shampoo they had showed her to use making it feel and smell much better than she had thought possible. They had given her a new pair of underwear (for she had never owned a pair before), a cotton night dress, had bandaged her physical wounds, and had given her the first stuffed animal she had ever seen, a small teddy bear for her to hold.

Listening carefully, Ren could hear the older people in the hallways talk about her.

"There's no way she could possible go to foster care, she can barley form sentences and she's what, seven?"

"Seven and ¾ thank you very much. She's not dumb, nor retarded. You didn't have to see what conditions she was living in. They had her tethered to the fucking wall!"

"There's no way she'd fit in with other children at foster care! We both know this, so why are you arguing?"

"You're just not listening! I never suggested foster care, I said a controlled environment."

"That's foster care."

"No it's not, just listen! We know she was sexually abused in that house, so foster care is out of the question, there's no way in hell she could be mentally stable for that. I think it'd be wise to put her into the rehabilitation center."

"Which floor and level?"

"Third floor, fifth section."

"You sure that's not too high?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Who knows how many times her scumbag of a dad raped her and her dead brother…if anything, it might be too low."

So…it was at that moment that Ren's young life would start taking a turn for the better.

--------------------------------------------------

_Was there even a cause too lost,  
Ever a cause that was lost too long,  
Or that showed with the lapse of time to vain  
For the generous tears of youth and song?_

**--Hannibal **by Robert Frost

-------------------------------------------------

(dies) ok…I'm about to pass out here. **Gothic Kacie**, I need to hear from you so you can claim your prize. Sorry it took forever to update and I'll be updating my other fic ASAP for those who wanted to know….

I'm going to sleep now…


	9. November 4th

_There's a place in the dark where the animals go  
You can take off your skin in the cannibal glow  
Juliet loves a bead and the lust it commands  
Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo_

Excerpt from the song _"**The Sharpest Lives**" _by My Chemical Romance

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**_(Chapter 3, pg 157)_**

_**By now, I've mentioned several times about these demons that have been sealed to the family's blood and the fact that the Clan's member's powers are derived from these demons natural powers. I've explained that under extreme mental stress and in life or death situations, the demon carriers of the clan may sometimes transform into a humanoid form of the beast, usually letting its animalistic nature take course. I've also explained how these demons have lived on in the family past its original carrier. **_

**_What I have not explained yet is the history behind these demons and how truly far they've fallen from their former grace and awe inspiring power. The three demons we are talking about are what very ancient texts call "The Parents" of all other demons that still exist today, this including the infamously known Nine Beasts. These three demons themselves were theoretically (mythically is a better word to use here, for all normal scientific thought will be thrown out the window at this point) conceived by an entity known as Mother Chaos or by the more commonly known name in mythology as Mother War (the being who gave birth to Chaos and War, obviously). _**

**_Going off track for a moment, it is hypothesized (with the help of these ancient texts and mythological writings) that there are three main entities that govern this world: Mother Earth, Father Time, and of course, Mother War/Chaos. It is said that while Mother Earth and Father Time are the ones who govern over the humans and other such creatures, Mother War is the only one who governs demons. She is the one who is said to be responsible for the 'Birth' of these first three demons. Giving them their bodies that resemble a Hyena, a Hawk and a Boar, she also gave them her will to bring chaos that, by some, is thought to be 'necessary' for the world to continue normally. And from her three children spawned the rest of the demon population (no matter how small it actually may be)._**

**_It is also said that the demons will only transfer themselves into humans who are of the same sex as they: Hawkfemale, Boarmale, Hyenafemale. It is also hypothesized that for this reason, the demons may actually be able to control (to some degree) the sex of a child that is born from its holder, to insure it will have another carrier to live through._**

_**Now, back to the actual history of these demons: it is said that several hundred years after their conception, humans were close to carrying on a war with these demons in hopes to rid the world of them and restore some for of peace to the earth. It is also said that several of the wisest priests knew that this would end with nothing short of a massacre of the humans who stood up to such beings. So, they devised a cunning plan; one which involved seals of the old type and three, willing teenager siblings. They sealed the demons within these people, and thus the ancestors, or the 'base' as some people call it, of the Akuma Clan was created. But one should know, that each time the demons moved themselves from carrier to carrier, not only part of their soul was taken away, but their chakra and mental awareness too. Now, with each transfer, near to zero of any of these things are lost. But if you are to think of the long term effects of transferring between at least two hundred generations of the clan, those loses add up fairly quickly. Which now leaves the demons a barley there thing inside of the person. What use to be a loud booming voice is now nothing but a gentle pulsing in the back of the person's mind, something that can now be easily ignored and brushed aside. **_

Rubbing his eyes gently, Naruto closed the worn book and set it back into the single drawer of his bed-side table. He was amazed, truly he was, that he was practically living with the two of the descendants of such a renowned, and obviously, powerful clan. Having already read through the 267 paged book (minus the pages left for acknowledgements and bibliography) at least twice in two days, he had a very good understanding of this clan.

From what the book had said, the only people who had ever been exiled or disowned from the clan were two children demon carriers whom had run away from their families (the narrator explained that the disownments had both happened around the same time a year before she ever began writing the book). It was very possible that both Airashii and Miyuki, just like he, might know what it meant to be burdened with carrying a demon. The book described the actual carriers of the demons to "**_be looked down upon as a bane to the family. By many other members of the family (usually excluding their immediate family) they're looked at in a sub-human view. They're looked at as the actual demon, not its carrier."_**

He knew what that felt like, oh how he knew.

It was very possible that those two children described had been Airashii and Miyuki.

There was one thing though, just one thing, that he needed some clearance on.

_-Kyuubi…- _at first, he didn't receive an answer.

_-Kyuubi…I know you're there-_

A deep grumbling and a second later that deep, heavy accented voice rose in his mind.

**_-And what is so important that you are disturbing my nap? Did you happen to cut yourself too deeply again or are you just trying to get on my nerves?-_**

Ignoring the rather scathing sarcasm, Naruto asked his question:

_-Kyuubi, does someone named Mother War exist? Do you know?-_

A moment of silence told him that the Kyuubi had not been anticipating such a question to be asked.

**_-I met her only once, when I was much younger. She's the one who gave birth to my kind you know…- _**Kyuubi said, his voice taking a much softer and almost airy tone, as if he were remembering something that was a pleasant happening in his life.

_-I know she practically gave birth to you…what's she like? Do you remember what she looks like?-_

**_-Of course I do! It would be impossible even for a human with a sever form of Attention Deficit Disorder or whatever you humans abbreviate it as to forget a meeting with such a powerful being as herself!-_**

_-Ok Ok, I meant for you to answer the question, not blow up…-_

Kyuubi grumbled obscenities for but a moment before continuing:

**_-I remember that she and her two siblings have the forms of humans; Earth the form of a young tree like woman while Time was that of a strong and wise old man. Dear Mother War though, she is something to behold in her own right. Her face is not really a face at all, but that of a porcelain white and gray nozzled gas mask, the ones used in earlier wars to keep poison out of humans' bodies. Her eyes are not eyes; they are the black holes within her mask-face, covered in clouded dark glass with a sharp light that always seems to be on them. Her hair is that of golden twine and wire, tangling within itself so that it is nearly impossible to look at one strand and find the end of it without digging through her scalp. I remember the beehive shape of her skirt and how her dress was made up of what looked like dirty and ash covered silk. But the one thing that stands out most clearly still was her voice.-_**

_-Well, what did her voice sound like?-_

Kyuubi was silent for a moment, searching his mind for the correct words.

**_-The only words I know from you human's small vocabulary that can even begin to describe her voice would be 'deadly beautiful'.-_**

And so, it became a fact to Naruto that the being that was the entity of War did in fact exist, and apparently had the sweetest and yet deadliest sounding voice (even by demon standards).

----------------------------------------------

_There is no way one can be taught to cry_

_You have to learn it on your own_

_With maybe just a little nudge_

_The encouragement to let the lid of your heart open_

_And let its wounds be known; to the one who gave the nudge_

_The one who wants to know why you don't know how to cry_

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Daddy, is mommy ok?" Those words had always been on her lips ever since her mother had finally come home with the new baby. Even if daddy would smile, his warm pale gray eyes would always look so sad when he turned his face back to the little boy in his arms, replying,

"Yes Miyuki, mommy's ok."

Even though she was only ten years old at the time, Miyuki knew that her mommy was not ok. Taking after her mother in more than just appearance and inheritance of the 'Blood Demon', Miyuki knew there was no way mommy was ok.

She hadn't been the one to carry the new baby boy into their house, daddy had to. When the baby cried, daddy would get up and take care of him, and sometimes asked her to help hold him when he would make the baby's bottle. He would never ask mommy to get up from where she'd been sitting and staring into space; looking as if someone had been killed instead of born. Her mommy hated being around the baby, and even once yelled at her daddy to "Shut that god damn thing up" when the baby had been crying for over twenty minutes. Her mother couldn't even stand to be in the same room as the baby for too long, always leaving after only a few minutes.

Her mother and father had fights almost every evening, him always asking her loudly when she would be over this and she yelling at him to get the fuck away. Another thing that told her that her mommy was not ok was that her daddy would never let the baby be by its self with mommy…even going so far as to make Miyuki promise to not let the baby be alone in his room when mommy was around for more than a minute.

And when she eventually asked him why he was afraid to let her mommy be alone with Amai, for fear was the only thing to describe what she would see in her daddy's eyes when he caught mommy looking at the baby with her eyes full of hate), he would give her a smile that always looked a little sad, would pat her head and say,

"You'll understand when you get older."

Even if she didn't know the fact at the time, her mother had been suffering what is known as post-partum depression. And she was suffering something terrible.

There was one day though, the one day that changed her life as she knew it, that Miyuki would never ever be able to forget. Daddy had gone to work and Miyuki was home on her day off from lessons with her teacher; they had been going over the finer points of taijutsu (her worst subject) the day before.

She had been watching little Amai as he slept, his gray eyes closed and his fluffy brown hair fluttering in the warm breeze that came from the open window of his room, when a knock on the front door had been heard.

"Miyuki, sweetie, could you please get the door for mommy?" she had heard the tired voice of her mother call to her.

Kissing her hand and placing it on top of her baby brother's head, Miyuki quietly whispered,

"Be right back, k?"

Pulling the heavy wooden door open, she was greeted with the site of the mailwoman walking away from their porch, a normal degrading look on her face as she caught site of Miyuki.

Sighing, Miyuki stepped outside and closed the door. Once again, someone had judged her for the beast that was inside of her…she'd been judged before the person even spoke a word to her.

The red bricks of her home were warm from the late summer sun. The weeping willows that lined the cobble road that ran throughout her clan's district stood tall, blocking the afternoon sun from piercing anyone who happened to look up eyes.

Miyuki quietly tied her long hair up into a ponytail, ready to gather the mail and head back inside.

"Miyuki!"

Their middle-aged neighbor across the street, one of Miyuki's only friends, beckoned to her.

"Could you help me for a second Miyuki?" she called.

"Sure!" Miyuki said, reasoning with herself she would only be gone for a moment or two, that she'd be right back.

It was thirty minutes later when Miyuki opened the front door to their house.

"Sorry I was late mommy, Zuroshimo-san asked me to help her sweep her porch for a little bit…"

And when Miyuki had received no reply, she knew something was wrong, very wrong indeed. Dropping the mail envelopes on the spot, Miyuki dashed to her little brother's room, the closed door not a good omen. Gulping loudly, she twisted the knob and pushed the door open.

Creeping over to the crib where it sat near the door, a sense of relief washed over her as she saw her little brother still in his crib…face tinted a light blue color and his chest not moving in its normal rising and falling action. His frilly baby pillow was resting near his head and face.

"Amai…" Miyuki said, placing her hand gently into his own tiny one.

It was already deadly cold.

"Mommy!" she yelled. Even if her mommy didn't like the baby, she wouldn't kill him…right?

"Mommy! Mommy where are you?" she'd screeched, running out of the baby's room and bolting up the stairs to her parents room.

If possible, the sight that met her there was worse than the one downstairs. Above the bed her parents slept her mother's body hung, her wrists slit wide open, with the blood dripping sluggishly off of her fingers tips and into a puddle on the floor. The only thing Miyuki's mind really remembered other than the horrific scene was the fact that her mother's red eyes were pointed to the ceiling and her hair and neck were caked with drying blood, a disturbingly serene smile still on her dead face.

That evening, when Miyuki's father had come home from work, he too found these horrible sights, and a severely traumatized Miyuki hiding under her bed, she smelling of vomit and urine.

A month passed, and her brother and mother were both buried cold in the ground, she having not even gone to the funeral. She had nightmares every night, the feeling of already cold baby soft skin on her fingertips and the smell of blood always lingering with her when she would wake up sobbing.

What really worried her though were the changes in her daddy. The house became very messy, beer and vodka bottles always littering the house. Her daddy stopped going to work and kept going 'out' for hours on end. And now he wouldn't look at her anymore, and just like mommy had done with the baby, he wouldn't stay in the same room as her for very long. She was certain he blamed her for what had happened with Amai and her mommy, absolutely certain.

This thought was confirmed with a single night.

Sitting in the living room and reading one of her favorite books _If You Give a Moose a Muffin_, she had heard the front door open loudly, the sound of drunken men following.

"Aww man, wasn't tht chick I picked up tonight the hottest piece of ass you've ever seen?"

"Totally. Biggest pair of titties I've ever seen."

The men roared in laughter at what the voice had said…that voice had been her father. She watched as the men practically stumbled on each other into each other, all trying to sober up a bit as they caught sight of her.

"Yur Achiizz dhauhter, rrighttt?" one of the drunks slurred as he toke a swig from his glass beer bottle.

Miyuki nodded her head warily.

"Yur da one wit teh deamon in yas, rigghttt?" Another asked, a weird look gleaming in his eyes.

Miyuki only nodded her head once before a glass bottle flew to her head, shattering into little pieces. Little blood dribbled from where it had hit, and within a matter of seconds the throbbing pain that had been there was gone, the wound gone too once she checked.

"Whhooa…dat ther'z somethnik you don see evrday…"one of the three men said, staring at her as her father sat heavily into his chair.

"So yur the littl grl whos can't get hrt or die tht al them fanczy peoplll talk bout…"

Miyuki didn't respond this time, far too afraid of the look all three men now had in their eyes.

"Hey hey…Achi, can we hav sum fun wit yur here younging?"

At the time, Miyuki didn't know what the man meant by 'fun', but had the sinking feeling that their definition of fun was far from her own. She pleaded silently with her father, whose eyes were actually turned to her for once.

"What younging? That girl isn't my daughter…that _thing _is the reason both my son and wife are dead. Do what you want, just don't actually fuck the little shit." Her father had said in his calmest voice, the words tearing at Miyuki's heart and bringing tears to her eyes.

"Yur no fun." One of the men said, unbuttoning his pants.

Fear swept over Miyuki in waves as all the men (even including her father) surrounded her.

"Daddy…" She whimpered, a hand slapping her face harshly.

"You have no right to call me that…" the voice of her father said.

That night, and every night for that whole week, Miyuki's heart was broken again and again when her father and his friends would touch her. Always spitting heart wrenching words into her ears as they forced her to do things that made her feel like the things they were calling her: slut, tramp…

All of those harsh words were flung at her.

She knew though that they really could be doing something much worse to her…but the touching and being touched already felt like she was living through a nightmare. A nightmare that left her feeling absolutely worthless and disgusting after the men left and her father fell into an alcohol induced sleep.

Two weeks into this nightmare, and Miyuki found something that gave her a small slice of peace…a small haven.

A little razor and enough pressure, the cuts left behind were not noticed by her tormenters. And if they ever were, they were never brought to attention. It was the one thing though that she trusted; that she felt cared for her and she in turn cared about…her dear little friend.

Three months crawled by, and at one point, the then eleven year old Miyuki finally snapped. Accidentally letting the little pulsing in the back of her mind that told her the demon was there rise to a loud growling noise that emitted from her throat.

She would never truly remember what had happened, the only clues to her that she actually killed those men and her father were the faint screaming noises she thought she could sometimes remember and the tiniest flavor of blood in her mouth that would follow. The one thing though that she actually did remember and still always stood in her mind was that same day when she looked at her demonic form for the very first time.

Dried and cracking gray skin stretched over an elongated face and long fingers, the claw like nails covered in bits of flesh and blood. Nose now black as if bruised, normal red eyes a jaunting yellow color, hundreds of sharp teeth lining her mouth; her lips were pulled into what one might describe as a strained smile. Her back naturally hunched its self, her arms longer than her legs as they hung gangly at her sides, her spine showing its self clearly against its skin when she turned around to get a good look at it. Her hair seemed to have grown inward and was now standing short, the longest parts in the form of a mohawk that ran down the middle of her head and neck. Her ears larger, rounded, and the same gray color the rest of her body was, little tufts of white hair growing around them. She looked just like the beast…the odd looking hyena.

"A monster." Was what she had called her reflection before bolting out of the house, away from that nightmare.

The only thing she could truly remember of her trip to the place she now called home was the rush of cold wind in her face, the tears she cried at night when she rested, and the fact that days later she would wake up back to normal and in a bleach white hospital bed, strapped tightly to it by her wrists and ankles.

-----

Miyuki woke with a shuddering start, tears already streaming down her face as she gracelessly fell out of bed.

Trying to keep her heavy breathing to a low volume, she covered her mouth with her hands, chocking her sobs down into her throat.

She hadn't had such a vivid dream in a long time and the emotions that were being flung back at her were becoming more and more unbearable by the second. Frantically but quietly she began searching the ground and her belongings for something. She searched for anything that could penetrate her skin, something that would make the feelings of self-loathing and guilt that were rising in her to just stop for the time being.

Finding nothing, Miyuki was sure she was on the verge of having a very large melt down right there in the girl's dorm before an idea poked its way into her head.

Steadying herself with her bed, she walked silently on wobbly legs to the boy's dorm, clinging onto the sleeping body of her friend as soon as she found him.

"Huh! Was going on- Miyuki, what's wrong?" Naruto said sleepily, pulling the near to collapsing and sobbing girl up onto his bed, wrapping his arms around her as she cried into his chest.

Doing what he'd seen mothers do for their own crying children, he began rubbing soothing circles on her shoulder and neck as he waited for her to calm down enough to explain.

"Shh…it's ok Miyuki, it's ok." He whispered softly, coaxing her to calm her tears.

When he finally felt her tears start to subside in the slightest bit, he asked,

"Miyuki, what's wrong? Did you have a nightmare or something?"

Miyuki unfolded and righted herself by sitting shoulder to shoulder with him on his bed, trying to wipe away the tears that were still falling.

"Yeah…I had a nightmare. I-it was one of the worst ones I've had in a long time. I didn't have anything in my room to do it with and I almost freaked out, so I came in here and you were the first person I saw and I know you'll listen to me, so that's why I woke you up." Miyuki said, coming close to forming a confusing run-on sentence. Naruto needed not to ask what she meant when she referred to doing 'it'.

Pulling his legs up onto the bed and wrapping his arms around them, Miyuki following suit, he asked,

"Wanna tell me about it?"

And she did. For over an hour and a half she told Naruto the story of her past and how she managed to end up where she was today. She told him about her mother, Amai, her father, those men, and even spoke briefly about her demonic form. At many parts she had to take a minute or two to collect herself, her crying almost a constant through the story, as was Naruto's hand rubbing gentle circles into her back.

"Y-you've read up on my clan, the Akumas, right? I k-know that some hidden villages make sure their ninja at least know a-about us… " she asked, her voice craking evry now and then.

"I've read a bit here and there." Naruto lied only the smallest bit.

"Well, you know about the demons, right? The ones sealed in me and Airashii?"

Naruto nodded his head, his hand still making those circles.

"Ever since I was little, lots of people outside my immediate family would give me these odd looks…some of them seemed afraid of me and others looked like they were both afraid and angry with me. It was like I had done something I had no recollection of. I learned soon enough though why those people gave me those weird looks. I had a demon in me, and lots of my distant relatives saw me as a beast, a monster. They looked down on me for something I hadn't done."

Naruto sighed, his heart aching for her and the exact pain he had always felt.

"I know how that feels."

"But how?" Miyuki said, a brief look of pure anger and frustration coming across her face.

"How do you know what it feels like to be so isolated, to be ignored because of something you had no control over? How do you know what it's like to be called a monster, to listen to people whisper and snicker behind your back, saying 'there goes the little demon, her poor parents, having to deal with such a monstrosity.'?" Miyuki said, her rage barley contained in a whisper.

Naruto was silent for a moment, contemplating weather he should let spill one of his biggest secrets. But one look of her eyes made up his mind for him; that same pain he'd always felt reflecting in her own.

The pain of loneliness.

He knew then that she, who knew the same pain as he, would never reject someone who'd seen the same sort of hell he'd seen.

"…Miyuki. Do you know the story of how the Fourth Hokage of this village killed the demon named Kyuubi?" Naruto said, his voice shaking slightly.

"Yeah…" Miyuki answered as a confused look crossing over her features.

"Well, it's a lie. Yondaime didn't kill the demon. He sealed it…he sealed it into a little, newborn baby boy on October tenth, a little over thirteen years ago."

The confused look stayed on Miyuki face for only a moment before it was replaced with one of understanding and a bitter sadness.

Her eyes filled with tears as she laid her head on Naruto's shoulder, Naruto's eyes doing the same as he in turn rested his head against her own.

"I'm so sorry…" she said, at a length.

"You didn't seal him in me; it's not your fault." Naruto said, his eyes drooping in sleepiness.

"You know, it's not your fault either…"

It was silent again for several minutes, before Miyuki would ask in a very sleepy voice,

"Can I sleep here for tonight…I don't want to be alone right now."

"Ok…" Naruto answered in the same sleepy voice standing up and pulling back the covers of his bed for Miyuki.

As he climbed back into bed, Naruto awkwardly settled himself near Miyuki, his front facing her back. It was when he was nearly asleep once more when he felt Miyuki shift for a moment or two, before a smooth forehead touched his own.

"Thank you…" she said, voice lanced with near sleep.

"Welcome…" he replied, his voice very similar to hers.

Unknown to them, four beds down Airashii himself was having a nightmare.

And in the morning, Airashii woke up looking like he hadn't slept and Naruto woke up to an unexpectedly empty bed.

---------------------------------------

"Don't worry sweetie, theses people here won't hurt you, all they want to do is help you, ok?" a woman with a kind smile she had seen before said, standing up from her crouched position as she beckoned Ren to follow her.

Ren did not believe a word that was coming from this woman's mouth. Why should she? All of the other big people she had ever met had wanted to hurt her…why would she believe what a big person was saying about other big people?

But none the less, Ren followed the woman into the large building, a tight grip on her teddy bear, a hand always tugging at her pink sweater and pants. She had been giving another cleaning and her hair had been fed this white creamy stuff that sort of reminded Ren of the white stuff that would sometimes come out of daddy's wee-wee. But this white stuff didn't make her hair all tangled and goopy; it made it smooth and easy to brush.

Following a step behind the woman, they made their way up what felt like thousands of stairs, finally coming to a stop when they reached a door marked with what Ren recognized as one of the numbers her older brother had been trying to slowly teach her.

Her heart clenched at the thought of her brother, her precious older brother. He'd been the one who'd make sure daddy and mommy never forgot to feed her, even if it usually meant a punch in the face from daddy and their mommy telling him to 'shut up before he got her in trouble'. He always helped her after daddy would hurt her, he'd make sure she felt safer afterwards, with him.

He would even sing a song for her…even if she didn't always know what the words meant.

After talking to another woman who looked a little crazy, she and the first woman walked down a hallway, the last door being their stop. Buttons were pushed and the door swung open, a room meeting them.

The woman was soon to be sidetracked with a conversation with what appeared to be an old friend. Knowing that big people liked to talk almost non-stop when it was possible, Ren decided it was high time to get away from this big person before the woman had a chance of hurting her.

Sneaking away was easy enough…but finding her way around was a whole other thing. Eventually she got so turned around, she found herself sitting in an empty room, cuddling with her teddy bear under a table, her heart still aching for her big brother, with his short black hair, gentle blue eyes, and fairly dark clothes.

"Brother…"she whispered to the empty room, her heart aching in longing for her only precious person.

The only one who had cared.

------------------

Something was not right. That much was certain. Airashii sat there, staring into space, the other two sitting with him staring with concern at his sad and tired expression.

"Hey Airashii, you ok?" Miyuki asked, patting him on the back.

Snapping sharply out of the daze he had been in.

"Y-yeah, I'm ok…just tired I guess." He said with a gentle forced smile, holding his head in his hands for a moment or two before leaving his untouched food at the table muttering a simple "I need the bathroom."

Miyuki and Naruto exchanged glances as he disappeared from the room.

"You should go talk with him." Miyuki said simply.

"I don't know him as well as you do though…" Naruto said, not quite sure of himself.

"But what you said last night…it really helped me you know. I know it must have been a really hard thing to tell me, but if I know my cousin, which I do, he'll find what you told me just as calming as I found it."

Naruto snorted,

"My little old secret did that much for you?"

"It wasn't even so much the secret. The shrinks here hear what you say, but they never really listen because they never understand where you're coming from…they just don't get things all the time. But when we were talking last night, it was the first time I've ever talked with someone else other than Airashii and felt like I was being listened to, like my actual voice was being heard. It meant a lot, you know?"

Naruto gulped down the food he had in his mouth, partially amazed with what he had unknowingly given someone: a listening ear.

"I'm serious…go talk with him." Miyuki said, shooing him away.

Pulling himself out of his seat, he made to grab his tray, before his hand was swatted smartly away.

"Go now!" Miyuki prompted him, raising her eyebrows in a 'didn't-you-hear-me-the-first-time?' manner.

Snorting again, Naruto walked briskly to the boy's bathroom, leaving Miyuki to try and figure out how to make it across the room with three used trays stacked upon each other without dropping them.

--------------------

Naruto was soon to find Miyuki's cousin. The bathroom was void of life, except for a single person. Airashii stood in front of the sinks, staring at his own reflection in the long mirror that hung from the wall. His long sleeved shirt was missing, balled up in his left hand, his right gently touching what looked like a horrible and large burn scar on his left shoulder.

Sighing quickly, Naruto made his way over to the older boy, standing next to him and leaning heavily onto the sinks.

"You ok?" Naruto asked quietly.

Airashii was silent for a moment or two, his eyes still transfixed on the scar on his shoulder.

"You know how I got this scar?"

Naruto shook his head.

"My mother poured a pot of boiling water on my when I was nine…for failing a ninjutsu test from the teacher."

"They were tough on you I take it?"

Airashii sighed, pulling the shirt back onto his body.

"I never did anything right in their eyes. Ever since I cane remember, it had always been 'Airashii, you need to do better!' or 'Airashii you need to try harder than this!' even when I was working as hard as I could. They were very hypercritical of any and everything I did. They seemed to think everything I tried I messed up on horribly, like I had messed up on purpose. And when they found out at one point that I was hurting myself, because I felt like such a failure to them, they didn't talk to me for over two months. All I've ever wanted was to make them happy, but now I know that no matter how well I would have done in any part of my life it would have never been enough for them…"

Naruto was quiet, hinting that he was still listening.

"You know about my clan…right?"

"I've read a bit about you guys." Again with the little white lie.

"Well, if you haven't guessed, I'm from the third and 'weakest' branch of the clan. Not only was I looked down by the other branches of the clan for being part of the third branch, but I was also looked down on because I am the carrier of the Boar demon. I guess my parents wouldn't have been so ashamed of me if I was just like anyone else of the third branch, but to also have the son who was looked at as a monster? I always think that fact was the thing that drove them to believing if I were perfect in every other way; the others would forget the things they saw as imperfect. It was a nightmare. And I eventually ran away from it and got myself disowned for doing so. Same thing happened with Miyuki; instead of trying to figure out why she did what she did and why she ran away, they just disowned her and went on with their own little lives."

There was a gentle quietness for a moment, before Naruto decided it was high time to break it.

"The part about being looked down as a monster I completely understand, but the expectations of perfection and the disappointment when they weren't met…that pain you must have felt is something I can only imagine."

Airashii cocked an eyebrow upwards.

"Ask Miyuki…she'll tell you what I mean by that."

Airashii smiled a true gentle smile.

"You're one funny kid you know."

Naruto smiled a pure smile as well.

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

Walking out of the bathroom, a question came to Naruto's mind.

"Hey Airashii, if you're the Boar and Miyuki is the Hyena, who's the Hawk?"

Surprise by how much Naruto actually knew about his clan filled Airashii's green eyes before he answered.

"Our cousin from the first branch; her name is Akuma Sai."

"Akuma Sai, Akuma Sai," Naruto continually chanted out loud, Airashii shaking his head at his weird antics.

----------------------------

Tsunade sighed, looking at the very important girl sitting in front of her. Now cleaned up and bandaged (by her own hands too), Akuma Sai was much easier to look at now. Her right eye had been sewed up and bandaged tightly, her feet cleaned and bound, and a new pair of jeans and sweat shirt adorning her.

"Now, Akuma-san, what exactly are you doing here?" Tsunade asked politely.

"Hokage-sama…I actually bring you very grave news from my clan. My mother, the head of the first branch, has lost her sanity."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Tsunade said, wondering if that was the only 'grave' news.

"No no Hokage-sama, you misunderstand me. My mother has lost her sanity…the members of our clan usually detect and rid of other members before the actual act of losing ones sanity occurs."

"So in other words…" Tsunade said, finally seeing where this was going.

"My mother went crazy and has killed everyone in our clan. Hokage-sama, the only remaining members of the Akuma Clan are me, my two cousins whom I know live here, and my mother."

Tsunade sighed in a tired manner.

"Is your mother still looking for you?"

Sai nodded her head, saying,

"I will not lie to you Hokage-sama. My mother will most likely attack the village when she discovers that I am here. And when she does, I plan to take the matter into my own hands and will lead her far away from this place. For now, all I ask is for a place to stay and meals to eat so I may recuperate from my long trip." Sai said, her lone eye staring intently at Tsunade.

Tsunade thought for a moment, thinking on what her teacher, the third, would have done.

"You may stay here for the time being…but I'm afraid you'll have to take lodge within the rehabilitation center of this village and will work there as someone serving public services."

"My arrival is being kept a secret I take it?"

"As secret as I can keep it. The fact that not one, not two, but three Akumas live within our city getting out to the shinobi public…I shudder to think of all the drama that might arise from it."

"You a very kind Kage you know." Sai said with a very rare, but very warm smile lighting up her face.

"My assistant will show you the way…" Tsunade said, shooing the girl from her office.

"Thank you very much Hokage-sama." Sai said gently, bowing deeply and limping slightly out the door.

Tsunade snorted in bitter irony.

To think, her village was unknowingly housing three members of the infamous Akuma Clan, each of a different Branch no less. And all three of them would be living under the same roof.

Oh the irony…

--------------------------

"Tenten, remind me again why you dragged me along?"

The weapons' specialist puffed her cheeks in what she knew to be her cutest pout, a bag of cookies in her hands and a small vase of flowers located in the hands of her green spandex wearing teammate and friend.

"Because Neji, Naruto needs our moral support. I know you read that paper Shikamaru printed off for us! It said we have to be supportive and caring…what better way to show you care than with a bag of homemade cookies and flowers?"

"Tenten-chan is right you know Neji! We must use all our strength to boost the moral of our very downtrodden friend. We must help him regain his footing in the path to youthfulness and passion for life!" Lee said enthusiastically loud, as usual.

Neji sighed again, following the footsteps of his friends. It wasn't like he didn't want to visit Naruto and it wasn't like he was against giving hi extra moral support or anything.

He just…didn't know quite how to act around him anymore. What was he supposed to do? Act like nothing had happened or act like the world had done a 180 degree flip?

…such a hard decision to make!

Coming to a stop as his friends opened the door to the level they had been directed to, Neji cracked his neck quietly in (what only his teammates recognized as) nervousness; they opened the door and were greeted with an odd sight.

"Oh well, hiya there! I take it you're here for a visit now aren't ya?" a young woman said as she dusted off the fake, potted plant in the room with a feather duster.

"Yes, we were directed here to visit Uzumaki Naruto." Tenten said.

"Oh you guys brought him cookies and flowers, how sweet! Follow Kiriva, she knows the way!" Kiriva said, pointing down the hallway as she all but marched down it.

Following her with a degree of uncertainty, the three teammates soon found themselves in yet another room.

"Aren't you going to tell us where he is?" Neji asked coolly as the woman made to leave.

"Art therapy duh! Or he could be wandering the halls aimlessly with his friends Airashii and Miyuki…who knows!" Kiriva said, bounding away and letting the door close shut.

"Well, let's look around." Tenten said cookies still in hand.

"Onward we must go to find our dearly depressed friend!" Lee added, his vigor fueled by the fact that the sooner they found Naruto, the sooner they (mostly him) could morally boost him into oblivion.

And within a few minutes, they did indeed find their target…wandering the halls aimlessly with two people they assumed to be Airashii and Miyuki nonetheless.

"NARUTO!" Lee yelled happily, almost dropping the vase.

Naruto's face pulled into a great smile.

"LEE!"

"NARUTO!"

"LEE!"

"NARUTO AND LEE!" the fifth yelling came from neither Naruto nor Lee, but from Miyuki.

"What was that?" Naruto asked a perplexed look on his face.

"Well excuse me for joining in on the fun." Miyuki said, rolling her eyes.

After introductions, which were several minutes long considering both Miyuki and Lee were yelling their greetings to each person quite loudly; a slightly awkward silence fell over them.

"So, what brought you guys to this neck of the woods?" Naruto asked, shuffling his feet.

"We came to visit you! And we even brought cookies and a flower." Tenten answered, handing him the bag of cookies and the vase with a sunflower in it.

His favorite type of flower.

"And we also came to morally boost you!" Lee said, taking a deep breath to prepare for the boosting.

"I'm good Lee, maybe another day." Naruto said, watching Lee physically deflate.

"Oh oh, can he morally boost me!? Can he?" Miyuki asked, waving her arm in the air.

"Miyuki-san, has anyone ever told you that you have the most beautiful pair of blood red eyes?"

"Really?" Miyuki asked, slightly embarrassed.

"Of course, and your hair is just like the color of pure snow."

"You're not lying, right?"

"Why would I have reason to?" Lee asked.

"Lee, you're too awesome for your own good!" Miyuki said, smiling as she shook her head.

Lee's response to such a moral boost was to flash her his 'Good Guy' smile.

"How do you do that?" Miyuki asked.

"Do what?" Lee said, wondering what amazing thing he had done to get such an amazed look from the younger girl.

"That sparkly, smile thingy you just did."

"You want to know the secret of the all famous Good Guy smile?"

"Yeah I do!"

"Well…" Lee answered, whispering the 'secrets' of such a pristine smile in her ear.

"Is he always like that?" Airashii asked, brushing his shaggy brown hair out of his eyes.

"I could ask the same about her." Neji stated quietly.

Quietly munching away on his cookies and watching in amusement as Miyuki tried to copy the Good Guy smile trademarked to Lee and Gai, he was silently grateful for happy days such as these.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

_The rain to the wind said,  
'You push and I'll pelt.'  
They so smote the garden bed  
That the flowers actually knelt,  
And lay lodged--though not dead.  
I know how the flowers felt_

**Lodged** by Robert Frost

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Yep…yet another chapter for your reading delight…still haven't heard from Gothic Kacie but that's cool. I'd like to thank every one of you who has reviewed and helped get this fic past it's 100th review marker…it makes me a happy person…

But just for shits and giggles, let's see who gave me that 100th review looks over reviews…

Me being a C average student at math does not have any good side to it (other than I will probably never have to take calculus, thank god) but it's either** biggestboss** or **pUppetEEr-NiNja** who gave me that 100th review…whatever, have fun with the chapter and review if you find time to.


	10. AN: Important notice

To my very dearest readers and fans,

I am writing to you with a rather grave and heavy heart. I know what I am to say will cause quite a panic amongst you, but please understand that doing this hurts me just as much as it will hurt you. For personal reasons that I will let you in on, I am giving up most of my fanfiction writing, and putting up "Even When he Smiles" and "Death Backwards spells Life" for adoption, and will give them to people(s) of my very own choosing.

Now, I promise that I will finish my fiction I have going with Angelfeatherwriter ("Cancer"). And like a said, I'm going to let you in on as to why this is coming about.

Not all too long ago, about several months to be exact, my dad happened to find my old fanfiction profile. Results were horrible at best, and he had me shut it down. Secretly though, I made a new profile and hid it from him. Now, over these past months, I've made many new fictions and have made many new fans and friends…but guilt of lying has gotten the best of me.

I know many of you will say "Screw your dad, the stuff you write isn't "wrong" (which is what he called it)", but I feel horrible for lying to him. Many of you will probably know the happiness that courses through you when someone reviews your story and says they like what you've written. Every time that happened to me I would feel that happiness, but this fear of him finding my profile and this guilt of how disappointed he would be in me if he did find it filled me up as well. So, I want to stop being afraid and I want to stop feeling guilty, and I will wait it out until I go to college. Until then, you may not see a whole bunch of me, and I will let my fictions go into the possession of people I deem "good hands" and I will watch them grow and flourish.

As for the adoptions of these fics, once I have chosen someone, I will give them my password to my profile so they may update it from there and still keep whatever reviews that are there intact. I will also explain to these chosen people how I had originally hoped that these fics would progress.

Thank you for taking the time to read this notice and if any of you have questions, do not hesitate to either PM me or leave a comment/review on any of my stories…

Sincerely,

AppleCoreCandyBox

EDIT AS OF 1/23/09-

Obviously you all know that this no longer applies to my stories, since, you know, I'm still writing. Anyways, disregard above sad message and continue reading on my friend!!


	11. Foul

November 7th

_I must go on standing_

_You can't break that which isn't yours_

_I must go on standing_

_I'm on my on, it's not my choice_

Excerpt from **Après Moi** by Regina Spektor

* * *

The smell of sugar sweet cinnamon baking tickled Naruto's nose. Lifting his head off his arms and the table they'd been folded on, he looked quizzically at the kitchen he was in. More importantly, he stared at the back of the woman who was in said kitchen with him. She had long black hair that she had up in a loose bun, freckle kissed skin, and wore a light blue cotton shirt and deep blue slacks. She was humming cheerfully to herself, measuring cups, bowels, sugar, flour and other baking necessities stood waiting on the counter top where she was working. The smell of fresh cookies tickled Naruto's nose once more, making his stomach growl a tiny bit.

In the very pit of his chest, Naruto felt something tug at his heart sharply. Why did the smell of cinnamon sugar cookies suddenly make him feel like he was about to cry?

"Naruto, are you hungry?" the woman's sweet, maternal voice carried from the kitchen's counter to where he was sitting at the table.

In the back of his mind, he knew he'd heard this voice before, had basked in its gentle warmness once upon a time. But for whatever reason, whatever thing was blocking his mind, he could not place her voice to any person he'd known.

"Yeah, could I have a cookie please?" he folded his arms once more and placed his head in them.

The woman turned to face him, a warm cookie on a paper plate. Naruto lay there for a moment longer, gaping at her.

"What's wrong Naruto, is there something funny on my face?"

Naruto awoke just in time to cover his mouth, stifling the scream that had been born at the sight of the woman in his dream. Turning over, Naruto pressed his face into his pillow and slid his hands away from his mouth, letting the scream rip trough his throat only to be muffled in the pillow. When the scream had spent its self, Naruto turned his head away from the pillow, just enough so he could breathe properly. Quietly holding himself, he tried to calm his shaky breaths and tremors that were making his body shake.

Her face…how could he have ever forgotten that face, even in his sleep? Of course though, the dream version of her was the one he'd rather forget. Tongue cut out and throat split open, intestines spilling from where she'd been split from her clavicles to her pelvis. Eyes still wide open in agony and terror even through there was no life left in her. That was the state he'd found her in the last time he'd seen her. He'd been only eleven when she had been killed. Morima had been her name, and she had been forty-two when she had died. She had been only care giver (of sorts) the third Hokage had appointed to him that hadn't immediately asked to be assigned a different child. She'd been one of the few adults Naruto had trusted as a kid, and, now that he thought on it, a mother to him. She had bee the only one who had cared enough to let him come over to her house any and every day that he wanted. She had read him stories, made sure he had at least one good meal in the day, bought him crayons and paper so he could draw pictures to hang on her fridge. She'd been the only person to make a batch of cookies just for him, other than Tenten's recent baking extravaganzas.

And he had killed her. Not with his own hands, but with his reasoning, he might as well have. If he had just kept his mouth shut, if he had heeded the warning, if he had just let it be. Naruto sighed, trying desperately trying to stitch up the old wound he had reopened, pushing on the wound as hard as he could to stop the bleeding. He didn't need reminding that he was the reason for Morima Nanase's death.

"Momo-san…Morima Nanase." Naruto let the nickname she'd given herself and her real name roll of his tongue in a whisper, immediately coming back to her family name.

Nanase. Nanase. Why did he feel like he knew that name from somewhere else?

_That's mine and my mom's ring, take care of it for me, k? And for your own amusement, my name is Emiko Nanase._

Naruto's heart clenched to the point where he had to pinch himself to remind his body to breathe. Reaching into his shirt and grasping that same glass ring, he turned his head back into the pillow.

He hoped it was enough to muffle the sound of his sobbing.

* * *

_They say to forgive and forget_

_I want to be forgiven_

_But not forgotten_

_I'll forgive and forget_

_If I can be forgiven by all_

_And forgotten by none_

* * *

Saraii grinned. This was the mot excited Miyuki had been in a long while.

"And this one is where Airashii _almost _won one of those little fishes in those little pond games." Miyuki flashed a picture in front o Saraii's face just long enough for Saraii to see a brown haired boy playing the traditional festival fish game. Yes, Miyuki's disposable camera's film had been developed. And yes, Miyuki was now in the middle of bombarding her shrink with the rendition of the moments the film had captured.

Saraii let the girl go on and on about the pictures, each silly snapshot having an equally silly story to go with it. This was a definite improvement, not long ago she would have had to practically fight to get a single word out of the girl. Now she couldn't even get a word in!

At one point, Miyuki came upon a picture that made her talking stop abruptly. Saraii waited a moment, examining the girl's sudden one eighty expression change. She'd gone from carefree to serious, happy to open melancholy.

"What's wrong? Did the picture not come out?" Saraii asked, quietly probing the girl for an answer.

Miyuki was silent as she turned the photo so it faced the woman, its image fairly disturbing. A dark haired boy sitting in a shower stall, clad in nothing but gray boxers. If the description stopped at that, Saraii would be slightly confused as to why her patient had gone so quiet. Of course, if statements remain just that, ifs.

The boy's arms and legs were covered in many newly made cuts, many still silently bleeding. So, that would explain the mood change.

As Miyuki pulled the picture away and tucked it away with the other, much happier ones, Saraii spoke.

"That's the Uzumaki boy, right?"

All she received was silence.

Saraii sighed, she had thought today wasn't going to have to become a big fight.

"Moving right along, how are you two getting along?"

Miyuki raised a delicate eyebrow.

"What do you mean by that?" she asked.

"Well, last time we talked about him, you said something along the lines that you sort of trusted him. How do you feel now after seeing him like that?"

Miyuki was quietly mindful for a second, nestling herself deeper into the chair she was all cozy in.

"Well, I know I can trust him no matter what now. We've been through so many similar situations its a little nerve wracking. To find someone who instinctively understands where I'm coming from so well, I mean." Miyuki said sheepishly.

"This boy must be something else. The only person you say you truly trust is your own cousin and it took _him_ six months for him to gain it. You've known this boy for what, less than a month, and he's already somehow gained your trust?" Saraii used her words very carefully; she knew Miyuki literally took people's words to heart.

Again Miyuki was contemplative.

"It's not that he's a miracle worker of some sort, it's just something in my gut told me 'go for it'. I went for it and now I have a new friend. It's just so easy to be around him. With other people I always have to keep things in check, I just can't let anything that might be good out. But when I'm around him or Arashii, I don't have to do that. I can cry, smile. I can do whatever and at the end of the day, neither of them will ever judge me."

Saraii nodded her head, very happy for the girl.

"I hate it when he feels so sad though."

Well, Saraii had to admit Miyuki willingly speaking without being prompted to was a very new experience.

"Why do you hate it?"

"He doesn't deserve it. Neither does Arashii, now that I think about it." Miyuki slowly tucked her legs to her chest, chin resting delicately on her knees.

"Why don't they deserve it?"

"They're good people with kind hearts. They put themselves last to others' needs without a second thought, help as much as they can where they can. The world needs more people like them in it, the world needs more kindness to it I think."

For as sporadic the girl was at times, Saraii was not in the least bit surprised by the nugget of wisdom Miyuki was unknowingly displaying. And god knew the world would be better off if it were filled with more kindness.

* * *

Tamada was, to put it lightly, livid. The board had denied her. They had denied her and Doctor Satoshi's educated thoughts, opinions, suggestions. Had said they were being overly cautious to something that was a "passing" phase in Naruto's life. Bullshit.

If it was passing, why did some of the disturbing drawings Hana had found in Naruto's home have dates written on them that said Naruto was only five when he drew them? If it was passing, why did Doctor Satoshi's analysis on Naruto's self inflicted scars date some of them to be over four years old? If it was a passing phase, why had Naruto admitted to first start self-harming when he was only eight years old?

In all the years she had listened to those who needed an open ear most and had gone up against the Board for their well being, she'd never seen anything this ridiculous before.

If there was one person that _needed,_ truly needed to stay in that rehab center, it would be Naruto hands down. And yet she had been asked, no, ordered to release the boy and let him go back home (with a weekly visit to her office of course). Everything about the situation smelled very foul to her and it all led back to the head of the Board of medicine of Konoha. The asshole was up to something cruel, and she wasn't about to let him even try to do it.

Dejected and angry, Tamada slowly made her way home from the official building she'd just witnessed and very suspicious bout of injustice.

Yes, something smelled very foul in the air.

* * *

Slowly, ever so slowly, Naruto became aware of a presence that was in plain sight. A little girl he'd heard was called Ren bothered him slightly. Well, not so much bothered as intrigued. Wherever she went, from what he could see, she was accompanied by either a staff member or a woman who turned out to be her city appointed social worker. That wasn't what intrigued him. She was emaciated to a point where he caught a staff member or two flinching once they saw her for the first time. But that wasn't what intrigued him. She had eyes that belonged to someone who was dead. That definatly wasn't what intrigued him.

It was how she looked at him, specifically him. Any other time he'd glimpsed her, her eyes were deceptively blank, masked if you will. But every time their eyes managed to meet, Naruto saw that she stared at him with gut wrenching need, silently screaming for him to help her, hold her, protect her.

Maybe it was just him, but he couldn't help but feel like she was quietly asking him to save her from some monster that she only ever saw in her dreams now a days.

Scratching his still scabbed cuts on his arm, Naruto tuned back in on the rather interesting conversation Miyuki and Arashii were having about ducks.

* * *

Sai was restless. She squirmed in the small beds she'd been allotted in one of the many "bunk corners", as the staff rightfully called them. She twitched not because of fear of bad dreams or unpleasant memories. She'd felt it the very first night she'd stepped into the village, that small pulse that told her someone in this village was on the verge starting the transformation one under went when the inner wall is broken. She could feel it.

The wall was splintered, cracked very badly, but not yet smashed through. Even still, the essence of the power that lay just beneath the nearly broken surface was leaking through and making Sai very irritable and jumpy.

It would have been much easier to deal with if she at least knew the person's face. If she could find him or her, she'd be able to sleep easier. If she knew, she'd be able to do something, to help ease what was bound to be a very painful and inevitable future for the poor soul. But the fact still remained that she didn't know yet.

And so, Sai twitched unhappily all night, the fact that she didn't know, the fact that she was out of the loop, hung heavily over her head.

* * *

So yes…I'm back. My reason for being back can be seen at the top of my profile. Hmmm, it feels weird writing after being gone for so damn long, but oh well. A few things to say before I let you go review. One: I'm in the process of cleaning up the chapters of this story. I don't mean a revamp; I just mean a small tidy up so things can flow a bit more smoothly. You'll be able to tell which chapters I've done this to because the ones I've cleaned up I've given actual chapter names (as opposed to the times line name thing I had going on). Two: Thank you all so much for sticking with this story, you all have no idea how much that really means to me.

P.S: forgive the short chapter, I'm doing my best (is half dead at 4 in the morning).

Top of Form


	12. Plots

Evening of November 7

_It's not worth anything,  
More than this at all.  
I'll live as I choose,  
Or I will not live at all._

_I'm free to decide, I'm free to decide,  
And I'm not so suicidal after all.  
I'm free to decide, I'm free to decide,  
And I'm not so suicidal after all,  
At all, at all, at all._

Excerpts from **Free to Decide **by The Cranberries

* * *

Iruka stared at Tsunade. It was all he could do at that point, his utter shock and horror was so great. This had to b some sort of joke. Given, it was a very sick joke, but a joke none the less. Naruto couldn't be, just couldn't…could he?

"I understand this all maybe a little bit hard to swallow, but I wouldn't have told you where he was right off the bat if I didn't think you could handle it." Tsunade peered into Iruka's eyes and sighed.

The man's eyes were so glazed she doubted he could hear a single word she was saying anymore. She slowly eased herself back into the chair behind her desk, giving him time to take in all the information she'd given him. He'd been gone for exactly a month on a delicate diplomatic issue. A very small, new neighboring village had asked for an alliance with the leaf village and it just so happened that Iruka was well versed with their native tongue. When it came to diplomacy, any possible gap that could be filled was filled before any sort of meeting took place.

"Have you seen him?" Iruka's quiet question roused Tsunade from her thoughts. She frowned slightly before answering,

"Yes, but not when he was awake. I saw him almost right after the hospital admitted him into their, um, suicide watch. He was still passed out from the blood he had lost and I have yet to have the chance to make the proper arrangements to see him at the rehabilitation center."

She kept her voice as neutral as possible- even though she knew she would always have trouble voicing the words Naruto and suicide in the same sentence.

Tsunade watched as Iruka stood from his chair, bowing politely with a mumbled "Hokage-sama" and quickly made his way out of the room. Tsunade sighed again. Maybe she hadn't been right about the man; maybe it had been too soon for him to know the truth about his would be adoptive son.

As soon as Iruka reached his small home he unceremoniously flopped himself onto the living room's couch, kicking his shoes off after a minute of staring at his ceiling. Slowly, ever so slowly, he let the facts sink in.

Naruto was in a rehabilitation center.

He was there because he was a chronic self-mutilator.

Naruto had had these habits for over five years.

And Iruka had never even had a clue.

Iruka's eyes were uncharacteristically puffy and bloodshot the next morning when he made his way to the academy.

* * *

_What if I told you my secrets_

_What would you do?_

_I bet you'd scream and cry_

_You'd repel me and shake in disgust_

_But please…_

_Please don't hate me_

* * *

In a more run down and ghetto-like part of Konoha sat a house. A very beat up, run down, boarded up house to boot. May a rumor claimed it haunted by the terror filled screams that would every now come from its belly at ridiculous hours. At the moment, no such scream could be heard. At the moment, two men sat within said house, their room lighted by a small oil lantern. One was slightly balding and plump, his rotund belly sagging over the belt of his pants. The other was big in the good way, strong arms sticking out from his short sleeve uniform, dark hair peeking out from his ANBU mask that was shaped like a deranged monkey.

"How did the meeting go, Director?"

The blubber filled man smirked at the code name he'd given himself for these transactions. God how he loved it when he was called that.

"Just as planed Mr. Monkey, I got all the other board members to give the ok on releasing the monster."

"How did you manage to get them to do that?" Mr. Monkey sounded highly impressed.

The Director lit a long pipe, taking his time to savor the taste the smoke left in his mouth.

"You'd be surprised how far a little blackmail and money goes. Now, you'll hold up you're end of this deal, right?"

Mr. Monkey nodded.

"Once he gets home and settled in, I kill him, correct?"

The Director smirked.

"Make it look like he did it to himself, you can't forget that crucial part." The Director took a long drag on the pipe, breathing out a cloud of smoke on his exhale.

"Of course." Mr. Monkey said, rising from his rickety seat.

"I would also advise that you not fuck him this time around. I don't want anything of you left inside him for others to find. You were lucky last time when you managed to kill that caretaker of his he told before she got a hold of anyone important." The Director's voice took on a condescending tone, reprimanding Mr. Monkey for a mistake long since passed.

The Director failed to see the ANBU's hand clench savagely for a moment before it was forced to relax. He hated it that this lard of a man thought himself bigger than a highly skilled killer. He'd pay for his stupidity one day, oh how he would pay out the fucking wazoo.

"Yes, no more mistakes like that. I'm sorry our game of revenge with the little monster has only lasted this long." Mr. Monkey replied coolly.

"I'll miss the amusement too; you're not alone in that. But the beast has it coming, so I won't _terribly_ miss the fun minds games we play with him after he's gone." The Director looked to the ceiling, a twisted smile growing on his face.

Mr. Monkey quietly made his way out of the house and back to his own home. Milling through the trash that now permanently sat in piles around the floor; he stripped out of his uniform and put it back in the box he kept under the floorboards. Taking out a cigarette from the almost dead pack on his couch and lighting it, he stamped the floorboard back into place.

No one knew he'd kept his uniform after he'd been dishonorably discharged from his ANBU squad.

* * *

Shino stared quietly up at the huge building, listening to Kiba as he whistled in an impressed way.

"This is where he's staying, right Hinata?" Kiba asked, trying with very little success to inconspicuously hide Akamaru in his jacket.

"Yes." The pale girl said, turning her head toward the looming building as well.

Shino couldn't help but feel that there was something distinctly…off about the place. It wasn't the fact that it seemed a bit run down, most places in Konoha were in some state of run down because of how often the village tended to be attacked. There was something about the building its self that sent a small shiver up his back. What the hell was it?

"Hey Shino you coming?" Kiba called him, Akamaru safely tucked away in Hinata's sweatshirt.

Shino had failed to notice his teammates carry on with him, they now standing at the door of the building. Walking forward a few steps, Shino stopped, suddenly very aware of what had felt of about the building.

The channels in his body that were made only for chakra had been blocked from the outside, he could no longer feel that little connection he kept with the bugs that lived beneath his skin. His could feel them though, thoroughly confused by the sudden lose of awareness of the body they lived in. They squirmed, quickly becoming irate in their frustration to understand, to comprehend.

Quickly jumping back, the pressure was just as suddenly lifted from his channels as it had been placed there.

He could see Kiba give him a disgruntled look.

"What's wrong Shino-kun?" Hinata called, making her way back to her teammate and friend.

"It's a barrier." He stated out loud, quickly sending his poor confused comrades a message in their simple language, telling that he was fine and that's they'd have to go back to his home for a little while.

It was simple enough for them to understand that he couldn't be with him for a while. A slight humming sound filled the air as the bugs raised from his body, flying back to Shino's home.

"Why did you do that?" Kiba asked as he joined them once again.

"There's a chakra suppressing barrier around the building, my bugs got irritated when they couldn't reach me." Shino said simply, making his way back to the building.

"I didn't notice." Kiba said.

Shino snorted good naturedly as they walked into the building.

After climbing up three flights of stairs, and letting Akamaru out of Hinata's sweatshirt, they'd finally made it to the landing that would lead them to where Naruto was staying. Walking into the waiting room for the third floor, they ran into a surprised trio.

"Hi guys." Sakura said as Kiriva had them sign in on the clipboard she had handed to her.

Sasuke stood a ways behind her, a rather uncomfortable look on his face. If Shino had to guess, the brooding boy might have actually been dragged to the building to see his missing teammate. Their teacher stood further into the room, right at the opening that led to the different sections of the floor.

After signing her name and time of visit (approximately 6:53) Sakura passed the clipboard to Hinata.

After everyone was signed in (and Kiriva was convinced that they did _not _smuggle Akamaru in), they were aloud to make their to Naruto's section.

No one said a thing on the way. Tension was already rolling of each other in waves, simply because of where they were. Walls that had seen so much suffering and attempts at healing were not the most comfortable walls to walk in if you weren't use to it.

* * *

Naruto was taken aback slightly when Ren's primly dressed social worker walked up to him during his evening (second) recreational period in the small gym allotted to the section. He'd been watching Miyuki try to teach Airashii the best way to play DDR when she'd walked over to him loudly, as she had prim heeled shoes on, and kneeled down to the ground so she was eye level with him.

"Excuse me, I know this is bound to sound highly weird to you, but I need to ask you a favor."

Naruto stared at her for a moment, indeed highly wierded out.

"Depends on what sort of favor it is." Naruto said slowly and cautiously.

"It's nothing big, I promise. It's just the girl who's under my supervision is convinced you're her, uh…deceased sibling. She says you look just like him andI need you to reassure her that you're not." The woman whispered the last part, putting her hand to the side of her mouth even.

Naruto turned to look at where Ren was sitting on the dirty tiled floor several yards away, tightly hugging what looked like a newly broken in teddy bear. Naruto clambered to his feet and made his way over to where the little girl was sitting without another word to the social worker, who remained kneeled on the floor.

Standing only a few feet away from her, he could finally see why they had put such a young girl in such a high level of the center. Her long brown hair hung limply around her head, messed up in a way that suggested that she hadn't brushed it since she'd gone to sleep the night before. Her brown eyes had a muddy look to them; clouded with emotions her young mind couldn't fully comprehend. Emotions he'd seen in his own eyes at times when he'd been at his lowest and dared look in a mirror.

She was wearing a simple gray short sleeved shirt and pants that did nothing to help hide the fact that she'd been starved badly for a long time. Her arms were thin enough that if Naruto wanted to he could have grasped her forearm and his thumb and middle finger would have easily met. A large gauze bandage was wrapped around her neck and wrists. Naruto wasn't sure he wanted to see what was underneath those bandages. Her face was gaunt and sickly pale, and her spinal cord and shoulder blades stuck out against the rather thin material of her shirt.

Swallowing the pity and anger that'd been surfacing, he sat down a foot away from her. He turned to face her, pleased to see she was shyly peeking at him through her curtain of hair.

"Bro…ther?" She asked. Her tone distant and scratchy from what he could only assume was lack of usage.

He swallowed another wave of pity as he opened his mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry. I'm not the one you're looking for. I'm not Brother."

He looked at her as she, almost impossibly, became paler and sagged slightly. Naruto could see she was trying desperately to hold back the moister that was accumulating in her eyes.

"I'm not your brother, but I could still be your friend." He suggested it in a soft tone; the girl looked like she'd been through hell and a meat grinder. A little tenderness was probably something she desperately needed…and a decent feast of fatty and carbohydrate filled food.

She looked at him, confused.

"Friend…what word mean?" she asked in that misused voice and broken language.

"A friend…is sort of like a brother."

She continued to stare at him, confusion slowly turning into understanding.

"Brotherfriend?" She asked, obviously thinking the words were supposed to be one.

Naruto shook his head, smiling at her.

"No. I friend. Brother was brother." He answered, bringing his vocabulary down to her level.

She sucked on her lower lip, thinking hard as she petted the stuffed bear's head.

"Same…but not. Friend is Brother, but no name Brother." She finally said after a minute or two.

Naruto nodded dramatically.

She cracked a shy smile and pointed to him asking,

"Friend name is?"

Naruto pointed his thumbs to his chest.

"Naruto."

"Naru!" she said chopping off the end of his name, letting her shy smile crack open further.

Naruto sighed happily. At least she wouldn't mistake him for someone who was dead.

"Naruto!"

Naruto turned to look at the other side of the gym where the entrance laid, smiling by who he saw in the door way. He turned back to Ren and offered her his hand.

"I want you to meet my friends, ok?"

Ren stood up on her shaky, emaciated legs, dusted her pants and took Naruto's hand cautiously, holding it for a moment before she started walking with him.

"Ok." Was all she said, still grasping tightly onto her bear.

Naruto couldn't help but notice how painfully small and brittle her hand was for a five year old.

* * *

Miyuki was concerned. Very concerned. She would even admit to being down right scared shitless. Why was she scared shitless? It could all be easily summed up into one single name.

Sai.

Her badass of a cousin had, seemingly, sprouted out of thin air, found happily humming and sweeping the floor of the cafeteria that morning. For one thing, Sai did not do lay man's work, it had never been expected of her. And Miyuki couldn't imagine she'd be happily humming about it either. But the one thing that kept bugging her, that kept nagging the corner of her mind, was why in the world was Sai in Konoha? Better yet, why was she sweeping floors with a fucking broom at the Rehab center? After voicing her concerns to her other cousin, they'd taken found a quiet and secluded enough space near the DDR set up.

"I don't know why she'd be here Miyuki. We'll have to ask her what's going on when we see her next." Airashii was trying to calm Miyuki's racing thoughts while at the same time trying desperately not to freak out himself.

He couldn't help it. Despite the well known fact that Sai was one of the far less savage of the Firs branch, having her there still put them at edge. Who would blame them when they'd seen first hand exactly what the Firs Branch was capable of when it was at its coldest and cruelest.

"But what do we do? We can't just go up to her and ask 'what're doing?' She'd probably lob off our heads or something."

"No I wouldn't."

Miyuki and Airashii froze. Turning around slowly, they cam face to face with their conversation topic.

"H-hello Sai." Miyuki stuttered. Never have actually met the girl face to face, it was a little unnerving to have to meet you're superior _and _face the consequences of talking behind her back all at once.

Airashii simply gulped and started sweating very badly.

"Don't worry; I'm not here to lob off any heads, I promise you that." Sai said bluntly, cracking a very tiny small.

In unison, Miyuki and Airashii exhaled in relief.

"I-if you don't mind me asking then, what are you doing here?" Airashii asked, silently taking note of her missing eye.

Miyuki stood fanning herself, trying to regain what little composure she had to begin with.

Sai made a face at the question before answering simply,

"Everyone's dead."

Miyuki stopped fanning herself, Airashii wrung his hand nervously.

"What-?" Miyuki began.

"My mother went insane and decided everyone in our clan was better off dead. Every single person."

"How'd you get out then?" Airashii asked, not liking at all where this was headed.

"A lot of luck and a bit of skill got me out alive. She still managed to steal half my sight though." Sai answered, touching the dark eye patch she now adorned on her face.

"We're all that's left now, huh?" Miyuki asked with snort.

"Not exactly all that's left."

"But I thought you said-" Miyuki started as Airashii butted in.

"Your mom's still alive, isn't she?"

Sai didn't answer for a moment.

"Yeah, she is."

Airashii couldn't breathe for a moment. Where Sai was notoriously known as one of the less animalistic, one of the more humane of the First branch, her mother was known as the most ruthless, sadistic, bestial of the bunch.

"She'll be coming here. She'll come to kill us, won't she?"

"Yes. But I'm afraid that isn't the greatest of our concerns."

Airashii was dumbfounded.

"So then tell us almighty Firstborn," Miyuki said, using the ancient formality as scathing sarcasm, "what the fuck can be worse than a raving lunatic psychic that's on a murdering rampage for all her relatives and anyone who stands in her way?"

Sai gave her an irritated look.

"First off, we're called _infractus_ not _psychics, _thank you very much. Don't lump us in with those con people who can only _say_ they see the world as it really is. You should have pride in your names!"

Miyuki rolled her eyes internally at this. The First Branch, out of all the branches, had always been very proud of the names they'd been given in the earliest days of their clan. Infractus, Vivificus, and Substruo. The Firstborn, the Secondborn, and the Thirdborn. The Brokens, the Life Givers, and the Builders. Body, Branch, and Leaf. All as one and yet utterly seperate.

Miyuki hated how she could still rattle that off like a broken record.

"And secondly," Sai continued, "there's someone in this village who's on the very verge of becoming infractus themselves."

Miyuki and Airashii stared at her.

"You mean, an actual Natural?"

"Who is it?" Miyuki asked before Sai even had a chance of answering Airashii's question.

Sai sighed.

"I can't tell who it is. This person's…weird, to say the least. It's like the bond is so hefty that even though the wall is only very badly cracked it's leaking everywhere. I can't pinpoint who it's coming from it's so strong. It's mindboggling to say the least."

"We're in some pretty deep shit aren't we?" Miyuki rhetorically asked.

"That's one way of putting it." Airashii answered her.

Just as their conversation came to that end, the electrical lights in the gym shut off, leaving everyone in a state of half darkness as the weak dusk light flittered in from the high windows.

"Now what?" Sai asked to no one in particular, taking her broom with her, she marched out of the gym.

A moment of silence.

"You know what?" Miyuki asked Airashii as Sai left their company.

"What?"

"If you had told me a month ago that'd I get to see Sai in an old dirty jumpsuit, I would have said you were crazy."

Airashii nodded his head, trying not to laugh.

"I probably would have thought the same."

* * *

Naruto just managed to get to the doorway of the gym when the lights went out.

"Nighty night?" Ren asked, looking towards the ceiling.

"No, not quite."

Just as he answered her a girl about his age with black hair and an eye patch over her right eye pushed passed him to the doorway.

"Are all people that rude here?" Shino asked as Naruto walked into the hallway to stare her down as she marched down the hallway.

"No not usually." Naruto answered, unconsciously scratching at the scabs of his exposed forearms.

"Naruto what'd you do to your hair!" Sakura and the others suddenly made their existence known with a small bombardment of questions concerning the dead protein growing out of his head.

"Miyuki did it, I swear!" was all Naruto was able to get in as Sakura, in particular, fussed about the radical change.

"You look kind of weird."

Naruto looked to the back of the small group that had crowed the doorway to see none other than the Uchiha himself.

"Hair shaped like a bird's butt is bit weird too you know." Naruto still hadn't forgotten or really forgiven what had been said the last time the Uchiha had come for a visit.

Sasuke sharply turned his to face the wall with a mumbled "hn".

Naruto relaxed. At least he knew Sasuke hadn't been trying to make fun of him. That was when Ren decided to speak up.

"That friend Bird Butt?" she asked him in a loud whisper, pointing to Sasuke.

It took all of Naruto's will power to not laugh at the face Sasuke was making. Taking a moment to compose himself (and let the others compose themselves as well) Naruto said,

"His name isn't bird butt, his name is Sasuke."

"Sake?"

"Close enough."

Again, he had to take a moment to focus with all his might on not laughing.

* * *

After Ren had been introduced to everyone, including Miyuki and Airashii, there was a plethora of interesting renditions on the group's names. Sakura became Sara, Hinata became Hiha, Kakashi became Ka, Shino became Sho, Kiba became Baba, Amakaru became Amaru, Airashii became simply Ai, and Miyuki became Mimi.

Considering everyone else received fairly ridiculous names, Sasuke was put at ease to learn that, no, the five year old wasn't making fun of him; she just couldn't speak very well.

As they walked down the halls with everyone else to the cafeteria, a large sign on the locked doors read something like this:

**Due to technically difficulties, the generator has once again broken down. There will be no hot meals or artificial lighting until our wonderful generator is fixed. Please make your way to the waiting area where we'll be serving vegetables and salted meats.**

After Kakashi loudly read the sign so all standing by could hear, Miyuki made rather good point.

"Hey, doesn't the lock on the exit out of here only open electrically?" she quietly asked Airashii.

A silent _'shit' _was shared between those in the group who would be expected to be home no later than nine.

* * *

Ok, another update because I'm going to get grounded when my report card comes home!! (stabs self with a spork)

_Notes_:

**Infractus**: Latin word that means 'broken' (old name given to Sai's Branch)

**Vivificus**: Latin word meaning 'life restoring' (old name given to Miyuki's Branch)

**Substruo**: Latin Word meaning 'to build beneath' (old name given to Airashii's Branch)

P.S.: I now have a Forum up where you can ask any question you have about this fic.


	13. Tension

November 7-8

_When you want it  
Goes away too fast  
Times you hate it  
Always seems to last  
Just remember when you think you're free  
The crack inside your fucking heart is me_

_Keep all your secrets wrapped in dead hair_

Excerpt from the song **Speed of Pain** by Marilyn Manson

Sai was furious. Well ok, maybe she wasn't necessarily furious. But she _was_ upset. Upset with her ability (or rather inability) to feel out where this near broken minded person was exactly. She knew he was in the village somewhere, she knew that for a fact. She couldn't pin point them though, and that's what upset her. Not just upset her, but scared her as well. For someone who wasn't even fully broken to have a mental scent strong enough to cover a village as huge as Konoha…it was inconceivable. Her own mother, one of the strongest Infractus to ever come from the Akuma's First branch, didn't even have a mental scent _that _strong.

Having made her way back to the small "nap" room of sorts the center had given her to stay in (its original purpose was for its employees who pulled all nighters at the center and were too tired to make it home) she flopped unceremoniously onto the bottom o the bunk bed set that was there. She groaned into her pillow, trying desperately not to let panic grip her heart. That had always been the first rule of the First branch. Never let emotions get you, the fewer the better.

Of course, her aunt (her mother's own sister) had disproved that rule. She'd been rampant with emotional displays. Affection, rage, happiness, sadness, fear, hyperactivity. She'd shared all her emotions with the world, and she had still become one of the stronger of the First branch as well. Sai loved…_had_ loved her aunt. She'd been a mother to her where her biological mother had not. Mother had been the one to train her mind, to make it the deadly weapon it was. But her aunt…her mommy had been the one that taught her things like love and compassion and mercy and kindness and hope. And teach her how to bake a dessert every now and then too. She'd been the one to show Sai it was ok to feel things, to be a human, to allow herself moments of complete random humanness.

And so, doing just as her aunt, her mommy had always told her, Sai gave herself a moment of humanness.

And she spent that moment crying. She sobbed into the pillow of her bed she was clutching at and wailed into it like a newborn child. She cried for her aunt who could never again show up unexpectedly at the doorstep with a basket filled with a picnic of desserts to be enjoyed in a park. She cried for the rest of her family, the ones who hadn't even had the capabilities to become an Infractus or a Vivificus or a Substruo, the innocents. She cried for her crazed mother, now forever lost in her own broken world. She cried in fear for her life, not knowing when and/or how her mother would find her.

She cried because for the first time in her life, Sai felt so utterly lost and alone she was in a near panic. She'd always been surrounded by people who understood, to a degree at least, what it must like to be her.

But now…the only people she could possibly turn to were the cousins she'd never really met and the person whose mind was so close to being broken.

Slowly, Sai stopped sobbing. Rubbing her one eye dry and wiping her nose on the back of her hand, she made her way out of her room. She'd had her moment for the day to simply be Sai, not an infractus from the Akuma clan. She couldn't and wouldn't let herself do that again until she found the nearly broken minded person.

God knew whoever they were needed someone with understanding more than she did.

* * *

_I sing and I laugh_

_But I also cry too_

_I'm strong in body and spirit_

_But tired in heart and mind_

_I want to celebrate with in your bliss_

_But I've never learned how to jump for joy_

* * *

"What are we going to do?" Hinata asked quietly.

"Well, we have no choice but to stay put until they fix the generator it seems." Kakashi said.

Miyuki sighed extravagantly.

"Well, we better go get extra layers on before it starts to get too cold."

"What do you mean extra layers?" Kiba asked, cocking an eyebrow as he turned toward the pale girl.

"The building's heater is run on electricity mush for brains. When it goes off, so does the building's warmth. If you haven't noticed, it isn't exactly going to be a warm and mild summer evening numbskull."

Airashii put his hand on her shoulder as soon as she started in with the numbskull comment. Ever since Naruto had come, she'd been getting much better with her fight picking habits. But every now and then she'd revert back to her callous, tough girl façade she put up in front of people she didn't know or trust. He wished she didn't feel the need to act tough to keep herself safe from whatever she was afraid of in strangers. Then again, Airashii knew he had no real right to talk. The overly polite face he let others see all the time wasn't exactly how he was on the inside either.

"What's she means is that this building is old and a bit drafty when there's no heat on."

"Are you saying this has happened before?" Shino asked in his ever monotone voice.

Miyuki's scowl she'd worn lessened slightly as she spoke to Shino.

"Yeah, a couple. Most of them were during the summer, luckily enough."

"But like you said before, it's not a mild warm summer evening, right?" Kakashi said.

"Yeah." Miyuki said.

The group made its way to the waiting room as the large board had instructed them to. They were served cold, fresh vegetables (much to the chagrin of some of the patients) and, as the board said, a variety of dried meats. Why the rehab center had an assortment of dried meats no one ever questioned. It just simply was a fact.

As they all finished their simple meal, they were told that due to the power outage, they would be converting the exercise room into a massive sleeping area for the evening. Meaning, simply, grab your mattress and head to the gym everyone.

As the day melted into night, Naruto noticed something peculiar about his friends, and he had to let a bitter laugh reverberate in his chest at what he noticed. They were walking on egg shells around him, even Sasuke was!

Was it the still scabbed cuts on his arms? The drastic change in his hair color? Whatever was making them act as such, Naruto wished they would stop it. He didn't need to be treated as if he were as fragile as thin bird bones.

But he sighed and sucked it up. If anyone acted like this the next time they visited, he'd have to set them straight for sure.

Nine o'clock rolled around very quickly as everyone grabbed mattresses, extra blankets and clothes and socks, making their way to the gym and set up to go to sleep. At one point, Ren's social worker finally caught up with them, very displeased with how the little girl had seemingly disappeared into thin air. Ren had given the woman a soft apology before the social worker smiled at her and told her it was ok, Just tell her where she was going next time.

Before anyone knew it, the lights had been turned off and everyone was asleep as asleep one could be in a vast, dark gym.

Naruto didn't sleep very well at all.

* * *

Upon waking, they found the electricity had turned its self back on during the night. Hurrying to get home and explain why they'd been missing all night, most of the group that had come to visit Naruto had rushed out of the makeshift dorm room.

He, Miyuki, and Airashii weren't far behind. They, on the other hand though, took their leisured time walking down the hallways, all three still in some state of half sleep.

"What's that smell?" Miyuki wondered out loud, taking a sniff at the stale air of the center.

"Smells like smoke." Airashii said after a moment, ducking his head into the boys' bathroom.

Oddly enough, he found that the culprit of the illegal cigarette was none other than a staff member himself.

"You know what they say about cigarettes here!" Airashii said staring blankly as the scraggly man. Embarrassed with himself for getting caught and all, he threw the death stick on the floor and stamped the burning end out with his thick soled slipper.

Outside the bathroom, Miyuki that Naruto had gone unnaturally rigid, his hand covering his mouth.

"Naruto, are you ok?" she asked.

He unceremoniously upchucked what little was left of his dinner from the night before.

"Naruto!" Miyuki yelled, causing the rest of the group that was up ahead to turn back around to face the yell.

Naruto turned back to face her, and the look of utter terror on his face and his unseeing eyes told her one thing for certain. Naruto wasn't seeing her, or the center, or anything else that really surrounded him. He was literally lost in some dark corner of his memories that had decided to spring a trap on the poor boy. She reached to put a hand on his shoulder, hoping for some sign of recognition.

"Don'ttouchmeDon'ttouchmeDon'ttouchme." They were panic stricken and horrified words, falling out of his mouth faster than a sales person could sell something.

Again, Miyuki could tell Naruto wasn't really there. The trap had sprung, and it had caught him badly.

"Is he ok?" Sakura asked, still standing several feet away from Miyuki. Airashii reemerged from the bathroom, lips pulled tight and concerned.

Naruto clutched his face, eyes just barley peaking through his fingers.

"No," Miyuki said, "he's reliving…somethingunpleasant in his head, I think."

Miyuki tried to reach for him again. At that, Naruto bolted down the hall.

"Wait!" Sakura called, pushing in front of Miyuki and chased after him, the rest of the group following quickly behind.

There was no rhyme or reason to where Naruto was running it seemed. He just kept running and turning corners where he could find them, trying to out run some invisible enemy. He finally stopped when he ran head long into a dead end windowed hallway, crashing back onto the ground in a heap. He laid there for a moment or two before he pulled himself into one of the dead end's corners. He reached for his back, his still unseeing eyes closing in what looked like agony.

"Please, stop…" they heard him whisper to no one they could see.

"Stop what, no one's done anything!" Kiba said, his expression that of a very confused person.

"He's not talking to any of us. It's all in his head." Airashii said.

They all stood at the beginning of the dead end, all a little too nervous to walk forward and try to help. Naruto's hands moved from his back to lay lax in his lap.

"I'm sorry…" he said, just as softly as before.

Hinata gulped quietly before taking a step forward, only to be held back.

"But Shino, he needs help." She said, pulling at her shoulder.

"Something doesn't feel right though. Let him wade his way through the worst, then you can help him."

A sob broke from the end of the hall and the group watched as tears streamed down the blond's face.

"It hurts…" Naruto said loudly, clutching now at his sides and midsection.

Miyuki pulled away from the group, noise of protest following her.

"If he accidentally hurts me, it won't matter anyways. I'm an Akuma of the second branch for god sake; I don't bruise or die easy." She said; the last part more to herself than anyone else.

Walking deliberately toward the boy, Miyuki kneeled in front of him, touching a still clutching arm gently.

"I'm sorry, I am." He was whispering again.

"Naruto?" Miyuki questioned him.

"Please stop…" this time the boy's voice wavered as more tears spilled from his eyes.

Miyuki felt her heart break a little bit.

"It's just us, no one else is in the hallway. Come on Naruto, you're ok. You're safe."

"Please don't hurt them." Naruto answered, still staring blankly, not seeing her, never seeing her.

Miyuki pulled her hand away from him and looked towards the group.

"Is he ok?" Kiba asked loudly.

"Does he look ok to you?" Sasuke asked in a rather annoyed tone. If one were to listen very carefully, you could hear his voice crack slightly as his nerves of steel unfurled slightly.

"Shut up you two!" Sakura's nerves weren't as strong as Sasuke's to begin with, so she tended to reach the end of her rope sooner than him.

"Naruto, please look at us." Hinata called, wringing her fingers in worry.

Kakashi stood and watched as things unfolded in front of him like a pop up book.

Miyuki focused back on her friend as he breathily said,

"No more, no more, no more."

Sobs wracked his body again and he clutched at his head.

"Naru-" she was cut off as Naruto began wailing, wailing like no thirteen year old should know how to wail. And suddenly he was screaming,

"SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY!"

"Naruto please, you're safe! No one's here to hurt you." Miyuki yelled over his own screams.

And as suddenly as his screaming had started it stopped. His expression became stunned for a moment before it contorted once more into pain, the clutching at his head becoming worse. He groaned in pain, his hands groping at his head, hoping for relief of some sort.

"Go away." He said, his voice no longer just panicked, but confused as well.

"Naruto, it's ok." Miyuki tried to reassure him that it _was_ really all ok.

"Don't touch them." He repeated.

"Naruto, I promise its ok. No one's here to hurt you or anyone else." Miyuki reached out once more, trying to give the boy some comfort.

He exploded.

"Don'ttouchmedon'ttouchmeDON'TTOUCHME!"

Quite abruptly, Miyuki found that her gut had been sliced open by some unseen force, her organ dropping out of her with a sickening thump, steaming on the cold tiles. From behind her, she dimly heard horrified gasps as she lay beside her entrails, watching as her blood seeped the floor. This would defiantly smart later.

* * *

Kakashi watched, disturbed by the sudden spilling of guts and splatter of blood all over the walls, the floor and Naruto himself. He watched as Naruto stood from his corner, managing a few staggered steps before he clutched at his head again, hissing in pain.

Everything from there seemed to happen in an instant. Naruto was yelling, crying at the same time. The cool air of the building felt charged, buzzing with an unseen power. And then the walls of the hallway were cracking as if someone was punching craters into them. They cracked and broke violently under whatever invisible force was pushing against them. The window at the end of the hall pulsed for a moment before it too shattered, the metal bars surrounding it tearing away from the walls, bending and twisting in mid air.

There was girl with long black hair in front of them, pushing them back gently, holding up a hand to opening of the hallway just as bits of the fallen walls were flung at them by an invisible hand. The flying debris never made it past that girl's hand, like a wall had stopped it, making it bounce off of thin air almost comically. Key word here is almost.

They watched in horror as the fallen glass picked its self up and began to slice away at Naruto's now out stretched arms, making deep cuts along his flesh. He watched as Naruto raised his arms to the air, watching as the blood streamed down his scarred arm. It took Kakashi a second to realize the boy was crying. It took him another second to realize the boy singing. In a wavering, panic and awe stricken voice, Naruto was singing.

"I won't say a word; just let them be be be. Watch me bleed, it's a promise I can keep. Rip rip rip me up, it's ok. I'll keep my mouth shut until my dying day. Watch me as I fall fall fall up and stand down until I die. And burn burn burn and bleed out on the floor. Watch me bleed. Mister watch me bleed out out out on the floor."

Kakashi gulped and shook from where he stood. Why, all of the sudden, did it feel like something had ripped at his poor heart?

As quickly as it had all started, it stopped. Naruto swayed from where he was standing, his eyes rolling to the back of his head and collapsed on the floor. He was still for a second.

"Don't move yet; let him fall asleep on his own." The black haired girl in front of them said.

So they waited impatiently, but they waited and watched as Naruto slowly propped himself onto his elbows, managed a glance at the now upright sitting Miyuki, and then let his head fall back onto the ground. When the dark haired girl hadn't stopped them from moving forward, they assumed he had fallen asleep.

* * *

The smell had stung his nose like a surprise attack. It was that same acid smell of burning tobacco that had surrounded him when the monkey masked man had done…things to him. He didn't want to think of those things, he really didn't. His stomach churned and he violently threw up the contents of his stomach.

The room around him morphed, moved, shifted on its self from being a fairly lit hallway of the rehabilitation center to a dark vast of space. He hated the dark, hated it. But now the darkness and the memories of what the monkey man had done were consuming him, burning him like hot oil does. A frighteningly familiar chuckle sounded near him. Turning his head to where Miyuki had been standing not but a second or two before stood him, the monkey masked man, chuckling that damn chuckle of his. The man reached out for him, his movements slow and deliberate.

_(Don'ttouchmeDon'ttouchmeDon'ttouchme)_

He wasn't sure if he was speaking anymore because the man was still reaching for him, not even the slightest hesitation in his reach.

Naruto ran. He ran as fast as his legs would carry him in that dark maze of darkness. He only stopped when he finally came to a dead end, slamming into the end of the hallway of sorts he had stumbled upon, falling backwards onto his back. The memories attacked in a second wave, crashing into his mind like true waves did to stone rock walls of a shore.

_Cigarettes burn the skin in a very special way; did you know that little monster?_

(_Please, stop…)_

He hadn't screamed when the man had burnt him all over with his ciggy, burnt him till there was nothing but a stub left.

_You ruined me you know?_

_(I'm sorry…)_

Hands punched his face until he couldn't even feel it anymore, ripped his clothes from his body, kicking his sides until all his ribs were broken. Harsh kisses and unwanted welts formed on his neck.

_If you hadn't attacked the village, __**he**__ would still be alive and by my side. And I never would have been discharged form ANBU. No one would have ever known I liked guys. No one would have ever known we were together._

(_It hurts…)_

A pain through his body as if he were being ripped in half, ragged breathes, and stunted cries for help. Sobbing filled the air, both from his mouth and the monkey man's. Blood. Lots and lots of blood, cold and wet between his legs. His body frozen in shock of what had happened.

_If he hadn't died I wouldn't have accidently shown my true nature to my commanding officers. _

_(I'm so sorry, I am.)_

Naruto both hated and utterly pitied the monkey man.

_You know they don't allow you to be a ninja if you openly state you like someone who's the same sex as you. _

_(Please, stop…)_

Hated him for the torture he made him go through every waking and sleeping moment he had. He pitied him because he'd been denied the position to protect his village just because he liked guys. What a stupid rule.

_If you keep your mouth shut, I won't have to do what I just did to anyone you happen to hold dear. That's a fair bargain, isn't it?_

_(Please don't hurt them.)_

Naruto curled himself into a ball, sobbing into his hands. Why couldn't he have been born as an animal? Animal's lives were simple, easy, no real anguish to be had. He heart ached as it always did when his memories took him over.

(Naruto?)

(Is he ok?)

(Does he look ok to you?)

(Shut up you two!)

(Naruto, please, look at us.)

(It's just us, no one else is in the hallway. Come on Naruto, you're ok. You're safe.)

So much noise, too many voices. Voices he almost recognized, but wasn't really sure he did.

_(No more, no more, no more.)_

_I hate you, little monster. I hate you just as much as I loved the man you stole from me. The one you killed._

_(SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY!)_

He was sobbing and wailing so hard it was hurting his chest.

(Naruto please, you're safe! No one's here to hurt you.)

And then there was a tugging. Inside his mind there was a sudden pressure pulling at some part of his brain. He wasn't sure why, but he knew, simply _knew_, that something inside him was threatening to break. Threatening to snap and let loose some_thing_ that was both utterly beautiful and awful at the same time. He felt his throat cough up bile harshly, a feeling of slight detachment from his body filling him up like some sort of sedative. Somewhere in the back of his conscious thoughts, he remembered that the power that let him pick up those little rocks with his thoughts he'd felt so few times before was linked with that same out of body feeling. But those times had never made his body ache as much as it did now. It'd never hurt so much before.

Then there was a pain. It was a throbbing ache in his temples, his brain…his very spinal cord. It gripped him and ripped its way through his body. He felt his hands grip his head and he was faintly aware of the fact that he was screaming and sobbing again. There were no words this time, no pleas for his friends to run, no empty threats to a hallucination of a man he knew could never really stand up to. Just a loud vocalized realization of the agony that wracked his poor body.

He felt the tension become a tiny bit tighter and it was as if something solid in his mind chipped, cracked, and then let a little more of the beautiful and awful thing inside of him slip out. He felt it slip out, and suddenly he felt things as he'd never felt before. He could taste the fast and hurried heartbeats of his friends who stood no more than a few yards away, their fear pumping in his ears like a mixed up assortment of instruments. He could smell the dirt of the floor, could feel the smoke in the air from the lit cigarette that had started this whole episode of craziness wash over him, even if it had long since dissipated.

It was frightening. It was frightening that his senses were in a sudden confusion, none of them telling him the things that they _should_ be telling him. You weren't supposed to taste heartbeats, or feel smoke that wasn't really there anymore, or hear fear, or smell dirt. It didn't make any sense.

The monkey man was in his line of vision again, closing in.

_(Go away.)_

Naruto wasn't sure if he was speaking at all; it felt as if his body couldn't follow what he wanted it to do anymore.

(Naruto, it's ok.)

It was that voice again, the one that almost sounded familiar, the one he couldn't tell if it was a voice he wanted to hear or not.

_(Don't touch them.)_

He was pleading again. But he knew it didn't really matter. If he could make whoever it was in front of him listen, if it made the voice shut up, if he made sure his friends weren't hurt…

The end results would be worth the measures taken to get there.

(Naruto, I promise its ok. No one's here to hurt you or anyone else.)

The man took a few more steps forward, reaching for him.

_(Don'ttouchmedon'ttouchmeDON'TTOUCHME!)_

He thought all he'd done with his thoughts was push the man, just enough to make him give him more room. But suddenly there was blood everywhere. On the floor, on the walls, the ceiling, his hands, his face, in his very mouth. Everywhere.

The pulling increased just slightly, and the solid something inside him cracked once more, letting even more power spill forth.

The power was swirling about inside him. It was filling him up; for sure it would make him explode if he didn't get it out somehow. So, he did what he thought was the simplest thing to do. He pushed it out. He pushed that power out of his body, made the tension go slack. He felt as if he were everywhere in that dark place, crushing every aspect of it in a sudden wave of emotion. Anger, fear, hate, love, sadness, depression, laziness, despair, panic, loathing, excitement, endearment, terror, calm, peace, all of it enveloped him.

He felt the power pounding into the plaster walls around him, tearing at the glass and metal of the window he recognized was behind him. It was picking up the broken plaster and glass and metal, flinging it every which way he told it to, holding it up in the air, making it circle around him like planets did around the sun. All at his very command.

He willed the shards of glass to slice his arms and legs and they did so beautifully, letting him watch his own red life mix with the other person's blood on the floor. He held his arms high above his head, watching his blood slowly flow down, down, down his arms. He was still sobbing, he realized.

_(I won't say a word; just let them be be be. Watch me bleed, it's a promise I can keep. Rip rip rip me up, it's ok. I'll keep my mouth shut until my dying day. Watch me as I fall fall fall up and stand down until I die. And burn burn burn and bleed out on the floor. Watch me bleed. Mister watch me bleed out out out on the floor.)_

The song danced on his lips, in his mind, all around him, swirling with the power around him. Again, he wasn't sure if he'd actually even said a word.

There was so much power. So much. It had instantly become so easy to destroy, to pound the threatening memories and emotions out of his head, to forget, to just be alive, alive, alive, but oh so dead too.

As suddenly as he had pushed all the power out of himself, it was being pulled back inside of him very gently. He didn't resist. He was so sleepy all the sudden he could barley keep his feet on the ground correctly. As the invisible power was pushed back into him, something like a mental band aid was put over the place where it had leaked out from, holding it in there for the moment. He wasn't sure how long it would hold, but all that mattered at that moment was that his head had finally stopped hurting him.

He didn't remember falling to the floor, but there he was, his cheek getting coated with wet, cold blood from where he lay. He also didn't remember when his vision had cleared up and he was suddenly no longer in some dark place with the monkey man, but was in a hallway of the rehab center. He managed prop himself up off the ground on his elbows. The first thing he saw was Miyuki on her knees, her face contorted in pain and blood dripping freely from the corners of her mouth. Pain because her organs were hanging out of her split gut that she was desperately trying to clutch at, trying to pull it all back into her body.

As his eyes clouded with darkness and he fell into fell into it, he dimly wondered if it was _her_ blood he was falling asleep in.

* * *

Tamada stared.

It was all she could do. The would-be hallway looked like some _thing_ had stormed through it in a war path of destruction. The white plaster that use to be the walls laid in pieces on the floor, the remainder of the walls that still stood were cracked and broken beyond a simple patch up job. She wouldn't be surprised if the foundation of the wall its self had been compromised.

The now plastic covered (to keep the cold air out) hole that had once been a window at the end of the hallway had been completely shattered, its pieces scattered on the cracked and broken tiles of the floor. The bars that had been screwed on in front of the window lay in several twisted piles of the hallway, crushed together and twisted as if they had been as flimsy as aluminum foil. Dark stains that she knew to be blood coated most of the decrepit hallway, splatters and drips showing whoever had been hurt had somehow miraculously made it out alive, despite the intense blood lose.

All she had heard on her way in was that there'd been an episode with one of the patients. And when she had heard from Kiriva herself that said patient had been Naruto, she had rushed as fast as she could to where the episode was said to have taken place. One thing crossed her mind as she took in the damage Naruto had somehow caused in the hallway.

There was no way the Director of the Board of Medicine could pass this off as some sort of 'phase' the boy was going through.

* * *

Alright, so I really want to tell you guys about something. 00Pixie00 drew some wonderful fanart for this fic, and I'd be really happy if everyone went and checked it out. The link is in my profile underneath the **Fanart **heading.

Another thing. Reason as to why this chapter is (in my opinion) the creepiest chapter to date: I watched the movie _AKIRA; _in fact, I listened to the_ AKIRA_ OST the entire time while writing this chapter.Thank Otomo-san for making a movie that gave me the drive to write this chapter correctly and with the right feel to it. I recommend watching it as soon as you can; it's like a beautifully violent God in a DVD/VHS case.

And a little note, I don't _really_ know if Konoha doesn't allow its people be ninjas if they're of the homosexual or bisexual persuasion, but I sort of got the idea from the American Air Force idea that if you're gay, they don't want you; you're either not accepted or dishonorably discharged. My ex-boyfriend told me about it, because he's going into the Air Force and told me that it was one of the stupidest rules he'd ever heard. I can't help but agree with him one hundred percent.

…Holy crap I'm so long winded sometimes…


	14. Rumors

November 8

"_All things must change to something new, to something strange."_

**-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow**

**--**

Hirusuke was what most people would call a man's man in the sense of how he looked. He was twenty seven, burly, rugged, and looked as if he'd been carved out of a giant mass of stone.

But despite his rather intimidating physic and his "man's man" title, he was still well known to be kindhearted, bright eyed, and wonderfully polite. Very much the opposite of what would be expected from such a big, strong fella'.

He was not only known for being both a wonderfully decent man's man, he was also, and might I point out, known for his roadside tea stop. Many said it was one of the best you could possibly come by in any and all of your travels. Service was good, the snacks always homemade and never frozen, the tea blends original and delicious.

Life had been good to Hirusuke. He was content and all was well, as they'd been for as long as he could remember.

That was, until something particularly odd happened.

One day, or one early evening if you get technical, Hirusuke was busy closing down his already mentioned shop when he spotted a woman who had come to sit on the shop's bench a few yards away from him. As she sat she hunched her back, hands balled into fists at her side.

"Ma'am?" he called, quickly locking the metal curtain that covered the ordering window of the shop.

She gave no inclination that she had heard him, her back was still hunched and her fists were still balled.

"Ma'am?"

She turned to him, back still hunched, eyes blazing. Even in the fading light of dusk, Hirusuke could clearly see that there was something distinctly…off, about the woman's stare.

"What?" she said bluntly as he drew closer. Hirusuke took a second to notice that she didn't look much older than him, thirty five at the most, her black hair pulled into a short ponytail at the base of her neck. Her eyes were such an odd color too. He'd never seen anyone with purple eyes before.

"I was just letting you know that I've closed my shop for the evening, you'll have to come back tomorrow morning if you want something."

The woman's stare turned into a glare.

"Why would I care that you're closed?"

Well then, Hirusuke asked himself in a bemused voice, what was she doing sitting outside his shop if she didn't want a drink or a snack?

"Uh…well…is there something I can do for you then?"

The woman straightened up at that point, head turning toward the sky.

"Tell me, in the last week and a half or so, did you see a girl come through this way with black hair and eyes like mine?"

Oddly enough, Hirusuke had. More than a week earlier he'd been on his way to his shop when he had spotted a girl that fit the woman's description fairly well. She'd had black hair and purple eyes…well, one eye now that he though about it. The other socket had been shut and encrusted with blood from what he'd been able to see of her face. Her feet had been pretty bloody and she'd been limping pretty badly too. So, being the good person he was, he had tried to call out to her, to help her. When he did she had turned to stare at him for a moment before breaking into a sprint into the forest she'd been walking towards to begin with, the one on the southern side of his shop. He'd followed her, but nearly an hour after the chance encounter he'd still not been able to find her.

"Yeah, I actually did ma'am."

The woman whipped around and practically flew from the bench to stand in front of him, pulling the front of his shirt until his head was level with hers.

"Tell me where she went!"

The woman's voice was harsh and commanding, with a sharp authoritative edge to it. Her oddly colored eyes were blazing with what Hirusuke had heard people call "the crazies". He'd also heard you didn't want people whose eyes were filled with "the crazies" to be upset with you.

"S-she went south of here, toward the Fire Country m-ma'am!" Hirusuek replied as quickly as he could.

The woman let the front of Hirusuke's shirt go, much to his great relief. But, sadly, the last thing Hirusuke would ever remember from his time in the living world was the feeling of something strong snapping his spinal cord in half.

Life had been good to Hirusuke. He had been content and all had been well, as they'd been for as long as he could remember. That was, until he was killed by the last remaining female adult of the Akuma Clan's First Branch.

It really put a damper on the good luck he'd had during his life.

Really, it did.

--

_Something's not right here_

_Something's not right at all_

_I feel it in bones_

_I feel it in my sleep_

_Pressures are building up in here_

_And something's about to break_

--

Tsunade gently placed her still shaking fingertips to Naruto's, thankfully, reassuringly warm forehead. Whatever exactly had happened to his mind that morning had had some very real and serious repercussions on his body. Tsunade ground her teeth in worry as the memory of what had transpired that morning marched across her mind.

Being called to the hospital by Shizune's request. Arriving there to find that Naruto's heart had already failed and been revived once. Finding him in the emergency ward surrounded by people trying to strap his body down as he seized, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as he foamed at the mouth. In the three and a half hours that followed, Naruto's heart would fail another two times and would seize once more before he was finally stabilized.

The heart attacks of sorts meant she'd almost lost him three times that morning. Adding the potential danger of dying seizures brought made it five…and five was far, far too many to begin with in Tsunade's view.

After all that, when she'd requested to know exactly what in the hell had happened to him, she wasn't able to get any sort of clear answer from anyone. His cat scan showed nothing abnormal other than some esophagus wearing and a few damaged veins, his heartbeats (when they were actually there) were strong as every, and his blood work had come back clean.

After confronting such confusing evidence and getting absolutely nowhere, Tsunade decided to use the next best source for information available to her.

Kakashi had been the one to bring him in, or so she'd heard from her pig loving assistant. And what she had learned from him cleared very little confusion from the air, but opened a floodgate to a whole ocean of questions.

He told her about the flashback they had all witnessed him have. He told her about how the air had buzzed as it filled with unseen power, how the walls had seemingly crumbled upon them, invisible fists bashing into them. He told her about the black haired, one eyed girl who had stepped in front of them, somehow shielding them from the destruction. He told her, Tsunade was thankful for this at the moment, that he hadn't had a chance to catch the black haired girl's name. He told her about the not-there knives that had opened wounds on Naruto exposed and still healing arms.

Kakashi told her about the singing.

And every last word Kakashi had spoken made it clearer and clearer to her what was going on. She'd only really heard about it in passing back in her student years, when the thought of her being a Sanin was still quite laughable. It'd only ever been mentioned in her learning days once, and it had only been in connection to the Akuma Clan's First Branch. But even still, the topic had interested her so much that it still stuck to her like superglue does to almost anything.

The ability to move and dictate things with one's mind. The power to manipulate the connection every person's mind has to the earth and, therefore, everything on it.

The thought that the process of obtaining that power was happening to Naruto (her Naruto!) was almost unfathomable.

Needless to say, and say it bluntly, Tsunade's nerves were utterly and completely shot. How she was still standing at that point was an utter miracle in her perspective. Her fingers slowly moved from Naruto's forehead to lie limply on his cheek.

Her eyes flittered from his still face to the machines that were obediently beeping away, reassuring her that, yes, Naruto was still stable.

She moved from his bedside for only the second time in almost five hours, flopping down into the lone chair in the room. Rubbing her temples aggressively, Tsunade couldn't believe that it was only about one in the afternoon. She was fairly certain a nap would be most beneficial at that point in time.

To think, Tsunade mused, that such a thing like this would happen to Naruto. Who would have thought that he would be one of the few outside the Akuma clan to obtain such unlimited control?

Another, rather disturbing, thought struck her at this point. Didn't her teacher at one point tell the class that for people outside the Akuma clan to have such power, didn't they have to be under extreme mental stress? Didn't he say that most of them died from an inability to control that power once they had it and health side affects before they could even really let that power mature? Didn't he say such power was only awakened in those who were on the brink of insanity?

Tsunade shook her head and rubbed her temples even more fiercely. She couldn't be certain if the last two questions had actually true or not simply because she'd learned all the information so long ago and the details were a bit foggy.

But she was certain about the intense mental stress. She remembered that one the most easily and with the most certainty because she'd broken her neighbor's dog gave birth the day they'd talked about it in class.

But what had caused it, what would cause such mental stress for Naruto? Had it been the scorn of the villagers that led to such damage?

Tsunade shook such a silly idea out of her mind. She was aware that the majority of the village that had held something against the boy had simply ignored Naruto in his early life and nothing more. He'd dealt with that easily, or so she heard, by playing prank after prank, making it impossible for people to refuse to acknowledge him.

But…cutting one's self, even after finding those who accepted you to fill that gap loneliness left spoke volumes to her.

It couldn't all be because he was lonely as a child. It had played a part in all of this mess; that much she was sure of. But there had to be more going on for his mind to start buckling the way it was, especially if he'd had such a violent coping mechanism for so long.

There was more to the big picture, more painful encounters that had yet to be spoken about. That much was utterly clear.

It wasn't as simple as looking underneath the underneath. Or even looking underneath that underneath you just looked under. Something terrible was going on, and even if it maimed her, Tsunade would get to the very damn bottom of whom or whatever had caused that damage to her sudo younger brother.

Peering over one last time to the bed of said sudo brother, Tsunade stood from her seat and left the room.

She'd need a detailed explanation from Sai Akuma, and Tsunade was certain Naruto's friends would like to know exactly what the hell they'd played witness to.

--

To put matters into simple as possible terms, Iruka was utterly forlorn. Angsty even.

He was at one of his (and Naruto's absolute) favorite ramen stands and all he could do was dearly miss his old student and regret how he'd never seen any signs of the self-abusing habits the boy had. He sighed for what was about the hundred or odd something time that day, resting his chin onto the counter of the stand in a very gloomy sort of way.

"Hey Umino-san, what's with all the mope?" The old man called from behind the counter as he chopped away at some produce.

"Nothing really. Just something's on my mind." Iruka said as nonchalantly as he could.

Ichiraku looked Iruka for a moment more, stopped cutting vegetables and turned to face Iruka fully, wiping his hands on his apron.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you something."

Iruka lifted his eyes to the much older man, lifting a single eyebrow in question.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about Naruto."

"What about him?" Iruka asked as he sat up straight, now very attentive.

"Well, I haven't seen him around in a while and there's been some really wild rumors going around about him."

Iruka almost physically flinched. Just what the boy needed, gossiping people who only knew partial half truths talking about him behind his back.

"What are people saying? I haven't been around recently either; I didn't even know there was any recent gossip going around about him."

The older man shrugged, saying,

"I don't know how reliable anything anyone is saying is true."

That was the only true thing about half truths: unreliability. Iruka knew that much from rumors.

"But," Ichiraku continued, "he _has_ been missing from the public eye for a long while now. He hasn't stopped by for a bowl of ramen in almost a month! I wonder if what people are saying have any truth to them. Now that I think about it, some of the suggestions could make at least a little sense."

"What _have_ you heard?" Iruka pushed, trying to get the man back on the conversations course.

Ichiraku rubbed his head in embarrassment at his wandering spoken thoughts before getting on with the rumors.

"Well, so far I've heard he's apparently been quarantined due to a hut in a forest to some flesh eating virus, been abducted by a secret agency of foreigners, was sent to a nuthouse because he's been hurting himself, is stuck in the hospital with a broken pelvic bone, has run away to join a circus, and is in some sort of training program to become a professional porcupine wrestler."

Iruka's stomach had figuratively plummeted when he'd heard the third rumor.

Who…who would leak such delicate information? Iruka was livid for a second with the fact that one of Naruto's more personal, darker secrets had been leaked to the masses. But at the same time, he was comforted in the fact that the truth was mixed up in so many lies that it would be much easier for said masses to accept something ridiculous like circuses rather than self-mutilation.

Iruka sighed in a forced sort of relief, hoping that no one would be able to truly guess as to where the boy really was.

"Yeah, I know, those are some pretty tall tales the grapevine is spinning now a day, right?" Ichiraku chuckled, taking Iruka's sigh of relief as a sound of disbelief.

"I mean quarantines and ending up in a hospital sound at least a little bit plausible. But Naruto ending up in the rehab center, now that's just crazy. Porcupine wrestling sounds more likely than that if you ask me." The old man continued right on.

"They all sound pretty far fetched to me either way." Iruka said slowly.

"Ah, who really knows with that kid anyways, right? The only really predictable thing about him is that he's unpredictable."

"Yeah." Iruka agreed, changing the subject by ordering a large bowel of beef ramen.

He really wanted to know who came up with the notion of porcupine wrestling. More importantly, who'd been naïve enough to believe and pass around such a blatant lie?

--

Somewhere in the village, Konohamaru had a sudden sneezing fit as he sat down to lunch.

--

The Director was not pleased, not pleased at all. This should have been the simplest part of the whole operation. The hard parts were long since over, his revenge for his late family almost exacted in completeness. Some of the rugged, poorer members of the village had been paid off to almost habitually ransack the monster's apartment when it was growing up, having them take anything that fit their fancy. Some of those rugged people whose minds hugged the line between insanity and sanity were paid even more money to molest the little beast, make it regret it had ever wished to be touched in anyway.

But now when things should have been on the downhill part of this mountain they were getting nothing but more annoying.

The Director sighed, deeply upset.

He'd have to have a word with Mr. Monkey.

--

Yes…this chapter was supposed to be this short. Yes, I suck, I know it…

I'll be long winded here, I warn you. Guys I've come to a resolution…I want to finish this fic by the end of the summer. Not necessarily all posted, just all written. I want this part of the story done and completed before I start my senior year in high school, so my plan is to finish it before summer's end. How exactly will I do this with all the other shit I'm doing with my summer you ask?...I'm not quite sure yet, but it'll get done!!...hopefully… (ahem)

Another thing I wanted to put here (for you guys mostly), is I want to explain the Akuma Clan (AKA: my three favorite cousins) a little bit better, if you may:

Sai Akuma: First Branch/Infractus. Black hair, purple colored eye (is missing her right eye). Power specific to her branch: ability to control objects of all kinds with mind; varies in able-ness from person to person. Reason for being in the center: Hiding in Konoha from her crazy mother whom is on a warpath and intends to kill Sai, Airashii, and Miyuki in a desperate (and in insanity fogged) revenge. Hates: pineapples and ill-intentioned people. Demon contained within her: hawk. Odd note about character development: I gave her the name Sai before I knew there was going to be a Sai in the** Naruto** series.

Miyuki Akuma: Second Branch/Vivificus. White hair, fairly pale skin, deep red eyes (not albino, just albino-like). Powers specific to her branch: select few born cannot be killed by any means other than suicide; others have uncanny excellence in the medical field. Reason for being in center: Ran away from home after murdering her father and his drinking buddies, self-harmer and is considered a danger to herself and _sometimes _others. Hates: star fruit and perverted older men. Demon contained within her: hyena. Odd note on character development: I named her after one of the main characters in **Tokyo Godfathers**.

Airashii Akuma: Third Branch/Substruo. Brown hair, dark green eyes. Powers specific to his branch: ability to control natural elements (water, fire, soil, ect.). Reason for being in center: Ran away from an abusive and hypercritical household, self-harmer and is considered only a danger to himself. Hates: curry and micromanagers. Demon contained within him: boar. Odd note on character development: I looked up a word that had meaning for his name and, if I remember correctly, Airashii means "sunshine".

Alright, I'm done for now I think dies.


	15. Foundations

November 8-15

_My finger tips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,  
And I know that I should let go,  
But I can't._

_I know I should forget, but I can't_.

Excerpt from the song **Foundations** by Kate Nash

The Director was having a very hard time keeping his temper under control.

"What do you mean things are going just according to plan! That monster should have been dealt with permanently two days ago like I told you to do! Why didn't you kill him when I said to you lazy piece of shit!"

The Director, to say in the least, was upset. This man -no- this tool code named Mr. Monkey, dare tell him that what was happening to his well laid plans was part of the game to begin with!? This wasn't supposed to happen! The demon…that thing was not supposed to have lived this long past its thirteenth year. It should have been killed almost a month ago!

"Like I've told you three times already Director, this is how things were planned from the beginning."

Mr. Monkey stood in the middle of the run down room of the broken house that he and the Director used as their 'headquarters', watching as the fat, piggy Director paced the room nervously. Mr. Monkey smiled underneath his mask, thrilling in the stinky fat man's stress, watching in glee as he sweated in frustration and anger. The Director lashed out at Mr. Monkey's emotionless reply.

"Bullshit, the little monster being in rehab wasn't part of the plan, and I never remember saying it was ok to fuck the little piece of shit! None of that was supposed to happen. Did you even listen all those years ago when I first thought this all up? The whole plan was to break that beast's spirit and hopes and dreams and then rid the world of it when it turned thirteen! You had the skill, I had the influential status. It was perfect. What I want to fucking know is why haven't you killed him yet? Why haven't you done what you've been told?!"

Mr. Monkey was sure that that was what had been the very, very last straw. He'd been treated like an errand boy by this fat lard for too long now. He'd been patient with this pig of a man. Diligent, religious zealots waiting for a revolution that would take an odd number of years to happen would be jealous of his patience. He'd spent years listening to this pig's incessant yakking and yelling and foul temper and ever growing pant and shirt size.

But even the most calm and patient person eventually reaches the end of their rope.

The Director no sooner than finished his sentence before he found himself knocked to the ground, four kunai expertly pinning his legs and arm to the floor.

"What the hell are you doing? You can't turn on me! I'll have yo-"

The Director stopped midsentence as he found another kunai placed dangerously close to his jugular. He'd never even seen Mr. Monkey move to the crouching position over him.

"You forget who you deal with. Even though I may no longer be a part of an ANBU squad and the like, it doesn't mean at all that I still don't have the qualified and refined skills to be one."

The Director slowly gulped.

"Now, in order to get down to some real explanations, I'm going to need you to keep that giant, snouty mouth if yours shut. If you manage to do that while I tell you what the real plan has been all along, I may just let you live. Understand?"

For once, in all the years Mr. Monkey had known him, the Director was utterly silent as he answered with a slow nod.

"Good." Mr. Monkey said in a light, cheerful tone, pulling the kunai away from the fat neck.

Mr. Monkey stood from where he'd been crouching, brushed imaginary dust off himself, and then moved to sit in the worn couch that sat behind where the Director was pinned to the floor.

"Your plan of killing the little monster after breaking his spirit and making it look like he did it isn't such a bad idea, I'll admit it has a nice flare to it. But you see; it has no finesse, no smooth get away in it. Looking from the inside it seems perfectly fine. Efficient and through. But it leaves possibility for us, or any one of those who hate the beast, to be suspected of its murder suicide. I can make it easily look like suicide. But if the monster's state of mind doesn't match up with that death, there'll be suspicions. And what's worse, your bumbling actions have left a trail straight toward us if any suspicions were to arise after its death."

Mr. Monkey paused for a second for dramatic effect. And, of course, to see if the Director could keep his vow of silence.

It held.

"Adamantly and practically _almost_ forcing the monster out of the rehab by blackmailing the other Health Board members to agree with you? Not a good idea. And those thugs you hired to thrash the little beast's house and molest it too…they'll never keep their mouths shut now that you haven't wanted to pay them for the last time they assisted in this little plan of yours a couple months ago. From what I've heard, they've got a pretty big grudge against you at the moment. What's worse, you'd never be able to come up with a legitimate reason for the large sums of money that went missing from you bank account methodically for years straight when you _were_ paying them."

Mr. Monkey paused for a moment again, smiling as the smell of stinking dread emitted from the blob of a body on the floor.

"Yeah, a lot of holes pop up in your plan, don't they? Like I said, you've had no finesse when planning any of this. You're like one of the mobsters from the crap knock off mafia movies, the ones that never do any good because the characters are painfully stupid. All they do in those movies is shoot guns at each other and hope they hit their target. They don't even think they may get caught until it's far too late. They always get caught because they're not smart enough to know the difference between being in control or being controlled. They're forgotten as soon as the audience is done watching, thrown in the trash bin that they belong in. I, on the other hand, am the Michael Corleone, the Henry Hill. I am the classic crime lord that always gets remembered because of how smooth and thought out things get dealt with. They're slick. They're smooth. And it transfers over to everything they take part of."

Mr. Monkey watched from behind his ANBU mask as the Director shook in rage. Mr. Monkey almost had trouble containing the rather crazed laughter that threatened to explode from his throat.

"What I've intended to do from the beginning is simple. Break the monster's mind; lead it to the very edge of its sanity. Then I'd only have to do something to send it over the edge and let it to do the real dirty work for me. That's why I fucked it. Not for pleasures or thrills as you yelled at me for. It was for the plan. My plan. I was hoping that that would make that little beast finally stumble over that edge between sane and insane and would finally manage to kill itself good and proper. Obviously, its mind wasn't broken enough at the time and it's still resisted in following my plan to this day."

Mr. Monkey shifted his weight on the couch; his leg had been falling asleep.

"But now, and don't think I don't know this doesn't sound cliché, but it's only a matter of time really. I have the safety of its friends hanging over its head, to keep it from trying to tell anyone again of my original attempt to utterly shatter it. Now, all I'll have to do is kill one of these "precious people", as it calls them, make it look like it did the killing, and then the village elders will either execute it for the crime or it'll kill itself in its despair. It's a simple, smooth, get away plan."

The Director interrupted.

"That's crazy, it'll never work! My idea is still the one we're going to follow, you hear me?!"

Mr. Monkey was crouched in front of the Director not even a half heartbeat later.

"You didn't keep your promise, Director. You didn't keep that mouth of yours shut."

The Director started squirming, attempting to kick Mr. Monkey away with his pinned down appendages.

"Please, please, have mercy! I didn't mean to, I forgot, I fucking forgot!" the Director's face lit up in absolute terror. It was indeed a beautiful sight to Mr. Monkey. He hated this stupid man almost more then he hated the little beast.

Mr. Monkey placed his hands at the Director's throat.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have forgotten. But don't worry," the Director's face contorted in pain as the hands squeezed "I wasn't really even considering the idea of letting you live anyways. You're not slick. You're not smooth. All you've been doing is shooting a gun, hoping you'll hit the target. What an embarrassment."

Mr. Monkey was disgusted to find that the last thing the Director had managed to do before he wheezed out his very last breath was to defecate and piss himself.

If it weren't so damn gross, Mr. Monkey would have found it absolutely hysterical.

--

_This is all so strange_

_It's all so odd_

_I'm seeing things for the first time_

_But they're things I've seen before_

_I know they're all exactly the same_

_So why do they all look so new?_

--

_Conditions that must be met for a person to become a naturally made, fully realized Infractus are as follow:_

_1)The person's chakra must consist of more mental energy than physical. The more mental energy the chakra is made up of, the greater the chance for an inner wall breaking is, and _

_2)A person must live in extremely emotionally taxing conditions for prolonged amounts of time (enough that it would almost drive them insane)._

Excerpt from **History of the Akuma Clan** (chapter six)

--

Sakura gulped for what felt like the thirtieth time that day, eyes fixated to the floor with almost everyone else's. The day had started off very…violent and confusing, would be the right words for it.

At this thought, Sakura raised her eyes for the first time in hours to peer at Miyuki, who was sitting a few empty seats away form her. The white haired girl was talking quietly with the boy she'd introduced as her cousin. The black haired girl, who Sakura faintly remembers being introduced quickly as Miyuki and the brown haired boy's other cousin, had been called into the office by the Hokage as soon as they'd gotten there. Both their names slipped her mind at the moment, and Sakura blamed her brain fart on account of all the odd happenings that were going on.

Sakura's eyes drifted from the girl's pale, partially covered in dried blood face, down to where a large blood encrusted slit in her shirt sat diagonally across her middle. Sakura brought her eyes back to stare down at her still bloodied hands, trying to comprehend exactly what the hell had happened.

There had been a lot of blood; that much she was completely sure of. And there had been destruction. The plaster of the walls around them had been smashing themselves into little pieces by what appeared to be nothing but thin air. And that quiet buzzing. It was that weird sound that made Sakura almost sure that the air was charged with electricity- with pure power.

She remembered watching Naruto pass out on the blood drenched floor, Kakashi very soon after snatching him off the bloodied ground, giving them all orders to go to the Hokage's tower as soon as they could. Or so that's what Kiba had told her he had said.

She honestly couldn't remember that bit.

She didn't remember her teacher ever saying anything at all. She'd been too transfixed on the pale figure still lying on the blood covered tile, propped up precariously on her elbows. The brown haired cousin had moved quickly as other people, rehab employees if she remembered right (which she had good reason to doubt, her memories were so sketchy) filed in down the hallway.

Sakura dimly remembers them talking to Miyuki's other cousin, the black haired, one eyed one. The one that had stepped in front of them all when the not there hands crashed into the walls and threatened to get to smash them too. But she only dimly remembers. She had still been too enrapt with watching as Miyuki had somehow managed to get her innards back into her body and find her footing once more, leaning heavily against the brown haired cousin of course.

The blood had stopped spilling from her and, Sakura was sure her eyes had played tricks on her at this point, watched as the deep gash had closed itself up. The skin had drawn itself together, like the life threatening wound had never been there.

She'd dazed the entire way from the rehab to the Hokage's office waiting room, feeling almost disconnected from her body. There'd been so much rage, so much sadness, so much desperation in the shear show of demolition she'd witnessed. And to think, it'd all come from Naruto.

Blood.

Destruction.

Power.

That was what Sakura remembered best from what she'd seen that morning. And somehow, all of it had been connected with Naruto. What was almost as high on Sakura's list for 'things that disturbed her this morning' was that she still couldn't remember when blood had gotten on her hands and under her fingernails.

A sudden movement at her left startled Sakura, making her jump in her seat. Miyuki had suddenly stood from her seat, walked to the middle of the lined chairs they were all sitting in, right where Shino happened to be.

"Can I ask you a question?" she asked the quiet boy nonchalantly, ignoring the stares she was getting, yet again, for the bloodied tear in her shirt.

"If I may ask you a question, then yes, you may." Shino said after a tense pause.

Miyuki cleared her throat for a second before asking her question.

"Is it true that Naruto beat Kiba in the Chuunin exams because he farted in his face?"

"Yes." Shino answered effectively.

Miyuki waited a beat for an elaboration to the yes. But when none came she only managed a very simple answer herself.

"Oh." Miyuki looked as if she hadn't expected a positive answer.

"As for the question you promised me," Shino started, "I would like to know how you're still alive after losing so much blood."

There was another tense pause as Miyuki beckoned the whole group to move in closer to hear her whisper.

"Want to know why I didn't die?"

Again, Sakura gulped and nodded her head with most everyone else.

"I didn't die because I can't."

Despite how otherworldly and crazy her statement sounded, Sakura was more then open minded then ever now. Being a witness to walls smashing in on themselves and bodies stitching themselves up and continue to function tended to do that to you.

"If you don't mind me asking, why can't you die?"

It was Hinata who asked the question.

Miyuki pondered for a second how to explain it in a way without telling them said close to immortality was decedent of a demon's power.

"It's like a bloodline limit. For my Branch of my clan anyway."

"Hey guys. Tsunade wants to see you all now, ok?" Shizune interrupted anyone from asking exactly what Miyuki meant by her explanation.

At her words, everyone stood up quietly and followed Shizune into the office.

--

_It should be duly noted that a natural, fully realized Infractus (for definition, see chapter 3) is a very unstable being that should be approached with the utmost caution and consideration. An Infractus such as this is a person who has without gone through their own sort of personal hell. Even if their sanity has been saved by the breaking of the inner wall, it should be known they may still lose their minds. _

_The inner wall that keeps a person's conscious from the soul's connection to all things in the world will break completely before the mind can even be scratched. If there comes a point in time in that person's life where the conditions for the inner wall to break are met, it will break at that very moment, saving the mind itself from shattering. _

_Keeping that in mind, if there comes another time where the mind threatens to break and the inner wall is already completely broken, then the inevitable will happen. _

_The mind will shatter and the person will no longer be as a whole._

Excerpt from **History of the Akuma Clan** (chapter six)

--

Tsunade stared at the girl standing in front of her desk.

"Sai Akuma," she began, "I need you to tell me what happened at the center. Your clan is very educated in this field if I've heard correctly."

Sai stared back at Tsunade with her one good eye.

"You heard right Hokage-sama."

There was a pause before Tsunade motioned for her to continue.

"Well, to put it very simply, that boy, the one with the whisker marks, is very very close to becoming a fully realized Infractus…psychic is a term you might know better."

Tsunade nodded, her fears slowly becoming a reality.

"What I need to know from you is simple Sai. What happens to Naruto from here?"

"Several things can happen to the bo- Naruto, from this point. His wall could break completely any day now, one thing that's big enough to off set him and things will literally crumble. That's a worst case scenario though." Sai moved from the front of the desk to the side so she could face Tsunade properly.

"What's the other scenario, that one that's not the worst case?"

"He doesn't have all the power he could potentially have yet, that inner wall of his that separates the earth's connection to the conscious mind isn't completely broken. It's just dented really badly and its foundations have been weakened really badly."

"So what does that all mean?" Tsunade asked, head slightly spinning.

"It means I can keep that wall from breaking any further. I can put a small device into the back of his neck that will act as reinforcement for his inner wall. It'll keep the power that's been leaking out under control and it'll keep the wall from breaking."

Tsunade stared at the girl.

"What sort of device? And where will it be placed?"

" It's basically a small series of thin wires that help circulate and contain that power that's leaking; it'll be like adding extra veins to a body that has too much blood in it. They'll be located at the very top of his spinal cord, at the base of the brain."

After a moment, Tsunade spoke again.

"So you're basically going to be ramming wires into his neck, right by his nervous system?"

Sai rubbed the back of her neck and sighed.

"That's a bit of a vulgar way to put it…"

"It's too risky. One little slip and he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

"Would you prefer a decimated village over that possibility?"

Tsunade glared Sai, who simply stared back.

"And what do you mean by that?"

"Remember the worst case scenario I told you about? The one where his wall breaks completely? I didn't mention it right away, but something else normally comes along with that wall breaking. It's an extreme output of energy from the person when the wall initially breaks. Sometimes they case natural disasters; sometimes they kill everyone in the nearest vicinity. In my clan, we call it the Backlash and it's nearly always fatal to be around."

Tsunade gritted her teeth.

"You really should have told me that first." She said after a moment to collect herself.

"Do you see now why keeping that wall intact is so important?"

Tsunade sighed.

"And who in the world knows how to do such a procedure on Naruto? From what you told me, all except for you and your mother, everyone in your branch is dead. This sounds like something that would be specifically directed toward your branch, who'll do it if everyone is dead?"

"I will. I've done this same procedure on five new Infractus in my clan just this year. All were one hundred percent successes."

Tsunade stared at the girl in disbelief, slumping into her chair..

"I'll agree to this, but I want my staff in there when you do this."

Sai bowed deeply toward Tsunade.

"Thank you for understanding. I can feel that this boy means a lot to you and I'll take very good care of him."

Tsunade didn't care at that point how the girl knew how much she was worried for her sudo brother. It must be a psychic –no- Infractus thing.

"Now, if you'll help me, I have to tell Naruto's friends exactly what it was they witnessed this morning."

Tsunade called Shizune into the office, asking her assistant if she would go get said group of friends that had been waiting.

"That may not be a great thing to do Hokage-sama." Sai said as Shizune left.

Tsunade rested her in her hand, eyebrow cocked.

"Give me a good reason why it isn't."

"We don't have Naruto's consent to tell them about this. They may have witnessed what happened to him, but they won't understand it right away and may even be afraid of Naruto if they know exactly how potentially dangerous he can be right now. He needs whatever support he can get right now."

Tsunade huffed. As much as she hated the fact that this girl seemed to be running the show with this one, she did make a good point. From what Kakashi had told her, the hallway at the center hadn't been a pretty scene.

"I'll let him tell them when he's ready, but you have to tell me something in return. You never really answered my original question. What happened to Naruto in that hallway?"

Sai walked back to the front of the desk and sat down.

"His inner wall nearly broke completely."

Tsunade turned visibly pale just as the door opened.

--

"I wonder if Naruto is ok."

Airashii had stopped counting how many times Miyuki had said that exact same thing since they'd arrived at the Hokage's Office waiting area.

"You know he is. Sai's a genius at what she does, she'll take care of him."

Miyuki fidgeted, like she'd been doing for almost three hours straight.

"I know, but I'm just so nervous. I mean, that stuff's pretty serious, right? He could die if something goes wrong, right?"

Airashii didn't know how to answer that. If he agreed, she'd only get more nervous. If he disagreed, he'd be lying and he hated lying. Especially to Miyuki.

"He won't die Miyuki. Sai won't let that happen."

Miyuki gave him curious look.

"She'll be able to see how much this group of people cares for him. She won't let him die because of them and us."

"How do you know so much about her? You didn't ever meet at home before, right?"

Airashii sighed. Never lie to my little cousin. That was the oath he'd taken when he'd first met Miyuki when he was five and she was four.

"I did talk to her a few times all those years ago. We were a lot younger when we did meet, but she told me that she'd never let a would be Infractus die if it was her duty to help them when their walls broke. She said her mind wouldn't be able to handle the imprint of someone's dying anger towards her if she screwed up."

Miyuki sighed.

"She's good at keeping promises, right?"

"Especially ones she makes to herself Miyuki."

There was a lapse of silence that lasted for all of thirty second before Miyuki spoke again.

"They keep staring at me."

Airashii glanced toward the rest of the group they'd arrived with, several empty seats separating him and his cousin from them.

"Well, you_ should_ technically be dead right now. Not many people can survive having their guts spilled and then a minute later be completely fine."

Miyuki looked down toward the giant, blood drenched rip in her shirt.

"What do I do?"

Airashii shrugged.

"Come one Airashii, where's your brotherly advice for this?"

"I've got nothing for this. Maybe you should just explain it to them, they may sop staring if you just go out and say it."

"Nah…I'm not good with being that direct."

There was another lapse of silence before Miyuki stood from her seat, marching right up to the boy with dark glasses and a high collared coat.

Airashii knew that whatever Miyuki had decided was her game plane to get the others of the group to stop staring at her, she wouldn't need his assistance. He let his mind wander, let his fears sink in.

Miyuki had been perfectly right to be worried for Naruto. He'd seen once, right before he ran away from home in fact, what could happen to a new Infractus if they weren't handled properly. The Backlashes themselves, if not contained, were bad enough. But what that power could do to a person who didn't know how to control it was right out of a scene from hell. He'd watched that one time as a new Infractus had accidently blown themselves up from the inside out, guts and blood splattering everything in the vicinity.

He hoped, honest to god hoped, that no one in Konoha, his new found home, would ever have to see such a sight.

--

They group filed into the Hokage's office, blank and tired faces greeting Tsunade and Sai. There was a long pause as Tsunade looked at each face, wondering how each individual would take the news.

"I want you all to know that Naruto is fine, he's resting right now at the hospital."

A few heads nodded in response.

"Hokage-sama, if you don't mind me asking, but what happened there. At the center, what was that?"

It was Sakura who had asked the question everyone wanted to know the answer to.

Tsunade took a deep breath before answering.

"It's a personal matter that I've decided to let Naruto tell you about when he's ready. All I can say is that right now he needs all the help he can get, even if he may not realize it fully. You're all dismissed."

Everyone left the room feeling quite disappointed in the explanation they were given. They were dissapointed, but the accepted what little they were given.

--

Naruto realized almost instantly where he was.

"What am I doing inside my own head?" he said to no one in particular.

"_Talking to yourself isn't healthy…" _Naruto felt Kyuubi sulking somewhere in the back of his subconscious.

"Har har, oh yes, as funny as ever."

"_Just stating a fact."_

Naruto recognized the wet, soggy wall he was leaning up against. He'd only ever managed to stumble upon it every now and then. Every time he'd seen it, it would be more and more cracked, broken, splintered. It wasn't until very recently that Naruto realized exactly what that wall was for and what the cracks meant.

Pulling himself away from what he now knew as his inner wall, he examined it thoroughly, taking in the damage.

What had once been at least a respectable wall was now only a little more than large pile of barley standing rock. Naruto gave a low whistle in astonishment.

"That's not good…" Naruto had never before seen a dark gray smoke pouring from the wall. The tiniest of trickles maybe, but never as much as it was letting leak now.

Naruto pulled a face as the barley standing rocks started moving slightly, twitching if you will.

"Kyuubi, what are you doing?" Naruto asked the fox, watching as the rocks started moving faster, pulling themselves back up into their original spots. The dark gray smoke slowed to a near stop, reverting back to the small trickles he was use to. In a matter of thirty seconds, the mass of rack had become the semblance of a decent wall again.

"_That's not me kid, someone on the outside is fixing that."_

Naruto stared at the, for now, partially repaired wall. He wondered to himself, if it wasn't Kyuubi who'd patched the wall, who was it?

--

**_go-get·ter_**

–_noun __Informal__._

_-an enterprising, aggressive person._

By definition and first glance, Sasuke was someone that others might consider to be a go getter type of person. He was the prodigy of his year, top of his class, and was ambitious enough to try and betray his village for a chance at what he thought would be true power. But despite all those things, all that lovely evidence that pointed to the stoic boy being a go getter, he truly wasn't.

When it came to anything other than getting stronger, getting better at being a ninja, he was actually what one might consider awkward. Even when he was younger, the only real thing he'd been ambitious about was getting better, getting stronger. That fact didn't change after the massacre. In fact, after he was finally able to sleep at night, many months after the incident, something about that fact intensified and something forever changed in Sasuke.

His ambitions altered from being a want to prove himself to his family. It transformed into an obsession with becoming a deadly weapon, one that could even kill his beloved brother without batting even an eyelash.

What is really interesting though, is that just like his ambitions that were altered, so was the awkwardness he had with other areas of life. He went from being slightly clumsy in social and emotional settings to being almost incapable of having any healthy amount of human interaction. He cut himself off, shut every other emotion off except for his constant rage and heavy depression. It fueled him, just as for a while his self-inflicted wounds had fueled him to continue to get up each morning and act like nothing had really happened.

Needless to say, Sasuke was in no real condition to try and be any sort of pillar of strength for someone. But he'd been trying his best.

Really, he had.

Five separate times, Sasuke had tried to work up the guts to go visit Naruto again. And five separate times he'd managed to get right at the front door just to have his built up courage fail him, leaving him to walk swiftly away from the rehab center.

He didn't like that he couldn't even muster up the balls to even go say hi to his teammate.

He didn't like it one bit.

What was the worst of it all though was that Sasuke knew that if he were, god forbid, ever stuck in a place like that, Naruto would without a doubt visit him as much as he could. Everyday perhaps. Yes, even if Sasuke ignored him every time he stopped by.

And that fact alone made a giant ball of guilt sit in his stomach every time from then on the energetic prankster came to mind.

It wasn't until that one day Kakashi had made in impromptu announcement that they would be visiting Naruto instead of cleaning the fallen leaves off one of the many streets of Konoha that Sasuke finally visited Naruto again.

Sasuke thought on all the things that had happened in the last couple of days, thinking them through over and over again.

The rehab incident, having to wait now to know exactly what they'd seen. So many things to take in about a guy he'd thought only a month ago was as easy to read as a large print book. Now, Naruto had suddenly become the equivalent to a thousand page epic poem written in tiny print and in a language he only understood half of. He didn't even thin he understood enough to try to piece together the smallest parts of the bigger picture together.

He'd tried to explain this to his shrink in as few words as possible, he really did. But soon five words became ten and ten became fifty and fifty became a thousand. After she'd been scribbling on her note pad for five minutes was when Sasuke stopped trying to explain anything all that.

That was why he really didn't like coming to see this woman. She wanted to diagnose him, claim to the world that she'd figured out what was wrong with the very last real Uchiha, had cured him of the crazies in fact! He knew that was what she was doing. It wasn't some delusion he'd come up so he could hate shrinks and the like. The fact that she clung to every little word he ever did say in their sessions together was proof enough for him. She was collecting data, trying to analyze his inner most thoughts, strip him down to the basics so he'd be an easier case to read on paper.

That's why he clamed up all the time. He didn't like the idea that what emotions he did express in the sessions were being undermined or summed up. It just didn't sit well with him for some reason, was what he decided.

Sasuke's mind drifted to Naruto for about the seventh time that day, wondering again and again the same damn thing.

What had that guy been through? Why had he never noticed how complex Naruto was before this last month? And the layers were just being added on day by day.

What could he do really though?

He already had a duty to his dead family as an avenger. Did he have time to even consider being an emotional support for his would be best friend?

He left that session with the shrink telling him he'd really made progress this session. He ignored her completely on his way out.

On his way home, for the first time ever, the thought 'are my priorities really in the right place?' crossed Sasuke' mind.

And at that same moment, Sasuke also decided he didn't really have to think about it just then and proceeded to go home and take a very long nap.

--

Naruto awoke to a throbbing in the back of his neck. The throbbing became a sharp stinging as he tried to sit up, a yelp of pain exiting his mouth.

"I wouldn't try sitting up just yet, give it a few more hours for your nerves to settle."

Naruto very slowly turned his head toward the voice. He saw a girl sitting in the chair by the hospital bed he realized he was laying in. The first thing he noticed about her was that she was missing her right eye.

"What happened to me?"

"Think a little bit, I'm sure you can remember."

Naruto tried to think to the last time he'd been awake and slowly it all came to him.

The hallucination, the power, the breaking walls, the pile of rocks, the mending…

Naruto chose his next words rather carefully.

"Who are you? What did you do to me?"

"I'm Airashii and Miyuki's cousin, Sai Akuma of the First Branch. As for what I did to you...I mended your inner wall for the time being."

"That was you?"

The girl -Sai- gave a tired smile.

"Yeah. I have to implant some wires into your neck for it to be fixed like that though. Had to shave some of your hair too."

Naruto's eyes grew heavier and heavier as she spoke.

"Hey, it worked, right?"

"Yeah…it did."

Naruto was already asleep again before Sai had a chance to finish.

--

A week passed slowly.

Rumors and half truths flew all over the place about several different things at once.

The disappearance of the Director of the Board of Medicine was on the top of that list. Some said he ran away to marry a girl that he was two times older than. Some said he owed some people in high places money and had split town. Someone even had the gale to say maybe he'd been murdered or kidnapped.

But his home had been searched thoroughly. No sign of forced entry, empty drawers, and personal safe cleaned out. It all pointed to a self imposed banishment from the village and when the dust had settled, it would stay like that for some while.

Mr. Monkey was the only one who knew any better.

Another thing that topped the list of the oral gossip column was "what caused such a ruckus at the rehab center?" Even if the building was on the outer more part of the large village, the screaming that had been coming from the building had traveled well enough across the village, enough people hearing it for it to become a big deal.

Someone said here'd been a suicide. Some heard there'd been a murder. Somebody even said it had just been a screaming match a patient was having by themselves.

But who or whom had been yelling was something no one could even begin to guess at.

The day after his surgery, Naruto returned to the rehab center where he received a warm surprise to see all his friends waiting to greet him. Tenten had made another batch of cookies for him, Lee had made a large, yellow banner that read "GO YOUTHFUL BUEATY!!" (much to the staff's annoyance), the rest of the girls had brought flowers. Even Miyuki and Ren had managed to have a small vase of wild flowers for him. How they got them, he would never know.

Sasuke even managed to smirk at him the way he would before their fight in the valley.

The days were a pleasantly warm blur after that. People visited him everyday; the pain in his neck slowly ebbed away, he was actually hungry for the first time in ages, and he'd been slowly teaching Ren words to things she didn't know.

It made his heart ache a bit when she asked what sunshine meant.

But other than a few uncomfortable silences that happened hen his friends visited, and the ever thumping in his neck that told him that yes, he'd been the one to smash down walls without touching them (telling him that the power was real, still there), he was fine as a fucking daisy.

Naruto should have remembered that all good things eventually end.

--

First person to tell me what movies Michael Corleone and Henry Hill are from get a one shot of their choice written by me. Readysetgo!

I will say this one time…there will be NO YAOI in this fic, no matter what. Not opposed to it at all, it just won't work for this fic.


	16. Superpowers

November 16

November 16

Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.

- Louis L'Amour

I know she's in Konoha, that imposter. The one who looks just like my little girl, my dear little Sai. That fake stole her from me, I don't know how, but she did. Just like everyone else in the clan. All of them imposters, replacements, fake. Interlopers that came in without my knowing, switching themselves with everyone in my branch, everyone in the clan. I didn't believe the voices in my head for a long, long while. They told me, they _knew_ from the very beginning that I was slowly being surrounded by fakes.

_You've got to kill them! They'll act first if you don't._

I hadn't believed them for the first month or two, and I tried not to let on that I was hearing them at all. But then when those voices wouldn't stop talking…wouldn't let me go to sleep, I soon saw just how right they were. I didn't know how I couldn't have noticed before. I slowly started to see the truth. At the time, I thought it a tad bit odd that I was hearing voices at all. Now a days, I wonder how I'd gotten by without them all my life.

As I started to listen to those voices, I began noticing what they were talking about. People looked at me differently then what they should have, I began to see through their attempts at being the people I use to interact with daily. But Sai had been the only one to remain the same for the longest, the only one who hadn't been replaced, even when everyone else was. She was still my sweet, deadly, failure of a child. She still couldn't even kill the practice targets (trespassers on our land no doubt) when I trained with her. Oh, she still had so much to learn about her power.

I played along for a while, for Sai's sake, not knowing when I could escape or if escape had already become unachievable. I played along right up until they somehow switched my Sai for a fake. One second she was my little girl, the next she was a replacement who had led me into a trick, a death trap that had been sprung on many before me, as had been customary.

They were going to kill me, kill me because they thought I'd lost my mind. I wasn't crazy, I'd never been crazy and I never would be! Something like that couldn't…would ever happen to me! The voices told me so.

I remember being livid, my fear of what seemed like an impending death changing when I turned toward the imposters that had surrounded me.

"What did you do with her? Where is Sai? Where is my little girl! I'm her mother; a daughter needs to be with her mother!!"

The fake had stepped into the inner circle, daring to call herself Sai in front of me, trying to soothe me as my real daughter had been doing recently at the time. She was a very good actor, I would give her that much. Another wave of rage had burst from my chest with intensity as I had never felt before. I let my power, my invisible appendages reach for all those around me, pulling and ripping, blocking similar attacks as they came from others. I dimly recall grinning in satisfaction as I managed to rip out the fake Sai's right eye, relishing the scream of agony that followed.

That's what the little bitch got for trying to fool me.

From there I stormed the other branches of my newly imposter filled clan, killing any and all fakes I saw, searching frantically for my little girl. It was much later that evening that I finally slumped to the ground in defeat. Every replacement was dead, and my Sai was still nowhere to be found. It was at that very spot that I sat and cried for the first time in many years. I remember sobbing hopelessly; laughing in panicked hysterics. It wasn't until a few days after that I realized that one of the whole clan had escaped my rampage. The fake Sai's trail had grown faint in my lack of attention, but I was soon to follow it.

And here I am now, at the end of that trail, looking down at the village that lay below the treetops. It is midday now, and I'll have to wait until nightfall to act on the killing instincts that are burning in my chest. I let myself float down from the treetops, using the power that was my connection to the earth slowly lower my feet to the ground. I stared through the thick forest, grinding my teeth in impatience.

My feet itched to move, to start looking for that Sai who wasn't my Sai. The Voices of Truth, as I'd come to quietly call them, were urging me, pleading with me almost, to begin my search again. They cried for bloodshed, for revenge for all my clan that had been somehow over night replaced with all those fakes. They spoke quickly, telling me the fake Sai must have been the leader of the operation from the start. She'd been the last one to join the others, and led me into the trap. No doubt they would have tried and replaced me too.

That's why they'd told me I was crazy, trying to use my own branch's custom of weeding out those whose minds were cracking, breaking into insanity. And I almost fell for it too. I almost gave myself up to them, not listening to the voices for a split second. They would have killed me had I not started asking to see my daughter, my Sai, one last time.

I came to my senses when that fake, the other fakes' leader, tried to pass as my daughter. I listened to the voices again; I let them douse me in their truths. They kept telling me I wasn't crazy, none of the others in my clan who were methodically erased when it was "their time" had been crazy at all. They told me it'd been a lie, a horrible lie to keep those who came into _real_ power out of the world.

They'd told me I'd become one of those with real power, that's why the fakes tried to trap me. Tried to kill me. I wasn't crazy, I wasn't crazy at all. Just powerful. That's why those imposters wanted me dead so badly. The Voices of Truth had opened my eyes to all that I'd been so ignorant to before. It was rather refreshing if I do say so myself.

After a moment, I took a deep breath and calmed my nerves, telling the Voices of Truth that'd we'd wait, we had to. Surprise attacks at night were not only more effective, but also always _so_ much more fun.

I unwillingly yawned and before long found myself dozing contently by the roots of a tree. I needed my strength for the night ahead of me. I finally fell asleep with my thoughts lingering on a promise I made to myself then and there.

I, Rema Akuma, the last _real_ member of the Akuma Clan, would either find my little girl or destroy the village the fake had been hiding it until I'd found and killed her.

--

_I don't like what's happening to me_

_I don't like it one bit_

_It feels like I could own the world_

_Or snuff it out without a hitch_

_I guess that's why I don't want it_

_These superpowers from within_

--

If Sasuke had been in a self congratulatory mood, he would have given himself a gold star.

He'd finally cultivated enough courage to get past the front doors of the Happy Hills Rehabilitation Center.

Better yet, he'd even managed to get up to Naruto's floor, check in, make his way past the locking main door to the boy's section, and find his way to the session Naruto was in. Best thing about it all, he did it without being forced to come with a group of his peers.

Yes, defiantly gold star material.

Given, it didn't count a whole lot, considering his reasons for visiting Naruto were more on the selfish side. It had been a week to the day that Sasuke had seen Naruto somehow almost entirely destroy a hallway, without laying a single finger on it. When he'd been given no answer other then to 'wait until he tells you', it hadn't sat well with him. And so, like Sasuke tended to do when something didn't sit well with him, he thought up a plan of action.

The planned and planned until he was sure he'd built up enough courage (and curiosity) to venture visiting Naruto without a horde of other people that had dragged him there.

He eventually found Naruto in what he had once overheard him describing as group therapy. Lots of people in a pow wow circle did it fairly good justice, at least on Naruto's descriptive part anyways.

Somehow he'd managed to get Naruto's attention, which was lucky in its own right considering Naruto seemed completely enamored with the floor. His courage almost failed him as the shorter boy had soon joined him out in the hall, a wool knitted, ear flapped hat pulled over his ever shortening black hair. Whenever he saw Naruto now a days, his hair just seemed to be getting shorter and shorter each time.

"Hey Sasuke, what brings you here?" The once blonde haired boy asked with an almost hesitant, disarming smile.

Outwardly, Sasuke allowed himself to shrug. His insides, though, were another story. Sasuke had to mentally build himself up for what he imagined would be a rather taxing conversation.

"I was passing by and I thought I should stop in to see how you've been."

"I've been pretty good, thanks for asking. How's the whether outside, huh? It should be getting pretty cold out there by this time in the year right?"

Sasuke smirked inwardly at his small victory. At least Naruto was willing to carry on conversation with him.

"It's pretty warm for this time of year actually. You'd only need a light coat if you went out."

"Hmm, sounds nice." Naruto stretched his arms above his head as he said this. It gave Sasuke an opportune second to blatantly study the small blue and yellow wires in Naruto's neck that were peeking out from underneath the hat he'd slipped over his head.

Sasuke smoothly looked away just as Naruto turned his attention back on him.

"So there's probably not going to be a whole lot of snow this year, right?" Naruto asked, unaware of Sasuke's would be awkward staring.

"Probably not a whole lot."

They continued on for some time after that, walking until they reached the waiting room by the front desk. It was empty, as per usual.

"So, did you come here to just tell me about the weather or was there another reason?" Naruto asked, the grin he'd been wearing as they walked turning flat.

Once again, Sasuke had to take a second to buffer himself for what was to come.

"What happened in the hallway?"

There, he'd said it. Another gold star goes to Sasuke for being such a forward friend.

Naruto's mouth became a frown as he spoke, turning his face toward the floor once more.

"They've sectioned it off right now, trying to fix it I guess."

If Sasuke was a more open person with his feelings, he would have happily slapped his own forehead in sheer frustration.

"That wasn't what I was asking."

"I know, but there's no way you'd believe me if I told you the truth."

Sasuke paused for a beat, wondering when Naruto had gotten the ability to be cryptic. Even if he was only being slightly cryptic. But, because of all the odd things he'd seen that Naruto was capable of in the last month, it really didn't surprise him as much as he'd initially though it would.

"Try me."

Naruto let his eyes fall back down from the ceiling to meet Sasuke's.

"I did it."

Sasuke snorted.

"I already guessed that much. What I want to know is how you did it, and why you seem to have sprouted wires out the back of your neck."

Naruto looked to the floor and back at Sasuke several times before he gave his answer.

"I've got superpowers."

Sasuke slightly cocked an eyebrow.

"Sure." Sasuke said, sounding very unconvinced.

"I'm serious! I know it sounds weird, but that's the only word that really describes it. All I have to is focus and visualize enough and then I can do stuff without even touching a thing. Here, I'll prove it to you."

Naruto quickly placed what turned out to be a marble from his pocket onto the cool tiles of the floor. He crouched down by the marble, hand above it, poised as if ready to attack. Sasuke was suddenly snapped back to the reality of Naruto's situation by the scarred skin that peeked out from underneath the long sleeved shirt the smaller boy wore. In all his curiosity, Sasuke had nearly forgotten the reason Naruto was in the facility to begin with. His rather messed up instincts told him to run away, he wouldn't be able to handle Naruto and all his suddenly appearing issues. His nerve almost failed him. But he caught himself just as he was about ready to bolt away from the situation he'd put himself in. Sasuke had to remind himself that he was just talking to Naruto. There was absolutely nothing to be so unsure about. He was Sasuke Uchiha, he could handle this.

Some little corner of Sasuke's mind knew something was very wrong with him when it was easier for him to run head long at a crazy, sand manipulating, blood lusting shinobi then to try and have a conversation with his would be best friend. It knew something was very wrong indeed.

After the moment of fight or flight instinct he'd felt, Sasuke focused back in on what Naruto was doing. He clicked his tongue impatiently after ten seconds had passed and nothing had happened.

"Shh! It's hard enough to focus without you making noise."

Sasuke humored him and remained quiet as he half heartedly watched the marble, wondering if Naruto really hadn't gone crazy. Ten more seconds passed, twenty. And then slowly, very slowly, the marble rose from the ground as if attracted to the palm of Naruto's hand. It hung centimeters below the open hand above it for a moment before it dropped back down to the tiled floor.

"See, how else can you describe it?"

Sasuke had to hand it to Naruto; super power was a pretty good word for what he'd just seen.

"And the wires?" Sasuke didn't see how those were somehow connected with this new found power Naruto seemed to honestly have.

"To keep things from getting messy, like they did in the hallway last week."

Sasuke was silent for a moment before he asked the question he thought had the up most importance.

"How did you get that power?"

Naruto stood from where he'd been crouching on the ground, pocketing the marble.

"From what I've been told, things have to match up in a certain way with your chakra. If you don't have that, you can't even consider the idea of having this power. But I apparently do have chakra that's set up the way it needs to be for this to happen."

"Is that all there is to it, have a certain type of chakra and you get unheard of abilities?" Sasuke was trying his hand at sarcasm.

"No. For it to all really happen and come together, you have to be almost insane. You have to be "at the edge", or so I was told."

Sasuke found himself reeling slightly at this fact. What could have possibly almost made Naruto crazy? What had put him so dangerously close to "the endge"?

"So, why do you have power like that then?"

Naruto once again took out the marble, holding it at arms length, a foot away from Sasuke's face.

"Obviously, I've lost a marble or two Sasuke."

With a quick, fluid motion, Sasuke slapped the marble away from his face. He was too angry at Naruto for trying to be sarcastic at a time like this to hear the marble drop to the ground with sharp tacking noises as it bounced once, twice, thrice…until it stopped.

"But why?"

"I told you last time you came to visit me by yourself, shit happens. I am who I am because of the things that have happened to me in my life. I've dealt with it the best way I've known how to up until recently and I'll still be dealing with it if they ever let me out of here."

"But what happened, what made you like this?"

Naruto was silent for a straight minute, looking as if he was contemplating telling Sasuke what he wanted to know, until,

"It doesn't matter."

"It does matter."

"No, it doesn't. Who cares what got me messed up in the first place? I'll deal."

Sasuke angrily ground his teeth for a second, continuing on as if Naruto had said nothing.

"But it does matter you idiot. Your definition of 'dealing' is you going and hurting yourself." Sasuke said, anger slowly getting the best of him.

Naruto glared acidly in response.

"I don't get you, you know. You blab on all day about nothing important for most of your life, and then the second you should be talking you clam up."

"Right Sasuke, because it's a great idea to spill my guts to someone who put a hole through my chest."

It was Sasuke's turn to glare. He'd decided when he'd been returned to Konoha that, maybe, fighting Naruto in the valley hadn't been the greatest of his ideas.

"I didn't mean specifically me. Anyone would do, talking things out has got to be healthier than slicing at yourself whenever you need to 'deal'."

Sasuke could see Naruto was gritting his teeth as the boy turned his head away to think.

"You're such a fucking hypocrite." Naruto began after a short pause, eyes blazing as he looked back at Sasuke. "You tell me I need to talk things out, but you don't talk unless it's absolutely necessary. You're saying the way I deal with stuff is unhealthy, and yet you deal with things by pushing away anyone who gets at all close to you. You want to kill your brother so badly you'd be willing to give up what you have here for a long-tongued freak who may not teach you a damn thing if you do ever join him. You're probably just as messed up as I am, and yet you have the balls to try and lecture me about shit you don't even get. If anything, I'm the one who doesn't get _you_."

Sasuke was seething.

"Of course you don't get it. I honor my family's memory enough to want to avenge their early deaths with all I've got. You've never even had a family, how would you know what I feel? And since when did this conversation become about me?"

"Since you've been trying to get me to spill my life story to you."

"I wasn't asking for a life story, I just want to know how you got screwed up enough to be almost insane. That's what you said you had to be to have the power you have, right?"

Naruto took a deep, even breath.

"I told you it doesn't matter."

"And I said it does."

"Sasuke, drop it."

"No."

"Sasuke, please. Drop it." Naruto had a pleading look in his eyes at this point, voice low and almost watery with emotion.

"I said no, Naruto. Tell me what has made you so screwed up that you deal with pain by causing yourself more. Why do you have the power that you do?" Sasuke wanted to know. He knew his teammate was reaching a breaking point of sorts, but he had to push it.

He needed to know.

"I fucking said drop it Sasuke and I mean it! I can't, and won't say anything to you! You think I'm going to tell you anything, with the all shit you did and said in that valley? I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you again, you asshole!" Naruto voice had gone icy, eyes blazing in the upmost fury.

"I wasn't asking for you to trust me or to spill your guts. I just wanted to know how you got that power, how did you get crazy enough to get it?"

"Is that all you're about Sasuke? Getting more powerful? Avenging your dead family? Let me tell you something Sasuke and listen carefully. I didn't mean to get the power I have now. I didn't try to go through hell to become crazy enough for this to happen. I didn't even know power like this was possible until two weeks ago. I didn't ask for them Sasuke, I didn't seek them out. They just happened. And I am not telling you what I had to go through for them to be accidently given to me."

"I just wanted-"

"I SAID DROP IT!" Naruto yelled now, letting his invisible appendages stretch from his body and slam into Sasuke, knocking him harshly to the ground.

Both boys stared at each other, breathing hard in either fury or shock.

"What is going on out here?" the voice belonged to a male attendant who'd heard Naruto's sudden cry and had rushed from a near by room to see what the trouble was.

Naruto gave Sasuke one more furious look before turning from him and pushing past the employee, bolting away.

Sasuke knew he didn't have the balls to follow after him. The spots on his shoulders where Naruto's power had pushed against him tingled slightly. They felt just like when one of his legs fell asleep after being in a position for too long. Sasuke also noticed, and with slight embarrassment, that he'd broken out in a cold sweat. For a split second, for the moment that the hands he couldn't see had pushed him, he'd been afraid.

No, strike that.

He'd been terrified. Terrified of Naruto. The feeling had welled up in his throat for that tiny space in time, freezing him on the spot. Sasuke was soon to realize why he'd been so afraid.

In that one moment, that one second, Sasuke came to the harsh realization that Naruto could easily kill him if he wanted to with his new powers. And that he would not be able to do a thing to stop it.

"Are you ok? What happened?" the man came to stand next to Sasuke, offering a hand to help him to his feet.

Sasuke ignored the hand, almost shakily climbing to his feet.

"Nothing's wrong. But I think my welcome here has worn out for the day."

Sasuke turned and walked to the exit that was but a yard or two away. He waited as the man entered the security pin into the lock on the door, opening it once the lock had finished its whirring and clicking noises.

As soon as the door opened enough for him to move through it, Sasuke was gone, all but running out of the building.

Sasuke had a sinking feeling in his gut that that conversation had done more bad then good.

--

"Sai?" The voice that called her name at the door of her room had become pleasantly familiar.

"Hello Naruto, what can I do for you?" Sai sat up and then stood from the bottom part of the bunk bed she'd been dozing in for the last hour. She ushered the boy into her room, leaving the door ajar and flicking the lights on with a snap of an invisible hand.

In the last week that she'd known him, Sai knew she'd grown ridiculously attached to Naruto. She blamed her rather out of character; sudden, almost clinging behavior towards him on the circumstances that had brought on their first meeting. Pushing all that power back into such a nearly broken mind would have been enough to keep Sai near him, least anything like that should happen again and the need of her assistance arise.

But with all the guards that had normally surrounded his mind and his memories, as the power had surged from him in that hallway, Sai had come in contact with his mind. Just for a brief instant, a tiny second, she'd seen all he'd seen, felt all he had ever felt. It was this that kept her so close.

There'd been long stretches of agony and depression that were only briefly interrupted with spasms of true content or happiness, and more than once utter hopelessness. She'd seen flashes of people's faces she had never met, suddenly well aware of their names or the emotions their faces aroused within him. She'd smelled cinnamon sugar cookies, blood, salty tears, and acid from what she quickly recognized as puke. She'd seen his happiest times, some of them being moments he couldn't even remember. Like the first time his mother had held him.

Only, she noted, it was soon followed by the sad memory of the warmth and life ebbing away from her body as she succumbed to death, Naruto wailing in her limping arms.

She'd seen some of the darker times, an almost to-the-death fight with his best friend in a valley, the constant break-ins at his apartment, the molestation that followed. She was surprised by the hate the boy had had radiated at him by some of his fellow villagers, even when he was just a baby. The fact that a demon was sealed in the boy was a shock within its self. But she was even more surprised when she found out those who'd hated him as he grew up also accused him of doing the deeds the demon had done when Naruto was a mere newborn. She'd bristled at the fact that some of the villagers were so desperate for a scapegoat that they placed the sins of an ancient beast upon an unlucky child and called him monster behind his back. And some even did it to his face. She'd seen the cutting, the constant need for self-harm. Oh, how many memories had circled around a sharp object and his own flesh, waiting for relief of all the crushing emotions that swarmed in his head constantly!

Not to mention how he'd had to survive financially before he'd started getting an income as a shinobi. Having to pimp ones self as an errand boy or a cheap blowjob at such a tender young age showed how flawed the entire village was…they were letting such atrocities happen right underneath their noses with out a care.

She had glimpsed, had barley been able to brush against his darkest memories however. Even with all the guardedness he had originally set up gone for that moment she was there, Sai had only seen fragments of what made up the deepest, darkest part of his mind. It seemed to be, when Sai thought on it, that Naruto tried desperately with all his might not to think of those memories at all, whatever they were of. So much so that he'd been able to mostly blind himself to them, nearly block them out. Unless, in this case it seemed, bits of those memories were dredged up unwillingly. Even in his own conscious attempt to keep the darkest part of his mind in the farthest corner or pit of his waking eye, Sai had still seen…and felt fragments of all the emotions and events that had swirled in that dark gloom.

There had been a fragment of sharp, searing pain, a stretch of constant, obsessed worry, seconds of extreme guilt, large amounts of self-loathing, and a sliver of audio that belonged to a longer, blood curdling cry for mercy. There had been the faint smell of cigarette smoke, a dark-humored chuckle, the tiniest hint of pity, and an overpowering shot of pure rage. And as it had become almost a constant thing to Sai in concern to Naruto's memories, the smell of fresh and then slowly drying blood.

Sai couldn't piece the puzzle, the parts were too few to put together. But she did know, instinctively, that whatever those dark memories held could be a matter of life or death for Naruto.

Sai had felt and seen all of those things, as already said, in the matter of a single second. She'd taken the second after to collect herself, and then gently finished pushing that intense power back into Naruto, firmly holding it in its place as the boy had collapsed and fainted, safe for the moment.

That second of being in Naruto's mind, at the very core of what made him _him_, it had imprinted itself onto her own mind, the emotions and images engraving themselves into her very being. It had taken all her acting skills, all of her self control, to keep a composed face on throughout the day that followed that moment.

She'd kept it in as she had explained to Konoha's Hokage what had happened to Naruto and what needed to happen immediately for him to stay safe from himself.

She'd dulled herself to the emotions that weren't her own as the Hokage had let Naruto's friends (she was sure her cousins could recognize a near inner wall breaking when they saw one) sit in their bewilderment a bit longer, making them wait for Naruto to explain what'd happened himself.

She'd boarded up the flashes of faces as she'd painstakingly operated on Naruto's uppermost spine, hands as steady as a statue's as she carefully attached small ports to the correct nerves and tissues where the tiny yellow and blue wires would eventually go and act as literal extra veins to the power leaking from the boy. Just as Tsunade -she was sure that was what the Hokage's name was- had said, she'd sent in a group of people of her choosing to assist. Her own personal assistant Shizune, Naruto's doctor, and a man by the name of Inoichi Yamanaka were the three in the room that watched over and helped her as she worked. Somewhere halfway into the operation, Sai realized that the name Yamanaka sounded vaguely familiar. It took her a second to realize the name was more than likely a memory of her old lessons of "Infractus wannabe dirt" -as her bigot great uncle called anyone with any Infractus-like abilities that were families outside the first branch. She knew his family was duly noted in the first branch for being great inventors of many a mind and soul swapping jutsus and were considered to be fairly good opponents. The playing field was a little bit more level when you're fighting someone who comes from a family of similar awareness as your own.

After her thoughts had wandered for that moment, she had to make herself focus back in on the operation, eyes intense the entire time.

She'd even managed to keep what she'd seen from getting to her as she waited quietly for him to wake up after the surgery. It was only after their very brief first face to face meeting that Sai finally, willingly let what she'd seen in his mind become a part of her memory.

She'd cried, simply cried. It wasn't one of those sobbing fests that involved a lot of hiccups and sniffling. For a very long hour after Naruto fell back asleep, Sai sat at his bedside and let wave after wave of silent tears flow down her face. For the hour that she cried, the memories were not only Naruto's, but hers as well. They were at the same time both completely his and yet completely hers.

And slowly, ever so slowly, the intensity of the emotions that came with each memory lessened. With each round, with each time she remembered them, the pain slowly ebbed away. The emotions dulled until they were all a mere ache in her chest, the memories attached to them holding firmly onto her mind.

She now understood the extreme baggage his shoulders carried; she felt the pain that built up in his heart. She understood, truly understood, why he needed to dig sharp things into his skin.

She could still feel the longing for even the tiniest alleviation from all the heaviness that the life that belonged to the memories had taken on. It was this, this longing for something, anything to make the pain lessen in even the slightest, that made her heart ache the most for Naruto.

Sai fell asleep soon after, head lolling back as she slept sitting up, exhausted for the first time since she'd passed out by the outer wall of Konoha. She'd awoken sore the next morning, joints popping as she'd stretched.

It was very early in the morning when she had awoken, and she was able to walk out of the hospital without anyone stopping or questioning her.

She'd wandered the village, for the first time freely exploring her new home. She could see the village through her own perspective, but at the same time, could see it how Naruto saw it, remembered certain places.

What was a plain looking shop to her was Naruto's favorite music store run by a gay couple who looked out for him much like older siblings would. What looked like an innocent alleyway became a narrow hideaway Naruto had used when he was had to hide from a drunk or two on the fourth anniversary of the Kyuubi attack.

She had walked like that for three hours, trying to think of what she should do with her new found and rather intimate understanding of a boy she'd just met the day before. If he wanted to stand a chance against the strain that would soon descend upon his mind from the awakening power in him, he was going to need some stability. He needed some time to try and heal before she really tried to teach him to control his power. She'd soon found her way to the Hokage's tower, staring up at it as she continued to ponder.

"Excuse me. Do you have a planed audience with the Hokage?"

She'd glanced at the man who had spoken. It was an ANBU guard standing at the front door of the tower. Sai had smiled coyly, influencing him slightly with her mind, internally convincing him that 'yes, how stupid of me, of course she has a meeting with the Hokage!'.

"Sorry, I should have realized. Go right ahead." The man had politely stepped aside for her, opening the door as he did.

Sai had moved quickly, keeping others away from her by persuading them with her thoughts, convincing them that they had something better to do than bug her at that exact moment.

She'd soon arrived at the Hokage's very office, surprised to find her fast asleep at her desk.

"Hokage-sama…" Sai had said tentatively, walking up to the desk. She watched for a second as the older woman snored soundly, muttering to herself.

"Hokage-sama." Sai had spoken much louder that time, causing the large bosomed woman to sit up abruptly in a half awakened panic.

"I don't have your money!" had been the first words out of the dazed Kage's mouth.

Sai had cleared her throat, diplomatically not laughing at the outrageous statement. When Tsunade had finally found her wits -and wiped off the drool on her chin- she'd addressed Sai with as much dignity as she could muster after her little embarrassing moment.

"What brings you here today Akuma-san? I thought you'd be at the hospital with Naruto."

"Please, just call me Sai. And the reason I'm here has to do with Naruto."

"What's happened? Is something wrong?" Tsunade's eyes took on both a hard edge and a soft vulnerability at the prospect of Naruto being hurt in some way.

"I already told you yesterday Hokage-sama, the operation went smoothly. Why I'm here has to do with something I saw in the hallway yesterday, though."

Tsunade relaxed somewhat, motioning for Sai to continue.

"When I pushed the power that had been leaking from Naruto, which had been out of his control, I saw something. I unintentionally dove into his memories and I saw many things that you should know about."

And she did just that, she had earnestly told Tsunade exactly what she'd seen. She'd described the happy times, the sad times, and the dark times. And then tried to fully describe the fragments of his darkest times she'd seen, hoping another set of eyes, per say, could help piece together what she couldn't. Alas, Tsunade hadn't been able to offer any new ideas on how to piece the puzzle the fragments presented them with.

Tsunade had had her hands rigid and tense as she listened to what her poor pseudo brother had been through. It had taken her a minute after Sai had stopped talking to realize that she'd been far too deeply in thought of what she would do to the people who'd harmed her boy if she ever got the chance to meet them face to face.

"Please, Hokage-sama, listen to me."

Tsunade's eyes had moved sharply at Sai's voice.

"Please listen. I know what you're thinking, I can feel it. You want revenge for all the horrible things that have happened to Naruto. I can feel from where I'm sitting how much he means to you. But I implore that you not do anything drastic."

A vein in Tsunade's temple pulsed.

"How can you ask me not to even consider punishing those who have without reason harmed someone I care for? Do you know what you're asking of me!?" Tsunade's outburst had not surprised Sai in the least. She'd paid close attention to the Kage's darkening thoughts as she'd explained what she'd seen.

"I know. I know what I'm asking of you may seem impossible. But please, for now don't do anything against them. We all have to focus on protecting Naruto from anymore bad things happening to him. He needs as much support and love in his life as he can get. Especially now."

Tsunade had sat back, an unconvinced look in her eye.

"Try to understand Hokage-sama, I felt something else while inside Naruto's mind. Despite all that this village has and hasn't done to and for him, Naruto doesn't hate anyone here. It's true. He is, however, full of rage at all of those who have hurt him. It's rage like I've never seen before. But, by some miracle, he holds no hate towards anybody in this village. To him, this place is both hell and heaven. It's given him loved ones that he holds in higher regard than his own life. It's also forced him into situations that no one should ever have to be in. Don't worry, those who deserve punishment will get it in due time. But right now, Naruto needs to heal, more than he needs vengeance."

Tsunade had felt her heart skip a beat in amazement. How Naruto had gone through what he had, seen what he'd seen, without ending up with a deep hatred for this village was a mystery to her. She had only heard about the events secondhand from a mind reader -of sorts- and she'd been livid and hateful enough to consider going through with the dark thoughts that had been in her mind as she had listened.

"What can I do for him then? As Hokage of this village, what do you suggest I do with the authority I have?" Tsunade eventually asked, voice now even and calm.

"Protect him. Be there for him. I'm not really sure myself. My branch is better known for destroying things, not fixing them, Hokage-sama."

The conversation had ended there.

The week had passed quickly. Sai had reintroduced herself to Naruto when he returned to the rehab center later that same day. She was soon to explain what had happened to him; not only in the hallway, but in the operating room as well. She told him the reason his neck ached so badly was because of the wires and their ports she'd implanted into the back of his lower skull and upper neck.

With what little alone time she'd been able to get with him that week, she'd taught him how to draw small amounts of power from where it centered now at the base of his skull. From there, she'd shown him how to use that power to pick up small objects, to push against things. To her utmost shock, he'd been able to lift a glass marble a foot off the ground and hold it there for five seconds before letting it drop again. What he'd managed to do in a week had taken her a month to figure out when she had first started out.

Sai had also gotten a chance over the week to bond with her remaining family and found her cousins to be rather enjoyable people. To her happy surprise, they ended up being kind hearted and intelligent in their own ways. Airashii was mostly calm and good natured. Miyuki was loud and endearing.

Though, they were still very hurt and scarred by what their branches had put them through. She hadn't pried very much into their minds, a peek here and there. But what she'd seen told her enough for her to keep her distance. If they wanted to, they would eventually tell her what had happened to them.

Sai snapped out of her stupor as Naruto sat on the bed she had just been dozing in, looking up at her.

"Naruto, what's wrong?" He seemed very troubled by something, and Sai had to refrain from trying to delve into his mind to find the source of his discomfort.

His gaze sifted around the room for a moment before finding its way back to her.

"Sasuke just visited me."

Sai stiffened at that name. She personally didn't have anything against the boy. But she really didn't like the betrayal number he'd pulled on Naruto.

No, it didn't sit very well with her.

"I take it didn't go very well, huh?"

Naruto's scratching his chin was all the answer she needed.

"Want to tell me what happened?"

Naruto puffed out his cheeks in a way he knew Sai found funny before answering.

"Well, it started off pretty decent enough. Sasuke popped in and got me out of the second half of group therapy. That was pretty cool. We were talking about parents today, and I really didn't have much to say in the first place. But anyways. We walked around for a while, commenting on the whether and stuff. He asked me how I was doing, and I told him I was ok. You know, it was the first time he's really talked to me since we had a really big fight about a month ago."

Sai nodded, having not told him about her little adventure into his memories earlier in the week. He had no idea that she already knew why Sasuke and he were on such bad terms.

"Then what happened?"

Naruto huffed.

"He asked me about the hallway incident. And why I have wires sticking out of the back of my neck. I've been wondering when one of my friends would ask about that."

"Well, what did you tell him?" Sai was sure this was the part of the conversation that had gone sour.

"I told him the truth. Or at least I tried to. He didn't really believe me at first. So, then I proved it to him. I had one of the marbles we've been practicing with on hand, so I showed him how I could lift it."

"And after that?"

"What he said was "Were did you get that power?" I-I explained the bare minimum, told him how you had to be almost crazy to get power like that. Then he wanted to know what had made me almost crazy. I told him it didn't matter. Before I knew it we were arguing. He kept asking me what had made me almost insane and I kept telling him that it didn't matter. And then I just blew up at him, told him to drop it. And then it got pretty bad and I ended up pushing him down with my power and ran away and I really hope I didn't hurt him. You know"

Naruto's voice had slowly gained a uniquely panicked and upset tone to it as he explained what had happened.

"Naruto," Sai's voice was calm but demanding, "try to calm yourself down. Tell me…tell me what you're feeling right now."

"Angry. Really, really angry."

"Why do you feel so angry? Is it all because of him?" Sai was hoping she'd be able to talk Naruto down from his emotional tenseness.

Naruto pulled his hat off to pull at his now almost buzz cut length hair. Sai had needed to shave the lower part of his skull for the operation, and Naruto had wanted it at least a little bit more even.

"No, he's not the main reason I'm so angry. Sure, he's being a dick like he was when we were first assigned to the same team, but I'm not just angry with him. The whole last month that I've been in here has been like a bad daydream. There are just so many things I didn't want to happen that have. What grip I did have on my life before all this has been thrown out the window and I've been left at the mercy of a place that has the words 'happy hills' in its name. It's like my life's been put at a stand still and I hate that I don't have as much control over it as I did before."

Sai snorted in amusement at his humor. Funny as his light sarcasm had been when he'd mentioned the happy hills, he'd made a good point about having practically no control.

"Your Hokage, Tsunade, well…she didn't put you in here with the intention of making you feel powerless, you know. I just think she didn't know how else to immediately start helping you. She probably thought that a controlled environment and someone to talk to everyday would be soothing rather than distressing."

Naruto pulled a face.

"Yeah, some person they gave me to talk to everyday. I've given up on trying to openly talk with my shrink."

"Why's that?"

"I don't like feeling that everything I'm saying or doing is being dissected. It gives me the creeps."

Sai nodded, remembering all too well how training sessions with her mother use to go when she was young. Her mother's trained eyes had always been on her every movement, always looking for any slight mistake. She knew how nerve wracking it could be.

"So, is that what you've been holing up inside your head all this time? You don't like not being in control of where you go or what you're allowed to do?"

Naruto pulled yet another face, shaking his head as he did.

"It's not so much that. It's just how out of body everything feels now, like I'm watching someone else's life. Since the day I landed myself in here, nothing feels real. The only time I did feel more normal was when I managed to find something to, uh, hurt myself with, I guess."

"Why do you think you feel like that?" Sai noted with a sympathetic jab to the heart that Naruto's face had flushed red when he recalled what had obviously been an emotional overload that had left him with a few new self-inflicted scars.

"I don't know Sai. If I did, I don't think I would feel so edgy and antsy. It's like some of my worst fears have come true all at once. For all I know, I could be in some sort of shock. You're supposed to feel outside your body when you go into shock, right?"

Sai shrugged. Naruto let out a deep, confused groan.

"Sounds to me like you're more frustrated then you are angry."

Naruto made a bubbling noise with his mouth.

"I just don't like not knowing what's wrong with me. And I can't even try to fix it while I'm in here. They don't even have thumbtacks for the bulletin board; everything's hung up with smiley face stickers."

Sai moved from where she'd been leaning against the wall and sat down on the floor in front of Naruto.

"That's not the only thing that's been bugging you though, right? How does Sasuke play into your fowl mood other then the simple 'he's a dick' statement you've already given me?"

Naruto's eyes narrowed.

"Other then acting like a dick, he's also acting like a pussy. The second I start asking questions it's like he thinks it's ok to change the subject. When anything gets turned on him, he runs from the conversation with his legs between legs, pissing himself all the way home."

It was Sai's turn to give Naruto a look.

"Well, he is acting like a real little kid about everything. I mean, when conversation doesn't go the way he wants it to, he clams up so quickly you'd think he'd over heard someone talking about sex. Because of all the weird shit that's happened in the last month or so, he's wanted to know what's been going on in my head and I've wanted to know what's going through his. I always give in a little bit; I try to give him what he wants so we can try to be on a better playing field. And then the second I ask for the same damn courtesy, he blocks it out and runs away. God, I really wonder if he wouldn't be happier if I had just not brought him back."

"What do you mean 'brought him back'?" She was playing dumb for Naruto's sake.

"He ran away from Konoha a month and a half ago, going to find this missing-nin who'd sort of promised to give him a lot of power if he left this village and joined his. There was a whole team assigned on his retrieval, but I was the one to actually face off with him. I somehow managed to win the fight and he was brought back, all but kicking and screaming the whole way. There'd been this small rift developing between the sort of friendship I'd had with him before that all happened. It was a void by the time he rejoined my genin team, after I brought him back. I've wanted to close it, been trying to since he's been home. But he won't let me. Now, with everything that's happened in the last month and all, I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to fix it."

"And how does that prospect make you feel?" Sai could tell his emotions were winding down, the fast pace becoming slower.

"Sad, unbelievably sad."

"Why?"

Naruto looked up at her for the first time since he'd initially sat down, and smiled.

"He's the first best friend I've ever had. He's what I would imagine having a brother would be like. I don't want to lose him just because neither of us can get over how angry we are about something the other did."

"Does the idea of not having what you use to have with him, not having a brotherly bond with Sasuke, does it make you want to hurt yourself?"

Naruto turned red for a thoughtful second.

"Yeah. Kind of. Maybe. I don't know. Everything recently has made me wish I could just rip myself up like I use to be able to. I can't act on those thoughts though, not right now. Too many people are watching every little move I make, and I can't bear the thought of letting them down by being weak and giving into such a weird need."

It was Sai's turn to sigh.

"Don't try to do that to yourself Naruto, you can't deny what you're use to. Not for the reasons you have anyways. You shouldn't try to stop an addictive habit like that for the sake of others' comfort. If you were to try and quit because you were sick and tired of relying on something like that for emotional stability, I would support you whole heartedly. But, you still want to cut, you just said it yourself. What you're doing to yourself is that you aren't allowing yourself to even really think of cutting because you know your friends will somehow be hurt if they were to find out. I think any sort of victory you'd have would feel hollow if you weren't doing it for yourself. You have to stop on your own terms, not ones that belong to those you love."

Naruto was silent, his full attention on Sai as she spoke.

"But…but what if they leave?" Naruto eventually asked in a whisper.

Sai gave him a quizzical look as he dropped his face into his hands. His words were slightly muffled, but Sai could make out what he was saying.

"What if they can't deal with my issues? What if one day they figure out just what a freak I am and walk away? I don't know if I could deal with that sort of stuff."

"Naruto, anyone would be crazy to leave you alone just because you're a bit more complicated then they first anticipated."

Naruto looked up, asking,

"Really?"

"Really really." Sai said, playfully mimicking Miyuki with the girl's new favorite general affirmative term of 'really really'.

Naruto left soon after, his mood the slightest bit happier. It made Sai intensely happy that the boy trusted her enough to tell her what he was thinking about.

--

The rest of the day wore on as it normally would. Dinner was had and everyone was eventually put to rest. It was hours later that Sai woke up, sensing that something was very much not right.

She abruptly sat up in bed, immediately alert. The air was buzzing in a way that only she could sense this intensely, buzzing in a way only an Infractus could make the air buzz. She shot from her bed, barley noticing how cold the tiled floor was and half-heartedly wishing she knew where she'd kicked her slippers off. She searched the building with her powers, stretching her see through arms out down the hallways, searching for the dangerous being she knew was now there.

Sai stopped suddenly when she felt where the being was, quietly opening the door of her room and quickly making her way to the boy's dorm.

A sickening thought crossed Sai's mind that had her quickening her speed ten fold.

What if her mother had found Naruto?

--

I stared down at the sleeping boy, confused for a moment as I searched his face. He wasn't the fake Sai, obviously. The fake had somehow successfully reproduced a signal of sorts others like my branch could pick up on, that's how I'd followed her to this village. But the trail I'd found once I'd entered Konoha led me not to the fake Sai, but to this young, whisker marked, skinny looking boy.

The boy turned over suddenly, startling me out of my ravine. He settled after a second, breathing still even and deep and obviously asleep. I noted the scars on his arm that had flopped out form underneath his sheets, but something else far more interesting caught my eye. The back of his neck was laced with wires, wires whose purpose I recognized instantly. That replacement had done her homework well.

I gently probed his mind, wondering how broken he was. To my utter delight, I found that his inner wall was being held intact almost entirely by the extra veins that were implanted into the back of his neck. I nearly squealed in excitement.

How wonderful would it be to break that inner wall of his and let him destroy this whole village!? I knew that if I felt like it, I could keep him as a pet of sorts, train him to do dirty work that I didn't want to do. I'd done it before when my clan wasn't filled with fakes, and found it to be most fulfilling.

I deliberately reached for the back of his neck, hand resting purposefully on the uppermost wires, when a cool, familiar voice hissed from the doorway.

"Leave. Him. Alone."

I turned my face to see none other then the replacement Sai, a loth eye patch resting over the hole in her face where an eye should have been. I grinned absently mindedly at my handy work.

"You came for me mother, so leave him be."

Rage boiled my blood. There she went again, calling me mother. How dare she!? She was the reason my Sai wasn't with me right now! Before I had time to try and control myself, my body had sprung forward at her, a deafening war cry unleashing itself from my throat. She was halfway down the hallway by the time I'd swung out the doorway. I flung my power, my invisible hands, at her with such ferocity that I accidentally let them bang into the walls, dents and craters forming in their wake.

I chased after her, dimly aware that others were awake now, screaming in confusion and fear.

I didn't care.

I followed after the fake, my hands trying to catch her, to rip her apart. But the hallways seemed too small; my power kept banging into them, without my trying to. The hallways finally dead ended at a tapped off area that looked like a fireless bomb had gone off in it. At the end of it was a glass less window, the thick plastic that had covered it torn halfway off.

I realized the fake had left the building.

I didn't mean to, but in my hurry to follow her, I accidently blasted the entire end wall of the hallway out, huge chunks of it falling to the ground as I propelled myself forward into the sky. It would be much easier to search for her by air, I reassured myself as I let my power hold me far above the ground.

I idly acknowledged the worry in my gut that told me that something was off with the control on my power. After a moment, I pushed the thought into the basement of my mind, focusing on the more important task at hand.

--

Naruto had woke to the sound of Sai's voice hissing in a tone he'd never heard her use before and to the feeling of cool finger tips on the back of his neck. Lying very still, he chanced a look at the person he felt standing over him. But he never got a good look at her face; she had suddenly leaped away from him, the finger tips leaving from his neck.

A loud, almost animal like cry cracked through the air, and by the time Naruto had flipped himself out of bed, she'd already gone. The rest of the dorm was awake at this point, curses and cries of confusion filling Naruto's ears.

"Follow me." Airashii had appeared at his side, pulling him by the arm, out of the room and down the hall.

"What's going on? Who was that?"

Airashii didn't answer as they stopped by the girl's dorm, people inside it moving around too.

"Miyuki, we've got to go!" Airashii called into the room, Miyuki soon to follow them as they continued down the hall.

"What happened?" Miyuki asked both of them.

"It's Sai's mom, she snuck into the building." Airashii answered this time, his face laced with worry as they ran.

"What's so bad about her mom being here?"

"S-she's trying to kill Sai. She killed the rest of the Akuma clan recently and now she's here to kill Sai. We've got to help her." It was Miyuki's voice who answered this time, her face in a cold sweat, fear evident in her eyes.

"Oh." Was all Naruto managed, not truly realizing the severity of the situation.

It wasn't all too hard to follow Sai's mother; she was leaving a path of destruction on the floors and walls like a trail of bread crumbs.

They finally found where the pair had exited, the whole end wall of the dead end hallway gone.

"And _I_ thought I did a number on this place." Naruto looked on in disturbed awe.

All three of them inched toward the edge where the wall would have sat, looking out to the cold aired night. Their breaths came in little puffs of white, dissipating as soon as they were made.

"Looks like we'll jump." Miyuki said, nonchalantly.

Before anyone could say another word, Airashii stepped toward the very edge of the floor, toes hanging over the edge. He raised his arms over the edge, hands shaking and body tense in concentration. A moment later, the ground far below them started to rumble slightly and move, taking shape as it neared the edge Airashii was at. Naruto peered downward to see that a rather well constructed stone and earth staircase was waiting for them to climb down.

Naruto let out a low whistle as another wave of awe passed over him.

"Come on." Airashii said, starting the descent. The other two were not far behind.

Naruto shivered as his feet made contact with the cold, hard ground at the bottom of the stair case.

As they continued their search, Naruto wistfully whished that he had remember to grab his shoes.

--

All I can say is this: yay for impromptu first person point of view!

Note: may be harder to update, new family issues arising.

Other notes: Keep in mind, no yaoi in this fic, especially between Naruto and Sasuke. There's just a lot of sudo brotherly bonds that were broken and need fixed badly between them. And PIIR-Pierrot, I'm still working on the one shot you won; I've had very few plot bunnies biting me recently, so it may take a while longer until I'm satisfied with it. And MikoKriszty, I need to hear what you'd like me to write for you too darlin'!


	17. Abyssus

**Warning: This chapter contains scenes of nonconsensual sexual acts. Please be aware that this is not a chapter that is meant to leave warm and fuzzies in the pit of your stomach. No warm and fuzzies for you!!! You have been warned.**

November 17

--------------------

_we started to dissolve into our language  
long ago  
there was a child  
who loved  
but not anymore  
seize the day  
by the neck  
choke it dead  
good boy_

_**becoming infractus**_ by slacked-jawed cheese hugger

----------------------------

Sai was confused.

Tired and very confused. She'd been running away from her mother, leading her out of the village and deeper and deeper into one of the surrounding forests, for over twenty minutes now. This act alone was, in a sense, highly irregular for her mother to do. She had to keep wondering, had to keep asking herself: what was her mother waiting for?

Why hadn't she attacked her directly as soon as she'd been within range to do so?

As this reoccurring thought crossed her mind again, Sai chanced a glance behind her as she traveled deeper and deeper into the woods. She managed to catch a glimpse of a wispy, invisible to any normal naked eye arm twitch violently as it smashed a crushing blow into a tree, only about twenty feet to her left. Somewhere, far above her head, she heard her mother's very distinguishable cry of frustration echo in the night air.

Sai continued on, her confusion deepening further. Was it just her, or did it seem that her mother wasn't hitting her because she simply _couldn't_ aim correctly?

That wouldn't make any sense. No sense at all.

Her mother prided on her ruthlessness and precise aiming. When she had a target, she'd hit it the first time. No matter what.

Except…just maybe if…

Sai nearly missed the tree branch she'd been aiming for as she had a small epiphany. She remembered back to her early learning years, those lessons that had exclusively covered the ways and whys of killing a fellow Infractus of the First Branch. She remembered why an Infractus who reached the literal end of their rope - those who were or near insanity- were such a danger.

"S-she's…no. She can't be! Can she?" Sai stammered to herself in fear and excitement.

If what was happening to her mother what she_ thought_ was happening, then maybe, just maybe, she would stand a chance against her if it came to a fight to the death.

As Sai dodged one of her mother's better placed attacks –this one had been ten feet in front of her- a small spark of hope ignited inside of her.

For the first time since her mother had laid waste to her own clan, Sai felt hopeful that she might get to see the New Year come around.

---------------------

_I hope I don't die tonight_

_I hope no life is lost in the fight_

_I hope we're all ok in the end_

_And that we get to see the sun rise and the moon set again_

_I so hope no one I love dies tonight_

_If they do, I hope to God my life is taken too _

-----------------------

Tsunade was not a happy person when she was forced to wake up in the middle of a nap. Any eye witness would tell you that that was a cold hard fact of life.

She was down right nasty when she was woken up in the middle of the night though. No matter the reason.

"What in the fuck do you want at almost one in the morning?!" she yelled in a shrill, annoyed voice at whoever it was when she opened the door.

"M-ma'am, I'm sorry to have to wake you, but there's an emergency." Stuttered a very surprised ANBU officer.

Tsunade stared at the poor man for a moment, bleary eyed, and with a half working, sleep ridden mind trying to work out exactly what he had just said. When she'd failed to react properly for a full twenty seconds, the ANBU was certain that she'd fallen into some sort of open eyed sleep.

"Ma'am, please wake up…" he said, waving a gloved hand in front of her face.

"I _am _awake, just not quite _fully_." Tsunade growled at the man, leaning heavily against the doorway.

"Please, there's an emergency situation going on as we speak." The ANBU repeated, straightening his back, trying to look as big and important as possible.

Maybe, he reasoned, this would make him seem just intimidating enough to get her to listen to him, rather then yell at him.

"Yes, I heard you the first time. Now tell me, what exactly is going on that is so direly important."

The ANBU slumped a little. There was just no way to win with this Hokage.

"Well, at a proximally 2400 hours, the guards on the southern wall of the village were attacked and killed. There were hardly any signs of a struggle and no evidence of any specific weapon left behind by the perpetrator. In fact ma'am, it looked as if they hadn't been attacked by any weapon at all. The odd thing about this was that the medic-nins found all three guards' internal organs completely crushed. The only time something like that has been reported anywhere at all was when-"

"-an Infractus of the Akuma Clan was attacking." Tsunade interrupted the man, now fully alert and completely on edge.

"Send for every single shinobi of the Konoha to gather, even the genins. There is a rogue Infractus in the village, and we have to find and terminate them before they cause anymore damage."

Behind his mask, the ANBU blanched a little. She…she couldn't be serious, could she?

"Are you sure? There can't be a real Infractus in the village, right?"

"The proof is in those guards' deaths. One of them is here, and the more time you spend standing here like a sunken rock and less time gathering shinobi together, the more potential for death of innocent civilians there is. Send out the silent alarm. Get the civilians into hiding, and get everyone else on this Infractus' trail."

"Y-yes. Sorry." Was the last thing the ANBU said to her, instantly gone to sound the alarm.

Tsunade slammed the door closed and quickly began changing from her night clothes to her combat gear. She had a sinking feeling in her stomach that by the end of the night she might regret allowing Sai Akuma to find refuge in Konoha.

---------------------

"Where the heck are they?" Naruto and Miyuki simultaneously grumbled to themselves

"I already told you guys, we just have to keep following the mess they're leaving behind. We'll find them sooner or later." Airashii repeated for what he felt was about the third of fourth time.

He hadn't really been counting anyways. Really, he hadn't.

All three of them had been following the ever growing trail of destruction that Sai's mother had been leaving in her wake. Small craters littering the ground here and there. Over turned roadside food trolleys. Snapped and dangerously live power lines hanging over their heads. Cracked and broken windows, smashed chimneys, and de-tiled roofs and several beaten up houses, their owners examining the damage, wondering what in the hell could have done something like that littered the trail as well.

Eventually, their search reached the edge of one of the deepest forests outside the village walls, broken homes and roads replaced with damaged foliage and demolished trees and branches. The trio stood at the edge, peering into the forest as best as the weak moon light of the November night would let them.

"You guys ready?" Naruto asked nervously, their feelings of anxiety and fear rolling off of them like a strong perfume. It made him wish that he hadn't been so ready to head after this obviously insane woman.

"Yeah." Miyuki said weakly.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Airashii said with an air of definitiveness.

"Alright, here goes nothing." Naruto said, facing the dark forest, already taking the first step forward when a voice rang out to the small group.

"Naruto! What in the hell are you doing here?"

Naruto turned toward the familiar voice, inwardly cringing as Iruka came into view. Following closely behind him were none other then the entirety of the rookie nine, their teachers and Gai and his own team as well.

This was all bound to make things more complicated then need be.

As smoothly as he could, Naruto tucked his bare arms behind his back, away from view. He wished he'd had put on a long sleeved shirt when he'd gone to bed early that same evening.

"H-hi Iruka-sensei! I haven't seen you in a while." Was all Naruto said as his former teacher landed in front of him.

"Naruto, what are you doing here?" Iruka repeated, a look of concern and bewilderment crossing his features. "You're supposed to be in the rehab center, how did you three get out here?" Iruka said, pointing to Airashii and Miyuki as well.

Naruto paled slightly at Iruka's words.

"You know about that? You know about-"

"It's ok Naruto, you don't have to explain right now. I know enough about what happened to understand that you shouldn't be out here." There was meaning in his words that Naruto caught onto, without Iruka meaning him to of course.

Naruto swallowed heavily, pressing his arms closer to his back. Iruka knew. The last person on the face of the earth he would have wanted to find out now _knew_ he was a screwed up nut case.

Iruka patted his head in a well mannered, loving way.

"I've been away on a mission and got back only very recently. I meant to come visit you, but I guess we'll just have to wait for a while before we'll get to talk, ok?" Iruka gave the short, black hair on Naruto's head a good ruffling before turning his attention toward the rest of the approaching group.

Naruto only hung his head as the sound of more voices met his ear.

"What is Naruto doing here? He should be somewhere safer, shouldn't he?" came Sakura's worried tone.

Naruto swallowed hard. He had the worst luck sometimes.

"Um, excuse me," Airashii said, directing the comment toward Iruka, "the only reason we're here is because the woman who's been attacking the village broke into the center to begin with."

"How much of the situation do you know about?" It was Kakashi who spoke this time.

"More then you guys, probably." Miyuki murmured, unrest lacing her words.

Airashii gave her side a quick, but gentle jab with his elbow.

"What my cousin means to say is that the two of us know more of the situation by default. The woman who's invaded your village goes by the name of Rema Akuma. She's-"

"Ungodly crazy, dangerously psychotic, oh, and did I mention that she's also our _aunt_ who's trying to_ kill_ our poor damn cousin! Her own freaking _daughter!"_

Eyes turned onto Miyuki as she interrupted Airashii, the unrest undertones that had been key in her words before quickly becoming a frightened and hysterical tone as she continued.

"My god Airashii, what the hell are we thinking? We can't take her on, she'll kill us! No, actually, strike that, she'll demolish us! Utterly destroy us. Well, maybe not me per say 'cause I don't die, but if you go in there, you'll be a goner!"

At this, Airashii turned back to his trembling, ever growing hysterical younger cousin, putting his hands on her shoulders in the most soothing manner possible.

Kakashi, Asuma, Kureina, and Gai all raised an eyebrow at the two Akumas' interactions. They knew the distinguishing physical characteristics of the branches of the clan, understood the powers each branch had at their disposal, and knew the usual social etiquette the higher branches required of those below them…

But, they would have to take a guess that the human condition had not been taken into account when the textbook definitions of the Akuma Clan and its branches had been written.

Here before them stood two members of said clan, both of distinctly different branches, genuinely _caring_ for one another_._ In what they had been required to learn when they were newly made Jounin (and in Kakashi's case, a review session as an ANBU as well), the Akuma Clan had always appeared to be less like a family and more like a three layered organism. Each layer of that organism keeping a firm foot on top of the weaker, lesser layers.

An organism that was always cold, unkind, dangerous, and unfeeling.

But, watching as Airashii almost maternally tried to comfort his younger cousin, the four of them were reminded of one of the greatest lessons of being a shinobi. Underneath the underneath was always where the truth was.

As the elder ninjas of the group were preoccupied with relearning an important lesson, the entirety of the rest of the group was still waiting for an answer.

And since their explanation had been cut short by Miyuki's ever growing distress, all their heads ended up turning toward Naruto.

"What?" he said after a moment of expectant silence.

"Do you know what he was talking about Naruto?" Kakashi asked in an airy tone, turning his attention away from the still panicking Miyuki.

"Kind of. But only a little. I don't really know the why or how of it all, but that crazy lady _is _trying to kill Sai and she's putting the village in danger by doing so. So, we followed her trail out of the building and village, and now here we are."

Naruto fidgeted as he finished. Even though he was done explaining what little he knew about the situation, all eyes were still on him.

He didn't like it.

"Is there a reason everyone's still looking at me? Did I say something wrong?" he asked, not trying to hide the annoyed tone in his voice.

"No!" this was a unison cry from his peers- and Iruka- , a tone of anxiety laced into each voice.

"It's just-"

"-you know-"

"-you're not really-"

"-supposed to be-"

"-outside-"

"-somewhere so dangerous-"

"-you could get hurt-"

"-y-you have to b-be careful!"

Many of his friends tried to explain their worried stares away all at once, words tumbling out of all their mouths at the same time to make nothing but great big jumbled mess to listen to.

But Naruto caught the individual bits, and understood what they meant on the whole.

Stiffly pulling his arms out from behind his back, exposing them for the first time to his shinobi peers without any sense of shame or guilt in his heart, Naruto yelled over the loud explanations of said peers.

"Look, ever since all this crap started I've been treated like I'm something too fragile to even touch and truthfully, I don't really like it!" His friends' attempts at explaining away their recent overly concerned behavior quieted as he spoke.

"Just because you've all recently found out that I'm not _really_ as happy as I let on, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still the same person you've known since god knows when! I-" Naruto faltered at that point, pausing to take a deep breath before continuing.

"I was probably hurting myself when you guys first met me, more then likely c-cutting myself when we were going to school together... I've been doing this same thing for years. I've been screwed up like this even when I've gone on missions and assignments! Back when no one knew that I did this sort of thing," at this Naruto, held up his scarred arms up for all to see, "no one acted like they were walking on eggshells around me. No one acted like I was too god damn breakable to even try letting me handle my job as a shinobi. The only difference between then and now is that you guys _know_. You _know_ I'm messed up and that's the _only_ difference. I know it's not fair of me to ask you all to act like nothing's happened because, well, lots of stuff _has_ happened. I guess you can't really ignore that. I just want to not be treated like I'm going to crumple at any second. Please?"

Naruto lowered his arms to the sides of his head, clutching each side as he lowered his eyes to the ground. There was a long pause that was only interrupted by Miyuki's low, ever panicked whispering and Airashii's similar low whispers of soothing words.

Never before in the few weeks that the Rookie nine -plus Team Gai- hadall known the truth about their friend, had he ever actually addressed the elephant in the room. Had never, ever, mentioned or even seemed to really make notice of his rather delicate situation. To be confronted with the truth and not just half guessed assumptions made up in their own minds was a little startling, to say the least. The silence that followed Naruto's small rant-like speech stretched out for a few awkward moments. No one was in the mood to be the ice breaker at the moment.

Tenten took a few brave steps forward, separating herself from the group.

"Naruto, we're just-" she began.

"I know. I know you're all just worried. Every time one of you looks at me I can see it on your faces. You're worried and kind of scared and I guess that's how any normal person would react to this sort of thing." Naruto raised his head back up. "But right now, I don't need you guys to be worrying about me. Worry about the village. It's what we've been trained to do. What _I've_ been trained to do. There have been a few times that I've hated this place, but for the most part all I've ever wanted to do was help and protect it. For the most part, I love Konoha, and I don't want it to get hurt."

It only took a moment for another to step forward and join Tenten.

"Your desire to help your home when you are in need of help yourself is most admirable, Naruto. But please, sit _just_ this one out. You need to focus your youthful energies on healing your mind, not fighting this woman." Lee said, his normal dramatic speech patterns subdued by the weight of the conversation.

Naruto had had enough. They couldn't see that he had to do this, he just _had_ to. He was a shinobi of the Leaf, it was his job to ensure its safety. Just because he didn't have his headband on didn't make him anything less than a proud ninja of Konoha.

That and this would be the first time he would have the opportunity to return to some sort of semblance of normalcy since he'd entered the center.

Missions were usually thoughtless, hard working activities that kept his mind from wandering, kept darker realities at bay for that moment in time. The structured monotony he found in ninja assignments was an escape he'd not realized he would miss so dearly once deprived of them.

In short, he not only felt like he _had_ to do this, he also knew that he _needed _this. He needed to do it, no matter what sort of logic his friends wanted to throw at him.

With what sounded like a defeated sigh to his friends, Naruto quickly turned toward the forest and bounded into its deep recesses without even another glance back. Given the suddenness of his departure, it took even the teachers of the group a moment to realize exactly what had happened.

The first to react fully was Miyuki.

"He's going to get himself killed!" Miyuki cried hysterically, pushing past Airashii and charging into the forest right after Naruto.

Airashii followed right after her. His little cousin was in no state of mind to be trying to save anyone that evening.

The four teachers sailed in after him, their small amount of shock already completely gone as they followed after the unbalanced teens, on the trail of the insane woman named Rema Akuma.

The students they left behind took a moment longer to take in all that had happened in that short span of a second. After the second of utter confusion was gone, they all bounded into the forest together, like one, big, teenage blob.

----------------------

I have to get to him. He doesn't know what he's getting himself into. He has no _idea_ what Sai's mom is capable of.

Naruto had never seen the horror the very sound of her name struck into the eyes of adults. Never actually witnessed the agony she could inflict on someone –anyone-, without even lifting a finger. He'd never seen the sheer joy that flitted across her face when she was causing such pain.

I push my body harder then I've pushed it in years, ignoring the sound of someone calling my name from behind me.

Faster.

I have to go faster.

Suddenly I see him up ahead, his light gray shirt giving him away in the faint moonlight of the night.

"Naruto!" I'm screeching and I know my voice sounds about just as worried as I feel.

I can see that he only spares a quick glance behind him at the sound of his name. He makes no movement to stop, doesn't falter. He just pushes forward, somehow moving even faster then before.

I find myself wanting to cry. The urge, no the need, to just stop and sob away my fear, anxiety, and frustration grips tightly at my chest. The sudden emotions cause a few sinful tears to well up in my eyes. I wipe them away angrily and push even harder.

Faster.

I have to get to him.

If I don't, he'll die. I know it. She'll kill him. Rema Akuma would. She could and she would if she got to him. He didn't know what he was going up against. There was no way for him to know.

It's hard to breath, let alone focus, with so many emotions swimming in my head.

"Miyuki!" I find myself startled so badly that I almost run into a tree branch.

I was so wrapped up in my own anguished thoughts that I'd failed to notice Airashii was bounding and running along right next to me.

"Miyuki, what are you doing?" I know what he's trying to do for me.

Airashii had always been the calm to my erratic, the Zen to my Zing. He's trying to calm my thoughts down for me, trying to get me to think through what I'm doing.

So I ponder his question for a second. What was I going to do, really? Warn my second best friend –next to only Airashii- about what he was bound to face by going to face my aunt and then run away after warning him?

No. I know I can't do that. As much as Rema scared the living shit out of me, I couldn't and wouldn't just leave Naruto and his ninja friends to face her all alone. The idea of leaving him alone, not being able to help him…it scared me worse then my aunt ever could.

"I've got to help him Airashii. And Sai too. They are going to need our help if any one of them is going to live past tonight." My voice is calmed, cool. I've made my decision and I'm going to have to live with it.

All Airashii does is nod silently, speeds up, and gives me a faster pace to follow.

I give myself a little laugh. He'd probably already made up his mind before we'd ever left Happy Hills. Always the decisive one; that was Airashii for you. Stubborn as could be once he'd made up his mind to do something.

The others of the group aren't far behind us now; their footsteps have quickly gotten louder, closer to mine and Airashii's. Soon, they're all running right beside us, the pace their keeping out matching mine or Airashii's.

I guess, when you aren't able to train your body as rigorously as you'd like to for a few years, you lose a bit more speed and strength and stamina then you'd probably like to.

"Naruto, come back here right now!" someone's voice from the front of the pack rings.

A slightly distant cry of "Not a chance!" is all that responds.

Jumping to the higher branches of the ancient trees, I can see over the top of the spread out group's heads. A short ways ahead of us all is Naruto, jumping around like some freaking squirrel. But, even further ahead of him, I can see a charging figure. My stomach drops for a moment. Panic rises and I hope to god that it isn't **her**.

Though, after a moment, the panic settles after a moment when I realize that the person approaching us is just Sai…

With her mother literally flying right behind her.

"Get DOWN!" Is the only thing Sai says as she and her mother hurdle towards us.

Everyone is suddenly flinging themselves to the side, away from the path of the ongoing fight. Sai zips right past me, and I can see that her normally calm, deep purple eye is locked in a terrified, dead straight stare.

It was the type of look you only see in an animal that's being hunted.

No sooner did I move before Rema was plowing through where I'd been standing, her First Branch power snapping the foot thick branch I'd been standing on like it was only a twig.

I awkwardly land on a branch much father below, gripping it tightly with my fingers. My body is shaking, but not from the cold or the adrenalin running through my veins.

Terror is what has me shaking like a leaf on a branch, no pun intended.

"You ok?"

I'm surprised to find that it isn't Airashii asking me the question, but Naruto's brown haired, ponytail wearing friend. What was his name? Shikakaru? Shikamasa?

No, those defiantly_ didn't_ sound right...

"Hey, did you hear me, I asked you if you were ok."

I stare up at him for another second, trying to remember his name.

"Yeah, I'm ok Shikamaru."

He nods.

Whew, glade I guessed that and not Shikanamu.

I stare up to the treetops and listen to the sound of destruction. Branches snapping like bones, roots being dug up from deep in the ground as tree were toppled.

"What in the hell _is_ all that?" I hear Shikamaru say. I can't really tell if he's talking to himself or me. I decide to play it safe and answer the question for him.

"My aunt."

His eyes find mine and his eyebrow arches dangerously.

"You mean that woman's the one causing this mess? But how? All it looks like she's doing is jumping around. You mean to tell me she's causing all this damage?"

I sigh deeply.

"Did any of your other friends tell you about what happened to Naruto that one day when he somehow destroyed a hallway at the center?"

"Without lifting a finger to do it? Yeah, I heard a pretty crazy story from Kiba."

"From what I can tell, something's accidently woken up inside of Naruto. In my clan, that sort of power is a possibility if you're born into our First Branch. You can move things, destroy things, without ever touching them with your bare hands. Normal people can't see it, and you can't really feel where it is until it's too late. That's what we're up against right now."

I watch with a small amount of dark amusement as his face changes drastically as I speak. From pensive to slightly confused to down right aghast.

"That's...that's really not good."

"Tell me about it." I say.

I'm suddenly aware of a sick sort of prickly feeling in my mouth. It was the type of feeling I got when that power the First Branch members had was getting too close to me for comfort...

"Down!" I called to Shikamaru.

He moved just as the place where he'd been standing was crushed by the unseen force that belonged to Rema.

I gulped silently as I saw Sai get hit harshly to the ground by the invisible power, skidding to a stop not but a few feet away from where I found myself landing on the forest floor. Looking up, I saw Rema had become distracted by an onslaught of the rest of the group.

Crouching low to the ground and all but crawling to where Sai was gingerly trying to sit up, a really stupid thought crosses my mind.

I suddenly **really** hope that my feet don't get frostbitten in the cold November night.

"Sai, are you ok?" I say to her as I near.

It should have been obvious that the answer would be a 'no'. Her face had a large bruise blossoming on her left cheek and somewhere during her fight she'd lost her eye patch, leaving the hollow, just completely healed socket exposed for anyone to gawk at. I sadly included. Looking away from the empty socket, I also noticed she had acquired an awfully large gash that ran across her body from her right shoulder to her left hip, blood weeping from it.

Without waiting for a real answer, other then the assumed 'no' my mind told me, I place my hands on the long gash. I gently force chakra into it, pulling the skin back together, patching it up into a tidy scab, very nicely done if I do say so myself.

"Thanks."

I look up as I finish, a little surprised by Sai's gratitude. First Branch members weren't well known for their kindness to the lesser branches. Even if it was Sai, the Sai I'd come to like very much in the last few weeks or so, it was still odd for me to think that a First Branch member was actually _thanking_ me.

"It's nothing." I say, looking back up to the green canopy, spotting Naruto for a brief moment before he disappears back into the foliage.

"She's losing control of her powers."

I turn back to Sai, wondering if maybe she'd lost enough blood to become delusional or something.

"What?"

"My mom's gone completely nuts, right? I remembered while she was chasing me that when someone of my branch goes bonkers, the whole reason we have to kill them is because they start to lose control of their power. That's why I'm not dead right now. She hasn't been able to control her power well enough to deliver a fatal blow. "

"Are you serious? You mean, we might actually be able to win this?" I find myself unable to stop the questions.

It was just too good to be true.

"Why would I kid? But the only thing is that I think it only really works when she has to attack from a distance. I got these", at this she touches the still bloodied scab I'd created in place of the gash and her bruising face, "when I was only about five feet away from her."

"You might want to tell them that important tiny bit of information Sai." I say, pointing to the tree tops.

I can hear Sai mutter a profanity as she shakily get to her bare, bleeding feet, and jumps to the tree tops.

Just as I'm about to join her, I hear something or someone land with an impressive sounding 'thud' not very far from where I'm standing.

"H-help me…" a familiar voice calls weakly into the dark forest.

I stumble toward where the voice had come from, actually tripping over the body.

"Shikamaru, what happened?" I ask him as I pull myself upward and off his body.

"My arm…where is it?"

It was only then did I notice he was clutching at what remained of his left arm. In the ever dim light, I can see that from just past his elbow downward was nothing but thin air. I somehow loosen the death grip he has on the end of the arm stump, applying as much pressure to the wound as I can. It didn't look like it been cut off, more like ripped off…

Obviously, he'd gotten a little too close to Rema.

"Shikamaru, do you know where your arm is? I might be able to reattach it if it's not messed up or anything."

"I d-don't really know. It just sort of ripped itself off of me and started tearing apart in mid-air…"

So much for that idea. Aunt Rema had always been known to have fun ripping up her victim's body parts while they watched.

"Shikamaru, I have to cauterize the stump. You're losing too much blood and I have to stop it immediately." I yell at him over a sudden explosion overhead.

"How badly is it going to hurt?" he yells back.

"Like a motherfucker." I say to myself, quickly forming the correct, searing hot chakra in my palms and pressing it against the gushing stump.

I can tell he's trying very hard not to scream, but the pain seems to eventually be too much for him when an agonized cry spills from his mouth.

"That…that sucked. Why didn't you warn me?" he asks as I finish, beads of sweat pouring down his face, his breathing a little labored.

"So you wouldn't have to dwell on the coming pain. Now go find yourself a safe spot to wait out the fight. When I go up there, I'll let one of the adults know you're safe, ok?" As I turn to leave, his only remaining arm grabs my shirt.

"Wait, Kiba landed not to far away from here. You need to make sure he's ok, she hit him in the back pretty hard." He says, eyes fogged with agony.

I nod, and then shoo him away.

I find the dog loving boy not very far away at all, his little dog even came to greet me as I approached.

"Kiba, if you can hear me, I need you to say something." I find myself asking the facedown boy, kneeling next to him

After several beats without a response, I check his neck for a pulse. I find myself sighing in relief when I find it beating strongly under my fingertips. I move my hands to lie lightly on his spine, letting my chakra seep through my fingers and feel for any damage to the bones below the skin.

Cervical vertebrae are alright.

Thoracic vertebrae look to be in good shape.

Lumbar vertebrae…oh goodness. So this was what Shikamaru had meant by "hit him in the back pretty hard".

I began to panic slightly, the knowledge that what I did next could drastically change this boy's life forever weighing heavily on my mind.

Ok, Miyuki, let's just calm down here. You were never the best when it came to spinal cord repairing anyways, you'll just have to think this through and not rely totally on instinct.

Ok Self, let's look at the situation.

If you don't do anything right now, he's probably going to die pretty easily when they have to move him. But, on the other hand, if you do _do _something, it would more then likely mean he's going to be confined to a wheelchair or crutches or something of the sort for the rest of his life.

Which means you can either let him die a hero or live as a cripple…

Think Miyuki! What would Airashii do in this situation?

I had to take a deep breath before I place my hands back onto his spine, a green, gentle glow surrounding them as I worked. Airashii would definitely say life in anyway was probably better then death.

Kiba's little dog comes to sit next to me at this point, looking up at me in a manner as if to ask 'Is he going to be ok?'.

"I don't know yet little buddy, I've only put a chakra splint around his broken vertebrae so they don't get more damaged." I answer him, giving his head a, hopefully, reassuring pat.

Just as I say this, a huge crashing noise resounds in the forest, the source all but fifty yards from where I'm kneeling.

"Little dog, I need you to guard your master, ok? Don't let anyone move him unless they're a medic-nin or me, ok?" To my utter surprise, the little dog gives me an obvious nod and a short, almost affirmative sounding bark.

Sometimes, I really do wonder if I've gone a little nuts.

I follow where the loud crashing noise had come from, only to see that a clearing has been forcibly made in the forest. In the center I could see Naruto sitting, Rema latched pathetically onto his legs.

"Let. The fuck. Go!" He yells at the crazed woman, trying to scoot out of her grasp.

All I can see as I near them is her smile right before she makes her grip on his legs tighter then ever. Just as I reach them, just as I put my hand on Naruto's shoulder, wanting nothing more than to help him, I feel his muscles tense, and for a moment, it feels as if I am falling.

Falling into a place somewhere deep and very dark.

A place where images and sounds of my friend pass over my eyes, into my mind, engraving themselves there forever.

Him crying out for mercy and receiving a sharp punch to the face instead. Images of his rape, all while he was unable to defend himself at all, blood and other bodily fluids slowly oozing down his inner legs.

The sound of a dark, humorless chuckle to go along with the image of an ornate monkey mask…

After this image, I manage to pull my hand away from his shoulder, not sure if I could stand to see anymore of that hell.

"What did you do to him?!" comes Sai's booming voice.

I see her land on the ground a few feet away, and for a moment I think she might be talking to me.

"Mom, what did you do to Naruto?"

My attention is immediately drawn back to my friend, and I'm horrified to find his body contorting itself into uncomfortable, tense looking positions. His eyes were closed, but his face still managed to show a flurry of emotions all at once. Fear, sadness, anxiety, guilt…so many negatives expression, one after another, after another, after another…

"I'm not your fucking mother you shit faced imposter! Where's Sai? What'd you do with my Sai?" I can hear the crazed paranoia and delusions that have completely saturated Rema's voice, making it both terrifying and pathetic to listen to.

"What did you do to him Rema?" Sai doesn't bother to even call her 'mother' now, I note.

I can see Rema smile such a content, happy smile that I forget for a moment how fucked up she is.

"_Abyssus_. Bet you won't be able to figure that one out, damn fake…"

And with these words, I see Rema Akuma's eyes go into a permanent blank stare, and her breathing abruptly stops. The sad thing about it all is that I actually let out a sigh of relief when it finally clicks in my head that, 'hey, look, scary bitch is dead!'.

"Sai, what did she mean by that weird word she said?" I asked my cousin when I'd met her eye again and noticed her face had taken on a shocked look.

"In an ancient language Miyuki, it means 'hell'. She's using a forbidden First Branch technique, to show Naruto his own hell."

I feel my heart constrict in pain, in fear for Naruto. I knew what that meant, I knew what technique she was talking about.

The almost fabled 'Memories from Hell' story my parents use to use to scare me from angering any members of the First Branch. They'd always told me that if I managed to upset one of them badly enough, they would make me relive my worst memories until I went mad.

I'd only thought they made up the story to scare me. But I knew now, I knew better. I'd seen for myself a glimpse of what Naruto was reliving right now.

Why? Why oh why would she do such an awful thing to him?

"Miyuki, are you ok?" Airashii has snapped me out of a stupor for the second time in one night.

The only answer I'm able to give him is a watery, but stern glaze that speaks volumes.

_I'm not ok…_

_I don't want to talk about it…_

_Not right now…_

_We'll talk later…_

He instinctively knows what I'm saying in that one look, and nods his head gently, patting me quietly on the head in reassurance. For the second time, I have to force a lump out of my throat and wipe away the threat of tears.

Behind me, I can clearly hear the arrival of the medic-nins and backup support.

"What happened to Kakashi-san?" one of them asks.

"His eye was jabbed out, we don't know where it fell to. But other then that, he seems to be fine; I don't quite know what he passed out from." This voice I know belongs to Lee's look alike teacher.

Glancing in their direction, I can see the empty, gapping, bloody void that was Naruto's teacher's eye socket.

"Airashii," I say with a watery voice, turning back to face my dear cousin and friend, "could you do me a favor?"

He arches an eyebrow, obviously asking what I want him to do.

---------

Naruto finds himself falling faster and faster away from what he knows is reality. Finds himself falling back into himself, deep into his own mind, his own memories. He reaches his arms out, grasping for anything to hold onto, anything to stop his free fall into his past.

But there is nothing to hold onto, nothing to stop the descent.

He finally does stop though, crashing into a body, entering it without meeting any force, and finds himself as an eleven year old roaming the streets of a dark Konoha. He knows the street he's on, knows the path he is taking. He's visited the same place many times in his nightmares.

He wills his legs to stop their wandering, to cease following the destined path. But nothing works; he is stuck, knowing that at any moment, the inevitable would happen.

And it does, just as it had happened in nightmare after nightmare after nightmare. Several well placed jabs to pressure points in his back and neck have him crumpling to the ground, strong but by no means gentle arms holding his weight up. He'd never even heard the man approach.

Naruto finds his heart beating faster as the man-no, the monkey masked ANBU- hauls him up over his shoulder, whispering to him.

"Do not try to struggle. You'll only get yourself more hurt if you do so."

Naruto knows something is not right. Normally, in his nightmares, this was the point where he'd wake up, crying and scared, but grateful that his body had jerked him into consciousness. Grateful to not have to experience the full event of _that_ night again.

But he hasn't woken up, his nightmare marches on without his consent.

The man still has him slung over his shoulder, and now they're flying over the village. For a moment, Naruto realizes just how beautiful it looks from so high up.

They touch down on the ground, and enter a dilapidated house. Naruto tries to scream now, tries to find the muscles in his jaw, tries to get them to work. Maybe if he can get someone, anyone to hear a cry, one single scream before he gets too deep into the house, maybe he wouldn't have to face his own version of hell for a second full time.

But he can not find his voice. Fear has stolen it from him completely. Once inside, the man trudges down to the bottom most floor of the old house, flinging him onto a futon that smells too much like piss and cigarettes for it to be at all comfortable.

There is a long stretch of silence; the longest Naruto has ever felt. He knows what is in store for him, and that makes the wait all the worse.

Still completely immobilized, Naruto hears the click of a lighter being struck and the slight sucking sound of someone inhaling the smoke from a cigarette. Footsteps near him, and he soon finds his captor blowing smoke on his cheek. His lungs weakly cough in protest as the tainted air enters them.

The Monkey Man rolls him from lying on his side to straight on his back, inhaling on the cancer stick once more. This time, he blows the smoke directly into Naruto's jarred mouth.

Naruto finds himself nearly chocking on the bitter smoke, eyes watering with it. Through the tearing, Naruto can make out only an outline and the faintest details of the Monkey Man's face. Late twenties, crew cut brown hair and dark, dark brown eyes are all Naruto sees before the Monkey Man puts his mask back on, cigarette glowing red in the gloom of the room.

His heart beats even faster as the Monkey Man tugs at the collar of his black shirt, nearly tearing it as he none too gently pulls it over his head, throwing it aside once he had done so.

"S-stop!" Naruto finds his voice weakly saying as he tries to talk over his hacking cough.

The man gives no notion that he's heard him, only shoves him back onto his side, and then onto his stomach. Naruto waits, knowing what the Monkey Man's words would be before they were even spoken.

"Cigarettes burn the skin in a very special way; did you know that little monster?"

As the words were spoken, Naruto feels the searing pain as the cigarette is jabbed into his back, the glowing red burning into his skin.

Naruto hears his voice cry out, pathetically stunted by his coughing fit and recent attack on those all important pressure points.

The burning is gone from where it had been, only to move to another place on his back, the man twisting and digging it deep. Again and again and again the man digs the burning stick of tobacco into his back, the smell of seared and burning flesh penetrating the room. When that stick finally dies, the Monkey Man takes a short break, only to light another one and begin the whole thing over.

Eventually, the man tires of the game he's made. He stands from where he's been crouched over Naruto, and flips the boy's noodle limp body over onto his back with a flippant kick of his sandal covered foot.

Naruto's eyes water again, the burns stinging worse then he remembered as his whole weight fell on the wounds. Naruto finds himself staring up at the Monkey Man as he paces around and around him, no doubt wondering what to do with him next.

Quite suddenly, with the speed that could only be accredited to an ANBU, the Monkey Man is squatting again, roughly grasping a chunk of Naruto's hair. He unkindly pulls the hair, bringing their faces level to one another.

Naruto's head begins to pound from the abuse, but he doesn't miss the whispered words that come from behind the ornate mask.

"You ruined me, you know?"

The Monkey Man throws Naruto's head back to the ground, strongly enough that it bounces up a second time before laying still. Naruto sees white spots flutter before his eyes, but takes no real notice of them as a heavy foot crashes into his side. He hears a distinct 'crack' as a rib surely breaks. He barley even has time to register the pain of the first blow before an even heavier kick is struck to his hip. Just as he hears the 'pop' of a bone coming out of its socket, a fist smashes into his unprotected nose.

Warm, sticky liquid gushes over his face as his nose dribbles blood. He only has time to just come to the realization that his nose must be broken for it to be bleeding so badly, when yet another punch strikes his body.

Again and again, the monkey man plays this game of breaking bones and damaging his small body. Through the pain in his body and broken bones, Naruto can hear the Monkey Man talking again.

"If you hadn't attacked the village, **he** would still be alive and by my side. And I never would have been discharged from the ANBU. No one would have ever known I liked guys. No one would have ever known we were together."

Naruto wishes, desperately, that this game would continue on and on forever. Because if it did, then the Monkey Man would never have to move on to what Naruto knew was coming next.

Eventually though, the kicks and punches slow, and then stop all together. The Monkey Man's breathing is short and ragged. Tired sounding even. Maybe, Naruto thinks desperately, maybe it would be different this time. Maybe he would be too tired to continue. Maybe he would just leave him, broken as he was. Maybe he wouldn't rape him this time around in his nightmares.

Maybe...

There was a small lapse of silence, his body's natural fight or flight instincts trying to get him up, get him running for his life. The involuntary twitches that this fight or flight syndrome caused in his body was sending wave after wave of pain crashing over him. He finds himself wishing to god that it could just be done with. Be raped and have it all done with.

He doesn't even care if any of those 'just maybe' thoughts he'd would come true. Just so long as it was done with, he felt he would be better off then just _waiting_ for what was more then likely inevitable.

But finally, he hears the dreaded noises he wishes he'd never hear again and resigns himself to the suffering he knows is coming his way.

Clothes ruffling as they're taken off, a belt loosened, a zipper being unzipped.

It was harder then ever to make out the once again unmasked face of the Monkey Man. Naruto's eyes were swelling shut so quickly, it was already becoming near impossible to see a thing.

But he could feel. He could still feel every little thing the Monkey Man was doing to him.

His own pants being unzipped, underwear and all disappearing as they're yanked off. Purposely rough hands touch him in places he doesn't want them to. Too hard, would be love bites and hickeys blossom all over his ever bruising neck, body reacting to the unwanted menstruations as it always did.

His mind screams for it to all stop, but his body craves for more.

"Please…please stop." His voice sounds even weaker than before.

He doesn't want his body to react the way it is. His body_ wants_ this to happen, it _wants_ the attention and caresses and all those horribly intimate things you do with another when fooling around.

It makes him feel sick. It makes him want to cry. It makes him feel just so damn _**dirty**_ to know that his body isn't putting up any fight against it.

"If he hadn't died, I wouldn't have accidently shown my true nature to my commanding officers."

Naruto can no longer see anything, his eyes too swollen shut. But he can feel the Monkey Man bite at his hip, pulling away with a bite off piece of flesh in his teeth. Naruto doesn't even bother trying to yell this time, his throat is so ragged at this point that it hurts to even breathe.

The Monkey Man stops his menstruations as Naruto's body gives in to the built up fire inside of him. He wants nothing more then to crawl under a rock and rot away to nothing when the Monkey Man's humorless, dark chuckle meets his ears.

"You know", the Monkey Man says as he repositions himself to settle in between Naruto's legs, "they don't allow you to be a ninja if you openly state you like someone who's the same sex as you."

At these words Naruto finds that there is a searing, fiery pain and pressure pushing into him. Without warning or preparation or anything, the Monkey Man is filling him up with something. Something too big, too much. Whatever it was, it was ripping into him and it was too big and too much for him.

He screams now, as loudly as his already hurting throat can take.

"I DON'T WANT IT! IT HURTS, IT HURTS! PLEASE STOP, PLEASE!"

For this cry, this plea for mercy, Naruto only receives another sharp punch to his already aching face. Whatever's inside of him begins to move. Without warning or care, it begins an erratic pattern that wracks Naruto's body with pain unlike he'd ever felt before.

"I hate you, little monster. I hate you just as much as I loved the man you stole from me. The one you killed." The man says, the too big something in side of him thrusting, if possible, deeper into his poor body.

Naruto tries now not to scream, tries to stay as quiet as possible and just let it happen and be over with. For a while, all he can hear is his own weak whimpers of pain and the steadily increasing tempo of the Monkey Man's breathing.

"Please, I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I'm sorry…" Naruto finds himself a soft spoken mantra, never daring to raise his voice above a whisper.

As he continues his mantra, the pain in his body never stopping, a new sound reaches his ears. Mixed in with the animal like grunts and heavy breathing from the man above him, was the sound of crying.

Not just any crying, but sobbing. Broken, almost heart wrenching sobbing.

As the erratic pattern grows quicker and the breathing gets faster and Naruto's own soft cries of pain get louder and more desperate, the man stops with a sudden finality, a sticky, warm feeling spreads through Naruto and drips down his legs.

When the moaning and breathing has finally settled and the man still had not pulled out whatever was inside him, all Naruto had left to listen to was the sobbing.

Naruto wasn't sure if there was someone else in the room or not, on account of his eyes being so swollen shut, but someone was defiantly crying. Suddenly, he can feel what he hopes is water falling onto his face. A drop slides down his cheek, tucking itself into the corner of his mouth. Naruto isn't surprised to find it salty.

And suddenly he finds himself no longer prostrate on the ground; legs spread like a whore's with something too big shoved up his ass, but cradled bridal style in an unfamiliarly gentle embrace. A too warm forehead is pressed up against his own, hands hold him like he was something too delicate to even be touching.

The whatever inside of him is pulled out, and Naruto sighs brokenly in relief. He doesn't care if he can feel what he knows _has _to be blood pooling out of him. It was a sick sort of joy in its own right to have the intrusion gone from his body.

"Sorry..." he hears the Monkey Man whisper through broken sobs, hugging the boy he'd just abused closer to his own, still sweating body.

And then Naruto is confused. He doesn't understand, even reliving it a second time, what or who the Monkey Man is apologizing to. Because, surely, the Monkey Man would not be apologizing to the boy he'd just said he hated. Could not apologize to the child he had raped.

And he has to sit there, tucked into this awful man's arms as he cries and sobs, kissing Naruto's swollen eyes, his broken fingers, his bloodied hair...

Naruto has to sit there and wallow in disgust at the small part of him that is enjoying this unrelenting tenderness and care.

Eventually, the man stops sobbing and sets him back down, sharply punching the correct places on his back to give him control of his body once more.

Naruto desperately tries to find his footing when his feet finally start to obey him again. But, almost pathetically, he falls before ever really getting up. His bones are too broken to support him and the burning pain centered around his butt all but immobilizes any further attempts he would have had at getting to his feet.

Even if the intrusion was gone, he could still feel the damage and destruction it had done to his insides. Naruto flinches away from the sound when he hears the Monkey Man speak again.

"If you keep your mouth shut, I won't have to do what I just did to anyone you happen to hold dear. That's a fair bargain, isn't it?"

Naruto just barely finds his voice.

"...Ok..."

He waits for a reply, but never receives one. The Monkey Man was already gone. Slowly, ever so slowly, his body begins to heal. His bones fix themselves, the swelling goes down, and the pain in his butt even subsides a little. Blindly, eyes still too swollen to open fully yet, he pulls on his discarded shirt, pants, and underwear.

Standing on wobbly legs, a small sob issues from Naruto's mouth as he feels blood and god knew what else oozing from his butt and down his legs. He decides that, maybe, as he waits for his eyes to open fully again, he might be a little bit more comfortable if he lies on the ground. Doing just that, Naruto hugs his still aching body close to himself, waiting in the dark to be able to see again.

And, finally, when he's able to open his eyes, he finds himself opening the familiar door of his beloved caretaker, Morima Nanase. His heart aches terribly, but not in any sort of physical sense. It just feels so heavy, so very sore, tired even.

Far too tired to be the heart of an eleven year old, he notes somberly.

He finds himself closing the door behind him, walking into the normally bright and warm kitchen. But now, since what had happened a few days before with the Monkey Man, everything just seemed so…dull…and hopeless.

Even the smell of cinnamon sugar cookies that had permanently permeated the walls of the kitchen smelled sour, even unappetizing to him.

"Naruto, I haven't seen you in a few days. Have you been ok?" Naruto is startled to find himself literally face to face with his maternal caretaker. She hadn't been that close a few seconds ago.

He backs a few feet away from her, eyes unintentionally widening in fear. He doesn't like being so close to people, doesn't like to be potentially touched.

"I-I-I'm f-fine." He says meekly, trying to cover his fear with a big smile.

Her normally cheerful eyes fill with concern at his stammered words. She straightens up, walking the few steps he had put in between them, closing the gap he had made.

"Are you sure you're ok? You look a little pale. Do you have a fever, do you not feel good?" Morima says, reaching out a slender arm, making to place the back of her hand to his forehead.

Naruto finds himself instinctively slapping the gentle hand away.

"Don't touch me." He says, without realizing he'd even really said it.

Morima steps back, a confused, almost hurt look on her face.

Naruto clears his nose, tries to swallow the painful lump in his throat and lowers his eyes to the floor.

"P-please…don't touch me. That's what I m-meant to say. P-please."

Chancing a glance up at her face, he can see that any hurt that was in her eyes is completely replaced with fear, with concern.

"Naruto", he can hear her saying, and he can see her hands wringing themselves together, "did something happen? Did…did someone do something _bad _to you?"

That's how Morima had always been. So perceptive sometimes it was almost scary.

He finds his eyes welling up with tears, the warm liquid spilling over as he nods his head.

"Oh Naruto, please tell me, what happened?"

Naruto can see she wants to hug him, hold him, comfort him in some way. And even though some very conscious part of him is screaming, crying out that it doesn't what human contact in anyway at all, he closes the small gap that stands between him and her, tightly wrapping his arms around her waist. He gives in to the small, almost insignificant part in him that is in desperate need of a tender, genuine sign of concern.

No sooner had he done this did he find her arms hugging him close to her warm body, rubbing soothing circles on his back with one hand. His tears turn into sobbing as she does this, his tired body sinking to the floor, hers' following with him.

They sit there for what feels like ages, Naruto tears never stopping, and Morima's soothing antics following suit. Eventually though, Morima separates herself from Naruto, hands still rubbing comforting circles on his small shoulders, looking at him with overly bright eyes.

"Naruto, you have to tell me, what happened to you? What happened?" she asks with a watery voice.

Naruto sniffs a few times, eyes still unwilling to stop their crying.

"You c-c-can't t-tell anyone. P-promise?" he stammers.

Morima nods, tears finally spilling down her face.

Naruto gulps once before giving her an answer.

"A m-man did things to m-me, M-mimi. He h-h-hurt me, t-touched me in p-private places. I-I didn't w-w-want it. I t-told him n-no. But he s-still did it."

There was a pause.

"Naruto, did the man do more then just touch you?"

To this, Naruto cries harder and nods his head 'yes'. Morima hugs his body against her, rocking him back and forth as he starts to sob once more.

"H-he put his private p-part inside of me Mimi. I-it hurt so b-b-bad I though I was g-going to tear in half." Naruto says this into her shirt, his muffled words still reaching her ears, making her cry harder than before.

"Do you h-have the clothes you wore when it happened?"

Naruto just nods against her. He'd wrapped them in an old, paper grocery bag and had stuffed them in the hidden space under the floor boards of his apartment. Where he wouldn't have to look at them.

"I need you to get them for me sweetie, ok?"

Naruto finds himself pulling away from the warm embrace, fear striking his heart with a strong slap.

"W-why?" he asks in a strained voice.

"Naruto, we have to tell the Hokage about this."

"But you said you wouldn't t-tell-!"

"Naruto," she interrupts his panicked accusation, "whatever that man told you to or not to do, it wasn't right. You did not deserve something like this to happen to you, no one does. I promise you, if we go to the Hokage now with those clothes as solid evidence, the man who did those things to you can't get away with it."

Naruto sniffs.

"We?" is all he asks.

"Yes. We. Once you get the clothes from your apartment, come back here, and we'll both go straight to the Hokage's tower and get this whole thing sorted out and done with."

"B-but that man said if I-I told anyone, that h-he'd-!" A single finger places itself on his mouth, gently silencing him.

"It doesn't matter what that man told you Naruto. I'm not going to let him get away with what he's done. It'll be ok sweetie, once we get to the Hokage, everything will be ok."

Naruto sniffs again, rubbing the still falling tears from his eyes as Morima stands, gently pulling him up with her.

"Go quickly and come back soon, ok?" she says, holding his face tenderly in her hands, placing a soft kiss on the top of his head.

As he runs from her apartment to his, the part of Naruto that realizes that what he's witnessing right now is nothing but a replay of already factual events, that part of him knows that this would be the last time he would see Morima Nanase alive.

He wants to stop his running, wants to go back to her, wants to tell her she's been like the mother he never knew. Wants to tell her that he loves her and that he's so sorry for causing her so much trouble. But of course, there's no way he can do such a thing.

He wasn't really eleven anymore. He was just reliving the awful memory.

He lets his feet find their way to his apartment, lets his shaking hands pull up the loose floorboard, takes out the lumpy brown bag, and dashes back out of his apartment.

The trip back to Morima's house is quick and thoughtless, heart hammering in overexertion and fear. When he arrives, he finds the front door jarred. That wasn't right, he knew he'd shut the door on his way out.

He bangs the door open, the unusual stillness of the house sending chills down his spine.

"M-mimi? Morima?" he calls weakly, clutching the bag closer to his chest.

He tiptoes his way through the hallway entrance, peeks around the corner of the kitchen's doorway…

Only to find Morima Nanase, his pseudo mother, stark naked, split open like a butchered pig, throat and tongue cut; lying in a vast pool of her own blood. Naruto can see her eyes were still wide in the pain and horror that surly had been involved with her death.

"See little monster, this is the sort of thing that will happen when you break our little deal we struck the other night."

A strong hand grasps Naruto's right shoulder, paralyzing him in utter terror. There was no way he'd ever forget the voice of the Monkey Man.

"Take a good, long look you little shit. This nice lady's dead now because you just _couldn't_ keep your mouth shut. I hope you can remember this image the next time you decide to let you lips get too loose." At this, the Monkey Man squeezes Naruto's shoulder just enough for it to be uncomfortable.

Naruto whimpers at the touch and begins to cry.

"Aww, don't worry little monster. No one except me will know you're responsible for her death. All you got to do is simper off to your little home, burn those clothes you've got there, and keep your mouth shut. Sound like a deal?"

Naruto feels his body shaking at this point (whether in fear or rage, he's not sure), and nods his head blindly, the bloody image in front of him blurring even more as an absurd amount of tears spill from his eyes.

"Good! You're finally getting it little beast. Now run along and do as I told you." With a pat on the shoulder, the Monkey Man vanishes from Naruto's side.

Not a second later, Naruto is running out of the house, tearful eyes closed and snot running from his nose.

When he finally opens his eyes again, Naruto finds himself again falling faster and faster away from what he knows is reality. Finds himself falling back into himself, deep into his own mind, his own memories. He reaches his arms out, grasping for anything to hold onto, anything to stop his free fall into his past.

As the cycle of what Naruto had always thought of as his two worst memories continued to repeat itself again and again and again, Naruto finds that for the first time, in a _long_ time, all he wishes for with all of his heart is that he would just _**die**_.

----------

I awake from my pain induced stupor to find an agonizing pain in my right eye. Not the kind of pain that's there when you _lose_ an eye, per say, that usually involved a lot more stinging. It was the kind I'd felt when Rin had transplanted Obito's one good eye into my empty socket when I was younger.

Coming to the conclusion that someone must be doing _something_ with my damaged eye, I let out a groan and try to grope around for the nearest person.

"Shh, Kakashi. You're fine. Just give the medic another moment and your optic nerve should be reconnected." I can hear Gai say passively.

Fantastic, I had the equivalent ninja version of a happy green giant watching out for my welfare. I take his advice none the less and, lo and behold, not five minutes after he tells me to calm down did the almost burning like sensation stop in my right eye.

I wait for another full two minutes before I try opening my eye. For a few moments, all I can see are blobs of color and faint shapes. Everything comes into focus after I blink a few times and let my eye lubricate itself with an onslaught of watering.

"How many did we lose?" I find myself asking Gai.

There would be no way I would have gotten a donated eye unless one of our students had been killed during the fight. No way in hell would someone in their right mind willing give up half of their sight.

"No one, actually. The only one's we have to really worry about are Shikamaru, Naruto, and Kiba."

Yeah…yeah I remembered what happened to most of them. Shikamaru had lost most of his left forearm and something had broken in Kiba's back. But Naruto…what had happened to him?

"But, then who gave me their eye?" I find myself asking Gai.

"Naruto's little white haired friend from the rehab center. Had her cousin pop it out and forced one of the poor medic-nins to implant it in you. Threatened them into doing it pretty fiercely too if I recall correctly, they kept trying to get her to let them put it back into _her_ eye socket. Thought she'd gone completely bonkers."

"But why'd she give it to me? Did she state her reason?"

At this Gai turns to me, flashing his Good Guy smile.

"She said she was from the Akuma Clan's Second Branch. You know how some of their bodies are Kakashi. If she's anything like that, her eye will grow back in a few days, no sweat."

I turned to scan the groups of medic-nins and their patients, my sight finally coming to settle on the white haired girl. I smiled a little under my mask as I watched her try to shoo off a concerned medic who seemed to be trying to check underneath the wad of gauze the girl was firmly holding against her right eye socket.

"What happened to Naruto?" I ask as the question snakes itself into my mind

Gai's smile falters at this.

"We had to move him to the hospital very quickly. We still don't know what that woman did to him, so he had to be taken directly to Tsunade-sama."

I sigh deeply, looking heavenward, and marveling at the fact that something as beautiful as the stars had to witness such mindless violence.

Still looking up, marveling at the sky, I make a mental note to later thank Miyuki Akuma for the eye.

---------------------

Sai stared down somberly at the clenched, pale hand she was grasping, silently wondering what sort of hell its owner was going through.

Naruto lay in the hospital standard bed, muscles tight and taunt to the point where she could see them cramping from the continued strain. His face was just as tight, muscles contracted into a suspended look of terror and anguish.

As he whimpered and hopelessly struggled against his repeating nightmares, Sai lays her head down next to Naruto's hand and thinks about the emotional explanation that she'd given his pseudo sister not but half an hour ago.

"_What do you mean there's nothing we can do?" Tsunade bellowed, panic heavy in her voice._

"_Just that. We can't do anything! If we try, we might kill him!"_

"_By what you've told me, that might be better then what he's going through right now! What's the technique's name again?" she said, pouring over a large, old jutsu book she'd dragged into Naruto's hospital room._

"_**Abyssus.**__ But I don't think you'll find it in any of the books in this village Hokage-sama. It's a forbidden art only known to my Branch. We're the only ones who can do because of our powers."_

_At this, Tsunade slams the book shut, a little bit of the cover breaking off of the spine from the force._

"_Then give me a better rendition of the facts! All you've told me is that at this very moment, he's reliving a few of the worst memories he has!"_

_Sai nods, steeling herself not to crack under the woman's rising temper._

"_This technique is set up so that the inflictor pulls the victims most horrid, darkest memories forward and basically presses the repeat button on them. To do this though, they have to detach their souls from their bodies in an unhealthy way, so once they complete the technique, they die, just like my mom did. The reason we can't do anything is that the way the inflictor will detach their soul acts as a seal of sorts. If you try to break the seal, you destroy the technique's effects on the victim, but you also destroy the victim in the process." Sai said as matter of fact as she could, willing her too moist eyes not to weep. She had to be strong right now; there was no need for tears yet._

_Tsunade was silent for a moment before Sai found the woman's fist smashing into a near by wall, her shoulders shaking slightly._

"_How long do the effects last?" she managed to say after a sniffle filled pause, hand still firmly inside the wall._

"_Three days."_

And at this, Sai pushes her face into the too sterile sheets of the bed, letting the tears she'd held back a half an hour ago seep into them.

Because, in all honesty, there _was_ a good reason to cry. A very good reason.

When the three days were done and Naruto finally woke up from his nightmares, he wouldn't be the same person anyone he loved would recognize.

He would be _broken_, oh so horribly, beyond true repair broken.

And it was all her fault. If she had just left the village earlier, had _just_ steered her mother completely away from Konoha, Naruto would not be in this position.

It was _all_ thanks to her.

It was this thought that kept Sai awake far past her exhausted body's limit, crying her eyes out like she hadn't done since she'd been a very small child.

--------

**Abyssus**: Latin word for "hell".

Note: Believe me when I say this, I have not given up on "Even When he Smiles"…I have not at all given up on it. It's just right now it's very hard to find drive to update or post anything longer then a short or mid-length chapter/one-shot. My family is going through a lot of stuff right now, even more then just my Grandma and her cancer. The situation is pretty delicate, so I'm not going into the details (no matter how much I think you guys deserve a straight explanation). Thank you all for your continued support. Just know my updates on this fic will be few and probably far in between.

Much love and hoping to be able to update sooner rather than later,

AppleCoreCandyBox

P.S:

Note on the fic.

I've gotten quite a few reviews/PMs asking the ages of the characters (Naruto in particular) in this fic, so here it goes:

Naruto-13; Miyuki-13; Airashii-14; Sai-15; Ren-5. The rest of the Rookie 9 are around the same appropriate age as Naruto (meaning they're all around the age of 12 or 13) and Gai's team are around the ages of 13 or 14. Just so you guys finally know for certain.

P.P.S:

Note-PRACTICALLY A RANT- on Naruto's reoccurring rape memory: This is not supposed to be a scene of "yummy yaoi boy sex", it's an act of the worst kind against an individual anyone can possibly do. Also keep in mind, Naruto is only eleven (say it, E-L-E-V-E-N) when this rape happens. That means, not only is Mr. Monkey destroying a fellow human being from the soul outward, he's doing so to only a _child._ Just because I use some sexually loaded words doesn't mean I'm trying to sexy up the scene. By far is that from my point. I'm having this little rant because, more often then not when a fic has a rape scene, I've seen it get a few comments along the likes of "that was sad, but I still loved the boy sex!!11!" I have nothing against yaoi sex scenes (in fact, I enjoy them very much every now and then) or the like, but I really don't understand comments like that. The author didn't intend it to be sexy or cute or HAWT. I know that's not my intentions. So please, be warned that if you drop me a comment like that, I might get a little overly upset.


	18. Numb

November 18-December 25

------------

…_I fall into myself…Into madness…_

From _Whisper_ by **Evanescence**

-----------------------

Shizune had never, ever seen Tsunade like she was now. Eyes staring blankly ahead, sake bottles that had been brought in two hours ago when she'd ranted that she needed them still untouched. Office looking like a tornado had literally stormed through it, the anger and desperation and frustration that had been the force behind it not leaving any sort of imprint of themselves in the older woman's eyes.

"Hokage-sama?" Shizune called for the third time, stepping into the office fully.

It had been an hour since the crashing and cursing had stopped coming from Tsunade's office, four days since Naruto had woken up, and a week since the village had been attacked by what had been documented as a "rogue individual".

And things had not been going good.

"Tsunade-san, please answer me." Shizune said, closing the door behind her.

It wasn't until Shizune walked right up to the desk and stood squarely in front of her did Tsunade finally notice that someone else was in the room.

"Shizune, when did you come in?" the large breasted woman said, tired eyes seeming to focus back in on reality.

"Not but a moment ago, ma'am. Did you get to wash up a little or rest?" By the ever deepening bags underneath her eyes and the greasy, unwashed sheen her had taken, Shizune could already guess the answer to that question.

"I can't." was the Hokage's eventual, rather weak answer.

Shizune internally sighed. For how lazy she could be sometimes, Tsunade had a habit of driving herself into the ground about certain things.

"You needn't worry yourself about the damages that rogue inflicted on the village. The repairs will be done by the middle of this week you know." Shizune said, smiling sweetly.

Tsunade breathed deeply for a few beats, rubbing her tired eyes.

"It's not about the property damages or the village. You know it's not."

Shizune let her smile drop. She'd known the moment Tsunade had stormed back into her office hours ago that her anguish driven fury had nothing to do with property damages. She nibbled her lip nervously, wondering if what was on her mind was what Tsunade needed to hear at this very moment. Steeling herself, she decided now was good as any other time to speak her mind.

"Tsunade-san, you know you're not doing Naruto any good by worrying yourself half to death over him. He wouldn't want you to be this way over him, you know he wouldn't."

Tsunade's eyes snapped up to meet hers, a certain dark sharpness taking hold of them.

"I can't sleep not just because I worry. Every time I close my eyes I see him waking up and staring straight through me like I don't even exist. He wakes up, but he's not really there anymore Shizune. I am _losing_ him again and again and again. Every time I close my eyes, I see his open and I'm reminded that some vital part in him _didn't_ wake up with his body. And don't you dare start talking about him as if he were dead. Don't talk for him like he's not here. He's alive. He's just...just…" Tsunade trailed off, voice shaking in grief.

Shizune hadn't actually been there when the boy had opened his eyes for the first time in three days, but she _had_ seen him since he'd woken up. Had seen him and how the _**Abyssus**_technique had taken its toll on him. And honestly, she had really almost confused him for a dead body on the spot. If it had not been for the beeping machines hooked up to him or the barley there rise and fall of his chest, she would have not thought him alive.

Even if his body was awake, not a lot of his mind seemed to have made the trip back with it.

Like a war torn solider who was right in the middle of a horrifyingly bad bout of shell shock, Naruto would not respond to anything. Words, touch- they meant nothing to the boy. He would continue to stare past people, eyes hardly blinking, mind obviously in some far off place no one could even make contact with.

She'd only seen him that once, but it had been nearly too much for her to handle anyways. He'd looked just so…broken. Blue eyes that used to light up whenever someone spoke a single kind word to him were dulled. Face lax, gazing blankly forward with a seemingly permanent look of neutrality etched into his features. He hadn't even shown any sign of a smile when she'd tried to tell him one of his favorite jokes.

It was sad, heartbreaking even, to see someone who but a few days ago had been just as alert and awake as any kid should be, reduced to such a state. No child should have to go through something that left them like this. Even if he was a ninja, a legal adult, he was still _just_ a kid. Barley even a teenager.

And he was already lying in a bed, catatonic and dead to the world.

Shizune could see why, after four days of patiently trying to coax some sign of recognition, some sort of vocal interaction out of him, Tsunade had come to the breaking point with her grief. Because she saw how gut wrenchingly depressing that sort of task could be, she hadn't tried to subdue the older woman in her attempt to vent her emotions on the inanimate objects of her office. Had refused to let anyone in to stop her or see what was wrong. Had made sure Tsunade had at least one moment to just be upset without worry of witnesses. She knew even someone as strong as her Hokage could only take so much of a frustratingly hopeless situation.

And because she knew her teacher so well, understood that she was at the limit of her threshold for mental pain, comprehended how awful it must be to see the boy you called pseudo brother not even recognize your face because his mind might just be so far gone, she hugged Tsunade.

Walked around the desk, wrapped her arms around her, and simply held the sitting woman's head gently to her chest.

It took a minute for Tsunade to relax into the embrace. It took another minute for the pent up emotions to find their way out of her heart and stream down her face.

Shizune stood there for what felt like hours, comforting the other woman as she cried and cried because of how the worst shit seemed to **always** happen to the people she loved.

------

_I Feel Nothing_

_Therefore I am Nothing_

_This thought keeps me sane enough_

_Because if I Feel Nothing_

_And am Nothing_

_I'm assured the pain I Feel is Nothing_

----------

Miyuki stared at the clock on the hospital's reception area's far wall.

_Tick_

_Tick_

_Tick_

She growled softly at the sound that filled the near empty main waiting room of the hospital. She decided then and there that time was a finicky and hard to understand little bitch.

When you wanted it to slow down, it seemed to speed up. When you wished it would slow, it just seemed to march along even faster then before. Things and people could remain almost the exact same for years and years. Or they could be completely changed in the matter of a single week.

God, she thought to herself, had it really only been a week? It had felt so much longer then that.

Things had been in a sort of whirlwind since Rema had attacked the village and left Naruto in a nightmare ridden coma, if that's what you wanted to call it. Sai at some point had accidently let slip that she would know when the affects of the jutsu would wear off, and that had sealed the deal for Miyuki. It had taken her a full three hours of nonstop pestering to get her eldest cousin to tell her when Naruto was going to wake up. And when Sai had finally caved in and told her it would be three days, Miyuki had to try very hard to hide the anguish that pierced her heart. He'd have to lie there and relive those memories again and again until…

Well, she didn't exactly know what would happen when he woke up.

Though, three days was a long time to just wait for someone to wake up. And with time being a bitch and all, it seemed like it was going to drag itself out, despite Miyuki's best wishes for it to go faster.

It was just their luck, though, that with the call for all available able bodies to pitch in and help repair the village's damages, she, Airashii, and Sai had been excused by the Hokage herself from returning to the rehab center. They'd been allowed to return for a short while to change out of their PJs and grab more clothes. But, other then that, she hadn't had to return to the building she'd spent the past two years of her life in.

Precautions, of course, had to be made.

And they appeared in the form of hospital like identification bracelets that had to be worn at all times and could only be removed if they were cut off. Even if she had to wear a dumb bracelet that told everyone she was a patient at the rehab center, which had caused a few worried glances in her and Airashii's direction, she was glad for the freedom. Miyuki wouldn't have known what to do with herself if she'd been confined to a scheduled day at the rehab center.

It would have driven her completely nuts.

And so, while she had waited for Naruto to wake, she'd worked. Alongside Airashii, for Sai was busy keeping a close eye on Naruto herself, she helped to clean up the rubble that Rema had left behind. The manual labor had been a great thing to keep her mind off of the sometimes darker topics it wandered liked to wander to. Like what she'd witnessed when she'd somehow viewed parts of Naruto's darker memories right as the _**Abyssus**_technique had taken over him. It had done a very good job of making sure she was so tired at the end of the day she couldn't think straight or even remember her dreams. It wasn't until she was actually allowed to see him did she willingly let those memories wander back into her thoughts.

It had taken some heavy persuasions (pestering again really) to finally get Sai to agree to let her and Airashii see Naruto at the end of the three days though. It had been after hours that the eldest of the three had taken them. In the very earlier hours of the morning they'd crept to the room, the need for creeping not a real necessity since his room was as far away from any of the other patients as possible. And even though Sai had warned her, had said that he wouldn't be quite alright, she hadn't really been ready for what she saw when she had finally stepped into his room.

He'd been connected to many a machine, beeping away as they were intended to do. Propped up by quite a few pillows, hands resting limply by his sides on the bed, Miyuki had mistaken him for a moment as still being asleep. But then she'd seen that his eyes were very much open and had been on the brink of running over to embrace him and finally let her anxieties go because somehow he was ok…when she'd noticed something. She'd stopped, puzzled, and had taken a closer look at his eyes, at his face.

There had been nothing Naruto like about the face. Sure, it had the same features, the same whisker marks on his face, the same nose, and chin. Even had the same blue eyes. But the stale, almost shattered quality that hung about him was so unlike the boy she'd come to befriend that, for a moment, she thought they might have somehow walked into the wrong room.

"Sai, what's wrong with him?" she'd asked, afraid of the answer she might get.

There'd been a hesitation before an answer had been given.

"Nothing and absolutely everything."

"A little vaguer please, I could still hear some concrete sense in that sentence." Miyuki had said, sarcasm leaking into her voice. She hadn't been in the mood for an explanation that was less then crystal clear.

At this Airashii had put his hand on her shoulder, silently trying to calm her. How his nerves weren't equally as fringed as hers was an utter mystery to her. But that was how Airashii had always been. Protecting, rock like, caring, calming…

"What I mean when I say that is simple. His body is fine and brain scans show normal activity. I can even get him to eat a decent amount of food if I spoon it into his mouth. But his mind, it's just…"

"Not there?" Airashii had finished the sentence for Sai.

"Isn't there something we can do? Isn't there anything at all?" Miyuki had said, now understanding the blank, almost unblinking stare Naruto was giving the far wall in front of him.

"I've been trying since he woke up to reach his mind with my power, to find what makes him _him_, to try and get it to come back up from where it's hiding inside of him. I know it's there, I can feel it moving around, making sure I'm not getting into something that I shouldn't. But I can't find it. Hell, I can't even really find my way around in there at all it's in such a mess. What's even worse, I can't find the memories that caused it all. It seems he's hiding those from me too." Sai had said in an almost dejected tone, sitting in one of the plastic chairs of the room.

By that point, Miyuki had gone to stand by Naruto's bedside, gently holding a hand to his cheek.

"Why does it matter if you know what sort of memories did this to him? Is there anything differently you could do if you knew?" Miyuki had said, letting her mind willingly wander to what she'd miraculously witnessed three days prior.

Sai turned her full attention to her cousin.

"Possibly, yes. If I knew what memories of his my mother had pushed 'replay' on, I might be able to figure out a way to coax him out."

There was a very deep, long stretch of silence before Miyuki spoke again.

"What if…what if I were able to tell you what happened to him? What if I could tell you what he saw?"

Sai bolted out of her chair and Airashii straightened up from where he'd been leaning against a wall.

"What do you mean Miyuki?" Sai asked in a barely there whisper.

Miyuki had to gulp down the bile acid that tried to sear her throat as she willing called back what she'd seen.

…_crying out for mercy and receiving a sharp punch to the face instead… raped…unable to defend himself at all… blood and other bodily fluids slowly oozing down his inner legs._

"I think he…"

…_a dark, humorless chuckle…_

"…he was raped."

The words tumbled out of her mouth before she realized she'd said them. Looking back at her cousins, she knew they must have seen the horror in her eyes. She could see their expressions had matched the same confused anger she'd first felt when those memories had doused her mind with their violence.

"When?"

"Why?"

"Who?"

"How did you know?"

"Did he tell you?"

The questions spilled from the others' mouths so quickly one after another that Miyuki's head spun for a moment.

"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! Give me a second!"

"Then how-?" Sai began.

"When Rema did this to him, just as it was taking effect, I saw some of those memories. It was like they just…just poured into me when I touched him. I didn't see a whole lot, but I saw enough to know what was going on."

"Miyuki…" Sai said, her whisper awed now instead of tense, "that was really dangerous of you to do."

"What? Why? All I did was touch him and now I've got these-" …_leaking down his inner thighs… _"fragmented memories floating around in my head."

"It's nothing you did, it just…"

"You could have gotten stuck inside those memories with him. Isn't that right Sai?" Airashii had said in an almost too soft voice.

Sai bit at her upper lip for a moment.

"You mean, touching him when I did, right as Rema put that technique on him, I could have been stuck with him? Inside those memories?" Miyuki asked, frightened.

"Well, yeah. I'd say that you were actually very lucky that you didn't."

Miyuki gave Sai a questioning look.

"What happened to you Miyuki doesn't happen every other day. Heck, First Branch members wouldn't even perform _**Abyssus**_unless they had some sort of end all score to settle with the person they were doing it to. It was even rarer for someone to touch the victim just as the technique was going into effect. But every time someone did manage to do just that, well, they ended up in the same position as the victim."

Miyuki had dropped her hand away from Naruto's face, staring intently at the hospital sheets on the bed.

"So…why didn't I? Why didn't I get stuck?"

"Maybe you just have the best dumb luck ever." Airashii offered.

"I don't know why it didn't happen to you either, maybe you _were _just lucky. Figuring out why isn't the important thing right now. Miyuki, can you tell us anything about who raped Naruto?"

Miyuki had had to think back on what she'd seen very hard to find what she was looking for. She knew she'd seen something, some face_ -an ornate monkey mask- _to attach to the villain.

"He wore a mask. An ANBU monkey mask. And all I could hear was this dark, awful sort of laugh that came from him. Maybe…I'm not sure, but I don't think Naruto's ever seen his real face. Maybe that's why I only saw a mask."

Sai stood there, one hand rubbing her temple as her expression became grimmer and grimmer as the seconds wore on.

"Sai, are you ok?" Miyuki had spoken up after a full two minutes had passed and Sai had still said nothing.

"I'm just thinking. Trying to decide how I'm going to tell the Hokage about this."

"Do you think we even should?"

"Why would you even consider not telling anyone? Why, Airashii?!" Sai had asked, turning to her cousin rather sharply.

"I didn't mean it like that and you know it. Think about it from Naruto's point of view before we just go and spill the beans on something he's obviously tried to keep secret. He wears his emotions on his sleeves pretty easily, right? So why would he go through all this trouble of hiding such an awful thing from people who could deliver justice to who ever did that to him?"

"What are you saying Airashii?" Sai had cocked her eyebrow at this point.

"All I'm saying is that maybe whoever did this has Naruto stuck between a rock and a hard place. Miyuki said he wore an ANBU mask and from what I understand you can't just go to any old store to buy one. It comes with the position when you prove you're at that caliber of skill. So, maybe whoever this monkey masked man is has Naruto in a position where if he tells anyone, someone else might have to pay for it. I mean, I don't know at all if that's what's going on, but it fits into why Naruto would have never told someone. Doesn't it?"

Miyuki had turned back to Naruto, slowly stroking his hair, eyes glued to what irritated skin she could see from the back of his neck. Apparently the day before, the wires had short circuited from what Sai had said was 'strain'. They'd been quickly and carefully removed, and the skin they'd been ported into was still raw and almost burnt from the heat they'd given off when they'd short circuited.

Sai, still gazing at Airashii, had sighed.

"Well, what do we do then? If we're not going to tell anyone for the sake of someone else's life being on the line, what do you suppose we do?"

"Research, find out who did this on our own and make sure people closest to Naruto stay safe. Once we can do that, then we tell."

"Guys?" Miyuki had said when Naruto's eyes had turned towards her.

"That's fine and all, but where do you suppose we even begin? All we have to go on is that fact that the guy who raped Naruto wears a monkey ANBU mask." Sai had continued, neither her nor Airashii hearing Miyuki.

"Guys, guys! Something's wrong with Naruto."

The older teens turned to Miyuki this time, surprised to find what she said to be true. Where Naruto had been staring off into nowhere, he now had his eyes focused on Sai, mouth opening and closing as he tried to wrap his voice around words.

Sai and Airashii had walked to the bed briskly, not sure if what they were seeing was a good or bad sign.

"Miyuki, what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything Sai. All I was doing was touching his hair."

At that point, neither girl had the opportunity to continue the argument. Naruto had stolen both of their attentions away from it.

"Mimi? Is that you?"

Naruto still stared at Sai, dried lips literally cracking into a smile as he grasped for her hand. Without hesitation, Sai had taken his hand into her own.

"Mimi, did you make some of those cinnamon sugar cookies? I love those cookies so much." He smiled, seeming to have taken no notice of the blood bubbling from the cracks in his lips.

It had been painfully obvious that Naruto was not seeing them. Even awake and talking directly at them, he'd still been lost in his own little world.

"Naruto," Sai had said calmly, "I'm not Mimi, I'm Sai. Remember?"

Naruto's smile had faltered and dropped as she said this, quickly taking his hand back.

"Where is she? Where's Morima Nanase? Where's Mimi?" Naruto had said in a painfully panicked voice.

"She's not here Naruto, it's just us. Sai, Miyuki, and Airashii, no one else is here."

The panic in his eyes had frozen at this point, had drained away as he had sunk deeper into himself.

"That's right, she died, didn't she?" Was all he said as he went back to staring at the wall, once again awake and yet completely dead to the world.

There was a long stretch of extremely sad silence before someone was brave enough to speak again.

"Well, now at least we have a name to go on." Airashii had said, sad undertones imbedded in his voice.

"But why did that happen, I wonder what 'woke' him up?" Sai had wiped her sniffling nose at this point.

Another pause.

"I think I did it. He was raped, right? And he just had to relive that a ridiculous amount of times in the last three days, right? And I was stroking his hair, not even thinking about he'd feel about me doing it. Human contact might not be something he'll put up with, even when his mind isn't really all here.

"Miyuki, you didn't mean to-"

"But I still did it, right? Thought about only myself. I should have realized it. I don't like to be touched very much, and I didn't even go through half of what he did."

"Miyuki, I sure you didn't do i-"

"God, I am so fucking stupid sometimes!"

At this point, Miyuki had stormed out of the room, and had rushed back to the supply closet where Airashii and she had put together two cots. Punching the hard tiled floor until her knuckles bled hadn't had the soothing effect she was hoping it would. She'd pretended to be asleep when Airashii came back to their closet, but she had been as far away from sleep as you could possible be.

When Airashii had asked her the next morning what had happened to her hand, she told him sarcastically that a raccoon had attacked it on her way back to the closet. He had just sighed sadly and went to go get them cafeteria milk and J-ELLO for breakfast.

Miyuki sighed, desperately tried to let go of the memory, and went back to staring at the clock.

_Tick_

_Tick_

_Tick_

Miyuki growled again, louder then before, just enough to accidently get Airashii's attention.

"You ok?"

"Just thinking. And I'm pissed at the clock."

"Hmm. What are you thinking about?"

Miyuki fidgeted for moment or two.

"Naruto."

"Ah. Anything you want to talk about?" He said simply, carefully putting a hand on her shoulder.

Miyuki was quiet for a long time before she spoke again.

"What happened to him could have soeasily have happened to me, Airashii. _So _easily. The only reason it didn't was because my dad's only rule when he and his buddies had their "fun" with me was that they didn't actually…you know…do that."

Airashii nodded solemly.

"That could have been me though. It could have."

"I'm thankful that it wasn't." Airashii said.

"I'm thankful too. But I just can't get it out of my head that I could have been _raped_. Fuck, I know I wasn't, but I could have been. It's so scary. That one little thought. I could have, and the only thing that saved me was some twisted part inside my dad's head that said it was ok if I was molested and made to do other nasty shit, but it wasn't ok if they actually had sex with me. How fucked up is that?!"

The silence that followed was only interrupted by the clock's continuing noise.

_Tick_

_Tick_

_Tick_

"I didn't even _do_ anything in the forest though."

"What do you mean by that?" Airashii asked, not missing an beat as Miyuki moved onto another topic.

"Well, I mean…I didn't even get high enough in the branches to help attack Rema. My feet barley even left the ground."

"What about those people you helped. From what I understand, you saved two boys' lives, healed Sai, and even gave someone half of your own sight. Now, that's not just nothing, is it?"

"…I guess not, but-"

"No buts. If you hadn't been where you were needed most, Konoha would be having at least two more funerals right about now, right?"

"…Right…" Miyuki finished lamely, turning back to stare at the clock.

_Tick_

_Tick_

_Tick_

"Do you think I could have stopped it?"

"Stopped what, Miyuki?"

"Stopped what happened to Naruto in the forest. I was right there Airashii, right there. I might have been able to do something if I had gotten sucked into those memories with him."

Airashii cracked his knuckles, thinking on what he wanted to say.

"You and I both know that that's just not true. You wouldn't have been able to help him anymore if you'd gotten stuck in there with him then you can out here. Sai said herself it was a miracle you _didn't_ get stuck with him in the first place. What would we have done if you hadn't been out here to tell us what you saw happen to Naruto? We'd still be completely in the dark now, wouldn't we?" Airashii said, his hand moving from her shoulder to pull her into a loose but warm embrace.

Miyuki made a motorboat noise with her mouth.

"We still haven't been able to actually _find_ anything about that ANBU. Or even Morima Nanase for that matter."

"Yeah, but that might just be because we're looking in the wrong places. Sai's supposed to be looking in the Hokage's office tonight, you know." Airashii said, whispering the last sentence in her ear and letting her out of his hug.

"Do you think she'll find anything?"

Airashii could only shrug.

"Miyuki, Airashii, what are you two doing here?" Airashii and Miyuki almost jumped out of their seats at the sound of a very near by voice calling them.

"S-Sakura? What are you doing here?" Miyuki asked, voice shrill.

"That's what I was wondering about you guys. I'm here to see if visitors were aloud to see Naruto yet."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but they're still not allowing people in to see him." Airashii said, giving her a smile and a shrug.

"Huh, I was sure they'd be letting people see him by now. Oh, by the way, I'm glad to see you aloud those medic-nins to put your eye back in." Sakura said rather warily, sitting on the chair next to Miyuki.

"They did no such thing. Haven't you seen your teacher yet? From what I heard he's got my eye in place of the one he lost."

"But then, how do you have…?" Sakura trailed off, pointing to Miyuki's face.

"I'm from my clan's second branch, that's just how my body is. So long as _I _don't purposely pop or cut anything off, it'll grow back pretty quick."

"What clan is that?"

"The Akuma Clan."

"Oh." Was all Sakura said.

They sat there in silence for another thirty seconds, before Miyuki spoke to her pink haired peer once again.

"Is there something else you wanted?" Miyuki said, her voice without any sort of threat in it.

Sakura opened and closed her mouth a few times before she managed to begin.

"I just wanted to know if…if either of you have seen or heard anything about him. Naruto, I mean. No one has told me or anyone I know anything about him. We don't know if he's alive or dead or what. It's like he just…vanished into thin air."

The cousins sat silently, pondering how much they should and shouldn't let her know.

"He's alive, just so you know that for sure."

"And he's eating well." Airashii added.

"And sleeping well too." Miyuki finished.

Sakura seemed to relax a bit at these words.

"He sounds like he's doing fine. Why won't they let people visit him then?" She asked more to herself then anyone else.

"He's, umm-"Airashii tried to begin.

"In the forest, he was attacked by a technique that makes the mind relive its own worst memories. He may be awake and eating and sleeping, but he's not doing a whole lot more." Miyuki interrupted.

"W-what?! That's what that was? Well, is he ok?" Sakura asked, deep concern evident in her voice.

"We told you he eats and sleeps well. He's just not all ok in the head right now." Miyuki said, trying to forget Naruto's memories that had been swimming in her own head recently.

"So has he gone, you know, insane?"

"No, he's hasn't. He's just sort of catatonic." Miyuki continued.

"What Miyuki means is that he hasn't responded to anyone or anything since he woke up. He just stares kind of into the distance all day long."

"Is he ever going to snap out of it?" Sakura asked, her eyes overly bright.

"We…we don't know." Airashii said truthfully.

Sakura folded her hands into her lap. She was surprised when a smaller, warm hand was placed over the top of her own.

"It'll be ok. It'll all work out." Miyuki said, not looking at the other girl when Sakura turned her head to look at her.

"Thanks." She said, pulling one of her hands out of her lap to hold it against her eyes, telling herself that she would not cry.

Not right now at least.

After many minutes of this silent comfort, Sakura pulled her hand away from her eyes and out from underneath Miyuki's comforting one.

"If you don't mind me asking, but what are you two doing outside the rehab center?" she managed to say.

Miyuki held up her wrist, showing off her new I.D. bracelet.

"We were aloud out due to the state of emergency and 'need for all able bodies'." Miyuki said, stretching her arm above her head.

"Where have you guys been staying then?"

"Here at the hospital. In a supply closet." Airashii said almost flippantly.

"What?! Why are you both sleeping in a supply closet?"

"Well, we were assigned sleep rooms here, but we felt like we were taking up the beds. A few exhausted doctors came in on the first night we were there, expecting to find enough beds for everyone to sleep on, only to find us in them." Miyuki explained.

"So, you moved to a closet?" Sakura asked, a confused expression on her face.

"Yep." The cousins said simultaneously.

Sakura shook her head, still a little confounded.

"It's not so bad. It's a little cramped, but cozy enough."

Sakura was quiet for only another moment before she stood and turned to face Miyuki and Airashii.

"That's no good. You're Naruto's friends, and I can't just let you guys sleep in a closet. Go grab your stuff, you'll stay at my house until you go back."

The two cousins weren't exactly sure how to try and even begin to turn down such a hospitable offer. So, once they'd acquired their few belongings, they found themselves leaving the hospital with Sakura, heading to their first stay in an actual home since they'd come to Konoha.

--------------

Shikamaru found himself beginning to rouse from his drug induced sleep. Slowly, he opened his eyes, glad to find that the shades had been drawn and that the room was dark. He hated waking up to a bright room. It hurt his eyes so much to try and adjust to the light.

Gingerly stretching out his body as much as he dared, he looked over to the bed that lay next to his own, surprised to find its occupant looking right back at him.

"Kiba, you're awake?" Shikamaru asked, sitting himself up as best as he could with his remaining arm.

"I could say the same to you. How come they've made sure I'm asleep when you're awake and that you're asleep when I'm awake?" Kiba asked, opting to just prop himself up on his elbows.

"Can't say. Maybe they haven't been doing it intentionally."

"Doubt it." Kiba said, letting his body fall back onto the pillow.

What followed was what one would describe as an extremely awkward silence that stretched itself out like a cat waking from a nap.

"So, how are you?" Kiba asked, once the awkwardness had become almost unbearable.

"Been better. My arm doesn't hurt as much as it did when it first happened. The doctor said it's been healing miraculously well, and that I'll be able to start looking for a movable prosthetic in about three weeks if I keep up like this."

"That's good."

"And you, how have you been?" Shikamaru asked, glad to finally talk to someone other than his parents and doctors and nurses.

"Like you. I've been better. But I guess I can't complain. I was told it was a plain miracle I didn't die. Apparently my spine got broken so badly a few fragments were ready to cut into one of my organs. That doctor said if that chakra splint hadn't been put around my spine, I would have started bleeding internally as soon as someone had moved me. He hasn't told me who doctored me in the forest though, even when I asked him."

"I heard that it was Miyuki who helped. You know, that white haired girl from the rehab center that Naruto knows." Shikamaru said, crossing his legs Indian style under the covers.

"Really? Remind me to thank her." Kiba said dryly.

Shikamaru stared at his friend's face, noticing the hard look it had taken on.

"How are you doing?"

"I told you I was fine." Kiba said a little bit too harshly.

"But are you really ok? Is that how you're_ really_ doing?" Shikamaru asked, going against his gut feeling that this was bound to be an emotionally taxing conversation that he should shy away from.

Kiba wetted his lips before he started.

"They said I was lucky enough to be alive. They never said anything about me being able to walk again."

Shikamaru was silent, happy enough to be the listening ear that Kiba seemed to desperately need right at this very moment.

"I mean, I'm an Inuzuka. We're a canine clan, you know? Whenever we go somewhere and we can run to it, that's what we do. We're active, sometimes to the point of being down right annoying. We swim, jump, climb, fucking run around in fields of pansies. I've always enjoyed the simple act of simply moving like it's my second nature. I'd never thought I would end up not even being able to walk on my own feet."

Kiba went quiet for a while before he spoke again.

"They said I was lucky enough as it was to be alive. They never said anything about me walking again, even when I asked if I'd be able to. They just got real quiet and gave me this pity filled look like I was some sick dog. Fuck! I hate it when they gave me that damn look!"

The room went silent again and Shikamaru dared not disturb it. He had no idea what Kiba must be feeling. He'd always been a fan of moving as little as possible…he wasn't about to try and consol his peer about emotions he had never even experienced before.

When the pillow muffled crying reached his ears from the other boy's bed, Shikamaru knew that Kiba was in his own sort of torture that he would never be able to understand. So, he just sat there in his own bed and listened to the other boy's inner agony of never being able to stand on his own two feet again.

When the crying finally stopped, all Shikamaru had to offer the still sniffling boy a single phrase.

"I'm sorry, Kiba."

There was a large amount of sniffles before he answered.

"What are you apologizing for? You didn't break my fucking back."

"I know. I'm still sorry that it happened."

"Yeah? Well, then I guess I'm sorry you're missing most of your arm."

Shikamaru had to chuckle at the small amount of dark humor Kiba's almost sarcastic tone brought to the whole scenario. And slowly, he realized his one chuckle was turning into laughter.

And that crazed laughter had Kiba laughing for some reason too. And then there were tears rolling down their faces as the laughter quickly turned into sobbing and then back into insane giggling once more. It was then that a nurse poked her head in to find out what the commotion was about.

A minute later, Shikamaru found himself still laughing, with no roommate, and a large amount of sedatives being put into his IV. Maybe, he thought to himself, this is why the doctors had kept them on different "sleeping schedules" so to speak. So they wouldn't have any manic episodes like the one that was blossoming all around him.

Just as he was drifting off, just as his own laughter sobs were dying, he swore he could still hear Kiba laughing and sobbing as he was carted off down the hall and into another room.

--------------------

Sai stared at the large file in her hand, flipping through the pages as quickly as she could.

A week ago she would not have believed she would be sneaking around in the Hokage's _office_ for a few pieces of paper that may or may not even be there. All week she'd been looking for that one, all important name to pop up in all the documents and papers she'd looked through. All week she'd turned up with absolutely nothing to go on, nothing to connect this mystery woman to Naruto.

"Where the hell are you Morima Nanase?"

And then, as if some greater force had answered her question, there it was, sitting right in front of her. A one page, brief history of Morima Nanase's life that read something like this:

Name: Nanase, Morima

DOB: 11/82

Occupation: Licensed caretaker (to orphans)

Relatives: Emiko Nanase (Daughter)

Height: 5' 4"

Hair: Black

Eyes: Brown

Most recent caretaker for: Uzumaki, Naruto

DOD: 10/13

Death: Homicide

Cause of death: Intense blood lose, organ, and tissue damage sustained from wound fatal knife wound extending he whole length of torso.

-No suspect was ever identified in this case. Emiko Nanase (Daughter) was moved to the Happy Hills Rehabilitation Center for initial psychological examination, now resides as a patient.

Sai read the document over and over, glancing at the head shot of a black haired, still young woman. Sai could see why in his ever confused mind Naruto had mistaken her for this woman. Once she was sure she had it memorized, she was quick to tuck the paper back into its file and returning said file from whence it came. Sneaking back out the way she'd come and fleeing back into the night, she was sure Miyuki and Airashii would find it very interesting that Morima had not died of natural causes. If the man who'd raped Naruto really was an ANBU, she had a feeling that he had had something to do with Morima Nanase's death.

The fact that no one had ever been identified as the culprit made it seem all the more likely.

-----------------

Naruto felt numb. Oh so soothingly numb.

No pain.

No fear.

No agony.

Just blissful nothingness.

Constructed by his want, his own dire need to escape the absolute torture his mind had been putting him through, it was a wonderful ocean to sink into and never wake up from.

Swimming lazily in the deep, cold sea of numbness he'd made in the very bottom of his mind, Naruto heard a voice calling him from above the surface.

_**-…kid…need…hear me? Come up…need…speak…you…-**_

He could barley hear what Kyuubi was saying. If he didn't feel so numb, he guessed he might have felt a little frustrated.

But not here.

No emotion could _ever _touch him here. The sea kept him numb.

Oh so gloriously numb.

Changing his direction, he started to swim upwards, coming to a stop only an inch away from breaking the water's surface.

"What is it Kyuubi?" The words sounded flat, dream like, even to his ears.

_**-You finally came up. I've been trying to get you for a long fucking time now.-**_

"Sorry…" The fox's voice sounded strained, tired even.

_**-It doesn't matter. Kid, I need you to take control of your body again. If you don't, I don't know how long I can hold this back.-**_

"Hold what?" Naruto said, letting just enough of his head to break the surface to see what Kyuubi was talking about.

And there it was, right above his head. A giant shield of reddish chakra holding back what looked like a very large, very dark rain cloud.

"What is that?" Naruto asked as he pulled his head back underneath the water.

_**-Don't you remember? It's that power that was leaking out from that wall. While you were stuck in your own memories, the whole thing just crumbled and out came this whole mess.-**_

"It doesn't look so bad… looks actually kind of fluffy…" Naruto said in his too flat, emotionless voice.

_**-Fuck kid, focus! I thought it was harmless too when I first saw it. But then it crashed over me and it was…just too much. It was coming for you kid, and I think if it does get to you, we might die.-**_

Naruto only shrugged.

_**-Kid, I'm serious here. You may be ready to kick the bucket, but I sure as hell don't want to.-**_

"I'm not going to go back up there, not after I thought I saw Mimi. That world out there is painful and tricky. It's safe in here. Besides, how's me going outside going to help us then? If even you're having issues containing it, who do you think could help us?"

_**-Shit kid, I don't know. You've just got to go up there and at least try to save our asses.-**_

"I won't. Besides, even if I wanted to, I can't."

_**-Fuck, if you want me to try and hold your memories while you ascend I'll do it so long as you get your ass in gear.-**_

Now the fox not only sounded tired and strained, he also sounded quite angry too.

"I can't because you're in the way. To get straight to the top, I'd have to go though the cloud you have there. You said if it got to me, we'd die, right? Can you move it? Or make it smaller?"

Naruto listened carefully for the Kyuubi to speak again.

_**-I can't kid. I'm having enough trouble as it is keeping it this size and in this position.-**_

"Then we're going to die, right?"

The only response Naruto got was a deep, angry growl.

"Who knows Kyuubi, maybe death won't be such a bad thing." Naruto said, swimming back down to the depths of his numb sea, ignoring Kyuubi's continuing growls of frustration.

"Death doesn't sound so bad…" Naruto said to himself, settling along the deep sea's sandy floor.

Naruto closed his eyes, knowing he should feel happy that the giant, atrocious mess that he'd called his life might be soon coming to a permanent close.

But he could feel nothing. Just the way he liked it. Just the way it kept him the safest.

Because if he felt nothing, and he knew he wasn't feeling anything, maybe then the deep ache in his heart just _might_ eventually go away.

Maybe he could forget what pain felt like. Or fear. Or heartache. Or rage.

If he had to forget all the nice things like joy and splendor and happiness too, so be it. So long as he didn't have to feel the things he hated feeling most, it would be worth it.

Naruto hummed a flat little tune.

He was numb.

Beautifully numb.

In this sea he'd created, he was safe.

He was safe, he was safe, he was finally, permanently safe.

But only because he was so beautifully numb.

---------------------

Mr. Monkey watched the sunrise on the roof of the hospital, smoking like no tomorrow.

He still hadn't decided if what had happened to the little monster would work in his favor or not.

Looking down over the building's edge to the window he knew belonged to the beast's room, he pondered again the rumors he'd heard flying about.

Coma, cancer, went blind from looking at the sun too long had been some of the mindless drabble he'd expected to hear anyways. But, to his delight, he'd managed to overhear a medic-nin who'd been on the scene say it had been some sort of Genjutsu like technique that had sent the monster to the hospital.

That very same evening he'd broken into the little monster's room, had seen the damages for himself. The little shit had stared right through him, like on the rare occasion one of his subordinates oh so long ago when he'd been in service had gone into shell shock.

So, he still found himself in the precarious situation of trying to decide whether he wanted to go the easy way of things or the more entertaining. Easy being to slip a cocktail of drugs into the monster's IV and let the drugs do their work. Or to wait until visitors were permitted to come into the room and then strike.

Dropping the cigarette onto the ground and crushing it with the sole of hi shoe, Mr. Monkey smiled to himself.

He'd never liked taking the easy way out of things anyways.

--------

Sorry, I know it's not as long as the last two. Anyways, thanks for all the reviewing love you guys have been sendin', it's has (as always) meant the world to me!! All I have to say is that the Shikamaru and Kiba scene was really fun to write.

-Enjoy!


	19. Backlash

December 26-January 8

_The sky is so dark now  
And I feel the currents so sweet  
I think I'll let the sea carry me away  
You've held me up for so long now  
You were finally cut from beneath me  
It's no use trying to catch me  
The blackened sky drives this sea  
And this sea I think  
Will just carry me away_

**Follow the Sea** -by Eternal Thief

Sakura found herself standing in an inky blackness stained with fear, rage, and the deepest anguish. She knew she was not alone, yet all of those who surrounded her had faces she could only make out the faintest of features. The crowd around her shifted. She could see two figures filled with a dim light push against the blackness that was trying to swallow everyone up. The blackness was alive, and it didn't like being fought against. It cursed at everyone, it hated everyone. It was crazed, insane, horrifying, and so pitifully grotesque in its blind anger. It deemed one of her dearest people to be a beast. She wanted to hit it. She wanted to kill it. She wanted to cry. But she couldn't. She was too angry to cry. A rage unlike she'd ever thought her heart capable of choked the tears down. For some reason, she despised the inky blackness.

Sakura found herself looking around in awe at all the rubble. She understood the damages from explosions and the like that comes when your village is attacked. But what she saw before her hadn't been a product of the enemy, had it? She tried to ask everyone around her, who had done it? Who would so ferociously maim the Hokage monuments? Everyone she asked told her the same thing. You know who did it. We all know who did it. And for some odd reason, Sakura knew who they were talking about. She just couldn't quite put her finger on exactly who this who was.

Sakura found herself sobbing, hugging her knees, hoping to calm her ever fraying nerves. Someone she loved wanted to die. Why did he still want to die? They were doing everything to help. She was doing everything to help. Why did he still want to die?

Sakura found herself standing in front of an old burning building. Instead of feeding the fear she had in her, the flames did nothing but sooth the anger she felt toward all that the place had stood for. Lifting her hand to shield her eyes away from the ever growing source of heat and light, she found herself grasping an empty canister of gasoline. Sakura smiled, and continued to watch the building burn down as a crowd gathered. She wanted them to see. She needed them to watch with her as such a dark stain on their village was wiped off of its face for good.

Sakura finds herself wide awake, heart pounding in her ears.

She sits up in the darkness, disoriented and scared. Taking a moment to steady her breath, she reminds herself it was all just a dream. That's all it was ever going to be. This would be the fourth night in a row that Sakura had been woken up from such disturbing dreams.

Sighing, she swung her legs to the side of her bed and slide out, sluggishly slipping on her slippers. Looking at the clock on her nightstand, she groaned at the '2:37 AM' glaring at her through the dark. She knew she wouldn't be getting back to sleep anytime soon.

After a quick visit to the restroom, Sakura made her way down the stairs of her home and into the kitchen. Entering, she found none other then Miyuki perched in a chair, staring absently at the kettle warming on the stovetop.

It had been two weeks since she'd invited Miyuki and Airashii to stay with her. When she'd initially offered, she'd been most concerned about two things. One: would her soon to be housemates be able to handle the world outside of the rehab center? And two: if her mother would be ok with allowing what someone might view as "less then normal" houseguests to stay?

To her surprise, she needn't worry about either thing. Her mother had greeted the two cousins with open arms, despite the blatant self-inflicted scarring that was all too apparent on their skin, and they had both adapted extremely well to her home. She'd been worried that she might eventually regret her invitation to the two, but she'd found that both of them were very likable in their own ways. Airashii for the most part didn't say much to anyone unless spoken to first, but was so polite and sweet that anyone could forgive his semi-antisocial attitude. Miyuki, on the other hand, was more or less his opposite. Oh, she was still courteous and nice in her own way, but what Airashii lacked in speaking, she more then made up for. The way they interacted with each other was remarkable. One moment Airashii was an older brother scolding a younger sister, the next Miyuki was a sister trying to find out why here brother was acting so shy. It was all so not the behavior she had expected from two people who had been in one of the higher security sections of a rehab center.

But really, Sakura should have known by now that it was a silly thing to underestimate the people she knew in any regard. Recently, it seemed that every time she did underestimate someone, they just ended up surprising her.

She walked further into the kitchen, pulling a chair away from the table and sitting in it next to Miyuki.

"Bad dream again?"

Sakura started slightly at the other girl's words. This would be the first night Miyuki had joined her nightly excursion to the kitchen to try and rid herself of a lingering nightmare with a hot cup of tea.

"Am I that easy to read?" Sakura asked.

"No, not really. But I can spot the face of someone who hasn't slept well from a mile away. You hid it a lot better then some people at the rehab center do."

"Oh."

At this point, the kettle began to whistle softly on the stove. Miyuki quickly moved from her spot on her chair. She turned the stove off and, flipping the mouth of the kettle open, Miyuki poured the water into two mugs with tea leaves sitting in the bottom.

"I've heard you come down here from the guest bedroom upstairs the last few nights. I don't go to sleep very well and I wake up easily, so it just sort of happened. I know most people don't go to sleep and then wake up in the middle of the night several times in a row without good reason." Miyuki said, carrying the mugs to the table, reseating herself.

"Sorry for waking you."

"Don't worry, I probably would have woken up anyways."

Sakura accepted the mug Miyuki handed to her with a soft "Thank you".

"What were your dreams about anyway?" Miyuki asked.

"I'm not so sure. None of it made much sense. I just know that I was scared, mad, and sad all at the same time. It starts with this darkness that feels like it's alive. Then I see the village full of rubble. Then suddenly I'm sad because someone wants to die. Then I'm setting a house on fire and I'm actually happy about it. And throughout all of it happening, I feel like I know who all of these things are connected to, but I just can't remember. That's the most frustrating thing about it, I think."

"Sounds pretty awful."

"Yeah, I guess it is."

Silence passed as the girls waited for the leaves to seep their goodness into the water, Miyuki idly playing with her bare toes.

"Hey, can I ask you something kind of personal?" Miyuki asked, bringing the mug to her lips for the first sip.

"Depends on what you ask." Sakura cocked an eyebrow.

"Well, I was just kind of wondering…what does Naruto mean to you?"

Sakura's brow creased in slight confusion.

"Too personal?" Miyuki asked.

"No, it's just a rather vague question."

"Well, then can I ask what kind of love you have for him? That's not too vague, right?"

Sakura felt a fleeting bit of blush climb onto her cheeks. Sure, it was at least a specific question now, but really! How could this girl throw out a question about love without so much as batting an eyelash?

"W-what? I mean, I love him like a little brother I guess, but I don't think of him as a real love interest or anything like that. Why do you ask?" She said, quickly cradling her mug near her face.

"No reason really. I've just been thinking and worrying about him a lot. I mean, with everything that's happened lately, you can't exactly blame me for it, right?"

Sakura watched as Miyuki's eyes glazed over as she sunk into deep thought.

"Well, what does he mean to you then, if you don't mind me turning the tables on you?" Sakura asked after a moment or two.

Miyuki's expression didn't change, even when she spoke.

"I'm not really sure, but I think I might love him."

Sakura almost blanched. How could someone speak a declaration of love (albeit, an uncertain one) with such a straight face!

"What do you mean you're not sure? If you have a crush on him or if you like him beyond a crush, it's very different then the other ways you can like someone."

Miyuki frowned deeply, scratching the back of her neck.

"But, what I mean is…I've never had a crush before. I've heard about them from other people and what not. I know what they're supposed to feel like, but I've never actually really had one on someone before. I don't like being around boys too much anyways, with the exceptions of Airashii and Naruto. Other then them, I'm not so big on being near guys."

"How come? Boys aren't so bad, when you get right down to it. Some can be real jerks, but for the most part all of the boys and men I've ever known are pretty nice."

Miyuki's frown deepened as she took a long sip of her tea.

"I've only really told Airashii and Naruto much about what my life was like a couple of years ago, before I came to the center. But honestly, I think you'll get lost in trying to understand where I'm coming from if you don't know first off what's happened to me."

Sakura's brow furrowed.

"What do you mean by what happened to you?"

She could feel the sudden tension roll off of Miyuki like feverish heat, as the girl took a second for a few deep breaths before she began.

"About two and a half years ago, maybe three, my mom gave birth to a baby boy. But, she didn't seem to like him very much and my dad got really nervous of the idea of her being alone with him. One day, when he was at work and I was home making sure the baby was ok, I stepped outside for a moment and ended up helping a neighbor with some chores. I was gone for a half an hour, at most. When I got back, my baby brother was dead and my mom had hung herself in her room. After that, my dad was never the same. He started to blame me for what had happened, he started to resent me. He started staying away from home a lot, he got drunk whenever he could. One night, he comes home early from a bar with some buddies of his. One thing leads to another and they do things to me. They didn't go 'all the way', but they still made me…touch them and other weird shit."

Miyuki paused at this point, taking a moment to rest and gather strength to tell the rest. Sakura could see that just saying the words hurt her in a way she herself had never had to know. The pink haired girl bit her lip, wondering if she could handle hearing the rest of such a sad tale. But before she really thought too hard on stopping the story, Miyuki sighed deeply and carried on.

"That went on every night for about a month. The only way I managed to survive it, I guess, was, you know, hurting myself. I managed to get back a little bit of control over my life. It made it somewhat bearable, I think. Then one day I just couldn't take it anymore. So, I killed them. I just killed them all, and left with only the clothes on my back. I don't remember a whole lot about my trip; just that my body hurt from all of the running. One night, I collapsed outside of the wall of this village. The next morning, I woke up in a hospital, strapped to a bed in their intensive care unit. Eventually I was moved to the Happy Hills Rehabilitation Center, where I lived until two weeks ago when you invited Airashii and me here."

Miyuki stopped at this point, dropping her head to her bent knees. Sakura sat there, stunned by it all. She'd heard of such awful things. Not the killing; that was something as a ninja she knew she would eventually have to face everyday she went to work. She meant the abuse, the direct violation of someone's right to say no. She'd heard of the horror stories, of the damage it did to one's confidence and mind. She'd just never personally known someone who'd been in such a position. She would have never expected the hurt and pain to be so raw, even when the actual wrongful acts themselves were years old. Sakura gulped, trying to find her voice.

"So, is that w-why you don't like being near guys?"

Miyuki nodded, bringing her eyes to meet Sakura's for the first time since she'd started talking.

"The opposite sex in general scares me. I try my best to not let it show, but I really am. When I first arrived at rehab center, Airashii was already there. I knew who he was, and I knew deep in my heart that there was no way he'd ever hurt me like my dad had. But I was still so scared; it took me six months to work up the courage to even say hi to him. Not that he spoke much back then anyways. He'd been a self-imposed mute for five years when I met him at the rehab center.

"Why didn't he speak?"

Miyuki shrugged.

"When he eventually did start talking again, he told me about what it was like at his house. How it had been easier for him to just not speak at all. His parents hit him a lot, and had ridiculous expectations of him. One time, he told me, he didn't do very well on an exam. When he tried to explain it was because they'd had him stay up all night to study for it, his mother poured the boiling water and noodles she was making for lunch onto his shoulder. It was like every time he opened his mouth, his parents would shut him up anyways; he said he was saving them the trouble by just not talking at all."

A large lump formed in Sakura's stomach. These two had been through so much. So much that she had never even really thought of much as part of the reality that would ever touch her. And yet her she was, listening to such awful things from someone her same age. It horrified her really, that these two people had undeservedly had to face so much in their short time on earth. They weren't the villains in books or movies who eventually got what they deserved. They were good people. Why were they the ones who had to go through such terrifying things?

No one deserved to be hit or molested by the parents they were supposed to be able to trust. It scared her that there were people in the world who had no qualms about reeking havoc on their child's life. It chilled her to the core of her being.

"I'm sorry, you probably didn't come down here to hear some sort of sob story." Miyuki said, snapping Sakura out of her thoughts.

"No, it's fine. I just can't believe that…that your parents would do such awful things. It's all so horrible."

"Remember when I first met you, how I said you were lucky?"

"Dimly. If I remember right, you said it was because I had a life people would kill for, right?"

Miyuki nodded.

"Do you see what I mean now?"

Indeed, Sakura finally understood what Miyuki had meant. She had parents who it would never even cross their minds in a million years to do the sorts of things that had happened to Miyuki or Airashii. She would never have to decide whether to kill her parents to survive their actions. In comparison to what Miyuki and Airashii had, she had it made in the shade.

"That's why I don't know if I love him like normal girls love boys."

And so, they had come full circle.

"Well, what _do_ you know about how you feel about him?"

Miyuki sat very still, slowly chewing on her thumb.

"He's just so different from anyone I've ever met. He understands, instinctively, so much about me that no one ever has, not even Airashii. He makes me laugh so much it hurts my stomach. He makes me happy in ways that I haven't been for years. I mean, I know I love him like I love Airashii. He's like a second brother. But then sometimes, especially recently, when I think about how he may never wake up from the state that he's in, my heart hurts so much. The idea of never getting to see him laugh or smile or talk to him again scares me. It's like half of what I feel for him is like what I feel for Airashii. Then there's this whole other part of it that I just don't know about."

"So you love him more then you'd love someone who's just a friend or a brother, is that what you're saying?"

"Maybe. I don't know. It's really confusing.

Sakura smiled.

"You know, by the way you're describing it, you sound like you've fallen head over heels for him."

At this, Miyuki finally blushed and threw up her arms dramatically.

"Well, what do I do about it? I can't just waltz in and tell him I love him, right? I mean, that's not what you see girls do in those mushy paperback books. All they have to do is sigh and bat their eyes and the guy somehow just _knows_ she's in love with him! Or it's some long drawn out thing where it takes the guys seventy-two pages to realize the girl he likes has been dropping clues the whole time that she likes him too!"

"It doesn't have to be as difficult as that. You really could just try going up and telling him. It might be worth a shot. Naruto is for the most part pretty straight forward, he might appreciate it."

Miyuki smiled at this, finishing her tea.

"I never really thanked you for letting us stay here. It's so nice being outside of that rehab center."

"Like I said before, you're friends of Naruto's, it's no big deal." Sakura yawned, setting her long since emptied cup on the table.

"Tired now?"

"A little. I'm going to try and get some more sleep. Will you be ok down here all by yourself?"

Miyuki nodded.

So, Sakura stood, quietly leaving her cup in the sink to be taken care of in the morning. In bed, Sakura found sleeping much easier then she had in days, and dreamed pleasantly of nothing at all.

Miyuki sat for the rest of the night and into the early morning in her chair, wondering to herself bout many a things. She wondered about Sakura's dreams. She wondered what Sai was doing at that moment. She wondered if Airashii was sleeping all right. She wondered about the feeling in her heart that told her something bad was going to happen; for all of the horrible things that had already occurred, something in her gut told her they were about to get worse. She wondered about Naruto.

Yes, most of all, she wondered about Naruto .

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Too much in me_

_Too much for thee_

_The pain can't stop_

_I'll die_

_I'll drop_

_If it'll just...just stop_

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ren stood quietly next to yet another social worker, her third one since she'd lived at the rehab center. She frowned deeply, saddened by what had happened. Naruto, Miyuki, Airashii, and Sai had been gone for so long, and she missed them so much. And the worst of it all, she would never get to see then again. The woman standing next to her had explained it. She was leaving the rehab center to go live with a nice new family. She said these people would be her new parents and would take very good care of her.

But Ren didn't want a new family. At least, not a family that had a daddy or mommy. The last one's she'd had hadn't been very good_ or_ nice.

Ren was out in the cold early January air with this social worker, who seemed to have gotten lost on the way to her new home. Ren was happy for this, she didn't want a new family. She liked the one she'd found at the rehab center. With Miyuki and Airashii and said and Naruto. She liked her new family a lot. So, when the social worker was busy trying to ask someone where the address they were looking was, Ren snuck away into the busy crowds.

And she ran. Ran as fast as her little legs would carry her.

She'd over heard some of the bigger people in the center whispering about how they'd heard that Naruto had ended up in the hospital. That's where she wanted to go. Ren wanted to say goodbye to him. He'd been so wonderful to her, it was the least she could do.

Right?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hinata walked briskly down the cold morning street, heart bursting in joy. Last night she'd received a small note, saying how Naruto would be aloud to have visitors starting the next day. It was in the Hokage's hand writing, stamped with the official seal of office. It had been hard for her to sleep the night before, her happiness was so potent. She thought surly, if they were finally allowing visitors in, he was getting better from whatever had been ailing him. She smiled to herself, rubbing her hands in an attempt to warm them.

She continued on for some time, smiling almost stupidly to herself, when she came upon a strange sight. The little girl she'd met during her second visit at the rehab center stood near the corner of an alleyway, looking very confused and scared.

"Excuse me, are you lost?"

The little girl turned towards her, a look of recognition crossing her features.

"I not know where go!" she said in her broken language.

"Well, where are you trying to get to?" Hinata asked, walking closer to the girl.

"Ren want go to hospital. Sick place. I see Naruto before I leave, Ren say bye."

"Well, where do you have to go to that you have to say goodbye to Naruto?"

"New home. That what lady say. Social lady worker."

"Oh, I see. Well I was just about to go there myself and visit him. Would you like to come?"

Ren nodded.

"Well, lets get going, shall we?" Hinata said, holding out her hand for Ren to take.

Ren stared very warily at the hand for a moment before tentatively grasping it lightly.

They were quick to find their way to the hospital, Hinata showing the Hokage's note when told by the rather too skinny woman at the front desk that Naruto was still not allowed to have visitors. Though confused as to why she had not been informed about the change, the woman allowed Hinata access to the room.

Climbing the stairs and finding their way to his room, Hinata found a wave of nervousness wash over her. Something felt…off. For whatever reason, something just felt odd. She shook the feelings off, willing the sense of excitement of seeing her friend wash over her instead.

"Are you ready?" Hinata

Ren nodded.

Hinata turned the handle to the door, let it swing open slightly, and walked in, Ren in tow.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Monkey Man stood on the hospital's roof, watching the sun rise higher and higher in the sky. He leisurely smoked a cigar, the cigarettes gone for the moment as he basked in what would be a momentous day. He could feel it.

He had placed everything in order. He'd practiced day and night for the last two weeks on copying the current Hokage's handwriting. Had risked life and limb to steal a copy of her official seal and get it back to her office without someone noticing. He had slipped the note he'd written up underneath the one and only Hinata Hyuuga's windowsill for her to find in the morning. He'd arrived at the hospital at five in the morning to set up the specialty chakra barrier he'd whipped up just for the occasion, one that kept any and all noise from leaving the room of the monster. He didn't want someone to interfere before he'd made his damages.

He'd done it all; everything was in place for him to strike. All he had to do was get the monster to pay attention while he did the deed.

The Monkey Man carefully put the cigar out, pocketing it for later enjoyment and slipped on his mask. He quickly made his way down the side of the building, easily entering the beast's room through the sole window. He had become more accustomed to the blank stare that had become ever present on the cretin's face. He liked it better when it was filled with fear, but he'd learned to deal. He was quick to start his torments.

"Hey little monster, I bet you don't know why I'm here, do you?"

As expected, he received no reply.

"Well, I'll let you in on the fun before it all gets started, ok? You know that little promise we made about how if you didn't tell anyone about our night of fun, I wouldn't have to do the same or worse to those you love? Well, I've kind of decided I don't want to do that anymore. It's come to my attention that I much rather like the idea of just killing your friends and making it look like you did it. I mean, in the mental state you've been in lately, it wouldn't be a very far stretch for you to do such a thing, now would it?"

To the Monkey Man's great surprise, the beast's mouth twitched. It had been the first sign of life he'd seen out of it in all of the illegal visits he'd made to the hospital. Despite his surprise, he grinned. Now at least he had the thing's attention.

"Yes, I've made up my mind. Do you know, little monster, who I plan to kill first? I'll give you a few hints. She's got this lovely short blue black hair, pale eyes, and the finest rack on a twelve year old I've ever seen. Sure, females aren't exactly my forte, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate early well endowed body parts, if you know what I mean."

At this, the beast's fingers twitched. The Monkey Man's smile grew.

"What's that, you give up? Oh, then I'll just have to tell you then. I'm planning to kill little shy Hinata, if you must know. And you know what's best about how I'm going to do it? Do you?"

The monster's eyes blinked lazily.

"I'm going to do it right in front of you, in this very room. Don't worry, I'll make it quick. I'll just slice her throat, wham, bam, thank you ma'am and I'll be out of here. I'll leave you to watch her bleed out if that's fine with you."

"…no…"

The word can from the thing lying in the bed, so weak the Monkey Man almost didn't hear it.

"Too late, I've made up my mind."

He lend down over the beast, lifting his mask away from his face to allow just his lips hovering over the beast's own. He stared into the monster's eyes, wondering.

"How can you look so much like him? Has that been the real test? To destroy and rid the world of a monster that looks so much like the one I loved?" The Monkey Man unintentionally spoke out loud, placing a tender kiss on the beast's mouth.

Tears welled up in the blue eyes that no longer stared at nothing. As the Monkey Man drew away, he could see they were darting around wildly, eyes shinning with tears yet not spilled.

"…please…don't…she's done…nothing…"

"That, monster, is what makes her the perfect victim. The one I loved never did anything but good deeds. And what did you do to him? You killed him. It's only fair that I return the favor."

The Monkey Man started as he felt the chakra signal he'd been waiting for neared the room, accompanied by another. He smiled even bigger when he realized who was with his soon to be victim.

"You know, I don't know if fate is on my side today, but from what I can tell, Hinata-chan has also brought along a little friend. You know, I think it might be that really young girl from the rehab center who seemed to have taken a liking to you."

Tears were now pouring down Naruto's face.

"…please…"

The Monkey Man backed into the corner behind the door, waiting.

"Too late, monster." He whispered.

The door handle turned and in walked Hinata and Ren, all smiles and happiness.

"…no…" was all Naruto managed before the Monkey Man struck.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Naruto lay at the very bottom of his sea, knowing he should be highly concerned with his current predicament. The dark cloud that had been above his sea was now keeping him stuck at the very bottom. It had moved so much that it literally was only two feet away from his face from where he lay. Kyuubi had done his best at keeping it away from him. But alas, everyday that he had kept it away from Naruto, it only seemed to gain strength and get heavier.

Naruto had to hand it to Kyuubi, he hadn't been shitting around when he said he wasn't ready to die.

**-**_**…kid…bad…that guy's here…-**_

Even in his numb sea, Naruto could still always make out perfectly what the Monkey Man said when he came for his short visits.

"Thanks for the warning." Naruto said to Kyuubi, who silently went back to work keeping the cloud from touching him with all his might.

"_Hey little monster, I bet you don't know why I'm here, do you?"_

Ignoring the words had been the best way to go so far. Naruto didn't see any reason to change what he'd been doing.

"_Well, I'll let you in on the fun before it all gets started, ok? You know that little promise we made about how if you didn't tell anyone about our night of fun, I wouldn't have to do the same or worse to those you love? Well, I've kind of decided I don't want to do that anymore. I'd much rather just kill your friends and make it look like you did it. I mean, in the mental state you've been in lately, it wouldn't be a very far stretch for you to do such a thing, now would it?"_

Despite himself, he felt the sea around him flicker as a shock of pure panic struck him square in the chest. He felt his mouth twitch. He knew what he had to do.

**-…what'…wrong…?-**

"I have to go up. You heard him. I can't let him do that. I have to go up." For the first time in weeks, Naruto heard his voice laced with an emotion. For the first time in weeks, Naruto remembered what fear tasted like.

**-…don't…!-**

"I have to try."

"_Yeah, I've made up my mind. Do you know, little monster, who I plan to kill first? I'll give you a few hints. She's got this lovely short blue black hair, pale eyes, and the finest rack on a twelve year old I've ever seen. Sure, females aren't exactly my forte, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate early developed well endowed body parts, if you know what I mean." _

Naruto's panic had begun to rise to a level of hysteria. He sat up in his numb sea, its cool waters now unable to shelter his heart from the pain the words the Monkey Man spoke brought onto him. He looked toward the dark cloud suspended over him. In one shaky but determined motion, he stood up into it and began to swim to the surface.

**-KID!-**

Naruto didn't respond. He had become overwhelmed with the dark cloud that had begun to pour its knowledge into his mind. So many things it wanted him to know all at one time, so many concepts to understand. It whispered of the secrets of life. It sang the songs of histories forever lost. It wanted him to know everything, to connect with everything, even though it knew there was not enough room in his mind to contain it all.

Even with so much trying to pour into him, Naruto still swam upward. Even though he was already exhausted, he willed himself to continue on. He had to.

"_What's that, you give up? Oh, then I'll just have to tell you then. I'm planning to kill little shy Hinata, if you must know. And you know what's best about how I'm going to do it? Do you?"_

Everything hurt. It hurt to swim. It hurt to continue up. It hurt to try and block out the thoughts the dark could was trying to pound into him. Oh, it hurt to even think!

"_I'm going to do it right in front of you, in this very room. Don't worry, I'll make it quick. I'll just slice her throat, wham, bam, thank you ma'am and I'll be out of here. I'll leave you to watch her bleed out if that's fine with you."_

"…no…"

Naruto could feel his mouth say the word in a whisper, even through he had tried to scream with all of his might.

"_Too late, I've made up my mind."_

The more he swam upwards, the more aware he became of his body, and of what Kyuubi was saying.

**-Go back down! You'll destroy yourself! Get back down you idiot!-**

"The cloud doesn't want me to die; it just wants me to know all the things it knows. It just wants me to know how to use its power. I can feel it. "

**-You don't think I know that? It might not have left its knowledge behind when it passed over **_**me**_**, but it still showed me enough to know you won't be able to deal with it all! I know how much it expects you take in, how much power it wants to give you. You'll die from it, it's too much!-**

"I have to stop him though. I can't let that happen to her. She can't die because of me!"

Naruto finally surfaced from the sea. He let himself be lifted through the dark smog of the cloud. Let himself come back to reality. His eyes focused and he could see and feel the outside world without filters once again. Instinctively, hi eyes dart around the room, not use to the semi bright light that came into the room via the opened window. At the same moment, he could feel dimly Kyuubi weakly try to grasp onto the cloud that wanted to follow him into reality. It wanted to show him what he could do with its power, with its knowledge. It wanted to swallow him up. It wanted him to use it.

It wanted him to let it out.

"How can you look so much like him? Has that been the real test? To destroy and rid the world of a monster that looks so much like the one I loved?" The Monkey Man unintentionally spoke out loud, placing a tender kiss on Naruto's mouth.

He recoiled at the touch. His eyes were tearing. Was he angry? Was he scared? He couldn't tell anymore. It was all so mixed up in his head, he just couldn't tell which feelings were which. He could feel, somewhere deep inside him, Kyuubi was having more and more trouble keeping the cloud from swallowing him up completely. The whispered promises for knowledge and power were making it hard to concentrate. All he knew was that he had to somehow protect Hinata. He had to try.

"…please…don't…she's done…nothing…"

Even to him, his disused voice sounded unbearably weak.

"That, monster, is what makes her the perfect victim. The one I loved never did anything but good deeds. And what did you do to him? You killed him. It's only fair that I return the favor."

Naruto struggled to get his muscles to work, the two straight weeks of inactivity taking their toll as Naruto found that all he could manage was propping himself further up on the pillows that rested behind his back. He watched the Monkey Man as he tilted his head towards the door, pulling his mask back over his lips.

"You know, I don't know if fate is on my side today, but from what I can tell, Hinata's also brought along a little friend. You know, I think it might be that really young girl from the rehab center who seemed to have taken a liking to you."

The tears in his eyes spilled now. Somewhere inside of him, he could feel Kyuubi's grip lessen just the slightest bit more.

"…please…"

"_Too late, monster."_ He whispered.

The door handle turned and in walked Hinata and Ren, all smiles and happiness.

"…no…" was all Naruto managed before the Monkey Man struck.

Hinata was the first one to be taken down. Naruto could see it in her eyes that she'd realized a second too late that something not friendly was in the room. The Monkey Man only needed that split second before she attacked to deal the fatal blow. Blood splattered everywhere, bits of it even managing to get onto the ceiling. Hinata collapsed onto the floor, a sickening gurgling noise issuing from her as she choked on her own blood.

Ren screamed at the sight. Naruto tried desperately to get to her, to get his body off the bed and protect her. But the Monkey Man was quick to make work of her as well. By time Naruto had managed to fall out of bed, his weakened legs unable to hold himself up, Ren's neck had already been snapped.

"…no…please no." Naruto desperately pulled himself across the floor, weakly touching Hinata's cheek. Her eyes stared at him, still alive enough to frighten him with the fear and confusion wrought within them. The gurgling had not stopped coming from her mouth, and the blood gushing from her formed a puddle that grew by the second.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…" Naruto whispered to her as his already exhausted body collapsed next to her dying one. He sobbed as he listened to her give one last gnarled attempted at a breath. He'd been too weak to call for help or to even try to defend her.

Naruto lay there sobbing uncontrollably as words upon words of apologies stammered from his mouth. Neither of the girls he was asking forgiveness from was alive anymore, but it didn't damper his attempts.

"See, that wasn't so bad, now was it? Why, they didn't even have much time to feel the pain." The Monkey Man said, dragging Naruto away by a leg from where he'd been trying to cradle Hinata's limp head against his shoulder.

"No, no no, no…" Naruto said, trying with all his might to scream.

"Don't worry beast, I've made sure no one would be able to hear anything." The Monkey Man harshly threw Naruto against the nearest wall, forcefully propping him up against it.

Naruto's blurred eyesight did not move from either of the crumpled bodies. Kyuubi's grip slaked even more, the cloud's voice ever present in his ear growing more and more prominent. It told him he could get revenge. Told him it would be so easy if he used that inner power. He could do what he did to the rehab's hallway with just a whim of thought. He could do that to the Monkey Man if he wanted. All he had to do was just let go and give in.

"Like I already said, I'm not too fond of girls, or dead bodies either, when it comes to sex. But I think I'll make an exception here. You'll watch, of course, since I've gone through the trouble to prop you up and everything! What a sight it'll be for poor Hinata's family. She'll be so mangled they'll barely recognize her. Oh I wish I could see their faces! And even better, they'll think you did it all. Killed her, raped her dead body, and tore her to shreds. I've no doubt you'll be swimming up to your eyeballs in guilt by the end of the week!"

It was so hard to ignore what the cloud was saying now. There was just so much rage inside of him, so much sadness. All he wanted to do was destroy this man, this beastly human being. He wanted to tear him down, layer by layer until there wasn't even enough left of him to satisfy the smallest animal's hunger. He wanted it to hurt. He wanted this man to know every pain he'd ever felt at his hands, but ten fold and then ten folded again! He wanted to hurt this Monkey Man more then he'd ever wanted anything else in his entire life. It wasn't fair, none of it was. He'd never done a thing to hurt anyone. Neither had Morima. Or Ren. Or Hinata.

Why? Why had this all happened?

**-…kid…I can't hold it…- **

The Kyuubi's words echoed weakly inside of him. The demon had spent itself, it's grip on the cloud only there now due to sheer force of will.

"It's ok, just let it go." Naruto spoke out loud, tears still streaming down his face as he closed his eyes and waited.

"What did you say, little beast?" The Monkey Man asked, his masked face hovering over Naruto's.

But at this point, Naruto wasn't even listening anymore.

Kyuubi's grasp finally vanished completely, and with it the full weight of the cloud fell onto Naruto's mind. He could feel power unlike anything ever before coursing through him as if it were his very own blood. It was the same power that let him hold a marble in mid air, the same that accidently tore up tile and glass and drywall in the rehab's hallway. It was that same power, but at the same time it was so much more then he'd ever thought it would be. It pulsed through him like a living thing and he was so suddenly acute to all that was around him that he gave out a sharp gasp. He opened his eyes, tears stopped for the moment by awe. The room was suddenly so much more then just a room. The walls pulsed with energy he could see, the wind outside was layered in colors. He could see the souls of Hinata and Ren making their slow journeys from their dead bodies, climbing through the air as if ascending to higher places. Though he did not know how he knew the wispy trails of light seeping from the two bodies were in fact their souls, he simply knew. The air buzzed with warm static, memories the walls of the room had trying to seep into his already too crowded mind. A dying father, a new born baby in a mother's arms, a burn victim that survived, and more streamed into his mind, their faces melting into one great blob.

Naruto could have stayed in the state of awed euphoria, simply taking every last detail his hospital room had to offer. That was until the Monkey Man snapped him out of it.

"Little shit, answer me when I talk!" the Monkey Man said to Naruto as he slapped him smartly across the cheek.

Naruto started, confused for only a moment before he remembered where he was. Before he remembered what had happened.

"You'll watch this, you understand? Or I'll just have to have my way with you again? We don't want that, now do we?"

Naruto's blood boiled. So hot was his rage, so horrible was his furry, that the power instinctively fed off of it and acted without his conscious thought. He felt his invisible appendages reach out and grasp the Monkey Man tightly around the throat, pushing him up against the far wall and holding him there. Slowly, ever so slowly, Naruto managed to make it to his own two feet. With the same slowness, he all but hobbled over to where the Monkey Man stood, grasping at hands he couldn't see.

"What…are…you doing…to me!?" the Monkey Man wheezed out form behind his mask.

"I'm making sure you can't hurt me or anyone I love ever again."

With one deep breath, Naruto summoned all of the cloud's newly bestowed power and shoved it into the Monkey Man. All of the pain, all of the depression, anger, loathing, and blood red rage that had bottled up in the young boy's heart spilled forth and granted their gifts upon the Monkey Man's mind. He screamed, he screamed like a wild animal does just as it realizes its about to die and has no chance of escape. Just as Naruto began to grin, something in the power changed, shifted even. More knowledge intruded onto his mind, more power then he could control spilled from him. He saw, and with a rather satisfied disgust, as the Monkey Man's body convulsed wildly as limb by limb ruptured their sweet red blood onto the floor. The screams became louder as even more power traveled through Naruto and into the other's body. They stopped very quickly though when the rest of the man exploded too.

And that was when things started to spiral out of control. Naruto knew what this was, dimly, but he knew what was happening to him. Sai had explained it in passing, when he had asked why it was so important that he not let his inner wall break. It was why so few people like himself lived past the few days of their inner walls breaking. It was the Backlash.

Agony unlike any other built up behind his eyes, inside his head. He now was the one screaming, writhing on the floor as image after image, thought after thought, lesson after lesson crashed down upon him in even greater force.

It wanted out. All of this power wanted out. He knew it.

He knew though, if he did let it out, he would die. And everyone else in the village too. For a second, amongst all the images and thoughts that swam in his mind, a perfect picture of his friends came into view. He knew, right then and there, that there was no way he could let anyone else he loved die because of him.

Naruto reached with the very fiber of his being and gathered up all the power that had already leaked from with in him. He held it. He held it all in the very center of himself, pushing it down to the core of his being. Every second felt like an eternity to hold it, to keep trying to push such a huge amount of power down. But he held fast. For him, there was no other choice.

**-Kid! What are you doing?!-**

Naruto didn't have the energy to even try and answer Kyuubi.

**-You can't stop it now! Let it go Naruto! You can't stop it now-**

With a loud, definite cry, Naruto answered him.

"YES I CAN!"

Again, something changed in the power, something shifted. Instead of trying to push against him, it suddenly started to pull. It began to pull him sharply down, back deep into himself. But he could tell it wasn't just pulling him back down into the very core of himself.

The power was pulling the entirety of Konoha Village's inhabitants down with him.

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On January 8th, the strangest of things happened to all of the citizens of Konoha. From an outsider looking in, one might see that everyone suddenly up and gasped and fell asleep where they were. But to someone who had been there on that day, to someone who was there to see what was to be seen that day, it was just the beginning.

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_**More often then not, what is known as the "Backlash" or "Recoil" that a newly awakened Infractus experiences at the time of their Inner Wall breaking is very dangerous for others to be near. This event always involves a sudden and huge output of energy from the Infractus, causing destruction and death to those in its path. There have been three recorded cases, though, where this "Backlash" has not worked in its normal way. What seems to happen in cases such as these is that the souls of people caught in the range of the "Backlash" are pulled from their bodies and are forced to enter the mind of the Infractus. It is as if the "Backlash" is reversed, and instead of the power pushing itself out of the new Infractus, it pulls everything inwards.**_

_**In each case, the souls of the people eventually returned to their bodies, unharmed and intact. In all three cases, the witnesses reported to have experienced the memories and recollections of the individual Infractus.**_

_**When asked what such a sensation was like, all witnesses answered with something along the line of **__"It was like we walked right into the heart of hell."_

Excerpt from **History of the Akuma Clan **(chapter 9)

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…please…please don't hate me. I like Hinata just as much as the next person; in fact, she's one of my favorite characters. This was defiantly not a personal vendetta or something of the sort. I'd been planning this to happen for a very long while. She was supposed to die from the very beginning, so it wasn't some light, on a whim decision I made……..I just wanted to reassure you guys of that. Look on the bright side of things, at least the Monkey Man's dead now!! Right??

*dead silence*

…yeah, I didn't think it would help much reminding you guys of that, but at least I tried…

Another thing: the 'dark cloud' in Naruto's mind, it's what lies behind everyone's inner wall. It's the connection the person has to the earth, all that is on it, and all that has ever been on it. It's the thing that connects everyone to the past, present, future and each other. Since Naruto is now completely aware of this connection, he could one day learn how to control the tings around him (ex: breaking down walls and picking things up without ever touching them, psychokinetic powers in general, etc.) So, when that wall breaks and someone meets that "cloud", poof, all hell breaks loose!! You'll learn more about this in the next chapter, but I put this little thing here to save me from trying to answer the same possible question many times (ie: What's with the cloud thing?)

Ps: Again, sorry for the slow updates, I really, truly am. If I had my way, I'd be popping out a chapter at least every week or two. But, as it is, God (or whatever other higher being that exists) has just really not being loving on my family/life this year. I'll tell you guys all about it in the next chapter, but for right now I'm just content to say this: I'm so happy I'm almost done with High School and, most of all, I'm just happy I managed to have kept my sanity intact after this entire year of just shitty luck.


	20. Happiness

_Note: _Dear reader, if you wish for your reading of this particular chapter of "Even When he Smiles" to be intensified via a playlist of songs that I feel not only fit, but exemplify the tone and attitude of this chapter, please go to the end of this chapter before continuing. If you don't care either way, go right ahead and read to your heart's content!

January 8

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_Watching you drown  
I'll follow you down  
And I am here right beside you  
The lights in the sky  
Have finally arrived  
I am staying right beside you_

**_Lights in the Sky _**by** Nine Inch Nails**

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Sasuke awoke in a hazy pain, head throbbing along to the beat of his heart. His throat was unbearably dry, tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth uncomfortably. His body felt heavy and haggard, as if he'd been put through some sort of god awful training session. He wiggled his fingers and toes tentatively, glad to find that, despite his uncalled for fatigue, he still seemed to be in working order. Sasuke groaned, rolled over onto his back, and pressed his palms to his eyes, hoping to alleviate the pain that was slowly ebbing from his head. If the day ever came where he ended up drinking himself silly and woke up with a hangover, he would imagine that it would feel something like this.

After what felt like another minute or two, Sasuke dared to open his eyes. What greeted him was, needless to say, surprising. A dark ceiling so high that it looked like it had no end to it peered back at him. Carefully sitting up, he looked around to find fellow Konoha ninjas and civilians alike all in similar states of bewilderment and semi-arousal. Slowly, Sasuke got to his feet, nearly falling back down as soon as he had. His legs felt weak enough to buckle underneath his weight and his vision spun so violently that he had to resist the urge to throw up. Closing his eyes once more and bending, he put his hands on his knees, hoping that the world would eventually stop spinning. After several, deep, calming breaths, he cracked open an eye, bracing himself for another handicapping wave of dizziness. When no such thing happened, Sasuke fully opened both eyes and stood up right.

He glanced around again, still not understanding where he might even be. The room (could it even really be considered a room if it had the capacity to hold an entire village in it?) seemed to be painted black, for Sasuke could not see where one wall ended and another began. Looking back to the ceiling, he noted another oddity. Whatever was lighting the place, whatever was making it possible for him to see his surroundings, he couldn't find it's source. For all he saw, no light fixtures hung from anywhere. It was as if the light just...was.

Turning his attention away from wherever the lights were coming from, Sasuke's sluggish mind tried very hard to answer the next question that came to it: What the hell had happened?

Because all he could think back on last was heading out of his house to get some milk and then waking up not but a few minutes ago. What had happened between the two was a big nothing. A very big nothing that had Sasuke very, very concerned.

"Sasuke!" he swung his head around, eventually spotting Sakura making her way towards him.

Sasuke made to move to her, stopping in surprise as he noticed another peculiarity of the room. The floor was covered in about two inches of what looked like brackish water. How he had not noticed it before when he was laying down in it, he would never know.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sasuke's attention was once again on his teammate.

"What's going on?" he asked her as soon as she was in front of him.

"No one knows. Hokage-sama is trying account for everyone, to make sure we're all safe. Almost everyone is accounted for."

Sasuke's face hardened.

"Who isn't accounted for?"

Sakura bit her lip nervously.

"No one can seem to find Naruto or Hinata."

Sasuke sighed heavily, looking around at those milling around. To his astonishment, he spotted a very confused Shikamaru talking to an equally befuddled Kiba. The fact that the two were talking wasn't what surprised him. It was the fact that Kiba was standing on his own two feet and Shikamaru was holding out his left arm for others to see, gesturing to it wildly, that made Sasuke do a double take.

It was at this point he again looked to Sakura, silently asking her for some sort of explination. She bit her lip again, worrying it enough to bring blood to the surface.

"No one knows where we are or what happened. All anyone can remember is what they were doing last and then just...nothing. Everyone is starting to get scared. Even Hokage-sama's getting worried."

Sasuke shook his head, quietly wracking his brain for something, anything, that would make sense of what was going on. No one knowing where they were or what was going on, two recently disabled people able to work body parts that hadn't worked in almost a month...

"Where the hell are we?" he quietly asked himself, fear trying to taint his otherwise calm mind.

**_-I can tell you all where you are.-_**

A voice, ancient, tired, and deeply accented in a way he'd never heard before, rang out from all around them. Sasuke, along with the rest of Konoha, spun around, trying to figure where the voice had come from.

"Who was that?"

"Where'd it come from?"

"Mommy, I'm scared!"

"Help! Help us!"

A litany of words and voices began to rise in panic as the source of the unexpected voice could not be found. The sound of it all grew and grew, panic bubbling onto hysteria as the sounds resounded upon each other. Echoing one after another after another until the whole room was filled with nothing but a chaotic playback of sounds.

Until the voice rang out again.

**_-STOP IT! Calm yourselves!-_**

And all at once, the voices, the echoes, everything, stopped. Everyone had fallen silent in fear.

**_-Good. Now that you've all settled down again, I can continue. You want to know where you all are, right?-_**

The silence stretched on, no one brave enough to answer the bodyless voice.

**_-I'll take your silence as a yes then. Well, as hard as this may be for anyone of you to believe, but one way or another, you've all seemed to have taken housing within my container's mind for the time being.-_**

The sound of people shuffling through water nervously and mumbled confusion broke the tense silence. A question that rose from the crowd, however, shattered it.

"If you don't mind me asking, but who exactly are you? Why can't we see you? Are you shy?"

Sasuke's head, again along with everyone else, turned toward the voice. He was surprised to see that the voice had come from none other then Miyuki Akuma.

"What are you doing, trying to get us killed?" a man near her hissed.

"We can't exactly get anywhere if we don't ask whatever is talking to us questions, now can we?" she said simply.

A growling chuckle filled the air.

**_-Are you so sure girl? You're all in a place very unfamiliar to you, speaking to a voice whose body you can't even see. Do you honestly believe that is the smartest thing to do?-_**

Miyuki answered immediately, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"You, whatever you are, haven't tried to kill us yet. If you were really so awful or sinister, wouldn't you have already done that?"

The voice was gone for a beat or two.

**_-Such spunk. -_**

It was at this moment that something very peculiar happened. At a far end of the room where no one stood, some of the darkness began to melt into away, revealing a dingy, plaster wall. It wasn't the wall that made most of the villagers' neck hairs stand on ends. It was the vast cage that was built into it. It bars looked as if made by iron, old but sturdy. High upon it's bars lay a single piece of paper, it too high up and far away for anyone to read the script across it. Within, all anyone could see was darkness.

Miyuki, again, was the first to do anything. Gently pushing her way forward through the crowd, she made to walk over to the cage. As she passed Sakura grabbed her elbow, pulling her back and whispering to her.

"Miyuki, what are you doing? You can't just waltz up there all by yourself!"

Miyuki carefully pulled Sakura's hand away, giving it back to it's owner.

"Come with me then."

If Sasuke were a more humorous person, he would have chuckled at the look Sakura gave Miyuki in response.

"ME?! We can't go up there. We don't even know what that is!" she, voice suddenly three octaves higher than normal.

Miyuki grasped the other girl's hand firmly, continuing her path towards the bars.

"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I know who this is."

Sakura's protests died as she was all but dragged by the smaller girl over to the looming wall. Sasuke of course, followed. He might be just as wary as Sakura was of the structure, but he wasn't about to let on to anyone else about it. With as much bravado as he could muster, Sasuke followed the two girls, hoping no one saw through his false confidence.

The trio walked up to the bars, scared cries of protest and pleas to come back following their footsteps. Reaching their destination, Miyuki made to touch the bars that made up the cage, only to have Sakura pull her back once more.

"Miyuki, you can't be so reckless!"

**_- She's right you know, you really should be more careful.- _**the voice said, now resonating distinctly from behind the bars. No sooner had it said this did a huge, animal and savage face emerge from the blackness that they had been able to see behind the bars.

Sasuke could feel Sakura begin to shake in fear as she moved instinctively to his side, absolute terror overtaking her ninja training. Sasuke couldn't blame her. He was having issues of his own with trying not to get swallowed up by his own acidic distress. The thing's face was huge, it's fur haggard and disheveled looking. It's body towered over them like some unearthly, god-like icon, the orange fur here tattered and bleak, skin wrapping around an obviously emaciated body.

Sasuke had seen illustrations of the beast before. He'd heard the story how thirteen years ago the Fourth Hokage had sacrificed himself to save Konoha from it. Despite its beaten down and exhausted looking apperance, Sasuke would be a fool to not be able to recognize the demon beast Kyuubi.

He heard the entirety of the crowd behind them collectivly gasp and hold their breath. The fear, rising panic, and apprehension in the air was palpable.

"You're Kyuubi, right?" Miyuki said, having the audacity to speak, let alone smile up at the demon.

Sasuke's head sharply snapped towards Miyuki's way again. Really, if the girl had such a death wish, couldn't she do it at a time when it was only _her_ life on the line to worry about?

"Miyuki!" Sasuke heard Sakura hiss at her.

**_-Yes, I am the Kyuubi, Miyuki Akuma.-_**

"Would you mind telling us exactly where we are and how we might, you know, get out of here?"

"Miyuki!" Sakura hissed again, sheer terror causing her hands to shake.

"What?! I already told you, if we don't ask questions, we can't even start figuring out how to get out of here!" Miyuki replied mildly.

**_-I already told you I could tell you all your location. I can tell you how to get out of here, but it all depends on if you're all up for the task.-_**

it was at this point that some stupid, poor, frightened, brave soul from the rest of the crowd decided to speak his mind.

"Y-you monster! Are you trying to g-get revenge for all t-those years ago b-by keeping u-us hostage in this p-place?"

Kyuubi's calm, yet frightening aura began to boil at these words. Sasuke would swear to the very day of his death that he could actually _feel_ the heat of the fox's rage as it rolled off its body.

**_-This has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the one whom I've been sealed within.-_** It said, voice an icy volcano on the verge of exploding.

Sasuke, through his growing fear, found himself slightly starting at the word. What did it mean by sealed? Wasn't it dead? Hadn't it been defeated oh so long ago?

"Kyuubi-sama, please calm yourself." Tsunade called loudly, making her way to stand in front of Sasuke, Sakura, and Miyuki.

The growling chuckle sounded through the air once more at her words.

**_-Calm myself? CALM MYSELF?! Hokage, I am as calm right now as I'll ever be, especially with all that has happened these past few weeks.-_**

Tsunade squared her shoulders, Sasuke noticing the slight tremble her fingertips had to them.

"Kyuubi-sama, please, tell me what's happening. What's happened with Naruto?"

'Naruto?' Sasuke's increasingly confused mind wondered. 'What did any of this have to do with Naruto? Unless..'

"Hokage-sama, are we...are we all some how inside Naruto?" Sakura asked numbly, her voice echoing the words that Sasuke had already been forming in his head for all to hear.

**_-In his mind, to be specific, child. That is why the two youngsters over their can use their bodies like they use to.- _**Kyuubi answered, nodding his giant head toward where Shikamaru and Kiba stood.

Sasuke turned to look around at his surroundings again, the knowledge of where he was now adding a new dimension to it all. The dankness, the darkness, Kyuubi...especially Kyuubi. He looked at the vast cage once more, its existence within his teammate's mind telling him something about said teammate he was shamed to say he'd never even suspected. Naruto, deadlast Naruto, was the container of one of the greatest, most powerful demons known to man.

And Sasuke had never known.

It was at this point that noise started filling the room once more. The younger generations, the ones who never knew that this was what had become of the beast, began asking questions.

Had their parents known? Had it always been like this? Why hadn't they been told? _Why hadn't they been told?_

When their parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts; when no one would give them answers, preferring to not meet their eyes, they all turned to the cage. Along side the fear in their eyes now sat curiosity. They wanted to know the truth, but were too scared to ask the questions from the one source who would know everything about it.

Kyuubi sighed, the exhaustion evident as it answered the unasked questions of the younger generations of the village.

**_-No one a few years older then or of Naruto's generation and younger were to ever know I was still alive and that I was sealed within him. From what I've understood, it was to protect him from any discrimination and bigotry that might have arisen from such delicate knowledge being known to all. Naruto wasn't even told about the truth until about a year and a half ago, and that had been completly by accident.-_**

The older generations, for the most part, collectivly sighed, happy to not have to explain why their children were, as a whole, in the dark about something.

Kyuubi bristled at this audible sigh, his exhaustion melting away as a new onslaught of anger made his tattered looking fur stand on ends.

**_-Either way, the elder generations failed to secure this luxury for him, despite the fact that others his own age knew nothing about what he carried within him. Do not try to deny it. Not one of you here is free from the blame. Don't try to hide behind the excuse that you didn't know your children would notice the fact that you blatantly _ignored _him or told them discreetly that he was a bad child, that he shouldn't be made a friend. Don't try to tell yourselves that not even the smallest part of you knew that your children and grandchildren and nieces and nephews would be paying attention to the way you acted around him. Don't try to fool yourselves and say that it wasn't all your faults that almost no child ever wanted to play with Naruto when he was younger. That you all haven't played some role in landing yourselves here. If anyone of you can say that you've never held some sense, even an ounce of entirely misplaced hostility towards my container, then tell me right here. I dare anyone of you.-_**

The dead silence had resumed. That was, until Miyuki spoke again.

"I don't think I'm at fault. Or Airashii. Or some of the other people at the rehab center. I've only lived here for two years, and I just met Naruto a little while ago." Sakura was too terrified at this point to bring herself to scold the other girl for speaking out of term. Again.

At this, Kyuubi paused and lowed its massive head down to her face level.

**_-You and a few others may be an exception, little one, but please understand that for the most part, this village has needed a good talking down to for a long, long time.-_**

"I know." she said simply, pulling away from Sakura to walk past Tsunade to reach her hand through the bars and place it on Kyuubi's larger than life nose. "Can you still tell us how we can even be here and how we can get out? Please?"

Kyuubi shifted, pulling his nose from her hand, sitting back up.

**_-You all came to be here by what can only be described as a freak accident. The real how and why is not mine to tell, but you all in good time will come to learn exactly how and why this has happened. All I am willing to tell you as of now is that, essentially, all of your souls have been pulled from your bodies for the moment and you are now all but wandering the labyrinth that is Naruto Uzumaki's mind. To find your way out, you must all find Naruto.-_**

At theses words, a few people in the crowd looked around rather dully, as if the boy would pop up at his name.

"And where do we find him, exactly?" Tsunade asked.

**_-You all must follow the path through his memories.- _**He said simply, a path of faint light simmering underneath the water coming to life at his words. It led to a pair of simply decorated, massive doors.

Sasuke looked up at Kyuubi, wondering if it was being serious.

**_-You all must trasveres both the good times and bad times he's had in his life if you hope to ever be free.-_**

"What if we find him before going through all of his memories? Will we be aloud to leave then?" Sasuke recognized his teacher's voice ask.

**_-You won't find him before everything's over. He's buried himself as far as he can in his mind. I can't even feel him anymore.-_**

There was a tone to Kyuubi's last words that caught Sasuke off guard. As he walked through and descended down the stairs behind the massive doors, he finally realized exactly what the tone in the demon's voice had been.

The fact that the Kyuubi was terrified that he could no longer feel where Naruto was inside his own mind did not sit well with Sasuke. It didn't sit well with him at all.

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_Happiness is in the eye of the beholder_

_What you see as Sad_

_May be my Happy_

_What I see as Normal_

_May be your Disturbing_

_Normalcy is in the mind of the holder_

_----------------------------------------------------------------------_

Sakura made her descent down the stairs, keeping her pace slow in hopes to not trip on anyone. This was all so...weird. She had not been expecting when she woke this morning that she would be taking a literal trip down a memory lane.

She chuckled humorlessly to herself and proceeded to trip over her own two feet. She caught herself against a wall just in time to not cause a domino effect with all the other villagers traveling along the stairs.

"You ok?"

Sakura was not surprised to find Airashii beside her, holding his hand out for her to take. Which she did, grateful for the small support.

"I'm fine. I'm just a klutz sometimes, you know?"

Airashii nodded, calmly leading her down the poorly lit way.

Sakura smiled to herself, wondering how the sheer oddness of the whole situation didn't have Airashii in a tizz like everyone else. She had to wonder to herself if he was _always _this calm. Slowly, ever so slowly, they all reached the bottom of the stairs, the crowd pooling into a new room. It would be more appropriate to call it a new world, or so Sakura felt.

The sky was streaked with colors, all trying to decide at once whether the sun was rising or setting. The ground was a mismatched patchwork of lush green grass with wild flowers and fall leaves blowing in a wind no one could feel. The air's scent changed constantly from warm earth, sugar cinnamon baking, ramen, and blood. While it was all somewhat beautiful and dazzling, Sakura couldn't help the sense of unease that filled her body at the sight of this world.

The sky's colors changed too quickly; the sporadic flashes of red to orange to violet to yellow to blue black were almost painful to watch. The grass looked too lush and too green, the flowers too perfect, as if it all had been made out of plastic; the fall leaves like old, forgotten tissue paper. The smells were nice for the most part. Except...it always seemed to linger longest on the scent of blood.

Sakura tried her very best to shake her sense of dread, when the most odd thing happened. A boy no older then six suddenly stood before her, tugging on her skirt. Normally, Sakura was a sucker for young children; they were just too cute not to hug. But this one, she noted with some astonishment, looked just like Naruto had when he was just that age.

"Hello Sakura." he said simply, letting her skirt fall from his grip.

"Naruto?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, we are a part of him." he said with a small nod and a smile Sakura found to be radiant. At this, he began to levitate, gaining altitude until he was far enough off the ground that the whole village could see him.

"Welcome!" he said, his voice carrying in a way that, if one was in the real world, would not be possible without some very large speakers.

"You have all safely arrived at the first part of your adventure. You will meet all of us eventually, and by 'we' and 'us' and 'our' I mean the other emotions you will see on you adventures here that make up the person you know as 'Naruto'. Singularly, I am known as Happiness. I am the embodied collection of this soul's good memories and all that those entail."

Everyone stared at the boy as he once again descended to stand amongst the crowd.

"Walk with me, see what makes us happy. See what makes us smile. Come, come!" he said, pulling in front of the group, taking the lead.

When no one followed, he turned back and beckoned to them.

"You all must see. That is the point of these adventures. See and understand what makes us the way we are. Come!"

They followed now, clustered together, no one excited for these 'adventures'. Sakura walked amongst them, still hand and hand with Airashii. As she walked, she began to see things, to feel things that some part of her knew she'd never felt before.

The joy of receiving your first real birthday gift after thirteen years of no one even noticing. The warmth of having a friend, and actual friend, to love and smile with. The hope the sunset brought, reassuring you that, yes, you did survive another day. The contentment the sunrise gave you, its first rays telling you that you had made it through another night. The excitement in finding out that no, your house hadn't been broken into! The dreamy haze drugs could give you once you shot it up far enough into your nose. The satisfaction a blade could give you once it had cut deeply enough into your skin; the coppery smell of blood that lingered afterwards always soothing.

As soon as it had started, it stopped. Sakura blinked, looking around. Others, like her, were slightly stupefied. Had that been all it had been? That was all?!

"It ended much quicker then most of you were expecting, I see."

Sakura started at Happiness' voice, accidentally letting go of Airashii's hand. The boy hovered over their heads again, smiling his radiant smile. Except now, Sakura could tell it wasn't as radiant as she had first thought it been.

"There have been so few real moments of happiness in our life, I'm made up of very little. See, I'm so much of a shadow, I can't even touch any of you." he said, passing seamlessly through the torso's of people to prove his point.

"We're not even sure if what we consider happiness to be real happiness. We can't tell if its normal, but all of you will."

Sakura's stomach dropped at the words. When she'd been walking through those memories, as everyone around her was discovering that was what they were as well, none of it had felt strange or odd or disheartening. But in hindsight...in hindsight it was all so bad.

What sort of life would leave someone excited about the fact that they hadn't been robbed that day? That the sunset brought you hope that you had _survived_, not lived, not enjoyed, another day? What sort of life left someone seeking _satisfaction_ from their own self-mutilation?

"I have shown you all I can. I know it has not been much, but fear not, those who come after me have much more to spare you!" Happiness called, ushering peole towards another set of massive doors that had appeared as they had stopped moving.

"Happiness, can I ask you something?" Sakura said warily, approaching him and wondering if she may regret expressing her curiosity.

"Yes, depending upon what you ask of me." the shadow boy said with his smile, pulling her to the side of the ever growing uneasy crowd.

"Well, I was wondering if you could tell me who we're all going to be seeing next."

Happiness' smile faltered for a second before it righted itself.

"You'll all be seeing the part of us named Despair. We call him other things like Loneliness and Sadness and even Self-loathing sometimes. But for the most part, he's just called Despair. After him, you'll meet Rage. We don't have any other names for Rage, he's just Rage. They will be much harder to view and conquer then I was."

"Is that all. Will we be done after we meet Rage?"

The smile faltered again. This time, it didn't right itself.

"We don't like to think about What comes after Rage. We don't talk about It if we can."

Sakura swallowed silently.

"Please Happiness, can you tell me who comes after Rage?"

The ghostly boy's image wavered for a moment before coming back into focus, face and voice blank of any emotion that might have been in them before.

"We call It the Dark. We don't think about It if we can."

As Sakura slowly let herself becoming one with the crowd again, a cold, sick thought hit her. If this disturbing child, this sad collection of what Naruto deemed to be his happier moments was the _easiest _part of all this, what sort of horrors were they to face yet?

With that thought weighing heavily on her heart, she madly looked for Airashii's comforting hand in the crowd. Finding it after a few moments of searching, she grasped it tightly. Airashii looked at her once, focused back on the road in front of him and gave her own hand a gentle squeeze back. She tried to focus on it and it's comforting warmth. She tried to let her thoughts wander to the fact that even though they were the same height, and he was only about a year older then her, his hand already encompassed her own perfectly. But try as she might, her mind always flew right back to those horrible thoughts.

If that child, that disturbingly awful 'happiness' had been the easy part, then what in the hell were they supposed to do when they reached the part of Naruto's mind that even the parts of him called Despair and Rage were afraid to even _think_ about?

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Playlist of songs I think help this chapter along (just make up a Quicklist on Youtube):

1) Dreaming- Coraline OST

2) A Warm Place- Nine Inch Nails

3) Teardrop- Massive Attack

4) Ghost Children- Coraline OST

--------

Another note: though I don't refer to people in the way most Japanese people would (in the sense that Naruto Uzumaki would become Uzumaki Naruto), I like to keep the suffixes that go at the end at names sometimes. Why, you ask? I've come to discover that, especially when referring to characters like Tsunade and Kyuubi, the words "sir" or "ma'am" and what not don't always get across the sense of respect that I want the reader to feel. So, yeah, just letting you know.

Part two will be coming around within the next week or so...hopefully. Why'd I split it up, you ask? ...It was just going to be too angsty as one long chapter, that's why.

Also, for anyone reading this who may also be a fan of Fullmetal Alchemist, please be a dear friend and stop by my profile. I just put my next multi-chapter baby up ("SemiParallel") and I'd love to hear what ya'll think of it!

...yes, I _am_aware that self advertisement _is_ pathetic. Do I care at this exact moment? Sadly...no...


	21. Despair

January 8

-------------------------------------

Note: Again, dear reader, if you would like to intensify the reading of this particular chapter of "Even When he Smiles" with a nice playlist of songs, please head to the end of this chapter before beginning. If you don't care either way, go straight ahead and read to your heart's content!

----------------------------------------

**_"It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death_._"_**

- Mark Twain

_-------------------_

Kyuubi was, for as much as a demon could be, worried. Demons, especially ancient ones, don't worry in quite the same way humans do. They didn't bite their fingernails, they didn't count tiles on the floors or ceilings, they didn't pace back and forth in an irritated huff. Though, if the fox didhave a habit for pacing the floor when concerned about something, he wouldn't have had the energy for it at the moment anyways.

Keeping that cloud, that indescribable amount of power, from touching Naruto's mind had taken more out of him then even Kyuubi himself could guess.

The fox looked through the spot in the floor that was, for the time being, acting as a porthole of sorts to show him what was going on farther beneath himself. He saw Konoha's population as a whole walking downward, ever so slowly, to the next part of Naruto's memories. They'd made it through the part of the boy's mind that called itself Happiness, though that act in itself wasn't much of a feat. Watching them try to mange their way through the next three beings...now that was what Kyuubi couldn't wait to see.

Despair, and then Rage, and then The Dark. He knew the boy had let himself fall even farther than those three, had been buried so deep inside of himself that even the most poignant of memories could not reach him. Whether Naruto had intended for such a thing to happen, Kyuubi wasn't sure if he would ever know.

_**-Kid...-**_Kyuubi let the word quietly drop through the boy's mindscape like a small stone, hoping vainly that it might reach him through the depths he was buried in.

When he didn't receive a response, Kyuubi's concern grew even more. He'd tried so many times already to reach his container's mind. Why wouldn't he answer?

Even when Naruto had sunk himself into that numb sea, he'd still answered every now and then, at times almost surfacing for a moment or two. But this, this silence, seemed so much thicker, so much more decidedly permanent then what Kyuubi had felt from the boy before. He laid down, the small effort of trying to reach Naruto in his own mind exhausting him further. Whatever happened now, it seemed, even if the villagers did make it through the remaining parts of Naruto's memories, they may not be able to leave.

If Kyuubi, who had been sealed into the youngster's very body and was connected to his very mind, could not reach where Naruto had buried himself, then who could?

---------------

_Lots of things can make you sad_

_Trust me, I know_

_But have you ever felt so horrid_

_So depressed and disturbed_

_That all you want to do is tear yourself apart?_

_Well, have you?_

_-----------------------------------------------_

Sasuke was rather nervous. On the outside, no normal person would be able to know this though. In fact, when compared to everyone else, Sasuke seemed down right apathetic. He wore an air of indifference that almost no one else in the village could even begin to imagine mustering. For all anyone could tell he seemed no more interested in the fact that they were, as crazy as it sounded, literally walking downward into someone's memories, then he would be about day old bread. That's what anyone who caught a glimpse of his face thought. The fact remained though, no matter how well he was managing to hide it, that Sasuke was nervous.

It was safe to say that the visit with the thing that had called itself Happiness had been...unnerving.

That _thing _had not been the most conventional definitions of what you would consider being happy. What made it all the worse was that for a time, a very brief moment, he had honestly thought that _that _was what it meant to be happy, that it was all he'd known. What was the worst, though, for Sasuke, you ask? It was that some part of him, some subconscious piece of his mind, knew that for that split second in time, he'd been near literally walking in Naruto's shoes.

Which, more or less, clearly told him that Naruto thought all those things normal. It made him nervous, to think that someone actually thought those sort of things were what it meant to be happy.

Now, Sasuke wasn't the happiest of kids, least not in recent years. But he did know what really being happy felt like. When his family had been alive, he'd known it very well. And what he had seen, what Naruto considered happiness, was definitely _not_ what a run of the mill thirteen year old would consider 'happy'.

And so, the whole experience had put Sasuke on a very sharp edge. Was he going to let on that what he'd already seen bothered him? No.

Was he going to let on that the fact that they were about to witness something even worse made him scared? No.

Why, you ask, would he do such a thing?

Sasuke reasoned it was because he didn't really have the right to start panicking. Not yet anyways. He'd already seen the other villagers' faces, especially the civilians. He had seen that most of them were already down right terrified enough by what they'd seen. If they saw their elite force, the shinobi of their village, the ones that were supposed to be strong and brave and protect them, fall apart, what would that do to them?

He wasn't projecting an air of apathy because he prided himself in being some sort of stoic, unemotional prodigy. He knew he had an obligation, no matter how small, to those who weren't shinobi, to remain calm; to give them a sense that everything was under control. A false sense, true, but a sense none the less.

"I think we've reached the end!" A voice further up near the front of the mass line called.

As Sasuke passed under the large, cave like mouth that acted as the exit for the stairwell, he could instantly tell he did not like the place it led to. While the air that had been on Happiness' level had been a mixture of mostly pleasant smells, this was completely different.

It was an oxymoron. It was a smell that was both subtle and intense, like something that bugs you for a few good many minutes when you first walk into a room but quickly becomes almost unnoticeable. It was a fragrance unlike Sasuke could ever have envisioned without prompt. It was the smell of infection, meaty and disturbingly warm. It was the smell of something cold, frozen to the point of giving off a smell of the oddest decay. It was the smell of someone sitting still for so long that festering sores had begun growing on their body. It was any awful smell Sasuke could bring to mind, mixed into one horrible perfume.

Sasuke, just like everyone else, covered his nose instinctively. Hand on nose, he looked around their new environment. The floor was a sickly mix of musty, molded, decaying orange shag carpet and swamp like muck. The light of the room was dim, as if lit by a stormy day. Sasuke could not see where the room ended, no matter how hard he looked onward. The land just seemed to stretch onward forever in a never ending grayness.

"What's this emotion?" Sasuke wondered out loud.

"...Despair, Self-hatred...Pain...we have many names we can take..." Sasuke started at the slow response, others looking around wildly with him for it's source. The voice sounded so weak, so pitifully sad and damaged, Sasuke almost wished it would stop talking all together. It echoed all around them, making it impossible to pinpoint.

"...we're up here..." all at once, hundreds of nervous and scared faces looked upward. Most of the owners of these faces wished they hadn't.

On the room's barely there ceiling hung several large cages of sorts. The bars were a deep black, all touched with hints of rust and oxidation. It wasn't the cages themselves that frightened people, it was what was in them.

Four Narutos sat in those cages, all in some form of disembowelment, limb amputation, scalped heads, and all other sorts of awful mutilations. All bare butt naked, their graying and horribly scarred skin was drawn painfully over their bones. Hips protruded too far, ribs were seen too clearly, clavicles jutted out too sharply. Many looked away. Sasuke continued to stare. He could see, if he looked closely, that the bodies were not only missing a variety of limbs and appendages, most also had their eyes and lips sewn shut. Most.

One stood out from the others.

From what Sasuke could see, his body was mostly whole, only a finger or two missing as his hands clutched at the bars, and only one of his eyes sewn shut, the other he kept closed willingly. His skin was also the least of them all scarred, and his head still maintained some patches of dull, greasy yellow hair. The rest, it looked like from the scabs and scars, had been forcefully yanked out over time.

"...why are you all here...?" this particular Naruto asked in a slow drawl, reaching blindly through the bars of his cage to unlock its door with the key that was already there.

As the door unlocked, the pale figure fell, clumsily falling face forward to the floor. Sasuke made to catch him, but stopped as the boy somehow caught himself mid air a few feet from the ground. He touched down and stood awkwardly, wrapping his arms around his torso as he turned to face the crowd. Sasuke took a sharp intake of breath when he was faced full on with the other boy's appearance. He could have dealt with everything he'd already seen, the atrophy and other awful acts that scarred the bodies, easily, had this Naruto not been so obviously castrated. Not neatly. Not with surgical precision. But savagely. Violently.

Where there should have been an organ now only hung the tattered vestiges of tissue and skin. Still terribly red and raw. Sasuke looked away quickly, the mere thought of the pain that sort of thing would have caused sending a shiver down his spine.

"We need to find Naruto. The real one." Sasuke noted it was the Hokage who said this, her voice a steady force to be reckoned with. How she had managed that calm, cool tone despite the appalling image in front of her, Sasuke would never know.

"...oh. We are not he, we are the one called Despair..." Despair said, shuffling his feet solemnly.

The crowd waited a beat, some wondering if this emotion, this being, was somehow just slow in the head. He took so long to speak, and his voice was so quiet and subdued, some truly wondered if he wasn't missing a screw or two for his head.

"Could you show us which way we go to get to him?" Sasuke turned to the speaker in the crowd, recognizing the face and shaggy hair as belonging to the boy Naruto had made friends with in the rehab center. What was that other boy's name again? Aishii? No, that wasn't right. Sasuke didn't have time to try and further remember the boy's name when Despair began to speak again.

"...deep in these wastelands, you must find the way out. Follow the path, do not stray. We can not guarantee a somewhat safe passage if you stray..." Despair pointed to a semi-viewable path in the nastiness that was the excuse for a floor.

"Aren't you going to lead the way, like the last one did?" an older gentleman asked.

Despair ducked his head down into his chest, voice quieting further as he did so.

"...we are leading you. We are the path. Stick to it and you'll make it out..."

"How can you make an accurate path if you can't even see your own two feet?!" The man spoke again, the stress of the situation getting to him as he unintentionally let his irritation leak into his voice.

"...real eyes are no good against what we are made of. Real eyes can only see more pain. Close them up and you begin to forget what was hurting to begin with. Spill us out and we eventually start to disappear, bit by bit. The real one you spoke of, he has to do that. He has to spill us out, piece by piece. He has to bleed us out, damage us until we aren't anything anymore..." Despair shuffled his feet again, rubbing his hands together nervously.

Sasuke turned his attention away from Despair to look back up at the cages above him. While most of the people around him wore a somewhat befuddled expression, to Sasuke, the words weren't very cryptic.

Bleed out the pain, huh? Was that truly the only way his teammate had knew how to deal with things when they turned sour?

Quite suddenly, something very peculiar happened. Sasuke found that he was no longer looking at the ceiling, but, rather, was staring at his left arm, a dulled bald pressed painfully against it by his right hand. There was so much swimming in his mind, so much he didn't want to try and think about. Like how no one ever seemed to give him any notice, even when he was asking for help. About how when he'd tried to explain to the ANBU that was supposed to have been sent to help him (after he'd told the Hokage how people kept breaking into his home), what would happen she interrupted him; saying how he must have done something awful for people to want to do such a thing to him. How he told her he'd never done anything too horribly bad. That he didn't know why people did awful things to him sometimes. Like how she said if that must be true, then he was lying about the thieves to get attention. About how he never complained to the Hokage about the break ins again after that.

He didn't want to think about these things, they made his head ache and his heart hurt. He'd already tried everything he would normally do if he was having a bad day. He'd tried to draw a picture, only to angrily, almost hatefully, scratch out whatever he managed to draw after finishing it. He'd tried sitting on the top of the Hokage monument, hoping it would let him cool his jets. It only managed to make him angrier, watching all the people below live out happy, normal lives while he was feeling so awful.

He'd tried to fantasize about how people would react if he were to kill himself. Imaging people feel regret and self-hatred for not treating him better, for never getting to know him, would have normally made him feel the slightest bit better. But now it just made him feel horribly rotten because, deep down, he knew that in reality, there would be so few people who would even realize he had died.

The feelings had built up for days, festering and coiling themselves painfully inside of his chest, getting worse as nothing he did alleviated the pains in any way. By the third day, he was becoming desperate for anything, any way at all, to lessen his dark mood. He tore at his home, angry for reasons he himself could not say. He threw open his drawers, wrenched out his belongings, dashed them against walls and doors and any hard surface that may lay before him. He moved into the kitchen, pulling open the drawers there as well, throwing the grubby and sparse silverware hard enough that some of them stuck in the wall where he threw them. He flinched when, in his haste, he had grabbed a knife's blade rather then its handle and paused. For a moment there, for a second, his thoughts had sharpened. The dark fog of his thoughts had cleared the smallest bit, a small warm shiver had crawled down his neck. He looked down at his hand, somewhat stupefied by the insignificant droplets of blood that welled up along the almost invisible cut the knife had made.

That...that was what had helped? More pain?

He smiled without humor. How ironic. The only thing that had helped subdue the painful thoughts and emotions in his head was more pain itself. He, much more calm now that he had figured out some way to properly self-medicate himself, took the dulled blade and put it to his left forearm. His hand shook slightly and for short time, he experienced what one might describe as a dark holiness. He suddenly felt what he had not in for almost as long as he could remember; power. He was very aware of the fact that he called the shots right now. He could tear his flesh open as much or as little as he wanted. He could choose. He was suddenly a god of destruction, and he loved it.

Quickly, so as not to lose his nerve, he quickly pulled the knife across his lower forearm, hissing as liquid heat suddenly flooded down his spine. The knife clattered to the floor, forgotten. He stared at his arm, almost mesmerized. The cut was rather pathetic, actually, nothing more then a thin red line with tiny bubbles of ruby rising up from it. He'd seen his fair share of blood and cuts, honestly he had. It was the fact that _he_ had done this, had made it happen with his own hands, that made it worth mentioning.

_**-...kid...- **_A gruff voice echoed in his mind.

"Let it heal own it's own, please. I'll be fine, if you just give me this."

The voice sunk away, a disapproving growl its only reply.

He found himself walking to the bathroom, steps heavy and lethargic. He felt so much better already though, as odd as it might have sounded. He dug underneath his sink, pulling out antiseptic and gauze, things he hardly ever had a use for. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and did a double take. Something wasn't...right. He stared harder at his reflection, trying with all his might to pinpoint what it was that just didn't sit right with him.

And as he continued to look, Sasuke slowly began to realize, to remember things. His eyes were black, not bright blue. His hair wasn't a glaring yellow color, it was as dark as onyx. He'd never had whisker marks on his cheeks, and he couldn't remember his skin ever being this tan, even during the summer time. Slowly, the somewhat horrifying realization hit Sasuke that the reflection in the mirror didn't belong to him because it wasn't his to begin with. It was Naruto's.

Sasuke found himself back in the awful smelling room, the hundreds of people around him reflecting his same emotions. Panic, fear, pain; but above all, confusion. He found that he had broken out in a cold sweat, his shirt now clinging to him in a most uncomfortable way.

"...already, you are beginning to see what we have to do in order to survive..."

Sasuke's attention turned back to Despair, sweat pooling on the back of his neck.

Not again. It had happened again, without him realizing it. He'd been emerged into Naruto's memories, had thought they were his own, yet again. He looked about the people around him, not surprised by some of the reactions he saw. Many of the children had started to cry, hugging themselves close to parents, loved ones, or anyone with a comforting embrace. Some of the women looked like they were about to be sick. Many of the men looked grave, cold sweat making their upper lips glisten in an unhealthy manner.

As quick as lightening, no one was confused anymore by the emaciated boy's words. Everyone knew what Despair had meant about Naruto having to destroy his pain by hand.

"...hurry along now. You'll never get out of here if you just stand still..." Despair said, pointing a too small finger feebly to the path.

There was a long pause before anyone began to move. When they did, most of their steps were wobbly and uncoordinated. When Sasuke made to move, he found his footing not quite as sturdy as he'd thought it was. He stumbled and would have fallen, had it not been for the hand that grabbed the back of his shirt and righted him. After managing to find his proper footing once more, Sasuke turned slightly, only to find Miyuki behind him. Her hand was still holding tightly onto his shirt.

"Are you OK?" She asked.

Sasuke wasn't sure he could trust his voice just yet, so his only response was to nod. Miyuki let go of his shirt, and came to stand beside him. All across the room, Sasuke played witness to other acts of kindness, not much unlike the one he himself had been given. Husbands and boyfriends held their significant others by the shoulders, tenderly leading the way. Teenagers and younger adult could be seen helping single mothers whose arms were already filled with sobbing children. The elderly gladly accepted the piggyback rides some of the shinobi were offering. Sasuke even managed to catch a glimpse of Shikamaru grasping not only his mother's hand tightly, but a close to tears Ino's as well. He turned his attention back to Miyuki, noticing for the first time that she, out of everyone else he'd seen, seemed to be the least affected by the horrifying memory. Her eyes were dry, her brow clean of sweat, her expression one of only mild discomfort. Truly, it confused him.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked her suddenly, voice almost cracking. It was only after he reflected on what he said, after Miyuki had given him a somewhat angry look, did he realize how rather rude his statement actual was.

"You seem to be one of the least disturbed people here. You saw the memory too, so how come you seem so calm?" He said, elaborating.

From the few times he'd met the girl, Sasuke wouldn't not have pegged her as someone with enough emotional control to be able to pretend that something hadn't bothered her. From what he'd seen, her emotions were not only worn on of her sleeves, but tended to jump off of them sometimes too.

In response, Miyuki pulled up a sleeve of her shirt, openly displaying her self-inflicted scars. Sasuke didn't need to be told how the scars had gotten there, but he failed to see their significance to his question.

"That memory", Miyuki began, " I don't think it affected me as badly as others, not because I don't care, but because I've felt things Naruto has too. That memory of his? I have one like it as well. Not exactly the same, but close enough that it isn't a complete shock to my system. I've cut myself for a while now, I had to have a first time doing it too."

She rolled her sleeve back down, her point made.

"Is that a fact? Are you sure someone here would be less effected by one of his memories if they'd already experienced one similar to it."

Miyuki shrugged.

"I'm not sure, it's just a theory of mine, truth be told."

Sasuke made an irritated noise in the back of his throat. Really, people shouldn't go around acting like they knew what was going on if it was all based on a hunch. He attempted walking once more, this time actually tripping on some of the orange carpet that caught on his sandal. Before he could even try and catch himself, Miyuki's hand was there again, this time grasping onto his arm.

"Are you sure you're OK to walk?" She asked again, hand only leaving Sasuke's arm once he'd jerked it away from her.

"Yeah." He answered.

Despite his reassurance, Miyuki stayed relatively close to him as they continued onward into the sad, gray world.

"If you don't mind me saying, to me you also didn't seem nearly as weirded out by that memory as most people were. " Miyuki said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I do mind if you say something like that. So don't." He said, pointedly turning his attention completely away from her and from the thoughts of the very faint, not-quite-there-anymore scars that still littered his skin under his arm bands.

At one point, Sasuke glanced back to try and catch one last look at the being that had called itself Despair. When he looked, nothing and no one was there. No Despair, no cages, no other Narutos; the cave opening they'd entered through had gone as well. Sasuke didn't voice it, even to himself, but the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach grew.

For sometime, everyone continued on like this. Comforting, drying tears, assisting each other. Sasuke stared at he feet as he walked, uncertain he wanted to engrave his surroundings too deeply into his own memories.

He saw the skin of his feet change colors, subtly, and he was quite taken by a new sensation that he had yet to feel during his time in Naruto's mind. He had become Naruto again, just like the previous two times, but something was different. He was Naruto, that much he was sure of. But at the same time, he was aware of the fact that he wasn't. Everything of the memory was just as real and sharp as if it were one of his own, but he knew that it wasn't. Comforted by the fact that he knew who he was, could remember himself inside of the memory, he only paused in his walking for a moment before continuing on.

He could see the porcelain white of the toilet bowel as he threw up into it. Behind him, he could hear the older woman that was supposed to act as his guardian banging on the door, yelling at him to tell her what he was doing in there and why was he throwing up so much? Her tone was more annoyed then concerned, as it had always been. He couldn't answer her. His stomach was cramping so badly, his heaving was so forceful, he didn't have the air in his lungs to answer her. If he did, he would have told her that he'd tried to drink as much bleach as his taste buds would allow over an hour ago. He would have told her he'd just wanted to die quickly and it was the only toxic thing he knew they kept in the house. If he could have told her, he hoped it would have frightened her, even the littlest of bits, that a four year old had tried to commit suicide in her home.

He could see what looked like the aftermath of a robbery, objects thrown and torn open in the small apartment. He ran quickly over to where his piggy bank had been earlier in the day, only to find it had been smashed open, all of the money gone. He found himself wondering how he would feed himself for the next two weeks. He was only allotted so much money per month, and now the rest of it was gone. His eyes teared up at the thought of having to try and find food in trash bins. Like he'd had to the last time this had happened.

He looked at himself in the mirror, nervous. The reflection that stared back at him was one he was very unaccustomed to, it being female and all. He'd heard whispers about places, street corners, where men would meet up with pretty girls and take them on dates and ask them for certain personal favors. This would be his second time doing this, so he was already fully aware of what the men expected him to do for them; as long as his disguise held, he would be fine. The first time he'd done it, he'd been so nervous, the jutsu that disguised him had almost failed. Especially when he found out that his first date was one of his teachers at the academy. Really though, it was much better to make money this way then to eat spoiled food out of a trash bin that he always threw up anyways.

He'd become so sad one night, that, at the suggestion of one of the old strung out junkies that hung out on street corners with the girls, he snorted his first line of speed. Despite nearly overdosing and having the worst hallucinations, it had made him feel alive in a way he hadn't known was possible.

The first thing he heard when he woke up was the sound of his front door's lock being forced open. He'd stayed home from the academy that day sick. Not because he was actually sick, but because he just wanted a possibly quiet day to catch up on some sleep. They'd come during twilight, just as the sun was almost gone from sight. The first one through the door, needless to say, didn't seem to surprised to find him there. They rushed him, punching and kicking his body without regard. They wore headbands around their necks and foreheads, telling him that they were ninjas of his village. Funny, he'd always thought they were supposed to help protect people of the village, not hurt them. His apartment is turned almost on its head by the time they're through. Most of the men leave after not being able to find where he'd stashed his money. Four remain. And suddenly, they're touching him in places he'd rather their hands not be, forcing him to give the same favors he gives as a girl for money. Pulling open his mouth, shoving sweat slick private parts down his throat, making his eyes water and gagging him until he almost passes out. Taking his hands and wrapping them around hardened, warm tissue; making him give his first non-consensual handjob. He tries to fight back. But they're bigger, stronger, and he can't do it. They were alwaysbigger, always stronger then him. They're rough and they're terrible to him, but he's at least thankful they don't go all the way and fully rape him. He'd heard about it from one of the girls who he'd worked a corner with one night and it sounded like something right out of the worst possible nightmare.

He'd put on his female disguise, walking stiffly away from a dilapidated house in a less than savory part of Konoha. He can't let anyone see him like this. Not like this. His whole body is aching terribly, despite the fox's best efforts to heal him quickly. His thoughts had started trying to wander to what had just happened to him, but he's quick to pull them back from such dangerous territory. He can't think on it, not yet, not when he is out in the open and just trying to stagger his way home. He'll wait to let it all wash over him then. Two men that he recognizes from working corner streets spot him and try to wave him down. He tries to walk faster, but the bones in his legs haven't quite healed yet. The men get closer and he becomes terrified. If they get too close, he knows there's no way he'll be able to hold back the dangerously dark thoughts that had been looming over him since he'd left the house. But, thankfully, the other men finally catch sight of his appearance and instantly turn around, backing away. He'd put on his female disguise, but he hadn't bothered to try to cover the bruises that now covered his face and body. Or his broken nose. Or his still nearly swollen shut eyes. Or his obviously twisted and broken leg. He didn't really blame the men for running away. He not only knew he looked like an awful mess, he felt like one too.

Sasuke's eyes cleared from the memories for a moment, allowing a proper sense of horror to wash over him as one question came to mind: why? Why had all these things happened to him, why had they been allowed to happen?

Sasuke's eye flickered over the equally horrified Konoha population. Many had begun trembling from head to toe, others hugged their children closer to them, as though the simple gesture could somehow take back the awful memories that were now dancing in their minds.

Some shook their heads in denial, their voices rising to substantiate their thoughts.

"No way! There's no way that happened!"

"This is some sort of trick, it has to be!"

"That demon from before is toying with us, it has to be!"

Sasuke was ashamed to note that most, if not all, of who spoke out like this were ninja. He wondered how they could possibly think that Kyuubi could even make up something like that? From what very little Sasuke knew about demons, from his own readings, it was hard for them to feel emotions the same way as humans did. Those people were stupid to actually believe that a demon could fabricate such emotion saturated memories on its own accord.

At this point, Sasuke noted that a rift had suddenly formed in the large group of people. Where but not long ago both shinobi and civilian alike mingled and assisted and supported each other, the civilians had begun to shy away. Worried glances were thrown, looking back and forth from children to ninja, adult and teenager alike. It quickly dawned on Sasuke what was concerning them.

Naruto's memories had proven to the civilians that some of the shinobi of the village were very capable of doing terrible things, even to a child. It hadn't been their child, but what was to say it wouldn't be the next time? Who was to say it was just those particular group of men that had a taste for partners that were just a bit too young? Who could say that the next time one of those shinobi, or any ninja in fact, wouldn't come after a child that was important to _them_?

Sasuke had no more time to think on it. The fog of the memories had come once again and he found himself as a Naruto fully aware of the memories, but at the same time conscious of the fact that he was someone else.

Then, something small changed, something moved and he was suddenly confused. By what, he could not immediately say. Then it dawned on him, slowly, that he couldn't quite remember his name. Or what he looked like. Or who his parents were. Or even if he had any. He tried very hard to for a moment to picture what his family looked like. One instant he could see the shadowy figures of a man and a woman and a boy older then himself, then the next he could see no one. One moment he was sure his name was Sasuke, the next he was certain he was actually called Naruto.

Next thing he knew, he was fighting. Who, at first, he didn't know. Then he saw a flash of brilliant orange and he knew once again where and who he was. He was in Naruto's memories, living them for the first time. He was now facing Naruto in the Valley of the End. His name was Sasuke Uchiha.

The orange flash came hurling at him with such force that he just barely dodged it. He spun and was met with the image of an enraged looking Naruto, eyes an otherworldly red and tearing up in frustration.

"Sasuke!" The boy screamed as he started for another attack.

This time, Sasuke was ready. He wouldn't be almost hit, not this time. His feet pressed down hard on the water's surface, ready to spring away at just the right second. But, surprisingly, the right moment never came; Sasuke never had a chance to jump. Instead, he found himself looking dazedly down at the orange, jumpsuit sleeved arm that had punctured right through his chest and out the other side. Sasuke could even feel Naruto's fingers gripping the back of his shirt.

Sasuke didn't feel the pain. Not right away, anyways. He grabbed at the arm and stared, dumbly noting that the battle had definitely not happened like this. It was Sasuke who had punched his way through a ribcage that day, not Naruto. At this point, the pain caught up with him, causing a choked scream to bellow from his mouth. His chest felt like it was on fire, the burning sensation spreading with every beat of his heart. Blood dribbled down his chin as blood found it's way up his throat, choking him in the most fearsome of ways.

"Sasuke." Naruto said again, still elbow deep in Sasuke's chest.

A strange thing happened right then. Through all the pain, Sasuke noticed that Naruto's face had begun to change, to peel away. The sun kissed skin gave way to a paler complexion, his dark pupils ate up the blue color of his eyes until they were black, his hair swiftly fell out and grew back in a very familiar style. Sasuke looked to his own hands for a moment, the one's that still clutched at the invading arm, astonished to find them going under a similar metamorphosis. Except, where there was once pale skin now sat tan, his black shirt suddenly becoming part of an orange jumpsuit.

"Naruto." the boy in front of him said. When Sasuke looked up, it was his own face staring back at him, a depraved, almost delighted light in his eyes.

A bucket of some of the coldest emotions he'd ever felt washed over him. Betrayal so deep it felt like someone had dropped his heart in acid. Determination so strong he was almost sure he could do absolutely anything if he wanted it badly enough. The deepest fear stabbing him in the gut at the thought of what might happen if he didn't succeed in winning this battle. The emotions marred him, scarred him for what he was sure would be for life. What little trust he had left in humanity slipped from his grasp, and was left with the most bitter of feelings.

Just as his anguished scream leaves his throat, someone has grabbed his arm and pulled him away from what seems to be the edge of the path they were told not to wander from.

"Sasuke, what do you think you're doing?" Kakashi asks his student, his one eye showing a multitude of concerned emotions.

Sasuke looks back to the spot he was just pulled from, hoping to see something of what he had just witnessed, even if it was just the smallest glimpse.

"Didn't you see-?" Sasuke starts, not bothering to finish when he sees the near blatant confusion in his teacher's mostly hidden face.

"_...that was saved especially for you, Sasuke Uchiha..."_

Sasuke covered his ears, thoughts too jumbled at the moment to want to try and listen as Despair's sad voice rang in his mind.

"Sasuke?" Kakashi asked, rather worried for his student.

"Did you hear that?" Sasuke asked, the rising panic sounding clearly in his voice.

"Hear what?" Kakashi asked, looking back towards where Sasuke had been wandering not but a moment before, wondering if he'd missed something important.

"N-nothing. It's nothing. Must have been my mind playing tricks on me." Sasuke said in a tense, controlled voice, pushing past his teacher and moving onward.

He didn't want to try and think too hard on what he'd just seen. All of them had been seeing rather strange things since they'd began walking along Naruto's mind. They had recalled memories that were not there own, knew things they'd hadn't known before. But he, he had just seen something, by the looks of it, no one else had seen. Had heard words no one's head had shot up at. In this place where everyone seemed to be seeing everything together, he saw what no one else had. What did that mean?

He hadn't thought very deeply back on his fight he'd had in that valley with Naruto. It had hurt his pride that he had been almost literally dragged back to the village by someone who almost hadn't made it as a ninja. The way he saw it, he'd been derailed from taking the path he'd chosen, had been humiliated by losing that decisive battle, and had been forced to be 'rehabilitated'. He hadn't really made time to dwell on the consequences that fight would bring back with him. But now, when faced with one of them, it was hard not to see it from another vantage point. He'd, more or less, betrayed Naruto when he'd run from the village. He'd known that, and had tried his best to forget about it and hope the blond would do the same.

He'd just never known, had never even guessed, that what he'd done to his would be best friend would crush him so severely. He'd always thought of it as more of something they would both eventually get over and move on. He'd never known he'd hurt his friend so badly. He should have known, but he hadn't.

To his surprise, the group had come to the end of the depressingly gray world, everyone filing quickly through a giant gate that acted as the exit, it's bars rising up far beyond what Sasuke's eyes could see. Glancing around, Sasuke was none to astonished to find that the small rift that had begun to form when many of the memories had began had become something of a great schism. On one side of the path walked civilians, on the other were shinobi.

Honestly, Sasuke didn't blame the civilians for feeling wary of the shinobi of the village right now. Most of people in the awful memories had been ninja. Most of the people who had done those terrible things to Naruto had been part of the force that was supposed to protect the village and it's citizens, not hurt them. No, Sasuke didn't blame any one of them for a second.

Finally passing through the gateway, Sasuke felt as if some unknown weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He couldn't say why he felt so, considering the memories he'd seen were still plain as day and weighed heavily on his mind, he still felt that something had been taken away as well.

As he walked, he heard snippets of conversation from civilians and shinobi alike; all either sitting down for the first time in what felt like forever, or standing alert and ready for anything.

"Daddy, I don't want to see any more scary things. Can we stay here, please?"

"How could they have done something so awful to a child? I never would have thought they were capable of that. When we get out of here, I'm personally seeing to it that all of them are put behind bars."

"That poor kid, I never knew he had it so rough."

"This has got to be some trick. I know it. That monster's just messing with our heads, I'll bet ya' a million bucks."

Finally finding a less crowded area, Sasuke sat with his back against the hard wall of the tunnel. He hadn't realized how tired he was until that moment, his body sagged slightly. He sighed deeply, propping his head in his hands and pinched the bridge of his nose, hard.

For the first time in a very long while, Sasuke found that he wanted nothing more than a safe place where he could sit and try as best as he could not to cry.

----------------------------

Playlist (again, just make up a QuickList on YouTube):

1) Twilight Realm- Zelda: Twilight Princess

2) In The House, In a Heartbeat- 28 Days Later Soundtrack

3) The Downward Spiral- Nine Inch Nails

4) Twilight Palace- Zelda: Twilight Princess

A.N.: First off, I'd like you all to give Meatzman2 a large round of applause, because without him, this chapter defiantly wouldn't have been as good as it is. Trust me.

Secondly, if you've noticed, I've changed the title of the last chapter. I don't normally like doing the whole pt1, pt2, etc. thing, so I decided it needed to change.

Thirdly, please, do tell me if you like the playlist I've been giving you guys. I'd like to know if I'm doing something you all appreciate or if I'm just wasting my time. Anyways, hope you enjoyed and I' hope to hear from you soon!


	22. I'm Sorry

Dear readers,

Ok, so I should have probably put this up a very long time ago to let all of you know what's been going on in my life and what not and explain why I'm not updating. I put a brief rendition of what I'm about to say in my profile, but I think what I'm to write here does what's been going on in my life much more justice.

Last September, my grandmother on my mother's side (I've called her Nanni since I could speak) passed away in the hospital after what should have been a routine check up. This woman was literally a second mother to me in that she's responsible for a good year or two of my early upbringing because my biological father left my mother when he realized was in love with his secretary -I shit you not, he's been married to her for almost ten years now-. Needless to say, losing someone that close has all but left me emotionally messed up since then. Add that onto the fact that she died the day after I moved into my dorm room for my first day of college and you've got a nice amount of stress there.

She never got to see me turn nineteen last October. She's never going to see me get married or have children. She's never even going to get to see me graduated from college, something she was looking forward to, even if it's still some four years away.

Her death has put me in a mental state that I've never been in: I've found a new appreciation for life and all of the wonderful things I did get to do with her, but I'm also terrified at the prospect of death, something that I've never actually thought too hard on.

So, her dying and me starting college at the same time (as well as working part-time) has put tremendous amounts of stress on my life that I didn't think I would have to be dealing with as a eighteen going on nineteen year old. Thus, the sheer lack of updates/any progress with my fics at all. I've been thinking about what I'd like to potentially do with this one in particular, as in whether or not I might be able to finish "Even When he Smiles". Trust me when I say I've thought long and hard about what I should honestly do with it.

Truthfully, I'm not sure I really even have the drive or want to finish this piece anymore. It's been my baby since at least 2004 and it's had many bumps and hiccups along the way and has almost changed entirely since I first thought up the basic bones of it. That being said, I'm going to have to say that I'll probably never finish it. I just don't have it in me anymore. I'm sorry if this upsets any of you, I truly am. But it has to be understood that I've come to the realization that I can't and won't live my life through a computer screen any longer. I don't want to come to the end of my life and ask myself what the hell I was doing the entire time. I want to see things, meet as many different people as possible, go places, learn things I'll have no use for except for the self-satisfaction that I do indeed know it!

I sigh as I write this, happy to finally have it all off my chest. For so long I've not known what I've really wanted to do with myself; for the first time in forever, I finally have a clear idea of what my life could potentially hold for me. I thank you all for reading this work of mine, your reviews and kind thoughts have helped me in some very dark moments and I will never forget that. If anyone of you would like to know what I had planned for the future chapters of this story, drop me a PM and I'll tell you if you'd like.

Thank you all so very much.

Much love and gratitude,

AppleCoreCandyBox, or as my family and friends know me as, Grace


	23. Outline of Doom

Since so many of you have expressed an interest in knowing what happens to the rest of the story, I thought I might as well just post the outline I've had in my head online so ya'll can see where I was going to go with it. Chapter 22 I already had a very good idea what I was going to do with, right down to some of the lines of dialogue I wanted to use. Anything beyond that point I knew the basic plotline for, but not always what the characters were going to say to get to certain points. So, here it is, the bones for what would have been the rest of "Even When he Smiles".

* * *

Chapter 22 Rage

Here's what I managed to write of chapter 22 before my Nanni died:

* * *

_Anger isn't a hard thing to feel_

_It comes and goes, sort lived indeed_

_All loud and brash and in your face, for a second_

_But rage, your Rage is different_

_It's a horribly hot frozen mess_

_A thing that lasts and lasts_

_Even when your dead and gone away_

* * *

_There have always been subtle differences in Tsunade's facial expressions when it came to her many shades of anger. For instance, her forehead always creased just a little more when her sort-of-anger became her now-I'm-seriously-not-happy. The right corner of her mouth would tighten the tiniest bit more when the now-I'm-seriously-not-happy turned into slight-seething. Her face would crumple into a full force grimace when her slight-seething changed to down-right-insulted. But for what she felt now, there was no facial expression she could have made, whether consciously or unconsciously, to convey it properly. She knew what it was, had felt something almost like it in her long life many times. But never so bitter and raw. Never so potently. Tsunade recognized that she was enraged. Totally and unabashedly enraged._

_But it wasn't the type of rage you felt when some brat stopped paying attention to what you were saying because they found your chest more interesting. It wasn't so quick to fizzle out and become simple annoyance. It was the type of rage that starts off hot and then quickly turns so cold so fast that it grows talons and claws that dig into your very being and makes a nook for itself to sit in. Just sit in and wait. Wait and slowly try and become part of what makes you the person you are._

**And this is where I just begin to explain what was going to happen.**

The villagers continue their way down through Naruto's mind, after much persuasion from Tsunade (who at this point is far more livid than happy with the villagers and shinobi) they reach the bottom of yet another great staircase, the landscape greeting them there somehow even less welcoming than the last. The sky is nothing but putrid, curling clouds of smoke, the ground barren, hard, and painfully sharp, even to their shoed feet. The air is hot and dry, making their throats and lips chapped and breathing labored. They wait, anticipating a guide as they had been given in the last two levels. When no such thing arrives after several minutes worth of waiting, they begin questioning the very itself, asking loudly what they're to do. A deep voice rings out, as if from very far away, and says to them "Walk until you all can walk no more, than you will meet me and I will show you the way out."

So they walk, and walk, and walk some more. They walk until they no longer can feel their legs, until their feet begin to bleed through their shoes because of the ground. They walk until most of the villagers' tongues swell from thirst. They continue on until the only people left standing are the shinobi, and they themselves aren't doing so hot either.

It's at this point that a child, a little boy, points out something that no one else had noticed since they'd stopped to rest. Sitting on the ground not too far from the crowd was something that looks suspiciously like Naruto, chains of all shapes and sizes attached to his skin and bones, holding him to the ground in his sitting position. The people of Konoha, even the weakest of civilians, know that this thing is a terrible thing, something that should not have manifested itself in even the most awful of person, let alone a thirteen year old boy.

"So, you've grown tired, as I can see." Says the thing that looks like Naruto, but doesn't sound like him at all. The voice coming from the mouth is rugged and old and venomous. "If you haven't guessed at who I am by now, let me introduce myself. I'm the boy you seeks Rage, and I'll have it be a known fact that if he did not keep me a well locked up as he did, most of you would have been dead as soon as you step foot in here."

"B-but-" one of the older village women cry out in a raspy, dehydrated voice, "most of us have not laid a single harmful hand nor thought to the boy. Why would you kill those who've done Naruto no harm?"

It is at this that Rage's eyes grow bright with malice and heat and nearly go black with his emotions. He tries to stand, tries to fight the heavy chains holding him down as he screams at the crowd.

"You may not have laid a hand on him, but did you do anything to help?! When he was being blatantly ignored by others, why did not one of you who saw a little boy instead of a monster give him even a smile?! Why did so few of you hold out any sort of helping hand! Were you afraid of what others would say?! Were you afraid of what your disgustingly stupid peers would say if you actively tried to help him?! Were you afraid to be a voice of reason to others that were blinded by grief and displaced anger?! Why didn't you help him?! Why didn't you help us! Everything could be so different if you had! We wouldn't be so fucked up if you had just HELPED! Why damn it? Answer me why!" As Rage's voice grew and shook the very ground underneath their feet, the chains surrounding him beginning to break, melting away as new ones sprang from the ground to take their place.

At this, the village as a whole ran, not wanting to see what would befall them if Rage managed to finally break from all the chains. As they run, they can hear his voice howling now, the sound a disturbing mixture of something human and something far from the sort. They run through the terrible landscape, run until their feet are freely bleeding and lungs gasping for air and it is only then that they finally reach the end of the line, a giant crack in a red orange mountain being their means of escape. Even in the exit, they continue to run, their fear of what they had just seen pushing them forward, nearly trampling over each other in the process as the descend yet another, even grander set of stairs.

At this point, they continue down into Naruto's mind until they reach what they eventually find to be called "The Dark". There they find Hinata and Ren sitting in a great, big, black pond; the two girls being the only source of light in the whole room. Hinata's father demands that she join the group, that it's too dangerous to be wandering around alone and questions where she's been. She's silent, except to cry more. That's when a figure forms itself from the black waters, taking to form of a tall man, his face that of a grotesque monkey. He speaks, saying

"She can not speak, she's too busy trying to save the little monster from his own guilt."

"Naruto is not a monster…" Hinata answers softly, the light around her flickering as she speaks, the monkey man kicking black water onto her, her skin bubbling for a moment where it lands, her tears and sobs becoming greater.

"Leave her alone!" Kiba yells from the shore, and runs onto the lake, thinking he'll be able to walk along the surface as the monkey man does. Instead, he sinks and comes flailing back up a second later, skin and clothes bubbling, eyes tearing and sobs breaking out of his chest. Others pull him back onto shore where he sits and cries as the bubbling subsides, rocking himself as he quietly asks himself "What was that, what the hell was the?"

"What'd you do to him?" someone asks.

"Showed him my handy work. Would you like to see as well?" at this and a flick of his hand, the monkey man sends a tidal wave of the black liquid to cover the whole village and they're all subjected to what Naruto had deemed his darkest memories.

They witness his rape, feel it as if it were happening to themselves. They see Morima's death, feel Naruto's guilt for her death.

They see how Hinata and Ren were maliciously murdered.

Eventually they surface, skin painfully bubbling as if acid had touched it, even the most hardened of shinobi's eyes filled with tears.

It's eventually discovered that Kakashi knows this ex-ANBU, the monkey man. It was a well known hidden fact that when the man had been an ANBU, he had a major crush on the Fourth Hokage, who always kindly declined his advances, not wanting to make the other man feel like a fool. They didn't realize how deranged the man was with this crush until they found him trying to have sex with the dead Hokage's body. That's why he was dismissed as an ANBU, not because he made some love confession on the Hokage's grave, but because he was deranged enough in his fantasy that he tried to defile the Hokage's dead corpse.

Eventually, a fight breaks out between the monkey man and the other ninjas of the village. In the commotion, Miyuki dives into the black water, swimming to where Hinata and Ren have been sitting, crying, and giving the room some sort of light. She asks them if they know where Naruto is, and Ren answers that he's at the bottom of the pond/lake right underneath where they're sitting and that they've been trying to light the way back for him, so he can swim out, but to no avail.

Miyuki dives underneath the water, skin burning and mind filled with disturbing images. But she continues down, down, down, not having to breathe, until she finds Naruto at the bottom, just barely illuminated by the light the Hinata and Ren were providing up above. She tries to pull him up from where he's sitting, but he's far too heavy. She tries to speak, but find that when the liquid enters her mouth it fills it with boils and burns her throat.

She pulls at his sleeve, managing to get his attention, pointing up to the surface.

Naruto shrugs, his voice echoing in the water around them,

"_It's so much easier to just stay here. It hurts here, but it's the same hurt over and over again. It's nothing that I haven't learned to deal with."_

Miyuki sits down next to him, holding his head close to her own head, temples barely touching.

"_Please let me help you."_

"_It's easier if I stay here."_ He answers back, trying to pull away.

"_If you won't rise to the surface for yourself, will you do it for others? You're friends, no, the entire village is up there right now, facing that awful man with the monkey face."_

"_What?" _Naruto asks, looking to the surface.

And soon after, the entirety of the room begins to quake, the lake begins to flood until the room is nothing but water. The villagers and shinobi alike are suspended in the black water. Naruto's voice can be heard all around them at this point:

_Leave my mind be. Go back to your bodies._

And as if someone had unplugged the stop in a tub, the water began to spin like a whirlpool, dragging everyone down, and then everyone's waking back up in their bodies, confused and disoriented and sobbing for reasons that the can't recall for a moment, and then it all comes back and the uncontrollable crying throughout the village grows tenfold.

**From this point on I've only got a rough idea of where it was going to go, pardon the less than fine writing skills you may see for the next part of this. There's a scene or two that I already had written out before my Nanni died, so I'll be sticking those more polished bits in to make up for it. Now, continue on.**

After this, Naruto is immediately removed from the room he was in and is placed underneath the Hokage's care; is very protected.

There's a funeral service for Hinata and Ren; much crying is had.

There's a great divide that develops in the village; those who believe what they saw in Naruto's mind to be the truth and those who think it's all made up.

Naruto wakes up and is no longer in a catatonic state, but isn't much better off. Hardly speaks, won't eat much, and loses a lot of weight.

Naruto's friends try to come to terms with what they've seen, especially Sasuke.

The sound village attacks, trying to reclaim Sasuke. Naruto is put into a safe house with other villagers, most try to avoid him. Konohamaru and Iruka happen to be in the same group with him and they try to make conversation with him. Doesn't work very well, but they get a small smile out of him, so it's worth it.

The safe spot is attacked, and they have to try and evacuate to another site without being seen. They're spotted and all almost killed, except, you know, Naruto kicks all their asses and accidentally rips them to shreds mid air with his infractus powers.

Naruto basically goes on a rampage, kicks ass and takes names, accidentally kills Orochimaru and nearly blows his own head up in the process (there's too much power going in and out of his body at once, so it's putting too much pressure on his body, especially his head). Sasuke grabs Naruto's shoulder, accidentally giving Naruto excess power somewhere to go, through Sasuke's body, through his inner wall, and up into the Hokage monument, which the were standing under, and break it (think of electrical shocks, the reason you don't touch something that's electrified is because it'll use your body as a means to make it to the ground: equation--- Naruto is 'electrified'+ Sasuke touches him= power going through Sasuke to break down the monument).

Sasuke and Naruto end up in the hospital. Sasuke comes to terms with that his inner wall has been broken and he has accidentally been given powers that are similar to Naruto's. The two come to terms with their friendship, why they both suck so bad as people, Sasuke apologizes for the dumb shit he did, Naruto accepts it and all is good for a while.

The divide in the village that had started since everyone had come out of Naruto's mind is growing larger. Civil war is impending.

Naruto runs away from the hospital while Iruka's on guard, leaving a suicide note. A search party is sent out for him. Sakura finds him in the Hyuuga's private cemetery, by Hinata's grave, where this nice little scene takes place:

* * *

Sakura almost cried out in relief at the sight of Naruto's back, his form huddled over what she would later notice was a small fire. Carefully, but loudly enough as to surprise him, she made her way through the small maze of gravestones.

"Naruto." Was all she said, the fact that he was still alive to respond to that name filling her with a tentative joy.

From what she could see, he looked fine. Well, actually, it would be better to say he didn't look any worse than he had before. The deep bags under his eyes remained and he still looked like he could use a quite a few hearty meals. But he was alive, miraculously alive, and that was so much more then what Sakura had been expecting.

"Naruto." She said again, this time gentler, sitting down a foot or two away from him as she did. His attention turned from the small camp fire he'd been warming his hands by towards her, eyes only glancing at her for a moment before becoming downcast once more.

"I was really ready to do it, you know." He said quietly, his voice sounding tired.

Sakura sat very still, waiting for him to elaborate. This was the most she'd heard him speak for so long now, that she was almost taken aback by the sound of his voice. Almost.

"I...I was going to let myself freeze out here. I thought it would be nice. Be cold for a little while and then just drift off to sleep. Yeah, it would have been nice, I'm sure."

Months ago, that sort of talk coming from Naruto's mouth would have astonished her. Sakura knew she would have no doubt started yelling at him for ever entertaining such a weakness, confusion and fear more than likely to cause her to call him a few names she didn't really mean. Now, she just sat and waited patiently, hoping that he would allow her to be the one he confided some of his thoughts to.

"Everything that's happened, everyone keeps telling me it's not my fault. That I didn't do it, I'm not to blame. But, you see, I just can't see it like that. If I hadn't told Morima about what'd happened to me, she would still be alive. If I hadn't let Hinata or Ren become my friends, they wouldn't be dead. If I had just kept my mouth shut, or just been more careful with the way I handled things, none of this would have happened. You see? It's my fault, and no one should try to deny it or tell me otherwise. It would be like trying say that that...man...hadn't really done what he did to me. That it somehow wasn't his fault, even when it's hysterically obvious that it is. It_ is_ my fault, who else would it be?" He paused at this point, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, the little fire in front of him growing weaker.

Sakura hadn't known a heart could hurt so much without someone stabbing it.

The threat of tears nearly turned Sakura into a sobbing mess. But after a deep, steadying sigh, she managed to keep her tears in check. Delicately, Sakura made to put her hand to Naruto's cheek, silently asking for his permission to be touched. When he didn't flinch or cry out, Sakura lent her head forward, touching her forehead with his temple. From even such a small touch, she could feel that he was trembling much harder then the cold night air should have caused him to. She knew what allowing her this close was costing him. She knew he craved it; a gentle, friendly touch. But he feared it as well. He feared what sort of memories might be drudged up if he allowed himself to be touched in just the wrong way, at just the wrong time. A sense of apprehension that didn't really belong to her stirred in her gut. Thoughts and fears that belonged to her teammate, and not herself, came to mind. Deep fears. Horrified thoughts.

She knew how thin of a line he was balancing on right now, letting her this close to him.

She kept her forehead where it was, gently placing her hands to her sides, and sat as still as she could while she spoke.

* * *

After he's brought back, he starts having private conversations with Sasuke, Sai, and Tsunade, and decides that it may be best, not only for him but for the whole village, if he left for a while.

Tsunade only agrees to this under the condition that Sasuke, Sai, Miyuki, and Airashii go with him.

Naruto leaves a few days later, only leaving a small goodbye not for Sakura.

When she realizes what's happened, that she's been left behind by the boys again, Sakura takes action. She goes to the house where the monkey man raped Naruto and sets the whole thing on fire. As people gather to watch the thing burn, she calls all the citizens to look at themselves, especially the one who don't believe what they saw in Naruto's mind. She asks them to look at the burning house and have them ask themselves why they know that house was a terrible place. Was it because it was ugly? No. it's because they all know now, deep in there hearts, that an ugly, terrible thing happened in there that can't and shouldn't be ignored.

Sakura, after her speech, is put in jail for the evening, released the next morning and immediately asked by Tsunade to be her apprentice.

The story ends with Naruto, Sai, Miyuki, Airashii, and Sasuke making their way to the land of the waves, to go visit Inari and his family.

**And that's all I got folks!**


End file.
